I staggered, walking awkwardly due to my very sore legs. The plague mask guy shot me a slightly concerned look but otherwise ignored me, along with the cat's frantic attempts to escape the whip.

I basically had an existential crisis while we walked. You'd think that I'd have accepted it by now, but I was still trying to find a plausible explanation for everything. I was almost dead set on playing it off as a prank, except for one crucial detail.

I was alive. Unscathed, too.

How? How the actual, literal fuck was I not only fully conscious, but even healthy after being absolutely creamed by a speeding truck? Was it the work of a god? I was beginning to regret my atheism as I considered that theory.

I was so absorbed in my own thoughts that I barely noticed we'd reached the courtyard. It was even bigger than I remembered when I was running for my life.

Plague doctor man cleared his throat, making me jump a little. "This is Night Raven College." He explained, with a bit of pride in his voice. "It is an institution for students the world over who demonstrate a rare aptitude for magic."

I blinked a few times, trying to figure out if I was having auditory hallucinations. I'd had a few of those before, but never quite so... clearly.

Did he seriously say magic? And COLLEGE?! I realized with sudden panic. Oh shit. I'm thirteen. I can't go to a college yet! Especially not a Hogwarts ripoff. I want to be a child psychologist, dammit, not a witch!

He didn't seem to notice my distress. "It is the most prestigious academy of its sort in all of Twisted Wonderland." He was definitely starting to sound very proud of himself.

"Not for me, then." I mumbled. I only went to a private school once, for about a year. And I sucked ass. I didn't even bother wondering what the hell 'Twisted Wonderland' was. It sort of sounded like an Alice In Wonderland creepypasta.

Like before, he either couldn't hear me or just simply ignored me. "And I am Dire Crowley. Having been entrusted with its care by the chairman, I serve as headmage." Ah, he finally introduced himself.

"Nice to m- meet, you, Mr. C- Crowley." Damn, was I still stuttering? I usually stop doing that after I relax. But my anxiety and pounding heart wouldn't let me stop being an awkward little fucker, I guess.

"You can c- call me... um, my name is Nix." I fumbled over my words. For a moment I'd considered telling him my legal name, but what was the point, really? I preferred my self-chosen name a lot more.

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr. Nix." Crowley greeted, though a little curtly. I was starting to like him less and less.

Wait, why does he think I'm a boy? I wondered. Although I'm not 100% girly, I still had a rather feminine voice and body. Surely anyone would assume I'm female?

Crowley barreled on, once again ignoring my confusion. "Only those who the Dark Mirror perceives as having a talent for magic are admitted to the college." He explained in a slightly less grand manner, and looked more like an actual principal (I refused to call him headmage) than a drama kid who was very dedicated towards being in-character.

"Those who are selected are summoned to the campus through those 'gates', which can appear anywhere." He went on.

"Um." I tried to get his attention. "Mr. Crowley, sir, I- I think there might've been... a- a mistake?" STOP. STAMMERING. YOU SOCIALLY AWKWARD PIECE OF DOGSHIT. I scolded myself mentally.

"Hmm?" He turned towards me. Despite the absolutely insane and surreal situation, I felt relieved that this guy was finally listening to me. "A mistake?... no, that's impossible. There has never been a mistake in all my years of working here."

"Um, b- but I think it... m- might've..." My voice trailed off.

Crowley waved his hand dismissively, as if I was the crazy one. "A black carriage bearing a gate came to meet you, did it not?" He said with a hint of weariness and impatience. "The black carriage serves to receive a student chosen by the Dark Mirror."

I gave him a deadpan look and was about to answer no, I did not see a black carriage, which only further solidifies the fact that I was brought here by accident when he briskly walked away, taking the blue fire cat with him. "Now, let us attend to your orientation." He announced without even checking to see if I was following.

I glared at his back in indignation before quickly catching up to him.

If the existential terror doesn't drive me crazy, then Crowley might.