TRIGGER WARNING: Self-Harm

Because this is the last "official" chapter,  if this bothers you, you'll have to wait until I get the chance to do an alternate ending (which will definitely happen, and soon) because I don't want anyone who is bothered by this not to be able to finish the book . I'll have it in a new book tho, not this one, called [ihaveyettogivethisbookaname].

Summary of Chapter Twenty-Nine: Roman gets up and starts thinking about how Virgil has changed him - from helping Roman battle his depression and own suicidal tendencies to literally making him a better person than he was, even since they met. Roman admits to himself that he only wants Virgil to be happy. Virgil and Roman get into another... discussion where Virgil is slowing starting to break up with Roman (due to Roman's condition, Virgil is playing martyr - needing Roman to break up with him in order to keep Roman alive). Virgil admits to not trusting Roman, because he never told Virgil about his... complex. Virgil suggest the two of them taking a bit of a break - not an actual break up, Virgil simply asks Roman to 'wait for him' with the intention of getting Roman to break up with him. Then... (hopefullythatmadeanykindasenseimrushingaahh)  

PREVIOUSLY:

"What about your feelings, Virgil?" Virgil blinked at that, acutely surprised as if his own feelings hasn't even occurred to him. He almost looked impressed. Or maybe he was just surprised that I had thought about them. Maybe a bit of both. "Doesn't it matter how you feel?"

Virgil let out a dry laugh and I flinched at the coldness in it. "My feelings have never mattered, Prince."

"Your feelings matter to me."

Virgil went quiet at my confession.

"I've said it before," I continued, "And I'll say it again. All I ever want is for you to be happy, Virgil. You deserve someone who makes you happy."

"And if I told you that you didn't make me happy?"

...

My head dropped at that, falling in defeat.

"Then... I'd let you go," I answered softly.

_________

*sighs, exhausted*

 Let's finish this book up, shall we? :)

___________

Point of View: Virgil, First Person
Timeline: Present Day

"You're getting pretty good, Anx," Roman said with a tight smile.  "You've improved a lot since we started training regularly," he added.

Roman and I had taken to practicing more lately since the attack in the Imagination with the Hell-hound.  Roman was worried about the hell-hound could mean in the future, I could just tell, but nothing bad has happened since.

Personally, I was hoping it was a bit more of a freak accident.

Key word: hoping.

"Thanks," I muttered in response, taking a step back and avoiding eye contact.  We hadn't been talking much since our 'break.'  We trained together, but that was all.

It's been a month since I had told him that I needed time.  I was hoping that by now, Roman would completely break up with me and move on.  But the stupid prince was as patient as ever and I was getting anxious.  I was trying my best to make this as painless as possible, but if Roman was determined not to let me go, I didn't know what to do.

Roman placed his sword back on the rack and I followed suit, frowning in response.  We couldn't be finished already - Roman always make sure we practice for a least two hours and there was no way we were even close to that.

"You coming?" Roman asked, heading towards the door that lead to the fitness section of his personal gym.  "I'm going to train for a while - Patton made another batch of peanut-butter cookies and... someone might've eaten more than I - I mean, they should have," he smiled at the end, a sad attempt to get me to smile.

I shook my head in response, still not looking Roman in the eyes as I did so.  "Nah, I'm just gonna head back to my room."

Roman's shoulders sagged in response, but he didn't really look that surprised.  "Oh. Well then, I... guess I'll see you tomorrow?" It was more of a question than a statement.

"How long do you plan on being in here?" I asked instead.

Roman shrugged.  "Maybe a couple more hours."

I nodded to myself, slipping into my combat boots and grabbing my dark hoodie.  I started making my way towards the door.  "See ya later, Princey."

"... Virgil?"

My hands involuntarily clenched but I turned and faced him.  "Yeah?"

"Are you... are you ever planning on coming back to me?" Roman asked softly, cheeks pink.  But he kept his head up and eyes locked on mine, doing his best to hide his feelings.

For an actor, he didn't do a very good job at it.

I didn't say anything for a moment.  My plan on getting Roman to break up with me wasn't going as well as I had intended.  I simply didn't know why he liked me, which made it all the much harder to convince him to break up with me.  I simply couldn't wrap my head around it.

"I don't know," I answered honestly.  "Can... can I ask you a question, Prince?"

Roman's head tilted in a bit in surprise, but he waved in my direction, gesturing for me to ask away, before crossing his arms over his chest.

"Why do you even like me?" I asked, my voice falling to a whisper.  "I've been thinking about it non stop and I just can't imagine what you of all people could see in me."

Roman's mouth curved up in a smile and his eyes fluttered away from mine, laughing lightly.  "Table that question for another day, my Emo Nightmare."

I flushed pink at the nickname, hiding my eyes behind my bangs.  "Please?" I pleaded, voice still low, but earnest.  "Please Roman."

Roman didn't say anything for a moment, simply staring at me as he debated his response.

Roman sighed.  "There's... a lot of answers to the question, Virge," Roman said, rubbing his cheek tiredly and my eyebrows rose in surprise at the gesture.  

He was a prince... and princes were supposed to look weary or worn-down.

Very much unlike how Roman looked right now.

"I could give you plenty of suitable answers," Roman continued.  "But... I want to keep that to myself until my - my heart is safe."

I dropped my eyes to my boots, embarrassed.  I could never stop thinking about Roman's condition and it was shameful that I hadn't considered how asking him about something so personal could trigger a more dangerous response.

"I-I'm s-sorry, I'll - I'll just go," I said quickly, spinning around and bolting for the door.

"No - Virgil please wait-"

I didn't stick around for the pity parade.

_________

I woke up at two in the morning.

I glanced around my room, a bit confused.  I didn't usually wake up in the middle of the night -much less wake up feeling completely awake.  Unless I had a nightmare.  But I didn't even remember my dream, if I had a dream at all.

Why did I wake up?

I shoved my blankets off me and poked my head out into the hallway.  To my surprise, Patton and Logan were already there, both looking very tired and very confused.

Patton was in a dog one-zie where Logan was simply in a white t-shirt and plaid pajama bottoms.  I myself was in a black t-shirt and pants, black hoodie tossed on right before I left so I looked the same as usual.

"You guys woke up too?" I asked.

Patton nodded sleepily in response, rubbing his eyes behind his glasses.  "Are..." Patton yawned, "... the both of... you...," Patton yawned again, "You fellas a'right?" he slurred sleepily.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said.  "Where's Roman?"

Logan walked over to Roman's door and peeked inside.  "He's not in there," he stated, voice lowering in concern.

"Oh - he's probably still training.  He must've just lost track of the time, that's all," I answered.  "Logan, can you... make sure Patton makes it to his bed?" I asked, making my way to his training room, not bothering to hear Logan's response nor see if he was indeed intending on taking Patton to his room.

I swung casually around the corner, quickly glanced behind me to make sure Logan hadn't followed, and sprinted for the training room.  I hadn't wanted to scare them, not in case the dread in my stomach was all for nothing.  Something had woken us up, and... and -

And I really hoped it wasn't coming from Roman.

But something told otherwise.

_________

I burst through the door to the training room to find... Roman.

But nothing was wrong, he was just... exercising.

He was on the salmon ladder.

His wings hung limply as he worked his way up and down the rungs, arm and back muscles straining as he made his way up and down, stopping briefly on each rung.  He was turned away from me, so I couldn't see his face, not from this angle.

Hesitantly, I stepped closer, and as I stepped closer, I suddenly found myself unable to stop realizing what I was seeing.

"Roman!" I yelled loudly, fury magnifying my voice louder than I had intended, but it was effective.

Roman dropped from the ladder instantly, spinning around and going immediately into fighting position, fists up in front of his face in defense.

"Oh," he said quietly when he realized it was me.  "I... I wasn't expecting anyone to walk in," he said quietly.

"What the HECK PRINCE? You STUPID, STUPID PRINCE," I said, and suddenly my fist where flying forward, slamming into his chest harshly.  Roman didn't block me, he simply took it which only made my anger swell.  "You wanna tell me or do I have to ask," I spat out, so mad I was trembling.

"I..." Roman said, following my eyes.  "It was an accident," he explain, gesturing to the bandage that went up his entire right forearm.

"And everywhere else, Roman?"

Prince's cheeks turned pink with embarrassment.  "I trained a lot as a kid and with real weapons, Virge.  I made some mistakes and scars-

"Don't DARE you lie to me, Princey," I spat out.  "You and I know that not all those scars are there by accident, Roman."

Roman avoided my eyes.

"When did you do this, Roman," I said, grabbing his bandaged arms wrist.  "WHEN."

"Don't pretend like you haven't been there," Roman snapped, eyes dark.  "In that place where you are hurting to much in your head that that only way to make it stop - even momentarily - and the only release that you see is in making it physical."

"No I haven't," I said through clenched teeth.  "Because I know that if anyone saw - anyone at all - that would HURT THEM.  And I was not going to hurt anyone else."

Roman pulled his arm out of my grip.  "You don't understand," he muttered.  "Out of everyone, I thought that you would understand what it takes to get out of your own head."

Furious, I grabbed Roman wrist again and dragged him to his knife display.  Roman let me, not that he could get away if he tried.  I was going to make him understand.

I grabbed a knife and pressed it in his hand.  "Hold this," I snapped, starting to undo his bandage.

"What are you-"

"SHUT UP."

Roman quieted.  I pulled off the bandage and there they were, still puff and red.

I pulled up my own sleeve, holding it out to him.  "Now you are going to do the same thing you did to yourself to me."

"What? No!"

"Then give me the knife and I'll do it myself."

Roman took a step back, holding the knife protectively - eyes wide with horror.  "No! Why would I let you do that to yourself?"

"Because then you'd know how I feel seeing what you've done to yourself."

Roman didn't move, eyes dark.

"You know why I love you Anx?" he said quietly.

I blinked at the sudden topic change, but didn't question it.  This was the information I needed to get him to - to break up with me.  This is what I've been after.  This is how I would protect him, this is how I would save him from... me.

So why didn't I feel more satisfied?

"I told you a while ago that I thought you were beautiful - and not just physically," Roman started. 

Always have to be dramatic, don't you?  

"Virgil, I see you as strong - stronger than I could ever even DREAM of being," Roman said passionately.  "You're loyal to what you believe and honest without question.  You're protective over anything and everyone that you love and care about and it's beautiful, Virgil.  And most of all," Roman said, eyes softening...

"You make me feel like I can be more than just a self-centered prince."

I didn't say anything.  What could I say?  How does someone response to - to that?!

When I didn't say anything, Roman continued.

"Even though we hadn't formally met until fairly recently, I'm such a different than the person I once was, Virge.  Even the person you met when we were first introduced.  And that person you met wasn't... wasn't good.  He was selfish, prideful, and... lost.  Very lost," Roman's eyes glittered with unshed tears.  "That person just wanted a happy ending, Virge.  And to be completely honest, he didn't think he was ever going to get one."

Now the tears did start rolling down Roman's cheeks and I couldn't help the water that gathered behind my own eyes.

Annnnd tough emo persona just -just FLIES out the window.  

"You have so much compassion, so much light in that dark-wanna-be-emo heart of yours," Roman continued, voice cracking and breaking - not that it stopped him.  "Virgil, you make me HAPPY.  And you might not understand what that means to me, but you make me so, so happy.

"I've spent my whole life searching for my happy ending.  My whole life I thought I needed a happy ending to prove my worth, to prove that I was a good person.  But... what I really wanted as someone who I could let see all my flaws, break down my walls and - and make me feel like I was worth something with them.  My happy ending was someone loving me and helping me become a better person.  And Virgil, if you don't mind, I really want you to be my happy ending," Roman said, brushing his tears aside, eyes turning hopefully to mine.

"Dangit," I muttered, rubbing at my own eyes.  "You made me all emotional."

Roman let out a choked laugh, but I could tell he was still waiting for an answer to his question.

"I - I'm scared," I finally confessed.  "I care too much for you, Roman, and - and I can't bear to see you get hurt, especially if I'm the one that caused it," I continued.  "I love you so much, Roman - did you really think that me pulling myself away meant that I loved you any less? Or that it had magically dissipated?  I was only doing what I always do - protecting the people I love."

Roman didn't say anything, just standing there and taking it, tears rolling down his cheeks as sure as they were running down mine.

"I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you," I whispered, my voice breaking.

"You're not giving yourself enough credit," Roman took over.  "You'll do anything to protect me.  Virge, I don't think you CAN hurt me, not intentionally - which is what it would take for my... complex to truly take over."

"But we fight and it hurts you.  I know it does so don't you deny it," I whimpered out.

"Virgil, Virgil.  Still underestimating yourself," Roman shook his head, smiling a bit for a reason I couldn't quite understand.  "Virgil - every single day, you keep me from falling back into my depression.  Do you understand how -how  amazing that is?  That you can take the broken pieces of me and put them back together with just a look or a smile or a laugh? Do you even realize the absolute magic you have worked?

"And yes being together is dangerous - I know that.  But I can't live without you, Virgil.  I can't watch you fall in love with some other boy, watch you hold them and kiss them - I can't bear it.  So please," Roman pleaded.  "Please be my boyfriend, Virgil."

"I'm not a risk taker," I muttered.  "I won't risk your life for my happiness.  I won't do it."

Roman looked as if I had slapped him.  "What about my happiness, Virgil?  Don't you think I deserve it? Don't you think you deserve to be happy too?"

"I don't think I deserve anything," I admitted.

Roman almost looked like he was going to argue with me for a second, before shaking his head.  He knew it would be futile to try and convince me outright.  

"Well then what about me?" Roman argued.  "Don't I deserve to be happy?"

"No."

Roman's jaw dropped.  He stared at me for a couple of seconds as if it was this big joke and I was going to start laughing any second.  As if I would take it back.

"You - you don't want me to be happy?" Roman stuttered, stunned.

"I said you don't deserve to be happy," I corrected.  "But of course I want you to be happy, Roman.  But deserving it has nothing to do with the matter."

Roman just stared, confused.  "I'm not sure I understand the difference," he said finally.

"Deserving is such a ugly word.  You probably haven't noticed, but it's a very proud word too, Roman," I continued.  "It makes it seem as though you are entitled.  You are not entitled to happiness, Roman.  No one is.  Not you, not Patton, not Logan, not Thomas, not me.  None of us are.

"But wanting happiness - of course I want that for you, Roman, as I want that for everyone."

"But not yourself," Roman said quietly.  "If it meant making others happy, you would quickly give up your own."

I didn't say anything.

I didn't have to.

"Well then please - make me happy then.   Be my boyfriend," Roman pleaded again.

"I won't put your life in danger, Roman."

"My life is danger no matter what, Virgil!" Roman argued.  "Virgil - if I m-move on from you," Roman stumbled, "And a-another person comes into my heart - even if they love me back, they'll be in a position to hurt me too.  And we'll fall right back into this cycle but they will not be as careful as you with my heart."

My hands started shaking.

"You're a good person, Virgil.  Please - please be my boyfriend."

"Don't you see how much I want to say yes?" I finally blurted out.  "Don't you see how much I want you to be mine too?  So then WHY are you so fixated on trying to torture me by teasing with something I can't have."

"But you CAN!"

"No - I can't!"

"Why not?!"

"Because it drives me CRAZY that I can't protect you! I am helpless - there is nothing I can do to help you and I - I can't live with myself," I finished, passion as gone as soon as it came.

"Virgil?" Roman asked once I had calmed down.

"Yeah?"

"Maybe you should let someone protect you."

... Protect...

Me?

"Yes, you," Roman chuckled.

I slapped a hand over my mouth.  Had I said that out loud?

"No, no you didn't say it out loud.  Like it or not - I know you Virgil Sanders," Roman said.  "Maybe not all of you," he admitted.  "But I know you enough to know that I am in no danger if you are my boyfriend, Virge.  So please - please be my boyfriend."

I stayed silent for a moment.  "Why do you keep asking me that?"

Roman frowned, confused.

"Why do you keep asking me to be your boyfriend... when I already am?"

Roman grinned, taking a step forward and slipping his hands into mine.  "Does that mean we can start acting like boyfriends again?"

I smiled a little.  "I'm still hesitant, but," I took a deep breath.  "I'm ready to try us to us again.  But no strings attached.  If I want out, you let me go - okay?"

Roman didn't say anything for a moment.  "Okay," he answered, squeezing my hands.

"Isn't this the part where we're probably supposed to kiss or something?" I asked for a minute or so.

Roman smiled.  "Probably."

"Good thing we're not all cliche or something like that and certainly won't be doing that."

"Nope.  Good thing," Roman said, but his eyes we're locked on my lips.

"Definitely," I said shakily.

"We are... certainly not... going... to... do...this," he said, lips finally meeting mine.

__________________

AND THAT'S ALL FOLKS

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Just kidding XD

I promised you guys a Sequel didn't I?

The next chapter will be the Epliogue which will reveal the name of the Sequel.  If you follow me, you'll actually see the sequel come out first - but don't look at it! *squints at you people who will probably do it anyway - DON'T DO IT XD

Voters:

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And the people who read so much so flippin quickly wow, but haven't made it to the last chapter yet...

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I'm not going to pick a comment from last chapter - I'll wait for some of the ones for this to come in and use one of those :3

If you want - there's the Logicality story on my profile if you want to check that one out (if you want to...).  if you liked this one... it's the same storyline, just in Patton and Logan's P.O.V..  It's called: "Maybe One Day." Okay, you've heard this before, I'll shut up about it XP

Epilogue for this will be posted in about an hour from now if you wanna hang out for it.  I won't have an A/N on that one, just like the first chapter (that's why I'm doing this now haha).

This has been amazing guys. Thank you all so so much and I'm so glad that you guys liked it so much.

And finally...

LOVE YOU GUYS, GALS, AND NON-BINARY PALS!!! <3

- Max :)