[A/N] If you're to catch up with your reading, I wanna thank you for that :) But you should know I've added a prologue to the book and it would be great if you could read that before going through the chapters! To access the Prologue, just click on the EXTERNAL LINK and there you are!

"How come the only way to know how high you get me is to see how far I fall?" - John Mayer 

NINE

“We’re done for today, guys.” No one realized how long rehearsals were going to last, and Jon finally shouted for their so-wanted freedom. It didn't matter how much they loved to be on the stage; after hours rehearsing, a time for recovery was more than necessary.

The boys soon jumped off the stage and got along in conversation with Helene, their vocal coach. Not so far from there, Sylvia was looking at the schedule for the next day but her ears were wide open to the boy’s conversation. Helene praising Zayn for what he had just accomplished wasn’t a surprise; everyone had always know Zayn’s ability to, not only hit the highest notes over his mates, but also to keep a flawless and emotional tune. However, the expression written on his face told Sylvia there was another side to the story. His lack of reaction after so many compliments showed how unaffected and how disappointed he was with himself. Something was certainly going on.

“Do you want me to go along with you about your vocals?” her gaze over the boy was soon interrupted by Jeremy, her vocal coach and music director, who approached her with a grin plastered in his face. Sure he noticed how intently she was watching the lads. 

“I think we’ve already gone through it, haven’t we?” She smiled back to him, asking herself if he had even said anything she didn’t even want to hear. She was definitely too far away with her thoughts about what had just happened in that rehearsal and of course, she was way too busy trying to unmask what Zayn was trying to hide from everyone.

“Seems someone is really confident about her voice, hm?” Jeremy frowned as he watched her body relaxing and her gaze weakening over the boys. “Tomorrow we can-"

“Tomorrow you can try all the exercises you want, Jeremy.” Quickly Niall interrupted him as he held Sylvia by her back, resting his chin over her shoulder. “Just give this girl a little free time, will you?”

“I’m not saying anything else.” Jeremy raised his hands and shrugged. He left as soon he realized his job was officially over by that time. 

“So, drummer,” Sylvia turned her body to face the blonde but in a matter of seconds she was tightened within his arms. “Gotta tell you I loved your little show.”

“Oh you did?” He laughed and let her go of his embrace. “I saw you staring at me and I pretty much think you were falling in love with your favorite Irishman.” The smile he gave her was so pure; she could only wish to put it into a little package and keep it in endlessly in her pocket to stare at it whenever she felt a little down.

“Actually I fell for that rad drummer over there, not this silly Irishman.” A faked-insulted expression covered his face, as she laughed harder. “Just ask for his number if you ever meet him, ok? I would certainly go for that real gorgeousness.” 

“That hurt, miss!” Niall’s eyes dropped to the floor but she squeezed him. Those puppy eyes of his were her weak point, she easily melted every time she needed to face the faked expression of his face; an expression he learnt pretty well how to forge.

“Sorry,” she whispered to him as she pecked his cheek.

“Getting a room is an option?” Liam sang as he walked by their side and slapped Niall’s butt, soon moving his eyes towards the girl, “Let’s go Horan, beer is calling us. You come with us, right?” 

“Sure!” Niall and Harry, who had just appeared in the middle of the group, spoke in unison.

“Excuse me, sirs, but can I make a decision by myself?” She confronted them all with daring eyes that she couldn’t keep for a long time. “But I guess I cannot make it this time, I still have some things to manage with Jay.”

“You should come, you need to get along with us before the tour,” Louis added as soon as he came around with Zayn by his side. The brunette quickly left by his own for the dressing room and Sylvia watched his odd ways of getting rid of his friends.

“I guess we have plenty time for that. Jay really wants me to stay.” She rolled her eyes as she followed Zayn walking away from the group, already questioning herself about him avoiding any contact. “Gotta go guys, see you all tomorrow.”

After all the hugs and goodbyes, she made her away to the venue rooms where she would meet Jay. Going from one room to another, she was close to give up about looking for him when she reached the game parlour. Spending some time playing in the arcade and not being bothered by the boys, who turned to be the most annoying kids ever in that parlour, sounded cool. A few more minutes and Jay would be around, as she hoped.

Space Invaders was never that interesting. Quickly she soon got addicted to capturing aliens with old-school lasers; she couldn’t get enough. She needed more for her arcade colleting. Plus, practicing meant she would soon beat all the lads whenever they felt like battling.

“C’mon fucking aliens, show me what you got!” Sylvia hit hard the controller and suddenly a little laughter filled the parlour, making her to turn around and to face the boy who was sprawled over the sofa.

“You look like a boy saying that,” Zayn didn’t even moved himself to face her, but he knew the girl was there staring at him. Again.

“You have no idea how bad I can be.” She leaned over the arcade and kept her eyes on him as a little ball popped in and out his hands.

“Yeah, right.”

The frantic dropping ball didn’t even get her attention from staring at him. His features not only showed tiresome, but also a discomforted sorrow as his frown would like to call it. A harshest movement from his hand was enough to divert the ball from his reach, falling closer to the girl who still had a deep gaze over Zayn. But he kept in there just like a dead body. Since his nuisance filled up the room, Sylvia realized they wouldn’t go much further on a conversation that hadn’t even started, so she moved around while checking her iPhone. 

The vibe of that parlour wasn’t the best one; it got lower and heavier as their silent, yet uncomfortable, presence filled the room. How could both of them share an odd intimate moment a while ago and not talk to each other in that very moment? That question would be internally asked, but the answer didn’t seem to want to show up any time soon. Maybe Zayn was praying for her to leave so then he could fully enjoy his solitude.

“Waiting for someone?” Zayn shot the random question after a little while in his own, right in the moment Sylvia was about to leave and find another spot.

“Jay. We still have a meeting before I can go.” He didn’t even react to her words, causing Sylvia to bang on her inner walls by his sick lack of reaction. “Why you haven’t joined the others?”

“Not feeling like drinking today.” His body sank even deeper into the sofa and a sigh ran through his lips, begging his last memories and events to run from his mind. 

These last few days weren’t going as Zayn had wished. The fact the tour was really close didn’t really cheer him up as much as he would like it to. Actually, it made everything worse. The vague idea of leaving for a huge and seemingly endless world tour worried him even more and he didn’t really know how to deal with Perrie’s constant insecurities anymore. 

Once, he thought his fiancé would simply understand how crazy was his life, especially because she was also becoming popular with Little Mix. By that time, nothing made sense to him. Nothing could make him understand her constant break downs after any gossip and their clashes about anything they would discuss. 

Every little attempt to read her mind was pointless as he was close to giving up, but the smallest possibility of not having her around, scared the hell of him.

“You seemed to be somewhere distant during your rehearsals.” He never realized Sylvia sitting by his side whilst his head was filled with so many why’s, questions to what he would never find the properly answer.

“I guess I was,” he chuckled a little and nodded his head. The boys quickly learnt to not bother him whenever he felt down, but the freshman by his side didn’t seem to know that, “I’m sorry, I’m just to lost right now to even think about anything to say.”

“It’s okay,” Sylvia gave him a warm smiled and stood from the sofa, rapidly stepping toward the door. “I’ll leave you-."

“You can stay.” Zayn held her wrist before she could take any other step further and smiled back to her as he met her sparkly dark eyes, “I don’t mind.”

She sat back down in silence and carefully watched how his expression changed a little. The tension that dominated him all day long was starting to be unleashed away. Surely he was still trying to hide himself, but allowing her to be there would certainly mean something.

“Do you have any idea how flawless you were today?” Sylvia turned her body to Zayn and pressed the knees against her chest. With no words, the boy moved his eyes to her and thanked with a grin covering his face. “But I was expecting to see you a little more soulful and give in to that, you know.”

“What do you mean?” He pretty much knew what she was talking about, but the idea of sharing anything with her was still bothering him somehow.

“You were too focused on your mic, Zayn. I guess it’s not how it works, right?” He rolled his eyes and shrugged. Sylvia was right and he could never deny that, yet he would be the stubborn one to never simply accept that his own concerns were starting to unsettle his performance. The big reason why Zayn loved singing was the opportunity to let his heart be free and pour all his emotions in every word that could come from his mouth.  But, in that moment, focusing on anything else other than his own feelings and issues turned to be a great escape from his own life. He wasn’t ready to face the heartbreak warfare both of them were into and what would come between him and Perrie.

“I-.” He faced her, and meeting Sylvia gaze getting deeper was a kind of a relief Zayn would never expect to experience. Suddenly that feeling that dominated him when their gaze was so tight on each other was back and he didn’t even fight the stream of thoughts that soon were rushing. “Do you know when you just need to put everything behind to finally move on?”

“I’ve been doing this a lot lately,” she agreed with him as her mind rewound to the moments when she fought back every little memory of Sean. “But I guess you have to face it sometime soon, otherwise it will eternally haunt you.”

“Have you faced all your inner demons already?” Zayn questioned her after a while in silence. His full body moved towards her, sitting with crossed legs and leaning over her, waiting for an answer. He was still fighting himself of asking her anything about Sean, not really knowing how healed she was from her pain. All he got from Sylvia was a shake of her head.

The night before, Louis and Harry have told the boys about Simon coming around and telling them what happened with Sylvia and her ex-boyfriend. The lads seemed quite surprised; somehow she was the master of disguise faking her real feelings, but building her own walls and wearing an armor would only relieve her pain for a little time. They agreed that soon enough she would break down again and they all knew they should be there for her. It wasn’t a matter of Simon’s request anymore, they all wanted to make that a girl a part of their family.

Her eyes hit the sofa fabric and Zayn soon regretted the question. He was the one who never shared any of his feelings, rather brooding the pain all alone, until everything was relieved one way or another. Why would he go through her grief even though she had never given him the permission to? Maybe he was going too far. A brief silence filled their vibe but she soon broke it off. 

“But I know I’ll get better.” Sylvia faced him again as a sudden little smile appeared over her features. And she meant every little word she had just said. 

“Do you miss him?” His curiosity couldn’t stand him to not ask. The way she wasn’t fighting herself made him confident on going through, not even knowing the reason why he would be interested in Sylvia’s past. 

“A lot,” she pressed her lips into a thin line, blocking any blurt that would come out, and Zayn watched how she was playing with her fingers. By the confusion in her eyes and the few confused words muttered by her, he guessed it was probably the first time she was talking about that. “I never know if I miss the best friend I used to have or the man I used to love the most.”

“Maybe both?” He leaned closer to face the girl and her lips popped up a little. “There’s this thin line between friendship and love when you’re in a relationship, right?”

“Right.” Her body was beginning to relax on the couch as she rested her head on the backboard. “It’s so hard when you lose that one person who cared the most about you, but I guess everyone goes through it.”

That was what scared Zayn the most. The possibility of losing Perrie due to any bullshit he could not control terrified him every time they were taken to face each other and heir relationship. It wasn’t something that happened occasionally anymore; pretty much every time they were together, they ended up like shit. Zayn felt the weary need to always prove his feelings to her fiancé, but any move seemed worthless. Their gold and happy times were gone and he didn’t know what to do anymore. Zayn couldn’t help the feeling of being the weakest one to almost give up on her; all his attempts to bring Perrie back to him were in vain.

“I’m afraid Perrie may leave me any time soon,” finally Zayn blurt about what was going on with him and he got surprised by his own acts. 

“Your girlfriend?” 

“Fiancé.” Her eyebrows became raised by his statement and her mouth shaped into a perfect ‘O’. “Too young for that, right?” He shyly giggled after remembering all the times people had this behavior after learning about his engagement.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t react like that but-," she nodded as the blush started to cover her face. “Anyway, why are you afraid about that? I mean, you guys are engaged, so-.”

“It- It’s complicated,” he squeezed his face, not really knowing what to say, but trying to look for the right words in the mess of his head. “There are so many things going on, I don’t even know how to start.”

“Start trying,” her hands were placed over his knee and he met her eyes, penetrating him deep enough to feel an odd courage to go along.

“She doesn’t trust me. I don’t understand, but every little word people say about me hit her so hard.” A hasty will to simply let everything slip from his own prison carried Zayn to tell Sylvia everything was haunting him lately. “It seems we are stuck in this battle in which no own will be the winner. It doesn’t matter what I say or do, she never seems to realize how much I care.”

“Have you ever showed her how much you do care?” He stared back to the girl as an attempt to comprise her words.

“I’m still trying to understand why she’s being like this,” his eyes were again glued to his feet. “But I’m afraid it’s time for us to- to move on.”

“It will be the time to move on as long as you give up on her, Zayn.” He raised his head and there she was. The feeling of her presence was something new for him; it’s been a long time since Zayn had felt this comfortable about bringing his emotions until its very first surface. Keeping it hidden behind everything always seemed to be easy, but in that moment that girl didn’t really need to work hard to bring him up. And her words were strong enough to make him face another side of the situation he was into. “Are you ready to lose her? To lose the one you gave the ring which is the first step closer to the, I love you ‘til death do us apart?”

Zayn laughed. He never really realized how crazy he was wearing the giving up shoes. Perrie was the one the loved the most and he would certainly do anything to see her smiling back at him, and asking her to marry him was just a confirmation of how much Zayn wanted her to always carry his heart. The mistakes he committed in the past not only put their relationship in a fragile situation, but also brought Perrie to a place in where she would be surrounded by insecurities as she watched her lover being all over the gossip magazines. Zayn knew the fact that he was never comfortable with sharing his own problems, little by little was killing her. She had the right to feel like that and Zayn was the only one to help her overcome it. Yet his chances were getting lower as time went by and he was close enough to just give up. 

He needed to do something, even if it was just one last try. In that moment it was all Zayn could think about; fixing the mess their relationship has turned into and making Perrie see how much he loved her. It wasn’t about understanding why she was playing the vulnerable one, but accepting the fact people make mistakes and if she was pushing him that much to be honest with his own feelings, then he would be. Zayn needed to show Perrie how much he loved her and how much wanted to make them last.

“What do you have in this messy mind?” The boy didn’t even realize for how long they kept staring at each other as once again she broke the silence. There was a girl in front on him who suddenly allowed him to be himself for a while as he told her some pieces of his history. If he could be honest, it felt so good to be there sharing his hidden heart with her.

“Love hurts, right?” Zayn nodded as a relieved feeling took his body and he squeezed his face before facing her again.

“But I guess this is what makes us feel alive,” she bit her bottom lip in a playful way. Thankfully his laid-back side surfaced Zayn again and she wished he would stay the like that forever, even though she would always be there for him anytime he would need someone to share anything he was afraid to show.

“I guess you have to go,” he questioned her after her gaze moved towards her phone, which seemed to have a ton of missed calls.  

“Or Jay will kill me.” The girl chuckled and quickly stood on her feet, but Zayn held her wrist, and the call of her name made Sylvia face that newly renewed boy who was staring at her.

“Thank you,” he pulled the girl into his embrace in a tight hug and she gently stroked his back.

“I hope you know I’m here if you need anything.” 

“Me too.” 

They both knew how good it felt to have someone around who could fully understand what they were going through. There wasn't a need to go through deep conversations to finally understand, and realize, what the feelings they felt truly meant; sometimes a helping hand or a trustful gaze was enough to bring some comfort back, and that was what they were both looking for.

[AN]

Hey guys :D I KNOW IT'S BEEN SO LONG, but I honestly expect you all to forgive me in the morning!

Well, filler or not, this is just how I believe most of the relationships start, and I'm not only talking about love relationships. A great conversation is a great way to know someone special, right?! I've been surprised so many times by people who I'd never expect anything... and everything started with a little talk or a random 'Hi'! So giving a chance to meet a strange doesn't sound that bad :)

I just need to say this is one my all-time fave songs. John-John speaks straight to my heart and it was one of that songs which embraced after my HUGE heartbroken. OK I'm done with this lame, I'm happy now LOL. I dedicate this chapter to the lovely Becky who is a great reader and has this "little" feling for Zayn boy! I guess you would like to have a little bit of Zayn, right, Becky?! :P

VOTE, COMMENT and AAAAAHHHHHHH! Yeah, keep the vibe, folks!

cheers xx