FORMERLY I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU NOT. I THINK I'M GOING WITH NOT. 

Rachel's P.O.V. 

It was Sunday, 2:00 A.M and I was lying in bed trying to sleep. Tomorrow is the first day of school and I want to be awake for it. But all my mind could process was Adam. I know that it's not healthy to think about him this often, still. He died 3 years ago in a car accident that not only took his life, but my fathers as well.

Flashback

"Mrs. Anderson, I am so sorry." A voice said over the phone.

"What? Sorry why?" she asked, scared.

"Your husband was in a car accident. The car burst into flames upon impact and, he burned to ashes along with a 12-year-old boy, Adam, I think was his name. I heard he was a good friend of your daughter; give her condolences on my part, please. Her father and her best friend, all in one day, it must be hard." She said and my heart burst into a million little pieces.

"What?" I screeched. "Dad? Adam?!" My mother handed me the phone. "Please tell me you're joking!" I begged.

" I'm sorry, I wish I was but Adam is dead, along with your father." Dead, dead, dead, dead. I repeated that word over and over again in my head every single day of my life.

Present

I tried to commit suicide a day after the funerals. My father and my best friend were gone; my mother was too wrapped up in her work to care for me. I think she was just trying to hide the pain. I wanted to permanently end the pain, but my mother found me and I realized neither Adam nor my father would have wanted me to try to take my life away, no matter what.

So now, I lie in my bed trying to sleep, but my head is filled with way too many thoughts. So I did what I always do when I can't sleep. I imagined Adam was right here with me, at our annual 'last day of freedom before school starts' sleepover. That night I dreamt that my dad and Adam were still with me.

First day of school

"Come on, Rachel! Hurry up, we're going to be late!" Kia hissed.

"Eh, I'm coming, I'm coming!" I yelled. "It's not MY fault YOU decided to park a mile away from the school!" I snapped.

"Hey! I parked there because it's nice and shady, and the spot you wanted wasn't." she said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, the car is in the shade. We're not. We have to walk in the sun to get to the school. If you had parked in the spot I pointed out, we would be nice and dry by the time we got to school, not dripping sweat!" I ranted.

"Ewww! We are not!" She squeaked. "And if you would quit your complaining you'd realize we're already here." She said.

Kia opened the door and we walked in. The school was big. Much bigger than our old high school. I am 15, Kia is 16. We're both sophomores. I got kicked out of my old school for reasons I think should remain unknown...

The hallways were empty, and quiet. We walked over to the secretary's desk and asked her where everyone was.

"They're in the gym. "She answered.

"Oh, ok thanks." I said already walking away. I hate small talk.

We wandered around until we finally had to admit we had no idea where the gym was. That was, until we heard a voice introducing a principal Dune, from behind a door a few feet away. "Over there!" I said pointing to the door. We walked in and every single pair of eyes was on us. Well it seemed that way. Point is, lots of people were staring.

"So nice of you to join us, Miss Anderson and Miss Newell." The principal said in a fake syrupy-sweet voice.

"Yes, it's very nice indeed. It'd be even nicer if everyone would stop staring, you nosy peeps." I answered.

"Maybe if you came on time, like all the other students did, they wouldn't be staring at you right now." He snapped.

I know I probably should just let it go, and say 'Sorry sir, you're absolutely right. We'll go take our seats.' But, that is what everybody else would do in my position, and I am not like everyone else. Plus I have a big mouth so instead I said, "Maybe if you would quit your yapping we'd already be in our seats, so you could continue your lecture and bore the school to death!" I snapped.

"Miss Anderson, you watch your mouth!" He warned.

"You want me to watch my mouth? That's going to be a little tricky seeing as there isn't a mirror in here." I said. "Unless you carry a mirror under that wig." I said, snickering. I heard laughter coming from the bleachers. And from Kia.

"Young lady, I don't know how your parents raised you, but when you talk to me, your PRINCIPAL," he said putting emphasis on the principal, "I demand respect. Maybe serving a few detentions with me and you'll learn to treat people with respect, with-" I cut him off. This dude was getting on my nerves, and I thought of something. I wasn't going to let some stranger lecture me so easily.

"Principal Dune, did I ask you to take my temperature?" I asked.

"What?" he asked. "No."

"Then why are you all up in my butt?" I asked. More laughter erupted from the bleachers.

"That's it!" He hollered. "I will not stand here and take this! Go to my office right now!" He thundered.

"Ok fine pushy." I said "Hope you don't have anything valuable in there." I called out as I walked away.

"What? Wait." He said. I stopped, but didn't turn around. "I just met you, but it's obvious your school records weren't lying." He said.

"What did my school records say?" I pressed.

"Troublemaker, difficult, a teacher's worst nightmare." He said. "Stuff like that." I smiled slightly because I knew it was true. "So you are going to put on a little show for us." He said smiling.

"Excuse me?" I said, confused.

"You are going to sing us a song." He said.

I laughed out loud. "You were serious?" I asked, not believing what I was hearing.

"Yes, now get up there." He said, completely serious.

"When hell freezes over." I said. "Twice."

"You will do as I say, or you're suspended." He warned.

"Ok then, see you in a week." I said leaving.

"Ok then, you will do it or you are expelled." He threatened.

I froze and thought it over. Then I made up my mind. "Ok bye then!" I said.

"What?" he asked. "You can't be serious." he said, dumbfounded.

"Actually, now it's my turn to be serious. It's the first day of school, I can just transfer over to Ridgeway High, and I never have to see your ugly face ever again." I stated

He just stood there, dumbfounded, again.

"Later dude!" I said, leaving.

"Wait." he said. "Listen." he continued as I turned around, yet again. "Some music producers are coming here to judge our school's talent. It's a big competition that would give our school a good reputation and name. Plus the grand prize is 50,000 dollars, which would be very handy. If you can sing, or if Miss Newell can, it would greatly help our school." He pleaded.

I stood there, unconvinced. "Plus, I'll give you 1,000 dollars." he added.

I smiled. "Now we're talking." I said. "When are these dudes going to be here?" I asked.

"Any minute now." He said and just then 3 dudes walked in. Kia and me walked over to the stage to get ready. We opened up the curtains and saw a bass, drum guitar, guitar again, piano and every other instrument player a band needs already set up, positioned.

"Okaaaaaaaaaay." I said. "What do I sing?" I asked.

"This." Dude #1 handed me a piece of paper with some lyrics on it.

"Oh I know this song!" I said.

"Good, then you can sing that." Dude #2 said.

HYPERLINK ""

(Click on the link or if you can't click on it, copy and paste it to hear what she sounds like.)

Are you aware of what  

You make me feel, baby  

Right now I feel invisible to you  

Like I'm not real  

Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you  

Why'd you turn away  

Here's what I have to say

I was left to cry there  

waiting outside there  

Grinning with the lost stare  

That's when I decided

Why should I care  

Cause you weren't there  

When I was scared  

I was so alone  

you, you need to listen  

I'm starting to trip  

I'm losing my grip  

and I'm in this thing alone  

(oh oh yeah)

Here people started getting out of their seats and closer to the stage.

Am I just some chick  

you placed beside you  

to take somebody's place?  

When you turn around  

Can you recognize my face?  

You used to love me  

you used to hug me  

but that wasn't the case  

everything wasn't ok

I was left to cry there  

waiting outside there  

Grinning with a lost stare  

That's when I decided...

Why should I care  

Cause you weren't there when I was scared  

I was so alone  

you, you need to listen  

I'm starting to trip  

I'm losing my grip  

and I'm in this thing alone

Students cheered me on. I even heard a few catcalls and a few guys calling me sexy.

Crying out loud  

I'm crying out loud  

Crying out loud  

I'm crying out loud  

Open your eyes  

Open up wide

Why should I care  

cause you weren't there when I was scared  

I was so alone

Why should I care  

cause you weren't there when I was scared  

I was so alone

Why should I care  

if you don't care then I don't care  

we're not going anywhere

Why should I care  

cause you weren't there when I was scared  

I was so alone?

Why should I care  

if you don't care then I don't care  

we're not going anywhere

I finished and the school burst into applause. "Thank you!" I said smiling.

I walked off the stage and was met with a pair of blue eyes. A pair of blue eyes that I would recognize even in Hell. My voice got caught up in my throat as I realized who it was. But was it possible? I was running out of air, I couldn't breathe. The shock was too much. But somehow I found my voice through it all.

"Adam?" I choked out.