ok so funny story i was gonna give them all Special Names bc i wanted to distinguish these characters from the real people. also bc calling shwabadi... well, shwabadi is giving me flashbacks to writing and reading dsmp fanfiction, where i sobbed over a man named QUACKITY. but i was too lazy and tired to think of names so i might end up just changing them later

OH ALSO warning for alcohol drinking. its only one of them but i figured i should let you know

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Theo, to Shwabadi: "I'm no Chihuahua expert, but I know a little bitch when I see one."

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Stu: "I just want someone to take me out."
Rust: "Like, on a date or with a sniper rifle?"
Rainier: "Both if you're not a coward."

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*at Shwabadi's funeral*
Doug: "Can I have a moment alone with him, please?"
Doug, leaning in: "I know you're not fucking dead-"
Shwabadi, sitting up: "Obviously!"

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Rainier: "Get up."
Stu: "AH-"
Rainier: "What the hell was that?"
Stu: "Sorry, you're just huge. Like a bag of Skittles."
Rainier:
Rainier: "If you're not ready to go within the next five minutes, you're going to taste the rainbow."

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Rust: "The fact that I don't have star-shaped pupils is a fucking tragedy."

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Theo: "Like it's MY fault that my love language is acts of service and all I know how to do is kill!"

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Rust: "I need life advice."
Doug, drinking his 5th beer of the day and using his teeth to make a Molotov: "You came to the right place."

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Stu: "What time is it?"
Rust: "I don't know. Pass me that tuba and we'll find out."
Rust: *plays the tuba extremely loudly and out of tune*
Shwabadi: "WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE TUBA AT FOUR IN THE MORNING?!"
Rust: "It's 4 AM."

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Rainier: "So where are you from?"
Doug: "Bermondsey."
Rainier: "I'm sorry."
Doug, a little louder: "Bermondsey."
Rainier: "No, I heard. I'm just sorry."

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Rust: "Alright, so I have good news and bad news. Which do you wanna hear first?"
Shwabadi: "...Good news?"
Rust: "Well, it's unlikely that I'll ever do that again!"

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Stu, incredibly tired: "So I'm guessing I shouldn't ask why you're covered in blood."
Rainier: "That would be appreciated, yes."

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Some kidnapper idk: "We have your boyfriend."
Rainier: "I don't have a- Wait, you have Theo?"
Kidnapper: "Yes."
Rainier: "Good luck."

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Theo: "I trust Rainier."
Shwabadi: "You think she knows what she's doing?"
Theo: "I wouldn't go that far."

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Stu: "We're playing Scrabble. It's a nightmare."
Rust: "Scrabble? Scrabble's fun."
Stu: "Not when you're playing with Shwabadi, it's not. He puts words like 'ephemeral' and I put 'dog'."