so that's Aubrey. 

I'm sorry I haven't been posting as much as usual but I just don't feel good mentally right now, you know? okay, scratch what I was about to write about that being a filler chapter and what not, I'm just going to put whatever I'm thinking about on this chapter.

During the course of my Jesus account, i've lost 3 people to suicide. Today I lost four. I have more group chats on google hangouts than just one, one of the girls I lost being apart of one. It was between me, her, and her friend. we chatted here and there and sometimes I had to convince them over facetime to drop the pills as she's sobbing her heart out. I haven't heard from them in a few days until today when her friend said that she left today permanently. I closed my laptop and just sat there. I couldn't process what was happening and that one of the most beautiful girls, inside and out, were taken away from me. i really never thought i would deal with this ever in my lifetime and i always panic because i dont know how to stop it. i want it to stop so bad but everything i say just bounces off them because they're in too deep. i try and act happy and smiley and giggly in front of you guys because i want you to feel protected and like this is a safe space. and it was to four dead girls. i dont know how to end this im sorry just please stay safe and talk to me.  im so sorry