Point of View: Roman, First Person
Timeline: Flashback (cont.)

For a while after I had gathered myself all back together, neither of us moved.  I was still curled close to Anx, even though my tears had long faded.  I wanted to stay there in that cozy place forever, hiding from the world.

But feeling as though I owed him an apology, I pulled back, wiping my cheeks. Anx didn't say anything, letting me get myself together. I peaked to see his eyes were wide with concern and partly curiosity through his bangs, though I assumed he would never act on it himself.

I took a deep breath, gathering my thoughts.

"I - I was eight when I lost my wings," I admitted, tossing a slight glance at my wings.  I stretched them out gently and smiled a bit at the feeling. Gosh, I had missed this.

I avoided Anx's eyes, choosing to focus on the small gold strap on my shoulder (A/N: at this point, we're still at Roman and Virgil 1.0 - sorry if I didn't make that clear) which was refusing to stay of my shoulder. "I wanted to practice fighting not using my powers - I knew that if I got too badly injured in battle, my powers might not be usable or safe to rely on. So I locked my powers up in a jar and practiced," I told him.  "I thought... it - I thought it would help make me better.

"I - I practiced moves all day," I continued. "And sure, it felt uncomfortable, but I just figured that was normal. I just assumed it was a side affect to tucking my powers away. I simply continued to practice... which turned out to be a... mistake to put it lightly.

"Everyday, I wish I could tell myself... give myself a warning," I said, glancing at Anx momentarily.  Anxiety's eyes were darkening, knowing that this story was far from over and far from a happy ending.

"I don't remember how long I practiced that day," I continued, "But I practiced for a long, long time. Way longer than my usual practice time, which at that time was already six hours.  I wanted to make sure I was the best. And what kind of Prince couldn't fight?  So I must've practiced like that for... for what must have been nearly twelve hours straight," I admitted.

Anx's eyes widened slightly at the number, but he didn't say anything and he let me continue.

"I was in the middle of practicing this one maneuver that was giving me a bit of trouble, when I felt it. It was like something- something just snapped in me and I crumpled to the floor, screaming. At first it was nothing but pain - to the point where I passed out and woke up maybe a couple seconds later to complete agony. I curled into a ball, tucking my legs underneath me. After about a half-hour of just pure PAIN, it mixed with intense loss.

"I didn't move.  I didn't understand what happened.  All I knew it that something was very wrong and I wasn't sure exactly what it was.

"It was Patton who found me, noticing that I skipped dinner to practice and came to bring me a plate.  I didn't know it was him at the time - too dizzy with pain to see anything - but I heard a scream something was incredibly wrong, but I was still too dizzy with pain to know what at the time, or even open my eyes.

"I vaguely remember hearing Patton call for Logan - using Logan and not Logic, even though I didn't know his name at the time.  Logan noticed the jar and hurried up, unleashing my powers.  I remember feeling a big rush and the pain of it suddenly disappeared. But I still felt this massive dead weight even though the sharp pain had faded.  But I still felt this deep, deep loss and I couldn't figure out why.  Patton and Logan carried me to my room and I fell asleep instantly, exhausted between the fighting and the pain.

"When I woke up the next morning, I didn't feel like I could even move - everything just felt so heavy. But after a while I opened my eyes to find Patton and Logan at my side - the both of them with dark circles under their eyes from lack of sleep.  Patton's eyes gave it away first, eyes flicking nervously to my back and I frowned in confusion, turning my head to look.

"And the moment I saw them - or rather the lack of wings attached me - I couldn't breathe. I went momentarily blind, and heart stopped and I realized I had lost the biggest part of me.  I screamed and screamed and Patton tried to hold me and I just shoved him away, curling in on myself and not even caring that it hurt my back even more.

"I had lost the biggest, most beautiful, amazing part of myself and I didn't take it lightly."

I grew quiet for a moment, finally glancing up at Anxiety, trying to analyze his reaction. And to my surprise, Anxiety was... 

Anxiety was crying.

And I soon realized that at some point in my story I had started crying too.

"I didn't leave my room for months," I continued, closing my eyes, fighting back the sponge in my throat - I wouldn't have the guts to say any of this later. "Some of the other sides had started to wonder if I disappeared. Patton came to visit me every day, caring for my scarred back.  They didn't completely heal until recently, fading to white lines, but for the longest time they were raised and dark and bloody and I couldn't bear to look at myself in the mirror knowing that part of myself was missing.

"I was ashamed of myself," I admitted. "I was so ashamed that I had lost something so dear to me and there was nothing I could do to fix it. For a long time, I just stayed in my room.  And by a long time, I mean... for probably two years or something close to it. 

"Rumors spread that I had fought a great beast that had taken my wings I had refused to return until I had defeated it.

"And I didn't tell them otherwise. That was so much easier to believe than the truth," I continued, ashamed. Only Logan and Patton knew what really happened - I had begged them not to tell the others and they kept it a secret.

"It's hard trying to remember all the facts correct - differ between what I wanted to believe and what actually happened. The lines were a lot harder to see now," I admitted, folding my hands in my lap.

Anxiety was quiet for a moment, not looking at me.  Did he really have nothing to say? I shifted a bit, suddenly uncomfortable. Oh gosh, why had I thought that this was a good idea?!

Okay, just stop, I thought forcing my panic down.  Now you're acting like Anxiety. Geez.

"Why?" Anxiety asked finally, voice low and quiet.  He stared at me curiously through his bangs.

"Oh," I realized, blinking in surprise. After that whole thing I didn't even mention why this happened.  "It was the day that Thomas decided that he wanted to pursue a career in science.  It was a big idea, and without my powers, Thomas actual took a piece of me, instead."

Anxiety grew slightly paler at the thought.

"But it's okay now," I said, smiling back my wings, spreading them out a bit, trying to lighten the mood.

"T - Thanks for telling me, Roman," Anx said, voice low and serious, eyes earnest behind his bangs.  "I - I know that wasn't easy for you, and... I really appreciate you telling me."

I smiled, relieved.

"But..."

My heart sank, panic rising in me uncontrollably.  Oh my stars, here it comes-

"But that wasn't what I meant when I asked you why," Anx finished.

I blinked, confused and... pleasantly surprised.  What did he mean?

"I meant... why did you decide to tell me?" Anxiety said, eyes dropping away from mine, self-consciously.  He tucked his hands inside the edge of his hoodie, the sleeves falling over his hands.

I immediately grabbed his hand and pushed his sleeves up to his wrist, looking up to find a baffled and slightly embarrassed Anxiety.  

He stared at me, lips parting in surprise.

"I trust you," I stated earnestly, voice sober. "I don't know why... but I know I can trust you.  And... I think part of me knew that... you actually might like me a little better if you did," I finished hopefully.

I really meant it earlier. Anx was someone I wanted by my side and I was going to do anything to do that - even if it meant dropping my pride a bit.

"And besides," I said, glancing back at my wings again.  "You're the only reason these things are here in the first place."

Anx huffed, crossing his arms, but he was smirking a little now and I can tell he had taken what I said seriously.  "Actually, that's still you.  You were the reason we were in the room to begin with."

"No I was not," I scoffed, playfully.  "You were the reason I gave up my powers with the awful room of yours."

"You wouldn't have needed to if you hadn't been in my room-"

"I was in your room because you got us stuck in there-"

"Because you didn't want to confess that you stole my headphones-"

"I wouldn't have taken them if you hadn't slammed the door in my face-"

"And I wouldn't have done that if you hadn't demanded an apology for pulling out a sword because I hurt your feelings-"

"And I wouldn't have gotten my feelings hurt if you hadn't come it my party in the first place-"

"For the record: once again - not my idea.  The only reason I went your party to begin with was because Patton made me."

Silence.

"Well," I said, surprised at the turn our little witty, playful banter had taken.  "So it's his fault."

We both sat there, amazed that events that had transpired that had lead to our mutual... almost friendship.

"Wanna have a Disney Marathon?" I asked.

Anx shrugged.  "Sure."

"Popcorn?" Anx asked, rising to his feet.

"Yeah.  Oh and Anx?"

"Yeah?"

"Since I literally told you the biggest secret I have...," I started, trying to hold the guilt train a little longer.  "Would you considering letting me in on one of yours?"

Anx remained expressionless. "Like?"

"Maybe... I dunno... your name?"

Anxiety laughed and I smiled at the lovely sound. He should laugh more often.  It was the same was Thomas's, and I couldn't help grinning.

"Yeah..." Anx started I started getting my hopes up.

I waited, holding my breath.

"Still no."

__________
I know this is later than I wanted, but this turned out a lot longer than I expected.  Huh. And to be honest, I thought it was going to be a crappy chapter, but I actually don't hate it. Huh.

Voters (we got ourselves quite a pretty list here thank you all you lovely humans :D)

MM2637
death-of-a-phangirl
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-Psychotic-Slut-
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Commenter:
-Psychotic-Slut-
Comment:
Everytime I see your updates, I [effin'] lose it. This is good quality stuff man.

Me: *big, dorky smile* YAY

Commenter:
myfantasyisntyours
Comment:
They need to just. Do the gay already...
d0 ThE gAy
Thanks

Also -I'm going to be keeping things fairly clean in this book (in case this somehow a mystery to you by now lol).
I know that Thomas has a lot of younger viewers in his audience, so I'm not going to be writing anything Thomas wouldn't put in his own videos. 
No one has said anything about it - I just wanted clarify in case you wonder why I use ** or [eff] instead, if I use any form of cursing at all, which I don't think I will.

Also: would anyone be interesting in a song chapter? I do mine a little differently than most other people, but if you're curious go check out my book 'Dear Whomever' (the second part for the song chapter.  But yeah, if you're interested, lemme know :)

Next Chapter is ... later today I guess haha (i'm not done yet... whelp *shrugs*) 
Either way, keep an eye out! :D

- Max :)