I wondered often how life would've been different if I was a girl. It wasn't that I was unhappy with being a boy—I was completely happy that Clive and I fell in love despite the "abnormality" of it. Yet I still wonder.

My father would have no interest in me but put me in a boarding school to learn etiquette and marry a knight, of course. Daniel and Jonathan would not be close to play much less play with me when I was young.

I think I would be sheltered and quite popular as a quiet girl with status and single brothers of knighthood. Girls would become my friends to simply go over and maybe see my brothers. If we were in school, we would go to Graycotts, because I knew my father would want me to marry a knight.

Here I imagine a lot of things happening. My father would tell me to go straight for the Whitecastle boy, or maybe Samuel Goldings, ranked number one in exams. But my eyes would undoubtedly go to Clive.

He would attract me like how he attracts all the girls, a princely yet humble boy with a bright future and smile. I'd be too shy or prudish to reach out and watch from a distance. From then on I would wonder if I'd choose Will, who I think would be alone but understands me, or maybe even Hale or Cory. Anyone but Wyatt Whitecastle or Samuel Goldings.

***

As the boys slowly began to talk about the girls again, popular names constantly popping up such as a Heloise, a Clara, and Marlene.

"Which girls wrote you all last year?" Hale asked when we gathered in the lounge. We were not playing chess or cards but just sitting together, maybe they were secretly glad Clive and I were talking again. It was awkward when the boys had to choose a side except Will and Wyatt.

Around this time I stopped calling Wyatt by his surname, not that I was close to him, but Will called him Wyatt, and so did his friends. If I called him Whitecastle it would be evident I didn't like him.

And he called me Nathan, so two could play at playing "friends".

I was curious about Will and Wyatt and their role as knight in trainings. I believed they didn't kill, unlike the twelfth years we countered, Stein and Vic.

"Ariana Dove wrote me," Hale said, eyes on the rest. "She's the daughter of a duke but has been bullied for being nobility although they support knights."

"I don't really care," I said. "I won't be writing anyone." I could feel Clive's eyes and went I casually turned to him I saw a huge grin.

"Hmm. I might choose a girl this year," Clive said.

What?

He wasn't supposed to write anyone but me!

"Oh no, you're definitely going for the high knight families, right?" Samuel said. He had made his way into our circle and we referred to one another by first names.

"Which girls belong in knight families again?" Clive asked.

I knew he had a patron and might need to seduce certain families but to say this in front of me was too cruel.

I narrowed my eyes at him but he only smirked.

"Or should I not write, Nathan?" he suddenly asked. Everyone looked at me, who stopped making a face.

"I mean, sure, I don't own you."

"Exactly!" Wyatt was laughing like a stupid ass. "The Leon house has a daughter named Heloise. She's pretty to boot!"

"The prettiest girl would have to be Julia Damian!"

"The Constance house isn't exceptional but they are looking to marry her to a knight, I heard," Cory said.

Cory always got wind of rumors and secrets. He often shared them with us in our circle, while Hale kept telling him to keep them to himself. Cory was naturally talkative with an accent of families from Goldenvale's south, showing his family wasn't part of the court (which belonged in the north.

However, he was also amiable as he spoke quickly in his distinct and yet comedic way. Hale was not unkind, but he tended to guard his mouth. I could tell when we first played the flag game that despite being in my team he was wary of playing with me until we won.

Point was I was on good terms with Clive, Will, Cory, and Hale—but not Wyatt nor Samuel.

The talk about girls continued and I mouthed something to Clive with a glare, but he only laughed. At that moment I also noticed awkward silence between Will and Wyatt so I turned to Will.

"Who are you interested in?" I asked him.

"I've been writing a girl," he said, and all the boys in our group fell silent.

Wyatt's glare was intense and I felt bad for forcing Will to say it.

"Of course it's fine if—" I tried to help but Wyatt spoke quickly.

"Mona sure is pretty, isn't she?" Wyatt said loudly, stretching as though he wasn't bothered. "But she's poor, I heard."

"She's not," Will defended, but Wyatt chuckled.

"She's poor, don't lie to yourself. The Crawfords would never approve of her. But a refuge and a peasant girl might make a good match—"

Will leaned forward and there was a slap.

The sound was like a whip and I jumped, and then there was silence as the two boys stared at each other, Wyatt not even bothering to slap Will back.

"Come on, let's not fight over a girl," Hale quickly said. "You know, in the girls academy they probably judge us too. Wyatt didn't mean any harm, he just speaks his mind."

Cory was watching the Will and Wyatt's faces, no doubt going to tell the school what happened.

"I'm going to my room," Will said, standing up. He ran out of the study room and Mr.Abel walked in due to the commotion. 

Mr.Abel surveyed us, never having seen boys so quiet, and the groups surrounding us who were playing their own games were also whispering among themselves.

"What happened? Is Crawford fine?" Mr.Abel asked quickly. There was silence. "Whitecastle?" he ventured again.

Wyatt shrugged. "I don't know. He's getting worked up over the ball and girls. Never liked boys like that."

"Girls are important," Mr.Abel said. "If you don't have a sweetheart by this time you're in for an empty life of training."

"Well, I'm becoming a knight," Wyatt snickered.

"If you become a knight there's killing, working, whether it's advising or physical work, and eventually an arranged marriage with a woman you don't even like. And you'll have to make several babies with her to ensure an heir." Mr.Abel sure knew a lot for a mere teacher at Graycotts.

"I'll find a girl I like!" Wyatt snapped. "Damn, everyone is worked up over nothing today!" He stood up but Clive followed quickly.

"Come on," Clive said, "Let's go to the library and talk."

Wyatt nodded and the two walked out, whispering already. It made me uncomfortable. Clive should stop being friendly to a pair who could steal our spot. Especially Wyatt—his acting was too good and he was no longer posing as the caring friend. He was the caring friend.

The party broke up and I asked Cory and Hale to come with me to Will in his room, but they declined.

"You should, Crawford—William—definitely likes you more than us," Cory said.

"Try and keep this a secret," I begged him, "the ball is in a week or so and I want Will to work it out himself, with the girl."

"Yes, you're right. If we say anything I'm sure they will tease the girl," Hale agreed.

"Fine, it's a secret," Cory said.

I left the room too and went to the dormitory room Will and Wyatt shared.

Clive and I had a relatively nice room by the corner, and it was easy to slip out of because it had a set of stairs that led to the back. Will's room was in the middle of the hallway and I knocked at the door bearing their nameplates.

"It's Nathan," I said.

"Come in."

Will sounded perfectly fine but I kept my guard up as I entered their room. I searched for masks and capes but found none. They were not fools, and the room seemed normal.

"Hey, Will." I scratched at my head.

"Were you worried?" he teased. He gestured for me to sit on his bed so I did, and he turned his chair my way.

"Kind of. Wyatt also got lectured by Mr.Abel, it was funny. Pity you missed it," I joked.

Will's eyes were looking at the distant and he quickly said what was weighing his mind.

"He's right, you know. I hadn't been able to tell the Crawfords, but Mona is not of a great family. The Alistairs were knights but fell when they married a woman involved in the revolution. The rebel was killed, but their status was gone. Mona also admitted they barely had enough to send her to her academy."

"I can imagine," I mused. "One rotten apple ruins the basket."

"But Mona is expected to marry a knight. Wyatt was also interested although he thinks of her as below his status. Mona only wrote me back, and I knew Wyatt would ruin our reunion." Will had totally disregarded what I said but I nodded like a caring friend. "Can you try and help me that day?"

The request surprised me. This pair was never going to overtake Clive and I. I thought of Clive listening to Wyatt and me listening to Will. Did Clive think the same thing, or get a request too?

In the end, Will and Wyatt had an awful relationship.

As I listened I hid a smile; there was no worry about Clive loving anyone else, because I knew he loved me.

Fighting over a girl?

Nonsense.