By late afternoon on the Sunday, an indefinable sense of anxiety had settled between us. We were wandering through a small park on the way to the station from Kat's flat. We hadn't come this way on Friday, as it was dark, but now the milky Autumn sun washed the different shades of brown and auburn and green, and glittered on the pond. It was so pretty, and I sighed. I really wanted to hold hands with her, but there were people about. Our arms and bodies brushed lightly as we walked, but each touch only made it feel more and more like there was a gap opening up between us. We'd got to know each other so well this weekend and things felt easy and comfortable. And this closeness was whole, both emotional and physical: we'd come as close as two people could - taken the long, dark, intimate hours of the past two nights to get to know every inch of each other. I knew each gently beautiful curve of her body better than anyone else's, even my own, and now I was being ripped away from her. With every conversation, I felt we connected and understood each other so well. Even as I felt the desire for her stir quietly inside me again, a sharp pang of disappointment cut through it at the thought of having to part from her.

My train home left far too soon.

She bent and picked up a pebble from the gravel path. I quietly admired the twist of her body as she turned and tried half-heartedly to skim it across the surface of the pond. It plopped sadly into the water in the middle. I made a mental note to teach her how to skim pebbles one day, and took a deep breath. 'I really don't want to go home, Kat,' I said to the back of her head. Her hair was tucked into her scarf and the collar of her coat, yet another riot of auburn to mix with the autumnal trees in the park. I'd discovered I loved the smell of her hair, and the soft feel of it on my skin. I felt a little shiver of arousal. I felt another one as she turned back and grinned at me.

'Don't, then.' Then she was serious for a moment. 'I want you to stay here so much, it hurts.' Her gaze searched my face, and I shivered again in the warmth of her wide eyes. 'Can you come again next weekend?'

There was a tiny pause, as the unintentional double entendre registered with us both, then she smirked. I blushed and felt a smile twitch my lips too. 'What, like I did this morning?'

She brushed a stray strand of her hair away from her eyes. 'I was thinking of that time last night actually.' She shrugged. 'But, hey, whatever...'

I pretended to think. There'd been a few times last night as well as this morning, and each one had been very special. 'Oh, ok...yes, well...' I bit a nail and ran my eyes over her quickly. 'With a bit of help...if you want me to...'

'Oh, I want you to. And I will do anything you want to help. Oh yes.' She came and pressed close for a split second. There was another of those moments when nothing in the world existed apart from our locked gaze.

She broke it. 'Come on, babes, or we'll miss your train.' She linked her arm though mine, and we set off again.

*****

What with dawdling in the park, and being generally reluctant to let go of the weekend together, we only just made it onto the platform in time – the train was already getting ready to leave. She bundled me in the nearest open carriage door. I leant out and we kissed quickly on the cheek. Then the doors hissed closed, and I started to roll out of the station, away from her. For a second, I thought I was going to start crying, but I swallowed it down, bit my lip and went to find a seat.

The train wasn't particularly busy as I walked through a couple of carriages. A young family on their way home; a smattering of people working on laptops – maybe commuting to London for the week or something; a few studenty types travelling back from a weekend away. I wondered how many of them – the commuters and the students – had parted from someone special when they set off tonight. How many of them felt like I did, as if half of their soul had been left behind elsewhere, leaving a heavy loneliness to be carried around in its place?

I felt the urge to cry welling up again, so I slumped down at a table seat in an empty bit of carriage and spread my stuff out so no-one would bother me. Then I hunched round to face the window, flicking my loose hair around my face, and gave in to the silent flow of tears. I cried from frustration and relief and joy and loneliness.

By the time anyone actually came past, it was out of my system. I went to the toilet quickly and splashed my face with cold water, then went on to the buffet car and got a coffee. I tipped two sugars into it and shrugged off the flicker of guilt as I made my way back to my seat.

***

Kat took her coffee rather seriously, drinking it black and quite strong - she and her flatmate had a coffee machine, and I have to admit it made lovely coffee. Quite early on Saturday morning, after we'd both drifted awake and talked softly for a while as we cuddled in her bed, she'd stretched herself against me and kissed my lips softly. She'd held her hair back from her face and grinned. 'I need a coffee. What about you, babes?'

I'd run my hand down her smooth back slowly, and back up again. 'Ummm...yeah, coffee would be good. Milk and one sugar, please.'

'Sugar?' She'd snorted. 'I'd have said you were sweet enough already...'

We'd kissed softly, wetly. The way her naked body had stirred on top of mine sent throbs of pleasure through me, and I'd felt my legs drift a little open as I'd tried to manoeuvre myself under her. Her fingers had begun to stroke my side and breast gently, but she'd broken the kiss and rolled away from me. 'No, Amy...I'm sorry. Hold that thought, but I really need coffee first.'

She'd slid out of the bed and crossed the room to get her dressing-gown from the hook on the back of the door. I'd secretly taken immense pleasure in watching her stretch up to reach it: the shape of her back with her hair falling down it; the sexy roundness of her bottom and the curve of her thighs; her trim waist and that cute little stud in her navel, the milkiness of her skin...

Her breasts and nipples had still been firm and prominent as she'd drawn the gown around herself, and I'd looked forward to taking them both in my mouth, each in turn. I'd snuggled down into the bed and sighed with pleasure at being there, as she'd padded off to put the coffee on. My legs and body had ached pleasantly from the previous night's love-making. My insides had stirred as I'd realised I'd never woken up next to another girl before. My heart had fluttered with joy as I'd reflected that, of all the girls I'd ever admired and liked and fancied, Kat was probably the right one to wake up with.

Actually, I'd dozed off again by the time she returned with two mugs of freshly-percolated coffee. The aroma, and the motion of the mattress as she slid back in next to me, had woken me up gently. We'd propped ourselves up a little and she'd rested her head on my shoulder while we sipped at the mugs. Under the covers, her hand had moved onto my raised leg and stroked it absent-mindedly, while I'd kissed and fingered her messy, morning-after hair. We'd talked about what we wanted to do that day, then I'd felt a change in her body as I'd moved onto my side. She'd turned her head to kiss me. Her lips and breath had been soft and warm, and had tasted of coffee. Her tongue had hungrily drawn mine into her mouth. Then she'd been moving her body under me, pulling me onto her, and encouraging me to move my mouth down slowly to discover every inch of her.

***

I knew I would have to come clean to my family, at least about starting a distance relationship, and I'd worked on my story. I managed to drop the fact I'd 'maybe met someone' into conversation with my mum in the car on the way back from the station. She seemed cautiously pleased, and I knew at least I now had an excuse for going back there the next weekend. To her questions about the who, what and where, I gave vague answers which were true as far as they went.

***

Once again, on Friday afternoon, I sent my boss home early and locked up in time to get the train into town. This time, there were no delays and, although the trains were busy, I was stepping off at my destination at the right time, scanning the crowd for Kat. She sauntered along the platform with her hands in the pockets of her open coat, grinning broadly. Under her coat, she was looking nice in a short wool dress, grey tights and soft boots. I waited where I was, near the exit, and enjoyed the anticipation flooding my body. I took pleasure in the knowledge that if she was a secret girlfriend, at least she was my secret girlfriend.

'Amy, babes,' she asked, 'why can't you be in the same carriage each time?' She pressed herself lightly against me to kiss my cheek lingeringly. 'I never know where to stand to meet you.'

'Sorry.' I smiled at her and held her waist for a long second or two. She let me. There was a brief moment where she looked up into my face and I thought we were going to kiss on the lips. It felt so good just to be with her again.

'No you're not, you tease.' She slid her arm through mine and started to walk us out of the station. Just as we were turning onto the street, she commented, 'At least if we carry on like this, I suppose we'll get to know that station like the back of our hands.'

Even though we'd talked every day that week, and texted loads, I felt a little shy with her again. I really wanted to carry on seeing her. 'I've really missed you this week, Kat.'

'Yeah?' She almost managed to hide the fact that she was really pleased. 'Well, we'll just have to make sure you see plenty of me this weekend then, won't we?'

I giggled. 'Mmmm. Yes, please.'

She stopped and grinned at me, trying to look innocent. 'You have a dirty mind, Amy. I think you might be trying to tempt me into debauchery.'

'Oh really?' I shifted my bag onto my other shoulder and brushed my hair out of my face. She was looking at me in a way that made me slightly wobbly at the knees and very warm inside. 'I was hoping to learn from you, actually.'

'You calling me debauched?' Her gaze wandered down over the shape of my body under my jacket, and took in my legs below my fairly short skirt. Eventually, she looked back into my face and I'm almost certain the tip of her tongue flicked along her lips. 'Hmmm. If you could read my thoughts just now...so, Amy...am I debauched?'

'Yep.' I had to smile at the look of pretend shock in her laughing eyes - it was losing the struggle with what I chose to think of as open lust. 'Well, I hope you are, anyway.'

She chuckled dirtily. 'Yeah well, I was going to suggest we have a drink in a nice little friendly bar I know. But now I'm inclined to suggest we fu...um, forget that and go fu...um, go straight back home. What say you, gorgeous?'

I pretended to think as we set off walking again. 'We can have a drink another time, can't we?'

***

On Sunday afternoon, we walked through the park again on the way back to the station. There was an autumnal chill in the air, but we sat down close to each other on a bench. We'd had a relaxed day: getting up late and taking our time about breakfast, then camping out in a local cafe with the papers. It was nice to just spend the day together, chatting and sharing each other's company.

She put a gloved hand on my leg. It was warm through my jeans.

'Amy, I don't really know how to say this...' Most of the time she was so sassy and confident, but now she looked quite vulnerable. I wondered what she was going to say, as my insides stirred. A tiny trickle of anxiety mingled with the pleasure I felt at being with her. She looked away. I put my hand over hers on my knee, and she looked back. 'I'm not very good at relationships.'

The anxiety inside me increased a little. 'I'm not much of an expert either. What are you saying, Kat?' Had I been letting myself get too carried away?

She took a deep breath. 'I'm scared, Amy. I know it's only been a couple of weeks, but I've never felt like this with someone. I'm scared of how much I feel for you.'

I laughed with relief. 'I thought you were trying to dump me gently.' Maybe she was. 'That's nice though, yeah? Not like a bad thing?'

She looked at me quite seriously. 'God, no. I couldn't do that...dump you, I mean. It would feel like half of me had been ripped away.' She took my hand and looked at it thoughtfully. 'It's not just the physical side, either.' She leant in and brushed her lips on my cheek, adding, 'Though that is amazing, like I told you. Honestly.' (I'd admitted at some point that I felt quite inexperienced, and she'd been trying to reassure me ever since.) She hurried on, 'I don't want you to go, Amy. I want to see you every day. I want to be with you, physically, emotionally, everything...'

A complex wave of feelings welled up in me, and I took a deep breath. 'So...what are we going to do?'

She glanced at her watch. It was time we were heading to the station. 'God knows. Like I say, this isn't something I've had to deal with before. I don't want you to go, though.' She sighed heavily, then squeezed my hand. 'I think we should carry on like this for the time being...seeing each other when we can. If it...if we're meant to be together, you know, long term kind of thing...we'll know the opportunity when it comes, know what to do then. Won't we?' She looked at me for help.

For the first time in my life, I kissed another girl in public. Quickly, yes, and I'm pretty sure that there was no-one around, but nonetheless we kissed on the lips, just long enough to prove to each other beyond doubt that we were together, and happy, and ready and willing to stay together. It would be exciting to find out where we were going – unpredictable, new, maybe even difficult for us, as well those around us...but exciting, definitely.

***

We kissed again - just for a gorgeous moment - on the platform, before I had to board. She looked so beautiful as the train pulled away.

***

I spent the journey building up the courage to tell my parents about her. For the first time, I felt ready and able to tell them. My feelings for Kat gave me the strength – I knew she was worth it all.

My dad was waiting for me as I stepped off the train, turning the car engine over. There was a welcome blast of warm air from the blowers as I got in, and he turned the radio down. 'Hello, love. Nice weekend?'

I pecked his cheek. 'Hi, dad. Yes thanks. Lovely.'

He turned the car round and set off in the direction of home. He glanced over. 'You look relaxed and happy, so this new person must be nice.' He was smiling, but there was a hint of seriousness there.

I took a deep breath. 'Yeah. They're...lovely.'

God, damn, I meant to say 'she', I really did. Habits die hard, dammit. I'd promised myself I'd say 'she' as soon as the whole topic came up. Drop it into the conversation naturally; introduce the idea that 'she' had a name...

Dad's fingers tapped the steering wheel gently as he waited at a junction. 'Good,' he said slowly. 'Does she have a name?'

I let my held breath out quickly. What? 'Um...yeah...' How did he know? 'Kat. Katherine, but she prefers Kat.' He nodded, and I had to fill the silence that followed. 'How...how did you know?'

He glanced at me quickly, and I was shocked at the affection in his eyes. 'I guessed. I didn't know.'

He pulled into a layby, and turned to face me as best he could. I was stiff with fear. He rested a hand gently on my shoulder, then moved it away. 'Since that big bust up you had with Zoe a few years back.' Zoe had been my best friend for ages and, for a while, the love of my life. The intensity of our relationship had been too much for her. He continued, 'I do work with her mum, remember? We both knew something was up when you two went from being inseparable to hating each other overnight.' Dad squeezed my shoulder. 'But that's for another day. I'm glad you've found someone new, poppet.'

I had so many questions. And he was so calm about it! 'And...you don't mind? About...I mean, that it's another girl?'

He smiled at me. 'No, Amy. Why should I mind?' He considered me for a moment. 'If Kat makes you happy...that's a good thing, isn't it?'

I burst into tears. He pulled me closer and let me cry into his shoulder until I'd finished. When I'd sorted myself out again, I asked, 'What about mum? Have you talked to her about it?'

He hesitated. 'She has her own suspicions. She's not blind or stupid, you know. We discussed it once.' He nudged me gently. 'You worry too much, love. We'll find a way of telling your mother soon, eh? It'll be fine.' He patted my hand. 'Does it feel better to know I know?'

I nodded. 'Such a relief. In a weird way.'

'I'm sorry I haven't found a way to talk about it before.' He pulled out and accelerated a little. 'This Kat must be very special. I'm looking forward to meeting her.'

'She is special, dad. She's amazing.' My head was beginning to spin a little. 'You really want to meet her?'

He was concentrating on the road ahead. 'Naturally. If she's courting my daughter, it's traditional, you know.' He grinned at me suddenly, and my flicker of alarm died down. 'Oh, Amy...relax. I just want to make sure she knows how lucky she is.'