"Mum, you look like you've seen a ghost, but not a hair brush- obviously." Ethan laughed, plucking at the ends of the hair Harry had recently yanked and gathered into his fist when she woke him up with her mouth to continue celebrating while the dawn broke. She imagined the ottoman hadn't done it much good either.

"Um," she scrambled, "I treated myself to a lie in. Even had Audrey keep Zoe so I could really treat myself in my old age." The lie seemed plausible and Jo was scrambling to come up with a reason that she was disheveled so so late in the day along with Zoe's absence.

She decided to leave the shirt comment flat on the ground where it fell.

"Oh, not so easy chasing that one around. So you reckon it's because I was your favorite or because you're are so much older now? What's it, 43 today?"

"Shut up you, let me go get your sister and I'll come back and put some waffles on."

"Nope, I'm making breakfast. It was somebodies birthday last night. Theoretically the birthday girl, and I use that term loosely, should be relieved of duty. It sounds like you did a good job of that yourself, though. But I can make breakfast. I'll keep the cooking minimal to protect the kitchen." He looked at her curiously. "Is anybody else here, Mum?"

Jo's head came up like a taut rubber band beyond its limits and she wished the whites of her eyes were less exposed. "What?" Came out on a gasp, and she was so damn thankful that they had spent the night at Harry's, thankful, but ashamed.

"You just have that look about you, like you had a lovely night. And you're still a bit golden mom." Ethan shrugged and Jo looked at her hands to see if he meant literally and was thankful that Harry was the one who had used the gold paint last night, that her color choices had been less metallic.  That made her pause before her escape.

"Um, no, no one has been here?" She heard the question in her voice and wanted to slap herself silly. She had decided to tell him, right? This was an opportunity. "Not last night," why was this so difficult? He had told her about a relationship and guessed at hers and called her out a couple of times.

Jo knew she couldn't come clean, that there was not a way to pass through the water and come up to acceptance, but she could be a little honest. She could tell him some of the truth.

Was it manipulative to tell him bits of the story and hope that when he knew everything it made him feel sympathetic?

Ethan had commented multiple times that she looked happy, was glowing, and that was down to Harry in her life. He squared her shoulders and cubed her heart. That was huge and Jo had started to convince herself that they could have more, maybe a future after some leaden conversations.

For that to happen though, Ethan had to accept them. The rest of it would work itself out with time. Harry would be out of university soon, so that danger would be passed. Four months or so and Victoria Mcstruppins could stuff her supposed concern, faux bonding, and veiled threats.

Jo didn't reckon she'd start bringing Harry as her plus one to university events for years, but they could be a little freer in their village. Though Anne was a concern there. Harry seemed keen on telling her and hopeful for her acceptance.

The bottleneck was Ethan, and Jo had some foundation to lay there. May as well start now.

"Mum?" Ethan caught her attention from her rabbit hole.

"Sorry, um, I was in wonderland." She sucked in oxygen and hoped some courage came with it. "So, I was really happy to hear about your love the other day, and I had something to share with you, but didn't get a chance to." Jo realized she was ringing her hands.

"Jesus Mum, are you back with Colin of something?" Ethan walked over and caught her hands. "That's about the only thing that I can imagine making you this nervous to tell me."

"No, no, definitely not Colin." Her face twisted in disgust. That thought, A.H., after Harry, was crazy. To accept such a colorless relationship again, she'd never be able to. Not after everything was fauvist in hue.

"Wow, mom, you'd think I suggested you were shagging the devil." Ethan was giggling away and her heart twinged. He was such a beautiful boy. How did she make that? She'd never be able to paint anything as complete and amazing as him and Zoe. She smiled with him.

"Who says I'm shagging anybody?" She exasperated.

"Um, your face mum. You look well loved up." He looked at his feet. "And I'm sure I should think, 'ewww' but really it's so nice to see you happy."

It was silent for a minute.

"When do I get to meet him?" Ethan asked with one of his brows arched high.

"Who says it's a man anyhow?" Man she was avoiding this hard.

"Oi, oi, not strictly dickly anymore then mom?" They both laughed. Jo was pretty sure she was 1 or 2 on the Kinsey scale. "How very unwoke of me! When do I get to meet them?"

Jo finished chuckling at his shenanigans. "No, he's definitely a man—"

"Don't go back down the rabbit hole, mum! You got all dreamy." Ethan looked so happy for her. Her stomach twisted.

"It's, well, I can't help it really." She shrugged and decided to be as honest as she could. "I'm in love. And I did stay with him last night, for my birthday, I know Mum of the year—"

"Mum, you are allowed to celebrate your birthday. Zoe is safe and happy I'm sure." She loved this young man. Always looking out for her, even her tender feelings.

"Sorry, single mum guilt." She shrugged. "But, he's wonderful and I need to run him another gift. And I'm trying not to rush this one like I did Colin," she made the gagging face and stuck her finger down her throat. "So, I need some more time before I bring him round you for you to size up." Why was she adding gravy to the lie? "I also need to get Zoe, so can you start breakfast in," she glanced at the clock. "An hour?"

"Going back for seconds?" Ethan laughed.

Jo thought fifths, but said "ewww!" And they both laughed.

She kissed Ethan's cheek and ran to the studio to grab the golden valley. It was a smallish canvas and she looked at it and loved the imperfections and the hope she felt running into them painted there. Today she was running back to it. Jo felt more buoyant than she had in a long time. It felt good to be honest, if but a little.

When she passed by Ethan on the way out he looked at her owlishly. "You're giving him a painting mum? Wow, you trust this one with your creations?" That was a revelatory statement.

"I really do!" You and Zoe as well she realized. He did a marvelous job with their hearts and wellbeing. Harry was so special. She hoped she showed him it yesterday. "Go unpack. I'll be back quick."

"Take your time, mum! It's your birthday."

"Not anymore!" She called over her shoulder.

"Nope, you get today, and Harry gets tomorrow!" Ethan said as she opened the back gate.

Her step faltered and she caught it. She wanted to follow up, she still had Harry's shirt on. And she had made some bigs strides this morning. She'd let that lie. She just smiled over her shoulder and got in her car.

The drive to Harry was a blur she was so excited. When she rushed up the stairs she saw the manager who always smiled at her and who let her into Harry's yesterday. She had laid on the charm thick and the little old man was winking at her again.

"Back to see your lucky man, then?" Sean had a Belfast accent and she loved chatting with him.

"Just running him a birthday present!" She knew her smile could sell guano as toothpaste right now. She'd done it! Jo had told Ethan about Harry. Sort of, but she had started, and it was ok so far. Foundation was laid and she felt like she was on solid ground.

"Well, I think having you is gift enough." Jo grinned at the little super and shot up the last few stairs.

Her knock was a lark's song. It flew across his thin wood outer door and she was bouncing on the balls of her feet like she was gearing up to take off. The door opened and Harry was grinning at her.

His arms reached for her and she went easy and sang out her song the minute she was in her divot on his chest. "I told him, I told Ethan!"

She pulled back and expected excitement but found shock.

"When, what, how?"  Tumbled out of Harry's lips, twisted like a Picasso.

"He was there when I got home, and he noticed I was wearing your shirt."

"Shit!" Harry looked down at her attire. "What did he say?" He gripped her a tad to forcefully. "Was he, was he mad?"

Jo was confused, he looked so afraid. "Well, I mean, he was happy for me when I told him I was in love. He even comforted me when I told him I felt guilty for sending Zoe to Audrey—"

"Yeah, but what did he say about it being me?" His heart was in his eyes and his lip between his teeth. "Did he, was he like cursing my name? He say anything horrible about me?"

Her hand came up to his cheek. "I didn't tell him it was you yet, lover. Harry, you don't need to look so scared

She tried to shake off the unease he felt and she did not quite understand. Harry exhaled and some of the tension went out of him.

His teeth still clenched a little and she knew the feeling. Telling Ethan she was shagging his best friend gave her hives when she thought about it. Telling him she loved Harry so was a little less itchy. She wondered how awkward it would feel to be all together at first. How the dynamic would change when Harry was her someone instead of Ethan's.

"Anyway, I don't have too long. But I don't like the way my heart is turning out—"

"No, it's great Jo, I definitely want your heart." He rushed out. Whoa, he was still a little freaked.

"You can keep it lover, if you want. But part of my grand birthday plan was to give you a painting and this morning, when we were painting," she blushed, because he had had to move her chair, because he had opened his camera and continued on the painting of "her" and she couldn't even sit by him while he did that's. "This one," She motioned with the painting, "I've been working on and tinkering around with since, well since we started really, felt like it was yours."  She handed over their golden valley.

Harry picked it up, stared for a moment, and then cradled it to his chest. He traced his fingers just above the footsteps and looked up at her.  "Is she running to the gold, or away from it?" His eyes were just a touch misty.

"To it." Jo took his hands. "Has been for a while, but both."

"Jo." He laid his forehead against hers. "I love it. He swallowed. "And I'm there, in the gold. Waiting for you."

"I'm there too now." He smiled at her and they kissed. "I've gotta go get Zoe and my boy is making me breakfast—"

"Brave!" Harry laughed trying to keep her fingers as she walked away.

"Yeah, I neglected those lessons clearly!" Jo stroked his fingertips before opening the door.

"At least he does him own laundry, I suppose." Harry laughed.

"When did you learn?" She watched his cheeks heat. "Oh my god, does your mom still do it, Harry?" That was unacceptable.

"Only when I'm home, I know how!" He insisted and she laughed at him.

"You can cook at least."

"I make a mean chili!" He gave a significant look.

"Stop being cute, I need to leave." Jo was tempted to linger, was lingering, but she got very little time with her son and was a little mad at herself. There was a part of her, loud in Harry's presence that was sad she had to cut their celebrations short. "What are you and Ethan doing tomorrow?"

"Huh?" Harry caught her hand at the door and wrapped himself close, kissing her cheek.

"Harry, lover, I have to go." But she made no love to do so. "Ethan said we do my celebration today, you tomorrow."

"Um, he hasn't called me, the idiot. Guess he figures I'll make myself available to him." He cinched her in and his tone made her scrunch her eyes, but his touch kept her from thinking too hard on it.

"Happy Birthday!" He started kissing her neck and her knees went to water. "Har-Harry—"

"Jo!" He turned her head and kissed her mouth desperately.

She pulled her mouth away, "I have gotta go! Quit. I'm not gonna be able to sit as is."

"Then don't say my name like that." He let her go and she scuttled away like a crab on the beach so she could look at him standing in his doorway with no shirt, lips swollen, and her all over him.

"I can't help it! I love you! Bye!" She waved and kept her eyes on him as long as she could, like watching a boat sail over the horizon.

"I owe you a birthday present." He called.

"You're my gift." She closed her door and felt like the conversation.

Zoe was chatty and animated when she came to get her. She and Audrey had spent the evening making forts and cookies. Zoe had decorated them, with strong help, to spell out 'Happy Birthday, Mummy!'"

Jo had teared up a bit and she sent Harry a picture with the message, "top this!" He really needed to get her nothing, but she was curious to see what he would come up with.

She also let Ethan know she was headed home with Zoe too.

When they walked in the door, Jo was greeted by a stack of pancakes with candle in it.

"Oh Ethan, you're so sweet!" And her eyes watered when her son led Zoe to sing for her. It was off key and silly, and when Ethan sat her at the table and put a crown on her head before taking a picture of her smiling face she was able to feel less sad about her aborted morning plans with Harry.

The rest of the day was lovely too, Ethan convinced her to drive in to Manchester to ice skate and Zoe was a great sport until she got tired and found her sore rump miserable and often icy.

Ethan paid for dinner at a chippie for the three of them and they sat on the high stools and giggled.

"Zoe- you look so fetching in green!" Ethan tickled her chin as he tried to wipe her mushy peas off of her light pink shirt.

Jo smiled gratefully at him. Zoe was particular about her clothes and didn't like them to be wet, going so far as to strip off in a restaurant not to long ago. Jo had been mortified, but Harry had helped her see the humor in it. Now her big brother's teasing distracted her. The impending fit was averted. It was the happiest birthday Jo could remember since Ethan was 8 and baked a cake with her.

They ate the cookies on the way home and Zoe conked out 45 minutes into the journey. She'd be good and out when they arrived home.

And she transferred! Ethan sent Jo in to take a bath and carried the sleepy pea spattered toddler upstairs.

The hot water reddened her skin as she stepped in and she took the quiet time, with only a niggling pinch of guilt, to call Harry.

"Hi!" She sighed out contentedly.

"Hey baby, you sound warm and cozy."

"I am, it was a lovely day." Jo closed her eyes over the sensation of the warm water bouying her body and the deep rumble in her ear. She loved many things about Harry, and more gave her goosebumps, but his voice was high on the list of affective things.

"Jo, you in the bath?" His bed clothes rustled and she could imagine his stomach contacting as he sat up straight.

"Ummhmmmm." She mumbled. She was sleepy.

Harry chuckled at her. "There a reason this isn't a videochat? Since I can't be there with you, scalding my skin to share your bath, I'd like to see you redden up all over."

"Yes, the reason is the brown eyed boy rambling around my house-"

"Surely, he wouldn't come in while you're naked."

"No, lover, but you have a distinct voice." She sighed.

"Do I?" Damned audible smirk.

"Yes, and you know I need to hear it before bed, and Ethan doesn't." Jo was happy with the strides she had made in disclosure today, but the whole shebang was not on her agenda. "So tell me you love me and miss me and your bed feels big and empty without me, please."

"I'm glad you are still polite, as it sounds like I'm in for a demanding you this year." His sheets slicked over his skin. She imagined him lying back.

"You complaining?" Her voice was full of the water in her tub and bounced back off the porcelain and walls.

"Never, I'd love you to tell me what to do."

"So do it." Her voice was as low as her body in the water, she whicked her nipples beneath.

"I miss you, my bed is huge and cold and losing your smell. I ate leftovers tonight and they tasted like yesterday. I even painted a little of my own valley I was thinking of you so much." He had that warm tone, the one that told her he wanted her, but loved her too.

"You did? How's it look?" She sat up a bit and the water sluiced over her shoulders and droplets clung on.

"Not as good as you. Send me a picture, please? My imagination is not ripe enough."

"Maybe, but you haven't said the magic word." She bit her pinky. Jo wasn't usually so cheeky. He just brought out a rainbow of her.

"Said please," he paused. "Oh," he realized. "Jo, I love you. And a picture, it'll help me sleep."

"Sleep?" She baited.

"Well, after." His voice was deep and throaty now, and Jo knew she would need to turn on her jets and deal with the tightness that brought on. He brought on.

"Har-Harry, " she whispered, water made sounds carry and she loved his groanc but feared her own. "I miss your hair on my pillow, and how your shoulders bookend my body. Your size, You. I love you, goodnight."

"Goodnight," he choked out. "Please." He said as she hung up and she hit the jets for some white water mystery and snapped her dewy face and closed eyes and clouded nipples for him.

The jets did their job, and she felt warm and sleepy, but lonely, and guilty. Her son was upstairs in the bedroom with the Arctic Monkey's posters and she was sorry his best friend was 20 miles away. Those feelings were hard to put to bed.

She woke up and made waffles, because she liked them, her daughter did, and to feed the source of her guilt, hoping he would swallow her atonement and she could digest it and move on.

Jo did them Harry's way though, and Ethan raved. It sat on her gut like a stone.

She was skittish all day and Ethan noticed.

"Go paint, Mum." He said at around 4 and handed her a bottle of red. "Think it'll help. I'm gonna call Harry. See what he wants to do for his birthday."

"You haven't spoken to him?" She rarely asked Harry about Ethan, it made her itchy and threatened to pop their bubble.

"Not in a bit. Not as much as we are used to. He's been busy." That she knew. "As have I, and distracted." He looked at his phone when he said that.

Jo smiled at his little shy smile at whatever he saw on his screen. She couldn't wait to meet his new love. "You told Harry about her?"

Ethan's head snapped up, "um, no, not yet. I'll tell him now, doesn't feel real if Harry doesn't know. He's my person, ya know?" He shrugged.

Jo bit her lip. She knew all to well.

"Think he's the friend that lasts your whole life." Her stomach curdled at his words. How could she jeopardize that? How could she not? She thought of their night and the two months they'd had now. Her nails pressed half moons into her hands to keep from pressing to her mouth so she didn't confess. "Anyway, go paint mum. You'll feel better, and I'll call Harry."

Being away from her boy, who she could feel the lie, like a wall between them, helped, shamefully. What didn't help was when she heard Harry and Ethan laughing at the door. Jo'd been working on another beat girl this one centered, turned away with a beat pulling her to each opposing side. She'd been nurturing the calmer heartbeat, the one she heard inside her, but kept being drawn to the quicker, excited beat her heart met then exceeded when she heard Harry's voice.

Her first inclination was to go see his face, but then she remembered where they were, with who, and she stopped. Jo took two deep draws off her mostly full bottle. Then a third. What the fuck was he doing here?

When she went out to the living room, after a long pause and only when Ethan called for her, it was a scene made to double time her heart, with hope, and fear.

Zoe was playing with the ends of Harry's hair while he held her on his hip and Ethan was grabbing beers for him and Harry. Her long haired lover took the cracked tin with his free hand. Jo was happy her heart eyes were not for Ethan to see, he was checking his phone again. Harry smiled a secret smile at her and she loved his face, that dimple was where she wanted to hide.

Damn him, her too.

A moment later, Ethan clicked the side button on his phone and put it down. "Cheers mate, to your birthday!" Ethan smiled and took a sip. Harry followed suit and Jo watched his throat work until she shuffled her shoulders and Harry looked at her.

She glanced away like she'd been caught staring at someone's mole or something.

Zoe, bless her, interjected. "Mummy's day!" She clapped, pulling Harry's hair in the process.

"Oh yeah!" Harry pretended to recall and gave real and feigned enthusiasm! "We share a birthday right?!"

"We do!" Jo tried to act pleased, as pleased as one would be when a family friend shared a birthday with you and not as giddy as sharing a birthday with your soulm—lover.

"And since two of my favorite people share a birthday, I thought we'd do a cake again. Remember, like all those years ago, when mum was young and we were barely teenagers?"

Harry made a face, "Your mum is young!" He defended. Them.

"Yeah, not so young as she looks though. Right mum?"

"I dunno, hard to gauge ones own age. Self criticism and all." She watched Zoe scramble away and wondered where she was off to.

"You look great, amazing, always have, but I think better than ever." Harry said. He believed it and she believed him.

"That's because she is loved up, though she won't say with whom." He slapped Harry's shoulder with the back of his hand, "and stop flirting with my mum, you tosser!" He said it like a joke, but Jo felt a chill in it to. Harry shivered.

Just then, Zoe came carrying her favorite ponies, well unicorns, and handed Harry his. "Here. Game, Harry." And he smiled at her and followed her into the living room to play at the coffee table like she liked.

Jo was watching after them when Ethan spoke.

"Harry been babysitting again?" Jo jerked her fond look to her son. His brow was up and scrunched and she supposed it was odd that Harry fell into Zoe's demand so easily. So she lied.

"Yeah, when I'm in a jam. He's still her favorite."

"He's everybody's bloody favorite." Ethan looked fond too, and Jo let herself share it before she realized it was dangerous on the heels of the last five minutes.

"I'm gonna go try to finish." She gestured to the studio.

Ethan nodded "I'll get the cake going." and she skittered off like a squirrel who's realized there actually isn't imminent danger, but fears there may be some lurking.

In her studio, Jo was casting her ladies arms out and lashing them to both beats when there was a knock and the door opened quietly. She knew it wasn't Zoe and Ethan had no reason to be quiet. Her whole body tensed up, it went like rigor mortis when he put both hands on her shoulders.

"What are you doing?" She hissed. "Are you trying to get caught?"

He looked hurt, "What, no, he's busy, letting Zoe frost the cake. I wanted to show you your present, and" he shuffled his feet like he was a young boy in trouble, younger. She hated it. "I haven't touched you all day, I miss you Jo."

That touched her, she was just about to touch his face, when she hears footsteps and rushed out to intercept Ethan's step.

"Hey love, cake ready?" She distracted.

"Just about, Harry in there with you?" Ethan asked, nearing nonchalance.

Did she lie? She thought about it, Harry used to spend hours in her studio with her, alone. But she had nothing to feel guilty over then.

"Yeah, I was showing him what I was working on. The paint I bought myself for my birthday."

"I'm sorry I didn't get you a present my—"

"None of that, you surprised me!" A lot, "that's present enough." She bussed his cheek and Harry came out to them hugging.

Harry looked at them, and Jo saw the tightening of his brow. They used to all love to be together, today, Jo felt tense as hell. They shared a long look, and only were saved by Ethan's phone. He checked while Jo creased her eyes at harry and he nodded.

"Cake?" Ethan said looking up.

"Yeah, cake, and then, will you take me out for a beer, at our pub, like old times, for my birthday?" Harry cheesed and Ethan smiled and nodded immediately. Jo could kiss him, likely would, for that.

When they got to the kitchen, Zoe was sitting on the counter, eating frosting with her fingers. She was covered in the sticky mess.

"Ethan!" Jo and Harry said at once.

"Wow! That was very in sync, must be the shared birthdays!" He let their criticism role off his back and Jo shook her head and took her daughter, with her extended out from her body, and a cupcake, to her bathroom to clean her up.

"Do we eat with our hands?" Jo asked her baby girl as she started the water to warm in the sink.

"No, sorry mummy." Zoe said sweetly and with that look she hoped to escape punishment with. It worked more that it should. Jo wondered if it worked on Ethan too. Once she was cleaned up, she sent Zoe out to clean her hands. She also stole away into her closet to eat the cupcake she desperately needed.

She was stuffing it down whilst gasping , "holy fuck!" When Zoe burst in.

Harry was hot on her heels.

"We don't eat with our hands!" Zoe giggled and Jo felt like she could only laugh rather than cry. "Come mummy. Song time!" She took off and Jo was alone with Harry. Again. He approached her and pulled her to him, despite her resistance.

"Harry," she squirmed in his arms.

"Baby, you need to calm down, you are vibrating. Ethan is gonna notice. Just relax, we will sing, and I'll take him to the pub, alright." He ran his hands down and clasped her elbows. "Jo, please, it's ok."

"It's not ok." She started to sob, "please let me go. Just give me a second." She turned away from him and she could feel his hurt.

"Your gift?"

"Later please. Just let me get myself together." She begged.

"Ok, baby." He started to leave, and then rushed back. "We'll stay quiet. It can wait, the telling. I, Jo, just," his voice trembled, "I love you."

"I know. I do, I love you too. Let's just." She bit her lip, though he couldn't see. "Let's just get through this."

He went out before her and she was able to stare at the ceiling until the tears went away, and then she was able to excuse them as sentiment when they sang happy birthday to her and Harry and she heard a dirge instead of a celebration.

Ethan and Harry left for the pub, Ethan kissing her goodbye and Harry holding her a moment more than she felt he should. She wanted to rest in his arms, but she knew it was not the time.

When they left, and it was just her and Zoe, she finally could breathe. The oxygen tasted like ashes.

The air was clearing later, when Ethan had texted from the road and Harry was back with her without the dangling noose of eruption dancing over head.

She clung to him all night, and he clung right back, and his gift, the tiny half heart on his chest meant that much more.

"It's not because my heart is broken," she could almost hear the yet. "But that the other half is with you."

And the ink, at least, was permanent.