POKEMON GOTTA CATCH EM ALLLLLLLL *sings something* I KNOW IT'S MA DESTINYYYY

(Currently watching Pokemon on TV with my cousin but tbh I don't understand shit, judge me)

::

So I've been reading some popular books (sorry I always start this way, it's just always so awkward starting the chapter like - do I go straight into it? Do I paint a scene/setting first?) and as usual, there's always something to rant about.

So we've ranted about the prude girl. We've ranted about the cheerleader who hates the prude girl for stealing her boyf. But there's something we've never considered: the boy himself. Not in bad boy stories per se, but hear me out:

When they get together with prude girl, the lines they start spitting out are cheesy as fuck. And the comments will be like "omg why don't I have this boy in my life!" but I just can't help but cringe because it's so fucking cheesy.

It's like everything he'll say is too perfect that it's just annoying and I feel like shooting the characters in the face.

For instance:

"I will always protect you," he told me. "Dare anybody, and I mean anybody, try to touch you, I will pound their face in, because you come first my beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, pulchritudinous, baby girl, I will save you from any harm, I will be your hero."

*starts singing Enrique Iglesias*

"You make my heart beat a million miles a minute. Heck, a billion miles a minute, I feel like I'm going to explode when I'm with you."

*fakes puking sound*

"Your beauty never stops amazing me girl, you get more and more beautiful every day, I am always taken aback when you smile that pearly white Colgate smile of yours."

"When I look at the stars, I just think of you and how your eyes shine so much brighter than them."

"You are broken now, but I have the remedy, the solution, to fixing your broken heart, because I am your savior. I am your hamartia and you are mine, but I am also your bandaid, and I will mend the pieces of your broken heart."

*excuses oneself to go to bathroom because yuck*

"You are mine, and I will let everyone know that you are mine, I will shout it from the mountain tops and walk over to Timbuktu just to proclaim my love for you."

Out of context, they may seem decent enough. But, when you're reading it in the context of a story about two sixteen year olds who just met three weeks ago in school, it's just pathetic, and you just end up gagging your way through the book.

Like how can one be so fake? No fucking seventeen year old speaks like that it's bloody ridiculous okay I'm not in the mood for this useless fake attempt at being Nicholas Sparks or Shakespeare or whatever

Write normal words

Teenagers speak normal words

But I don't know, do you think it's because I'm just being bitter af coz I don't have a bae lol. HELL NO these Wattpad boys are just so cheesy it's not even cute at all, it's nothing but creepy and I keep rolling my eyes at them.

"You're the only one for me." He said two me after two days of dating, the time span of which we met, kissed due to stupid circumstances that forced us to do so even though we obviously could have refused, felt magic in that kiss, he broke up with his cheerleader girlfriend of three years who he never really loved coz he dated her for three years to give himself something to complain about.

"You are the only one for me, too," I responded, looking into his green-blue eyes that sometimes changed colour.

And of course, these boys are the complete package.
• qualified fighter so that he can beat up random guy to prove to bae how good he is for her
• talks like how Shakespeare writes
• has done no wrong
• but was stupid enough if he dated cheerleader for 3 years without knowing that he didn't love her

IN FACT let's stop here, I've probably ranted about this before but it still irritates me NO END when these Wattpad boys meet the good girl and then decide that their previous relationship was complete and utter crap

They don't even cry for them or shit, they just find a way to trash the ex. But in my head is the question, WHY DID YOU KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP GOING ON FOR THAT LONG THEN?

I can't stand that they don't acknowledge that the relationship also had a good effect on them. There's literally no other reason you can be dating a chick for three years of you didn't love her, don't bloody play the victim

In fact yes, that's how they do it, they play victim and really paint the ex as the worst person in the world and then tell the good girl "but now I know what love is, now that I've met you." And I'm like BITCH PLEASE, BITCH PLEASE. You need to take responsibility for those two/three years you spent with the other girl. It really doesn't hurt to cry over her, to admit that you had some feelings for her. No one is completely invincible when it comes to shit like this.

The good girl is not a magician, she doesn't swipe all your problems from the past away, so close that cheesy mouth of yours

And if I hear another "there's no one else more perfect than you, Trudy Prudy, you make my world go round" then I will fucking shout your own mouth for you

Bottomline is I'm just sick of cheesy Wattpad boys, stop selling people dreams

::