96| "You're Just Tripping"

<SKyler's POV>

"Steve-"

"Don't suppose I'm fit to be a dad huh." Steve looks into my eyes with intense purpose. My heart breaks for him. Steve's dark eyes, pupils insanely dilated, stare at me, like he is looking for answers. My heart aches for him. I remember a conversation we had at Pony's graduation all those months ago. 

"Lena just brought up having kids eventually the other night and I panicked," Steve informs me. I look quickly to Lena who is all to caught up in a conversation with Chris. Looking to my right I see Dallas talking and laughing with Tibby. The chatter around the auditorium keeps Steve and I's voices hidden. Looking back to Steve I see he is actually shaking.

"What?" I question, hoping to get a more in depth explanation. Steve holds his knees tightly.

"It's like I said, I loved parts of you, the parts that were reckless and unplanned, when Lena started making plans it's like I was seeing the motherly side of you. It's not like I hate kids, I love Tibby and Josh, but they aren't mine, I am not always responsible for them, I'm not ready for family plans, and for a moment I remembered the reckless side of you and I fell back into my emotions," Steve explains. So he is afraid.

"Steve I hate to tell you this, but I'm not always going to be reckless and neither is Lena, so I suggest you find a way to lock away those romantic feelings towards me because for once in my life I am genuinely happy," I say forcefully.

"Really? You're happy? Charlie Winston could literally show up whenever the fuck he wants and take you Chris and Tibby," Steve reminds me.

"I can't fucking believe you! Just let it go! I'm trying to be happy and not live in fear! Be fucking happy for me, lord knows I've been happy for you and Lena."

"Steve, Tibby and Josh and all the kids, they love you-"

"And I would die for them Skyler, in a second, but they ain't mine. I am not ready Skyler." Steve pulls a flask from his pocket. Taking a swig, he does not even flinch. His lips purse as he finally looks away from me. Again I feel my heartstrings pull.

"Despite the fact you are worried about what kind of father you would be, how do you feel about it. Do you want kids?" I ask him. I see the veins in his neck pulse and his tendons go taught.

"Skyler I don't know, Lena will be great, she is nervous be she , she is just so amazing, and she wants them, but I just..." I take Steve's hand.

"I understand Steve, I mean look at me, my fear became my reality," I say morbidly.Steve looks up at me with a disturbed looks, suddenly not as concerned with his flask. His eyes pry at me like little claws, scratching for information.

"What fear?" Steve asks, his brows furrowed. I hold back tears.

"I'm a bad mom." The words leave my mouth, and I know that they are true. I am not there for my children as I should be.

"Thats not true Skyler Elizabeth," Dallas insists, his voice straining, now standing in the doorway. He walks slowly over to me in the bed, patting Steve on the back as he does so. Steve offers a small smirk and wanders off into the bathroom while Dallas sits next to me. We sit in silence for a few seconds. "It was so easy," Dally states. I stare at him confused. "It was so fucking easy to fall in love with you Skyler Elizabeth." Dallas now looks at me, our faces nearly touching. He places his hand on my cheek. "And I am never going to stop loving you, ever," he promises me. I start to cry, yet again. Dallas's hand slides to my chin, pulling my lips to his. We kiss slowly, tears falling between our mouths. "And you Skyler Elizabeth, are a great mom, you just need to help yourself right now, you need to get better."

"It's going to take a while," I remind him, "its a disorder, I can't just turn it off." Dallas nods slowly. 

"I know that, and you can work on it, as long as you know that your kids need you here, all of you, so you do have to get better, for them, they need their mom."I smile at Dallas.

"I'm trying, and I love you," I remind him.

"I know, and you are my everything Skyler Elizabeth," Dallas replies. He wraps his arms around me and holds my small body tight. I breathe him all in. He is too good to me. I hear a loud sniffing sound from the bathroom. I cringe, knowing that Steve is taking more drugs of some kind. I hear him giggle, or cry, I honestly can't tell which. Then I hear a large crash. Dallas and I shoot out of the bed and sprint to the bathroom, my bones ache, but I ignore it. I slam open the door, Dallas at my heels. I find Steve on the floor powder on his nose, pills in his mouth and a small square on his tongue that I can see from his mouth hanging open as he laughs. "Steve, what the fuck?" Dallas yells. I drop to the floor next to him and check his eyes, they are red and his pupils are huge despite the bright bathroom lighting. 

"Don't worry, I just gotta, I just gotta wash it down," He giggles, bringing the flask to his mouth and chugging. I slap the metal from his hands, but it is to late. 

"Steve, what did you take, what the fuck did you take?" I ask hiding my worry with anger. 

"When?" he asks, a little disoriented. I look sternly at him. Lena shows up behind us, the gang following closely, "he was on coke and I know we smoked a bowl like an hour ago," Lena tells me, kneeling quickly by my side. 

"I saw a tab on his tongue, and he just swallowed more pills, looked like Ritalin," I express to her and Dally. That means Steve is on a combination of booze, coke, Ritilin, LSD, and weed, a concoction of stimulants, depressants, and hallucinogens. Steve is about to have a very bad trip. 

Lena looks at Steve, his eyes half open giggling and looking around at us, he face turning red. "You have got to be fucking kidding me," she snarls angrily, "if you think I am sticking around to help your ass you are fucking wrong!" Lena storms away, past our friends and out of the room, Soda running after her. 

"That lady looked pretty mad," Steve states. Chris comes over huffing and looks over Steve as she squats beside Dallas and I by Steve's red face. He grabs Chris's face, his hand squeezing her cheeks. "Hey pretty thing, you look familiar, have you been around this bar before?" Steve asks. Chris rolls her eyes and slaps his hand away. 

"Steve c'mon, lets get you to a bedroom," Chris states calmly, I watch her warily. 

"No ma I want to stay on the ground, right here."

"Don't make this complicated Steve."

"You make things complicated Chrissy," Steve says obnoxiously. 

"This was not supposed to be about you, you fucking asshole, I wanted one night about my growing family, choke on vomit for all I care!" Christina screams, red in the face. And with that, Christina marches away from her best friends. Sometimes I forget how close those three are, her, Soda, and Steve. Their countless afternoons at the DX, and infinite nights roaming the streets, fighting Socs, and raising hell. I have never seen her that angry at her best friend. 

Suddenly angry, I take Steve's shirt color in my tight fist and pull him close to my face. "Listen buddy, you better get up or I am not gonna be so nice," I yell. Steve, without warning grabs the hair from the back of my head and pushes my face into his, kissing me hard. I pull back, or try to at least, for a drugged man he is surprisingly strong. Then again, I am extremely weak. Steve throws my head to the side, into cabinet and I scream. Dallas pulls Steve's  entire body off the floor and pulls him in the shower, slamming him against the shower wall. I hear Steve's skull hit the stone hard. 

"Pull something like that again, I don't care that you are fucked up, I'll beat you." For a moment, I see the old Dallas, strong, powerful, tough, even scary at times. Steve just laughs and reaches the knob that turns the shower on. Suddenly the two are drenched. Dallas does not stick around though. He throws Steve to the ground and steps out of the shower, towards me. I look up at him, my head pounding, my heart, breaking. He hauls me up by my under arms and then hold me to his chest by wrapping his arms around my body. My arms go naturally around his neck and I let him carry me away. I hear him mutter to Two-Bit that it is 'his turn.' Dally carries me to the kitchen and sets me down on a kitchen chair. He sits across from me after gathering a wet cloth from the sink. It is just now that I realize my forehead is bleeding into my eye. He strips off his leather jacket revealing an equally drenched white tee shirt. Dallas gently wipes the blood away. I just stare at his face. His dark eyes loom over my face, eyelashes sticking together from the water, long and thick. His greased hair falls well past his eyes. I have been so distracted I did not realize that he has not gotten his hair cut in quite some time. It is longer than I have seen in a long time. I don't know why I am thinking of that now, maybe to distract myself. I realize how beautiful Dallas is. I knew he was handsome of course, but he is beautiful. When his dark eyes scan me under the shadow of his thick brows I can see him as a movie star or a dark painting. He has a light heart though, such a light heart.

"Lena is pregnant, thats why he's so fucked up,' I tell Dallas. His expression doesn't change.

"I don't care, thats not an excuse," Dallas says, maybe not even directly to me. 

"I remember when you found out, you were ready to kill me," I remind him, "I ain't saying he has an excuse, but not being ready for something makes you do crazy things." Dallas puts his hands in his lap and sighs. My hands go out to Dallas's face and I hold his cheeks in the palms of my hands. "Hey, Dallas..." He looks up at me, his wet hair dripping down his face, like a dark sodden angel. "I love you," I tell him in a whisper. He doesn't say anything. He grabs my arms and pulls me into his lap, my knees around his hips, his arms, snaking around my waist, holding me to him. I rest my head on his wet shoulder, and we stay there, for awhile. 

Soon, Steve comes barreling through the kitchen screaming like someone is stabbing him. He throws himself under the counter, hand over his head. "Get down!" He screams, red in the face. "Soda get down, they're moving in!" The rest of the gang comes quickly into the kitchen, besides Lena, Soda, and Chris, who are still upstairs. I realize that Steve is hallucinating that he is still in war. I jump up from Dallas's lap, alert. "Get down! They're coming!" Steve screeches. Soda suddenly appears in the kitchen. He throws himself at his best friend and grabs his shoulders. 

"Steve, you're just tripping, we are home," Soda says calmly as Steve screams.

"Get off me you Chuck!" Steve screams. I know that chuck is slang for a Viet Cong soldier, the men Steve and Soda fought during their time in the Vietnam War. Steve thinks Soda is a Vietnam soldier, the enemy. Suddenly I can see what Steve must have looked like in battle. Steve launches forward and starts to attack Soda. His muscles bulge, and slurs and screams leave his mouth as he and Soda roll around the floor in a bloody brawl. Two steps in to help Soda, but Soda pushes him away, saying it will only make Steve more defensive. Soda eventually manages to push himself away from Steve, his hands up in surrender. Steve, seeing this, runs into the living room screaming, "get the kids out, the Cong are coming!" The kids. The kids are all in the living room. No, I murmur under my breath, "Steve don't!" I screech. My feet pull me into the living room, where Steve has grabbed Tibby and Josh from the floor, a child in each arm, and is barreling towards the front door. "Steve don't hurt them, Steve!" I scream desperately, but I know the stimulants in his body will give him a sick rush of adrenaline that will allow him to move at intense speeds. I follow Steve out of the door, into the ice cold night. 

"Run!" Steve screams as he sprints into the street. I hear Dallas and Soda screaming behind me. My whole body goes numb and I can only focus on the children. After awhile of running in the road, Steve begins to trip as he runs. I see that he is about to fall running at full speed. With Dallas and Soda on my heels I leap forward into the road. What happens next moves so fast, in the moment I can not even process it. Steve begins to fall, dropping Tibby. My outstretched arms reach for her in one last effort to save her from hitting the hard ground. Then a blinding light flashes over all of us and my head slams against the pavement violently. I keep my eyes open only long enough to see Soda grab Josh and skid onto the sidewalk on his back and Dallas body check Steve across the road. With the four of them on the sidewalk and tuck Tibby into my stomach, pulling my knees, arms, and head into my chest around her, and pray for the first time in maybe forever. A loud sound of screeching tires plays around my head as a car drives over me, its wheels missing my head and toes by centimeters. 

My eyes stay closed, my body locked in place, until a hand grasps my shoulder, Darry. I open my eyes to see him unwrapping Tibby from my shaking body. Leala takes Tibby in her arms, holding her close to her heart. Darry waves a hand in my face, but my vision is blurry and the sounds around me are muffled. Suddenly Dallas's face appears next to Darry's as they crouch on the ground in front of my pale body. I can barely hear them saying my name, and my eyes begin to flutter. The last thing I see is Chris sprint outside in a panic, her body shaking and face tear stained. She crashes into Josh and Soda, then, my eyes shut. 

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