Right after the ball Clive and I hurried outside with all the other boys still in the beautiful auditorium of flowers and girls in their bright dresses. Clive clutched my hand once we were sure no one else was following. We left the dark halls and then he opened the door to a sky of stars.

We saw several night skies together, but never had we seen it without the guilt of killing people or failing a mission.

We saw them without our horses, without the Headmaster.

It was such a gentle night sky with its winter wind and our hair flying around our heads.

We both tilted our heads up, hand squeezing one another's, and I thought of how unbearable my whole life would be without him. I wouldn't have known how addicting love was, how sweet lips were, nor had anything but my pathetic knighthood before me.

Now I had began thinking of different things—of being a lesser knight such as Daniel instead of Jonathan, who went to wars. I wished for Clive and I to stay together, as adults, and also—I wished for a world people didn't have things such as knights, revolutions, and murder.

I knew I was becoming soft, but my eyes teared up although I would never let Clive see. So we continued staring at the skies.

"It's a full moon tonight!" Clive exclaimed, and I knew a grin was on his face.

"It's not, it's actually a waning gibbous moon," I said. "It was recently full, most likely last night."

"I see that sliver that is gone."

"Clive?" I breathed out my warm breath and felt my chest tighten. "You're the person who completes my moon."

Clive laughed loudly.

"Since when did you say such romantic lines, Nathan? This isn't like you," he said.

"But I need you to know. I wanted to say this for a long time, but here goes," I whispered.

The hall inside of us had light out the windows but we were alone, away from auditorium windows, and I felt as though we were completely alone, that it was just us.

"I love you."

I finally said it. I had been putting it off for too long, and I pulled at Clive with my heart racing more than when I talked to Heloise. Clive held a special place no one could replace, I knew.

Clive stared at me, mouth ajar and hair strewn to one side. I reached out and parted it, feeling my fingers grow numb in the cold.

"Say something," I added after the silence was too awkward.

Clive held my hand on his head and we were holding both of each others hands. He smiled with his teeth, eyes shining, a starry sky in of itself.

"I love you too, Nathan."

I closed my eyes and held him tightly.

For that moment we were together and I finally said I loved him the universe felt like it paused. All the troubles were gone, and past not future mattered. Only that moment when I kissed his forehead then mouth did my burdens all disappear.

"I love you," I repeated, finding it surprisingly easy to say, considering I had never said that to my family. No one, too, had ever loved me.

Clive laughed, and kissed me.

"You're so adorable," he said.

That night we hurried back to our dorm after eating dinner together—the boys were talking about girls and everyone was raving over this girl or that. 

Clive went to the curtain and pulled it close before he kissed me roughly, and I was pushed to the wall, arms on his back. I felt the small of his waist and held it tightly.

The two of us reached for one another's pants and unzipped it, and Clive held on tight to my erection and moved his hands. I couldn't think of anything than his scent, the sweat and the saliva. He was laughing when I finally cummed, and his black uniform was now splattered with white.

"Clive—your uniform—" I panted to speak.

"I have another, don't worry. The Headmaster will just have to take care of my uniform too." Clive gave a mischievous grin. "I want to mess you up too, mister good boy."

"No," I muttered against his hair.

The smell was overpowering me and reminding me of last year, when we were swimming and I had seen his body with lustful eyes.

I didn't even know at that time, but I've always lusted for Clive

***

The boys in our academy knew after the ball, the grind for the exams began. The festive atmosphere was gone and the library was filled with students of all grades, and we turned to the lounge to study.

Clive and I studied well because he asked the hardest questions for practice, and I asked some fairly difficult ones in return.

We had been studying that way since the year began, and now there was something pleasant that came with being with him. Even studying for tests made us laugh and tease one another about mistakes or jokes.

However, Samuel and Wyatt both asked to study too.

I didn't care for Wyatt, who was usually after the tenth place, and while Will got third or fourth he was still over the moon about seeing Mona and writing love letters. Samuel, though, was my biggest threat. I needed to know how he studied, so I tagged along.

Wyatt was annoying as usual, he would study for a while, read a little, try old tests, and then sigh and ask if anyone wanted to play cards.

"If we're here to study we should study," I said civilly. His eyes narrowed.

"Look at Mister goody two shoes here. We have another week, don't be such a—" he paused, obviously trying to hide some insult, "a boring person."

"You live your life, I'll live mine," I said.

"And it's studying? Acing exams?" Wyatt just wouldn't stop.

"I need to pass this!" Samuel spoke loudly than both of us, making even Clive recoil from him.

"Are you feeling fine?" Clive asked Samuel.

"Not with those two bickering! Come, Clive, let's sit over there instead," Samuel grabbed Clive's hand and my mouth fell open.

Clive rushed to gather his textbook and papers, giving me a quick apologetic smile. The two sat at a different table, shoulder to shoulder. Samuel point out mistakes for Clive and Clive gave an embarrassed smile. They whispered about their papers and the questions, then I saw Wyatt.

"What?" I snapped.

"Are you interested in Clive?" he asked.

"What?" I narrowed my eyes, copying him. "He's my roommate and partner, I think I should be interested."

"No, I mean it in that way." What clucked his tongue and tilted his head to one side.

I got the annoying question he was really asking but feigned ignorance. His way of talking was just so blunt and stupid.

"You don't know? Like you like them like a girl." Wyatt grinned. "Hey, have you ever even slept with a girl?"

"No," I said, no hesitation.

"Well, there's boys who like fellow boys that way. I heard from people some pairs dated." He snickered. "They obviously were forbade to keep being partners—it's shameless."

"Why?"

I looked straight at Wyatt, the anger in me rising.

"Why?" Wyatt repeated, then hesitantly spoke. "I don't know. It's just weird."

"You don't like Will, right?" I asked.

"Yes, I don't."

"I like my partner. Hale and Cory like each other. What's wrong if they like their partner?" I asked.

"They can't love them that way," Wyatt said.

"Why not?" I probed harder. "Do you know how it feels to like a partner?"

"No."

"Then what do you know of those pairs that love each other for more than just a partner?"

Wyatt looked ashamed and shrugged lightly before going back to read a book.

"I don't know," he said. "Anyways, I'm going to study, grade my test for me, will you?"

"Fine," I said, also tilting my head down to read my books.

I had said too much by accident. I had thought of Clive and I and that word. Shameless.

It wasn't my fault I fell in love, with a boy, too. Those summer nights kept appearing in my mind, our sparring and laughs, our injuries and helping each other, and that night we went further than we ever did.

His voice when he moaned, and the look as he clung on to me, and the hands on my face.

The mere memory of Clive made me half erected, and a naked Clive in bed made it fully erect. That morning we had jacked each other off. I never slept naked, but Clive would, looking so peaceful even though my arms were over him he wouldn't swat them away.

I had never done it with a girl, and I wasn't interested in it.

Wyatt and I studied in silence, and when Clive and Samuel exchanged papers we popped over.

"Clive, Nathan graded my paper but number three is definitely this, isn't it?" Wyatt flung a paper between the two and I was secretly glad.

I didn't know how to sneak back in to Samuel and Clive's study session but Wyatt was so oblivious it was good. I pretended to be upset and moved our books to their table too.

"I'm right, right? Look at this book. It clearly says this formula has to be used after the longer formula." I reached out to Clive and pointed. Clive nodded.

"You forgot this is a dividend," Clive agreed, and gave me a wink.

"Really?" Wyatt plopped in next to me. "How was the practice test for you two geniuses?"

"We both made no mistakes," Samuel said snidely.

"Neither did I, I'm not worried about mathematics anyways," I looked at Samuel, smirking. "Maybe we should do some history instead now."

"Come on, I need help with mathematics!" Wyatt cried.

"I'll help grade and explain things, let us move on first," I told him.

And that was how our new study session team began.