35: I don't want to lose her

Bella's pov

"Umm her condition is better now she can take a break from these therapies for a few days." Doctor Michael spoke devoid of any emotions, making sound the near to blissful words more hollow and imbued.

"Doctor we've both donated blood for the transfusion." I reminded him, I can't help it. We are still on the same track, no progress and the doctor nonchalantly is saying the same thing!

"Yes but the samples are not compatible." he justified further mortifying Elena, I could feel her heat up and shiver due to uneasiness.

"So is there any possibility of getting blood from somewhere else?" Father took the lead and asked.

"Mr Roberts we have informed the bone marrow bank and apart from that too we are constantly trying."

"How long do we have to wait now. It's been over a month!" Elena spoke losing her cool.

"We have to wait a few more days hopefully we'll get the suitable match soon." I tried to convince her but that all went in vain, she was very well aware that my words merely had any potential, they seemed petty hollow coming from me in this situation, but I had to somehow calm her.

"But what if...what if we don't get it? What will we do then?" She asked instead.

"Don't lose hope Ele."

"Bella we have been going to and fro to find one suitable match for my daughter but we are only failing!"

"Please calm down Ms Elena. I would be really honest with you. We can't say anything about where we'll get the suitable marrow for your daughter. The only way is to test more and more samples."

"Yeah we have to approach family and friends too," I suggested.

"But I know no one except you," Elena moaned.

"Hey don't worry. I know many people who would willingly give their samples, also mother is acquainted with many people in this field. "

"Yes and Miss Elena. I'll approach the people I know. " father said further contributing.
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"She's an intelligent girl." father complimented after finally meeting Gia.

"I know right! She is really sweet too."

"You've never invited them over. Why?"

"Umm you would always be on sail, mother would be out most of the time. And Ele doesn't feel very comfortable, so..."

"You know it feels awful to finally realise that, we've been making you feel so left out in your own house."

"No. I never felt.....left out."

"No you did or else I know you, you would authoritatively bring your friends to your house. You always fear that your mother would not like that or would make your guest feel like an outsider. Am I right?"

"Uh..."

"I know, I am. I understand your mother can be a bit bitter sometimes. But believe me, she was not always like that. You know it's probably her workload and maybe because I'm not able to spend that much time with her that we used to. Sometimes circumstances force people to change."

"Maybe. And maybe that's the reason I didn't change."
Because he never spend that much time with me so apparently the circumstances were the same for me, after saying so, within seconds I realised what I indirectly implied to him.

Ever since childhood I had been longing for one thing in life, that was my father. He would always be on sail or transferred to someplace or the other.
We hardly spent any time together and I would always long for that.

Mother too would be busy with her work life or when father would come back they both would spend time together. I never used to complain about that nor am I now, but it was just something I wished was a part of my childhood, to spend time with my mama and papa.

Initially, I never realised that it even affected me, I never actually missed father maybe because I never got to spend that amount of time with him to make memories and miss them.

However now, the last few days ever since our talk that day, I got to know what it is like when he is around. Was he always this supportive and loving or am I realising it too late?

"I...I am going to check on Gia..." dismissing myself as quickly as I could,
I went inside Gia's ward leaving father standing there.
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"Don't worry I know I will get well soon. I feel healthy believe me!"
My head just won't stop replaying Gia's words and how in a novice way she said that.

All I could feel was grey, dull and lifeless. I felt helpless for not being able to help that little girl. I've known her ever since she was born, God made her known to me for some reason but I can't do anything other than wait when she needs me.

I could decipher hot tears forming in my eyes, heaviness raising in my chest. In need for some exposure, I stepped out of the hospital.

There was a loud shriek of thunder that halted me. It seemed as the clouds were tearing up, unable to hold the weight on them any longer, when they just let it flow.

Water droplets rolled down my cheeks taking my worthless tears with them.
It rained like the emotions within me flowed out. To a point where I didn't know what we're these tears coming for
were they solely for Gia? Or for Gemma? Or even me?

It seemed as if I've come to a point where there are different roads ahead of me but each one of them promising pain.

And pain for anyone is very dangerous it may lead you to do things or to behave a certain way you would never want to, when with an open mind. I didn't want to carry it within, I wanted to cry it out. What I said to father was something I would have never wanted to but the pain caused me to do that and I didn't want it to lead me further.

Thinking about everyone now
Gia, Elena, Gemma, Drake, everything seemed so messed up in each one's life nothing seem to fit anywhere.
Our life had become a complex jigsaw puzzle. And I felt hunched over under the weight of it!
_________________________________________

No perspective

Head hung low, with shining pearls in her sorrow-filled eyes, she seemed lost sitting on the iron-rimmed bench, unaffected by the heavy raindrops falling from high above as if adding to her agony.

Everything felt against her. She was no saint, she too would go crazy if life keeps indebting her with problems one after the other.

She needed someone, a shoulder to rest her head on, a chest to press her ear against.

When all of a sudden, the droplets stopped, looking up to check if it stopped raining and if her tears are no longer going to be hidden, she was startled to find Harry standing by her side with an umbrella with him, blocking the rain for her.

He was quick to understand her condition and greeted her with a positive smile rather than speaking anything. She kept staring at him, her expressions remained unchanged trying to imply as if she didn't want him here.

But Harry knew well, she needed someone to be by her side therefore he sat next to her.

"Her favourite dish is cheese pasta." She had a delicate warmth in her voice when she spoke particularly to herself.

Harry immediately turned towards her, analysing her state, closely.
With those doe-like watery eyes, shivering lips trying to curl in a vague attempt to smile, those red tingles around her cheeks warming her up even in this cold weather. She looked like a plastic doll, eyes in a daze, looked so distant.

When she turned to him and spoke
".....because that's the only thing I can cook."

"She was always a fighter you know, when Eli was pregnant she had so many complications, doctors said that they can only save any one of them. But she survived, they both made it." One could hear melancholy overlining her voice, when she said that, looking straight ahead.

"You know she doesn't want to be a princess, 'they need someone to help them she says, she'd rather be a hero, and help others, superman is her favourite." She was constantly fidgeting with her fingers, trying to keep her from bursting into tears.

"You know she is not like any other kid, she....she never asked Elle to buy her toys or take her to movies, she never asked Elle about her dad because she knows it'll make her Mumma sad......She is very sensible, Harry."
When she looked at him, her eyes were questioning and longed for answers, Harry could interpret the unasked question but the answer to that was what he lacked"It's hard for a person to witness their beloved suffering in front of their eyes. And the worst part is we have no choice but to wait."

"Would this be over?" She asked him, very in need of answers as they could boast her from this state of melancholy.

"It will be over, soon. This time will pass and the pain will perish." He said, his words felt genuine as if it was meant to be.

Bella felt convinced.
But the pain and fear persisted.

Looking down wiping off her tears, she spoke,
"I've been speaking a lot."

"No, just enough." He wanted to make her realise that she didn't have to feel embarrassed or ashamed about sharing her pain with him, he was ready to hear her speak and share her pain at all times.

His words caused her to look straight at him, there was strong positivity radiating from him that dragged, Bella, who was surrounded with negativity, towards him. It was a perfect bond, that can't be broken easily when she gave into his embrace.

Harry, welcomingly braced his arms around her, securing their hug.
She felt at a perfect place where she had no fear to be judged for crying her heart out.

She found the shoulder to rest her head, a chest to press her ear against and it felt as paradise sent by the one above.

She felt secure as if the place was just made for her when she sobbed letting her emotions flow.

"Let it all out." His words felt soothing, his gentle stroking on her hair made her realise that he was there with her, by her side.

"I don't want to lose her." She said in a very low crumbled voice, that was muffled in his chest, but he could make it out.

"You won't." He mumbled to her.
_________________

"You're badly drenched," Harry said when Bella in the speed of flash freed her from his embrace.

She bowed her head realising what she did, however, Harry knew that she would be hesitant about this that was the very reason, he put that topic of her being drenched forward.

"I..." she was constantly opening her mouth to say something then closing it again, feeling a lack of words.

"Umm... you wait here I'll be right back." When he was about to leave the umbrella with Bella, she said

"Take this with you, I'm already wet."

"Okay, just wait alright?"

"Hmm."

Bella sat there frowning, what had he gone for?

He went so in haste. Was it because she hugged him?

She facepalmed herself not wanting to think too much about that, she needed some support and Harry was there, he proved to be one for her and that's it!
She concluded.

Harry came almost running towards her. Did he bring a jacket with him?

"It's for you." He answered Bella's expectant eyes as he stood in front of her.

"You're fully drenched, you'll catch cold if you don't change."

Although her face remained blank she was smiling within for his care towards her. She felt blessed.

"Now get up let's get in." Harry held his hand out for her, Bella took it willingly and stood up.

A shriek jolt of shiver ran through her as her body was now under the shade provided by the umbrella hence when the wind blew the water on her felt colder.

She clenched herself in an attempt to warm herself. Harry held her close to him to provide her body warmth. She felt relaxed in his hold. Then the two walked into the hospital.

"You may change there."

"Thank you, Harry."
When she was about to turn around, the question struck her mind,
"Whose jacket is this?"
She was about to ask Harry when she recognised Harry's cologne, it was his.
_________________________________________

Bella's pov

Is it even possible?
Can someone feel so good just after feeling so terrible?
Is it possible for a person to hold such power with him to magically erase all your worries and rewrite happiness in your life?

If no, then why was I continuously smiling before entering this room?
Why do I feel so special when Harry cares for me?
Why don't I feel the same when it's someone else than him?

Just a small smile from his side and all my worries evaporate as they least exist.
What was wrong with me?

Finally, after changing into the jacket, I feel a lot better, it's quite large for me, but I could manage.

As I stepped out of the room, I was surprised to not find Harry there.
He was right there when I went inside but not anymore.
I searched for him a few steps away, but he was nowhere to be found.

I was hurt!

There was this sudden sting of dejection surrounding me.
My heartfelt heavy, not finding him there.

However as I was about to return to Gia's ward, he startled me by coming in my way, with two large cups in his hand.

Reading my quirky expression, he quickly replied.
"Here, the coffee you must be feeling cold." Yet again he melted my heart with his sweet gesture, he never fails to leave me in awe with his actions.

"How do you know I like ristretto?" I asked as I took my first sip.

"Just a wild guess." He answered leaving me chuckling.

"So what brought you here?" I asked him which made him pause his actions and inhibit a different exposure, his expressions tensed when he finally spoke.

"We have...we have decided Gemma should do abortion." He said in a very low voice, making it almost inaudible for me to grasp.

"What?" I asked him not because I couldn't get what he said but it didn't seem meaningful to me.

I mean who 'we'?

"Who decided?"
I asked him to which he replied

"All of us, mom, I and Gemma."

"Your mom, you then Gemma?"
I asked to make sure if I got it right that he took Gemma's name after his mother and himself.

He nodded slightly in response, he was probably aware that, it would not make me much convinced or relaxed hence he was answering very precisely.

"What do you mean and she agreed to abort?"

"Yes."

"Let me talk to her," I said and didn't wait for him to reply but moved past him to go to Gemma when I remembered, I didn't know which ward she was in. Hence I had to return to Harry.

"Which room is she in?"

"Bella..."

"Harry please I want to talk to her."
Giving out an exhausted sigh, he answered.

I swiftly went for her room.

Opening the door in front of me with no reservations I entered the ward, Harry entered after me.

Gemma, lay down on the patient bed while Mrs Anne was sitting beside her on a chair.

No doctor.
No nurse was present there, the possibility forced my heart to sink.

"No!" Was the abortion done already?

"Bella," Gemma called out for me, I walked to her and held her hand in mine.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" She immediately lowered her eyes hearing my question as if she didn't want to answer me. Anne decided to answer for her and spoke.

"Of course, we don't want to grow up a headache."

"A headache?" I was quick to question her back, unable to swallow the way she called Gemma's unborn baby a headache.

"Bella if we decide to keep it, it will only prove to be a stone-breaker for Gemma she..." as she proceeded to explain to me, I found it extremely important to cut her in the middle.

"We can't decide anything, it's Gemma's baby. Only she has got the right to decide for the baby."

"But she has already decided it that's the reason we are here."

I looked over at Gemma as Anne said that, she had her head hung low, her eyes not once meeting mine.

"Have you decided it?" I asked her again.

No reply came.

"Gemma don't think about what Mrs Anne has to say don't think about what Harry or I have to say don't think about anything or anyone but you and the baby. Think is it really what you want?
To kill a life growing inside you?"

"Bella what are you trying to do. Do you think Harry or I will force her to abort?"

"No Mrs Anne I don't in any way think that. I know you would never want to do anything that goes against your daughter and whatever you are doing, you are doing for her. But you don't understand right now Gemma is not thinking her own. You are leading her and she is lifelessly dragging herself there. Scarcely concerning what she wants."

"Yes, she is not in a position to take the right decision so I am doing that for her."

"I agree you are doing what you think is right for your child and I am sure Gemma too would want to do what's right for her child." When I turned to look at Gemma, I found her stroking her belly, her eyes spoke so much as if she was feeling something really special.

"Am I right Gemma?"
She looked at me with glistening eyes, but those tears were not of helplessness neither were they of pain rather they reflected the pure bliss she was feeling at the moment.

Her eyes were twinkling and there was luminescence of hope spread across her face.

"Gemma, do you want to keep this baby?" Mrs Anne asked her

Gemma turned her head towards her Mumma, but stopped there she didn't dare to move other muscles of hers in an attempt to respond in any way.

I could understand it is a big decision to make in a fraction of a second also the spot where Gemma stands were going to be more life-changing for her.

Gradually she can't just say a word right away that held the remote of her future and also the future of another soul that was now interlinked with Gemma's.

"I think it's better if we could give her some time to think," I spoke.

Mrs Anne seemed a bit hesitant but subsequently nodded.

I exited the room along with her and Harry.
Stepping out the first thing I did was to turn towards Mrs Anne to apologise to her.
Because at some point what I did could have been impolite. As it was not my place to barge in something concerning their family and especially if it included a mother and daughter discussing that thing.

But I just couldn't think straight at that moment all I was thinking of was Gemma and her unborn baby and maybe have crossed my boundaries too.

"I'm sorry Mrs Anne, it was not my place to speak there but I just thought Gemma should get some more time to decide something that affects her life to such great fervency."

However, she took me by surprise by wrapping her arms around me, leaving me with a few seconds of amnesia.

"Thank you." She spoke
Gradually facing me she said,
"Thank you for being there for my daughter. I'm guilt-ridden for what all I said to you the other day. I hope you may forgive me."

A small smile crumbled on my face simultaneously I spoke,
"What you did was justified at some point provided that it was your daughter's miseries you were forced to witness and somewhere it all concerned me too. But I am more than happy those things are cleared now."

She responded to me with a beaming smile filling me with more strength and positivity.

It's indeed true,
Having smiling faces around you is the most positive environment you could ever get.

"Did Harry call you here?" She asked, I eyed Harry who was standing near us uttering nothing.

"No..uh.."

"Bella?" I stopped when my father called me.

"Father."
_________________________________________

"What could be done now?" I asked

"We have to make a strategy for further treatment." Dr Michael replied

"We can't do marrow transplant, now what can we do doctor?" Father asked

"Right now we have two clear options either we give Gia her bone marrow back or..."

"No, that's too risky." Senior doctor, Jordan commented

"Yeah, cancer may increase this way that's why the second option is chemotherapy with less risk." Dr Michael further explained

We all exasperated worried sigh when the doctor suggested,

"There is another way too...."
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AN

Long time no see, guys finally chapter 35 is out.
Hope ya'll like it.

And com'on show your presence, don't be silent zombie readers and show yourself!
Comment, shower your love, critic it, I'm eagerly looking forward to it!

Happy Reading
Xoxo

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