[A/N] If you're here to catch up with your reading, I wanna thank you for that :) But you should know I've added a prologue to the book and it would be great if you could read that before going through the chapters! To access the Prologue, just click on the EXTERNAL LINK and there you are!

"Once upon a time I could control myself. Once upon a time I could lose myself“ - Pearl Jam because Eddie Vedder is much more than life and heaven.

FIFTEEN

"How many people?” She asked as she was trying to focus on the mirror, fixing her lipstick, but still thinking about the world on her back.

“Forty three thousand,” Jay affirmed. The little shake of her hand almost did a number on her make up. “Still waiting to become fifty seven thousand and something.”

“Holy shit, I can’t even think about all of those people together.” Niall’s laugh filled the air as Sylvia turned her frightened eyes to face the boy sprawled out on the couch. “Guess someone will have an overwhelming debut tonight.”

Sylvia rested her back on the dressing table an as attempt to relax, clearly it wasn’t working. The boy kept the childish smile on his face and she knew how adorable it was to watch Niall acting so genuine, she couldn’t even concentrate herself. Fifty thousand people and that would be the death of her.  

She prayed for the world in that moment to be only her, Niall, and some drinks, but the busy and the constant walk-in and walk-out of the dressing room was freaking her out even more. They were crew, tech, supporters, and the band; everyone, but the boys. They guys were everywhere but the dressing room, the opposite of Niall, who needed to rest his newly operated knees and give Sylvia the chance to enjoy a bit of the boy. She would thank all of the Gods for that, even though she could not get rid of her anxiety.

Zayn, Harry, and Louis soon joined them. Them showing up and chilling out was an attempt to calm Sylvia’s nerves in that moment, yet she knew that after a few minutes on stage her body would be washed in relief. However, her attention quickly switched towards Liam, who walked in an unusual silence for him and with eyes glued on a place totally unimportant and unnoticed. She was still feeling for him; only she knew how his night had been unpleasant.

“Holy shit, that’s- ,” Ben broke his speech as he searched for the right words, his eyes yet glued on the glossy paper in his hands, “stunning! Has he seen this one?”

“Not yet!” Sylvia bit the bottom lip of her smile as she seated in front of Ben, sharing the view of the picture with him. “He begged and begged to see this but no way, I’d rather print it before.”

“Nice move,” Ben gave her his best grin before high fiving with the girl. “That’s how we keep the photography vibe alive. Go show him! I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be on Instagram in a matter of seconds!”

In a hurry she left Ben’s room and went straight to Liam’s, already listening to his energetic voice echoing through the corridor as she got closer to his door. Sylvia had indeed intended to knock on his door, but a sudden inner voice made her stop as she realized what his energy was about.

“For God’s Sake, I told ya-,” his words were faster than usual and the frustration in his tone was clear. “Listen to me Sophia, I don’t fuck-. Stop screaming and let me fucking speak!”

The loudness of his voice made her step back and ask herself why the hell she was still there staring at his front door. She was there for a simple and kind gift, not to listen him going insane with his girl and blurting all those harsh words.

“So if it’s that easy for you, I’m done with this shit, I can’t take this. I’m fucking done with you Sophia!”

Ouch. Things got more serious than she had expected and here she was being a stalker. She simply slipped the photograph under his door before turning on her heels. Not even a step ahead was taken when a loud crash came from inside his room, like something hitting the ground on its way to being broken, and it was indeed broken. She figured she had better make her way to her room and pray for a warm and deep sleep featuring the thousands of screaming teenagers outside. She struggled, rolling around in her bed, with insomnia plus the screams from outside, until she gave up and occupied herself with her phone. As soon as she logged in her Twitter, a rough sigh left her lips as the top tweet popped.

“Worse thing I ever did was let you go”

Poor Liam. He would be sure right now the first cut is deepest. And he was close to reach the very last bottom, ready or not.

Relationships. Relationships were everywhere, even where she expected they wouldn’t be. It wasn’t like she was hiding herself from her own inner demons, but everything seemed flawless with no signs of regret, pain, or damaged self-esteem from her broken relationship. Yet she couldn’t help but drag herself into the shit her and Sean had become. “I am done”, was pretty much nothing compared to the way they actually ended things, but she could never believe he would not only soon be gone, but erase her from his life completely. Not because she wanted him to, she was sure about that, but because he indeed did it.

And Liam just seemed to be the one regretting what he had done.

She watched him step inside, humming a few lyrics and moving his eyes to the ceiling in a pretense to be focused on anything else other than his mind. Between the options of neglecting Liam’s spiritual absence or not realizing how fucked he actually was, Sylvia was sure the boys simply were used to that, so giving him space was the best thing to do. He made his way to the couch, not bothering himself of the buzz and busy vibe of the dressing room; soon that would be the time for them to hit the stage and he needed to keep focused, at least he wished for.

“Thirty minutes, Vee,” Jay stated and took a glance at his girl, who was not so ready to hit the stage. “I’m gonna check the last sets and I’ll be back in a few. You guys can have time for yourselves now.

She nodded and the nerves took a moment to wash all of her calm away. As soon as Jay left, a hand touched her elbow and she literally jumped on her heels.

“You need to stop with that,” she pointed her finger to the smiling boy in front of her and gave him a serious face. She knew her reaction was all her nerves’ fault.

“With what?” His dimples popped on his cheeks and he leaned over her, smirking his lips in a tiny line, still deciding if he should keep the eye contact or simply watch her glossy lips slightly moving as the words left her mouth. She appreciated the view in front of her, that was Harry being Harry and she could even hit him for being so annoying, yet looking so adorable at the same time.

“Scaring me! That’s the second time in a couple days,” she patted his shoulder and his laugh fed her as he turned to the mirror.

“I never scare people, I’m too flawless for that,” he stared at the mirror, fixing his curls under his Fedora and causing her to laugh. Before he could say anything, Lou approached them ready to get Sylvia put together for the show.

“Move your ass, Harold. Let me finish my masterpiece.” Quickly she placed her tools on the table and pushed him, making Harry to find another place close to Liam.

“Mate! What about you?” Harry threw his arm over Liam’s shoulder and held his chin, already seeing the annoyance written on his face when their glances finally met. “Something wrong?”

“Long night. I couldn’t sleep,” He muttered and stood up in a matter of seconds, not feeling well, neither ready to treat his friend or even tell him what was bothering him. Liam was not ready for all of the drama the boys would put him through if he told them about Sophia. So instead, he kept to himself as if he was still digesting the news from the previous night.

Walking around with one shoe never seemed so suitable as he trailed himself to the food counter. He was a mess, he would never deny that, but then again he was missing the point; their first concert would be in a couple hours and he needed to put himself in the right path. However, all he truly needed to do was get his shit back together and get her back again before it would be too late. Oh boy, how he wished he could just run away from that backstage.

“Alright boys, shall we warm up?” ThankGod Helene was doing much more than vocal coaching, but also bringing him back from his outer world.

“No need for that Hel,” Zayn stated from the other couch as he lit a cigarette, soon taking its place between his lips for a deep inhale. “We’ve been petty much doing the same shit for three-”

“Cut down the smoke, Malik.” Liam’s harsh voice demanded and all the lads faced the boy who was mute until that very moment. “You should not smoke in here and Hel -”

“Sorry diva, but they actually allow me too.” Zayn muttered between his lips, pleasurably puffing the great grey smoke that was his daily, hourly, minutely soother and craving. "Just take one for yourself and relax, smoker."

“Just let him-,” Helene tried to swerve the topic but Liam cut her with his hand in front of her.

“Can you just show Helene some respect?” He angrily asked his mate, but didn’t really expect an answer from the one who smoked the most before the concerts, even after she asked them to not to.

“Seems that Daddy Directioner has come from the shadows,” Niall added, the allowance for everyone’s to laugh. Liam was simply acting like his favorite persona and that would certainly be another waste of time for them to care. "This is just the beginning for you to get annoyed by that.'

“Cut this shit Niall, Zayn can’t-”

“Have you seen how this boy,” Louis placed himself over the couch’s arm and grabbed his cigarette for a slight bluff, “sings after one little cigarette? It’s purely flawless.” His eyes traveled the wall ahead, smoking leaving his mouth in the same slow motion of his hands travelled from center to side as a moment of revelation.

“Modest would certainly ask some of us to smoke a whole package next time, love,” Harry shot his eyes on Louis, taking his place aside Niall and high-fiving with him and his laughter explosion, as the all-time memories of Modest pushing some of the boys too hard about their singing skills ran through his mind.

“Starting now, Daddies,” Louis gave him his middle finger after releasing a small, grey, cloud in front of his face. 

Liam watched Helene shrugging at their pontless discussion and ready to leave the room. He stopped her before he closed the space between him and the constant smoke, urgently determined to cut Zayn’s and his cigarette’s cool factor off. Zayn gave him his best fake smile and left a little smoke hover over his face, causing her to nod his head in a frantic annoyed way.

“Do you want-”

“Stop fucking with her work, you asshole.” The cigarette was severely taken from his lips but Zayn was faster to hold Liam’s wrist.

“What the fuck are you doing mate?” Zayn rose from his seat and pushed his fist, instantly making Liam arch as the stumble to step back. “Stop bitching around.”

“I'm not bitching around,” he roughly pushed his friend and Zayn’s eyes soon grew wilder, wondering why Liam was on the bossy side when there was no clear reason for it. “Or actually I am because you can’t even show fucking respect for Helene.”

“Ok, that’s all for your little show,” Harry got in between them both as he felt each of their gazes getting intense on the other, Louis soon making his appearance to bring Zayn back to his quiet own land. “You guys may sit back now, please.”

“So it seems someone here haven’t fucked that much lately.” Quickly Liam frowned to Louis who was chuckling after his miserable and bad joke. “How has Sophia been, Payne? Fucking much?”

Liam didn’t think about the fact he actually should think before fisting Louis’ collar as and slamming his back against the wall, causing an unexpected commotion as they all tried to separate both of them. “You better swallow your fucking words the next time you talk about Sophia.”

“Mate, No!” Niall quickly ran to them and tried to dismantle Liam’s grip on the boy. “Let him go, what is that for?”

“I’m sick of you all blurting all bullshit that comes to your mind.” Liam ranted and his fierce glare was fixed on Louis, who was slightly chucking in contempt as he was pulled by Liam’s hand. Louis was enough to his face to feel his warmth and to know how serious he was about that. “Watch your fucking mouth or-”

“Or what, Payne?” Louis calmly questioned as he watched his amended friend losing his temper, daring with feverish eyes. Sure enough Liam would never hit him for being such a coward when it came to their arguments. “You- Fucking- Twat,” Louis raised his voice, threating the craven boy who was trying show his bravery by his grip on him. “Just finish what you-”

“What the hell is going on here?” All the attention was suddenly turned to Jay who had just entered the room, terrified by the bustle and the sight of Louis being pushed up against the wall. Soon all of the boys made their own way, diverting from his soon-to-come scolding and pretended nothing was really happening. “You better be ready for that show and not this shit circus, miss.”

Oh, yes, Sylvia was indeed and still there, in the same place she was all the time, watching them assaulting each other in the place they were all supposed to relax and enjoy each other’s presence. Yet it was pretty clear they didn’t. All their eyes moved to the girl in the back with Lou, expressing on her features she had just witnessed them all becoming too physical about something really, really stupid and pointless.

Little by little she realized the hell mentioned before was soon being shaped and settled and maybe, just maybe, their empire wasn’t really that flawless, but ready to burn on fire any time soon, if not to succumb.

[A/N] Ghost readers,  I KNOW YOUR NAMES LMAO! What about showing some love?! :)

Vote?! Comment?! Thanks for all the support guys, you all are my reason to be here!