That night we washed up and went to sleep, me on my bed first, holding back my voice as I thought back on the people who Clive murdered.

Clive returned from the bathroom built into our rooms, and he wiped his face as he sat on his bed. Only the moonlight was there, but I caught sight of his profile. His lowered lashes were long and sliver under the light, and most of all, his lips soft and supple.

But even so, the teeth behind them would eat me up, like a wolf in sheep's clothing.

I felt my stomach give out before I heaved and ran away from him to the bathroom again. I closed the door as Clive asked me if I was fine. How could I be?

I must have stayed there for half an hour, after puking I washed my face and saw the dim reflection of my face. All I could see was that ugly white face on mine, the branding of a killer.

Knights were killers, but somehow I thought they followed justice and were honorable. My father always spoke of them as great men of virtue and fair ruling but now at even the smallest tasks I was already scared speechless.

I'd rather have dealt with pheasants or boars than those ordinary people who cried "Don't kill me..." and I would have rather seen anyone kill them than Clive.

Clive, the boy I had put all my trust in. I remembered the summer days we dueled with wooden swords, he snuck in my room, and laughed so freely.

The smell of him after his bath, the smell different from his sweat after the practice, the smell of flowers was no longer there.

***

For a few days we took classes and I didn't return to my dorm room until it was nights out time. I had only seen him during practice, but we were fencing again in our armor. After we took it off I quickly wiped myself down and hopped into the bath before leaving as I heard him joining.

The uneasy pit grew in me. I was always so bad at confrontation—but what was there to confront? Clive's only way to have any status here was to be a knight, even if it may be by killing people.

My first brother Jonathan was one of those who worked the front lines, but he killed knights of other countries, not these small rebels. Daniel never killed, and I knew he'd be just as physically mortified as I was.

At the end of the week, when it was Friday, Clive stopped me in the morning, showing me a message they had delivered to us, telling us to meet the Headmaster again, at midnight.

"I'm sorry," Clive said.

"Are you really?" I snapped, then looked away. "I'll be there."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Clive asked.

I looked back and immediately missed that darling face and somewhat apologetic face. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply.

"I am not scared. I will do it my way, methodically and without scaring off the enemy," I said.

"You think being chased by knights won't be scary?" Clive asked.

"I'll explain it!"

"You can't." Clive's brows furrowed. "We aren't here to have a talk. If talking solved wars how many people would have survived?"

"Then don't we need to talk? Doesn't the Headmaster have to tell whoever is higher in command that this isn't right?" I raised my voice.

Clive snorted. "He'd just find students to replace us, and they would be killed nonetheless. Wouldn't it make more sense to take this golden opportunity for ourselves, Nathan? Think about it—I could even do all the killing for us. I'd shut any emotion I have away so I can continue this."

"Why?" I asked, trembling. He smiled.

"Why? Because it's your dream to be a knight."

His face held pure innocence.

He was right. It wasn't Clive who said yes at first; it was me. The dreams of being knight, making my father proud—they were my dreams.

"No, we are both going to be knights." I took out the sheathed dagger from the inside pocket of my blazer jacket. "And I'll learn how to shut these feelings away."

He reached out for a hug but I pulled away sharply.

"I'll get ready for midnight," I said quickly.

I walked away before he could catch up and instead of going to breakfast in the cafeteria I escaped the hallways and stepped outside.

The outside of Graycotts Academy was very pretty, it was lush with trees that had now shed all their leaves. It was still nice, though, with a nice view that overlooked mountains where the rebel couple laid.

Dead.

That night the Headmaster met Clive and I, in our black cloaks and white masks.

"How was your experience with rebels, Nell, Five?" he asked, voice sounding more amused than caring.

Clive and I both stayed silent. I wanted to sneak a peek at his face but I wouldn't see his face anyways, we both had our masks on.

"I see. You two must be haunted by the abnormality they are. They are humans, like us. Yet they are part of a secret plan to overthrow the King. They are akin to children taking dreams too far." The Headmaster stood from his seat and walked to the wall of his room that was a library. He chose a book before turning to us.

"I gave only you two the most esteemed job—to eliminate rebels. Other boys only had beginner tasks such as research, interrogation, and another pair was sent outside to thrash a hideout. I only trusted you two to do these tasks of mine. You're not only knights, but my midnight knights." The Headmaster chuckled at his own joke and then opened the deep vermillion book he held. "Nell, you can still back out of this. Five, I'll have to ask you to take on a new partner."

"No!" I jumped up from my crouching immediately, my knees hurting from the sudden movement. "I will not back out."

"Hmm?" The Headmaster's lips curved upwards.

"Please," Clive said, standing up too, "please don't separate us. We will be partners through and through."

"Then it's settled, you two will be my beloved assassins." The Headmaster chuckled again. "Of course we'd only assassinate those I am commanded to. You'd be surprised, but every pair so far has let me now so far; one pair vanished, another pair separated, and lastly, the middle brother of a very involved family couldn't bring himself to kill. What about you, youngest brother?"

The Headmaster slipped through the pages and then just as he finished speaking, he took a page and showed me. It was a contract signed by Daniel Rottings.

"He swore to secrecy," I whispered as my eyes flickered around the paper. The stamp of the Royal Knights scared me, their coat of arms grotesque with a lion head pierced with two swords.

"That boy had no future as a knight, but the Rottings House found their ways, didn't they?" The Headmaster bent down so his face was close to mine.

His eyes were amber, a shockingly young face with two clear irises of light brown.

"Don't be a coward," he whispered from the lower half under his mask, breath tickling me before he closed it.

Coward.

That word burned me, images of my father's glare and times he whipped my hands and told me to continue fencing or riding a horse surfacing. Don't be a coward again, because this time Clive will simply go on and have a new partner. I don't want to lose. I don't want to lose Clive, most of all.

"If he steps out, so will I!" Clive stepped in front of me, gently pushing me back with the gloves hand on my shoulder.

"You're a Vagrant. You need this title," the Headmaster straightened his back. "Your 'Father' wouldn't be happy to hear this. You were sought out amongst so many refuge children, after all."

"I—I'll never accept anyone but Nathan as my partner!" Clive declared loudly.

There was a furry of movement and then I saw the Headmaster smack Clive's head, followed by a cry and whimper.

"Do you know how many people are already riding on the fact you will be a knight?" The Headmaster didn't seem angry, and Clive was holding his head in pain.

"Stop!" I jumped up and held Clive to me, my heart thudding all the while. "Leave us alone tonight, we will continue killing. Please, leave us alone."

The Headmaster waved us away and from my hazy memory mixed with fear I felt as though he melted into his dark study, which melted into the quiet boy academy at night, and all of us into the night. We were all merged with the dark and occasion sound of the wind outside.

I rested Clive on his bed and kept in my angry tears. If I had a weapon I would've hurt the Headmaster on the spot.

"I'm such a fool. I'm sorry you are roped in because of me and my status. I even scared you, although when I killed people I was really scared, too." Clive couldn't stop talking and I took his mask off. He had been looking at me the whole time, and the small candle in our room illuminated his sad face.

Clive seemed so confident and comfortable here, but he must have known he was a burden and looked down at. When we killed the mages of course he did it to protect me, too, because I was the one who always went on about knightship.

"I was scared too," I admitted.

"I wasn't scared of killing them." Clive closed his eyes, as though ashamed of what he was going to say. "I was scared of turning into who I was before I met you."