HAIIII GUYS I'M ALIVE REMEMBER ME??

School's closed for the Chrismas holiday so yayyy! xD

I hope you guys haven't forgotten me, I've missed you all so much!

Well, I hope my holiday rants humour you like they did in old times xx

(Love me PLZ)

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So yea, I get we're the generation of all of this stupid social media that's got pictures or gifs that are really funny like on 9GAG or facebook or tumblr or twitter.

But, there's a problem when you as the damn author begin to use these jokes in your story.

Like,

what

The

Fuck

(Mate).

If you're not naturally funny then don't try to be I mean I'm just gonna shoot a tomato the next time I see this in a book:

"I don't need a boyfriend. The only relationship I have is between me and my bed, but my alarm clock is the jealous bitch that tries to keep us apart."

You've probably seen that joke on your news feed (worded differently, of course).

It was funny

But then I saw it in a book or two and I WAS SOOOO DONE

And it's even worse when the authors use these jokes WORD FOR WORD in like every fucking sentence. Like goddamit!

I've decide to demonstrate this by scrolling through these pictures on my iPad and making a story out of it.

LEGO BITCHES

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I get off the sofa to get food out of the fridge. I hate this long distance relationship we have. Sitting on the couch, the Vow is on. To be honest, if I woke up for a coma and Channing Tatum told me he was my husband, I wouldn't question it...I change the channel to Disney. The Suite life of Zack and Cody is on: the only show with a smart blonde and a dumb Asian, haha.

I have a random mind. But, admit it, you've answered Dora at less once in your life. Dora is similar to Internet Explorer because they both take 20 minutes to do a task and they're both explorers.

My cat, whom I called Grumpy, walks by me. Whenever I accidentally hurt my pets I'm like "OH MY GOD! IM SO SORRY!" And they run away and I run after them like "LET ME LOVEEE YOU!"

I ask my mum what she packed me for lunch, an she tells me, "great question." I don't hear her answer because I'm busy congratulating myself for asking such a great question. Then, I hear the words:

"I need to talk to you." That one sentence that has the power to make you remember every single bad thing you did in your whole life. I gotta dig bick. You that read wrong. That awkward moment when you read that wrong too. And said "moment" after awkward. This is awkward. Lol.

"I want you to take your brother to see Titanic." Titanic 3D is out. Maybe they'll see the iceberg this time.

"You know, it's all about perspective," I say. "The shrinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobster's in the ship's kitchen."

"Funny." She takes a sip of her wine.

"Mum, if you take alcohol, that makes you an alcoholic, so if I drink fanta, am I fantasic?"

"Stop procrastinating - you need to go to school!"

"But mum," I say, "if good things come to those who wait, isn't procrastination a virtue?"
She walks away.

*in Biology class*

"WHAT DOESNT KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER - " some people sing at the top of their lungs.

"FALSE!" I shout. "What doesn't kill you can leave you in a paraplegic state."

"Nerd!" Someone shouts.

"I prefer the term: MORE INTELLIGENT THAN YOU."

You know why I hate school?
The questions you get in class: "John has three apples and he eats one. How many apples has he still got after?" But in exams: "John has a glass. The diameter of the glass is 3cm. Now calculate the angle of the sunlight on Guatemala." It's so annoying. My brain works all the time except during exams.

*after class*

I quietly sit around my friends. Mum always told me: if you haven't anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all. And some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.
You know what my ambition in life is?
(1) become a doctor and change my last name to Acula.
Pretty cool, huh.
A/N - hope you found this funny!

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All these are jokes from the Internet and all rights belong to those people who made them, props to y'all!

I hope you see my problem here, though. Guys, don't be unoriginal. YA? It's so bad if you just keep using them all the damn time!

And, if it's not already bad, the bloody readers encourage this bullshit by LOLing as if they haven't seen these jokes a million times!

Like I mean they're funny on the Internet and shit and it's okay to use them once in a while but GODDAMN IF I SEE AN INTERNET JOKE ON EVERY FUCKING CORNER ON YOUR BOOK I WILL STRANGLE THE TOOTH FAIRY AND bitch you won't be getting your money no more
(Tooth fairy because you've still got baby teeth in)
(Because you're such a child?)
(Yea. I came up with that joke myself).
(Funny, yah?)
(Meh).
(Rant over, genie_us out bitchezzzzzz x)

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Btw, I might have to mark this book as 'completed' in a few days or so because I want to try for the Wattys lol (but I don't think I'm done ranting yet).

Lol

IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK GUYS xx

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