I determinedly tried to ignore the floating coffins. A part of me wanted desperately to believe that there were invisible strings holding them up, but at that point I had pretty much given up on being in denial. I was in a fucking fanfiction, wasn't I.

Feeling a growing sense of despair, I realized with terror that there were a sea of students gathered in the room, all wearing the same cult-like robes. Had I really been gone for that long? It only felt like fifteen minutes at most, but my memory was kind of garbage.

"We're done with orientation and dorm assignments?" A petite red-haired boy asked. I wondered if it was dyed; I'd never seen someone with hair that rose-red before. "All right, new students— let me be clear. At Heartslabyul House, I am the law." He raised his head in a superior manner, suddenly looking much fiercer than before. "Break the rules, and it's off with your head!"

What the shit. I thought, trying to hide my horror. Is he even allowed to do that?

A much taller man next to him yawned. "Well, that ceremony was as boring as ever." He said lazily. "I'm going back to the dorm. If you're in Savanaclaw House, follow me." He looked like the rude type, but at least he seemed more sane than that small rose guy.

A white-haired boy with glasses was smiling, though there was something smug about his expression. "New students! Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on your achievement." He announced to some new students. "As dorm leader of Octavinelle House, I am honored to have the opportunity to support you in what I hope will be a fulfilling campus experience!"

Is everyone here this dramatic? I wondered, a bit bewildered. Then my eyes caught on a beautiful-looking boy with shoulder-length yellow and purple hair.

"Hey, does anyone know where the headmage went?" He asked, placing a hand on his hip. "He disappeared midway through the ceremony..."

"Some headmage he is." Said a male voice from a floating blue tablet. Honestly, I couldn't even find it in myself to be shocked anymore. In fact, I was feeling more anxious than anything, although that was mainly due to my paralyzing fear of crowds. Especially crowds of teenagers.

"Maybe he had a tummyache?" Suggested a short white-haired boy with red eyes and large golden earrings.

"I most certainly did not!" Crowley exclaimed, finally revealing himself to all the students and leaving me behind. I couldn't follow him into the gaze of all those students. I just couldn't.

Studying them all closer, I realized that I couldn't spot a single girl. There were some feminine-looking guys, but nobody had any actual woman features, which made me a bit nervous.

"Ah, speak of the devil." Sighed the red haired boy who'd threatened to chop off his dormmates' heads.

"If you must know, I was searching for the new student who'd failed to show for orientation." Crowley huffed, placing both hands on his hips. A stab of fear went through my stomach.

Don't reveal me like this. I silently begged. Not in front of everybody.

And of course, Crowley immediately turned towards me. "You are the only student who has yet to be assigned a dorm." He frowned. "Step up to the Dark Mirror, and be quick about it. I'll watch your weasel." The cat growled at that, but seemed to have stopped trying to escape the whip.

With a shaky breath, I reluctantly went up to the mirror, aware of all the attention on me. It was big, green, and had a fucking terrifying human face inside it.

"State thy name." It commanded.

Panic exploded inside me. Did it have to be my birth name, or was the self-chosen one enough? What would even happen if I tried to lie to this mirror? I wouldn't put it past being a magical lie detector or some other fantasty bullshit like that.

Deciding to play it safe, I leaned forward and whispered my full legal name that I was assigned to almost fourteen years ago.

"The nature of your soul is..." The mirror paused to think for an extremely anxiety-inducing moment. ".....unclear to me."

...is that just a polite way to say I'm mentally fucked up in the head and even you can't figure out what the hell my personality is?

"What did you just say?" Crowley asked in the stunned silence that had befallen the crowd that were really staring at me now.

"I sense no magical power from this one." The mirror clarified. "Soundless. Colorless. Shapeless. Utterly vacant. Therefore, no dorm would be appropriate."

Nobody spoke for a minute.

"Are you suggesting..." Crowley said in a hushed tone that was a tad bit too dramatic for me to take seriously, "...that the black carriage went to receive a person who cannot even use magic?"