"What are you doing here Harry?" Jo nearly dropped her groceries and was thankful that Zoe finally started listening and held onto her pant leg when her hands were full. It was meant to be more when they're in a parking lot or garage or summat, but Jo was just glad she was listening about it now.

It was a truly unusual day. Jo had woken up that morning to sun. Sun, in middle England, in November. She'd been in a bit of a funk since she'd run out on Harry a few days prior. She'd made it to her classes of course, but her nights away from department meeting were filled with Zoe cuddles, Netflix and wine binges, plus attempts at going to bed early. Attempts because little sleeping was happening.

She saw Harry everywhere. She usually never saw him at school, and of course, she'd seen him driving in last week, in the car park, and then him walking with some girl and they were laughing and Jo hated it. Later she saw him at the coffee stand - meaning she had to forgo her fix. Which she'd desperately needed, because she'd been seeing him an unusual amount on campus, but it was nothing compared to how often she could see him at her own home.

Every time she closed her own eyes she saw the mysterious green shade of his. In her studio, she saw him shirtless waiting for her and telling her not to say his name while silently cheering for her to scream it. And worst and best were the dreams.

He was most certainly there, and in those she could feel. Jo was having the most vivid dreams she had ever had. The feel of his plump lips against her own was so real in her subconscious, she could actully feel it against her neck, a place his lips didn't make it to. And she could most certainly feel his knee between her thighs, and his bulge too, which she had only ever felt through cloth.

And those were just the a sleeping dreams. The waking ones were worse. In those, she saw him telling her about his art, and realization dawned during his soliloquy that his woman was Jo too, so he'd methodically undressed her to check he was right and found  nothing wanting, no dissimilarities but became obsessed with sketching her angles and rounded bits before touching them. The trace of his pencil was a sound she could hear and the eventual trail of his fingers was like lava devouring streets. It gave her goosebumps, huge ones.

He was a daydream.

A literal one at the moment. Harry looked like all of her mental hopes and dreams on the concrete step that led to her door. His legs bent high, covered in tight dark denim, but the right knee cap showed through and his lanky arms hung off his patellas like a lever ready to launch her into the sunny sky. His hair was up in a bun and Jo loved and hated it. It was so endearing and homey, but she wanted to see the ringlets around his hair. He was a jawdropper in the sunlight.

Of course the sun is out today. It came out because he was coming to her. The sky needed to be sure to set the proper scene for him to ensure that Jo couldn't ignore him in his true form, sunkissed and well-made. So Jo can no longer run or avoid him.

She had been doing just that for the last several weeks. In class she would coast her eyes anywhere he was not and had created an entire unit culminating in short class presentations for extra credit so that she could sit in the back of the class and not look at him. This was perfect until it was his turn.

Harry followed proper presentation etiquette, like the ambitious student out for a first that he was, but his eyes lit up when they fell upon her, like he was a flame and she was oxygen, fire and what fuels it. Jo watched his presentation and knew he had picked it just to press on her buttons. The ones he had installed and found. She had never dated a creative person.

Not that she was dating Harry, but he knew things about her that went without saying. Things no one else knew and she'd never been able to explain.

Harry was talking about Klimt, about The Kiss. And Jo wished she was water, though she was sure that she was liquid. He had always had a soft spot for gilding, from that first golden sunset, and he was talking about the positioning in the painting like he had experienced it.

"The two are intertwined, for certain and both lovers seem engaged to be sure. But the feminine figure is in a position that indicates that she is unsure or uncomfortable with the goings-on," he said. "It makes one wonder why she is engaged in the embrace, no matter how beautiful the experience is, as evidence by the setting, the gold, and jewels and halos. Perhaps she feels like she should not be? Like, it is wrong, but undeniable. So she submits. Her lover seems to accept the submission, because he'll take whatever she'll give him. Her hesitance is in opposition to the dreamy moment. This is the moment after, worse than the morning after, because it's came even sooner."

He looks like a lightening bug she had seen in a painting before, all aglow with feeling. She doubted they existed, but had been assured by an Amercian painter she had once known they did, and were magic. Why did he have to be magic? Jo thought as she bit her lip.

But it's when he moved onto his second painting, because his topic was affection and love in paintings, of course, that he really came alive. He was a lightning rod. The entire class was rigid, though Jo is sure they have all seen a Chagall, especially "The Birthday" before. That thing that makes heads turn when Harry walks into a room was amplified while he focused on the blue toned painting.

"You can see here, by the positioning, that Chagall has created a clear imbalance between his figures. The woman is not only facing away, but she wears a look of absolute surprise. But how can she be, if he has gone out of his way to show her his affection, as the flowers suggests. He came bearing gifts and offers even himself." Harry looked at Jo then and she knows, she knows, she knows, what he is offering. But she cannot take it.

"The kisser is even more interesting and his desperation clear." Harry might as well have been in the man's awkward aspect. "He has literally bent in an unnatural position, perhaps bent over backwards, to show his lady how he feels. It makes me wonder what conversations have been had. How has he told her his heart before he got so desperate he had to show her? What made him take the chance? Is she shocked or affected?"

Affected. Jo is still affected. She could feel a tingle on her lips the next morning and she thought for a moment she should get some ice or some lysine, but then it was not localized, but was instead over both of her lips in their entirety. And in her ears where he had first pulled her to him and her back and hip where his hands had landed. It's especially in her fingertips where she had trailed his perky pecs. She was watching some promo for a superhero movie  and had a momentary kinship with the character who had lightening crackling between her fingertips. The girl had looked afraid. Jo could relate.

Jo knew he felt something. She could only be surer of her own feelings, which were growing and turbulent as the sky before a storm, or she suspected, the firmament before the opening of a black hole. That was the worry, if she stayed still, and accepted his offerings, be they flowers, or another kiss, or even more damning, all of him, she knew it will rip a hole in the fabric of her universe. She would be sucked into his gravity and there would be other things flattened by the mass of their attraction.

Jo wasn't sure what or why she knew it. She may have just been afraid. She'd never felt this much, ever, except for about her children, and they could not be a casualty of any other emotion. She was a casualty of indifference or disappointment, but at least her parents chose themselves over her. She refused to chose another person.

Jo had been run over and devastated plenty, but never by someone she was as compelled by as Harry. If he made her a casualty she was not likely to recover. That went without experiencing any more of his gravity. So she gave him an A+, he deserved it, for the kiss and his plea in the form of coursework, but she kept streaking like a comet across the sky so he couldn't catch her.

Harry had made other attempts. He was very determined, Jo had learned and was impressed. He had turned up at her office at all appointed times. Not that he needed to, he was already there. He was there, holding her hands across her desk, and hugging by the door after he came out to uncovering her smile. Harry haunted her room.

But Jo has been extremely lucky there. Each time he trailed after her to try to catch a moment of her time, he had been part of a group. Lara and Cecilia the first time, who had shared long looks and then insisted he go first, and Jo was sure that was just so they could walk and sit beside him. It made her a little petty and she told them to get their final papers in on time, though they were asking for extensions. She was happy another student had arrived by that time and she brought them in all together.

Harry gestured for Matt to go before him. She wasn't sure if his mood was obvious to Matt as well, but Jo could feel it. He was madder than a bee whose hive had been shaken. He vibrated the way she heard bees can do to kill off attackers. It was a sight to behold. Incensed Harry was incandescent.

Jo agreed to Matt's request for a retake on a earlier test when he slyly said, "I told Jacob you were the nicest professor in addition to being the prettiest," She barely caught it, except that Harry's back stiffened and his glow stick eyes lit on his classmate rather than where they'd been trained on her. She barely noticed the comments anymore.

"Oh really?" Jo began, "I've been trying for the most professional in the yearbooks this year." She gave Matt a look, and she wanted to laugh at herself. Harry should have been scoffing, because he had evidence of just how unprofessional she could be.

Jo looked at Harry then too, and she wasn't meaning to spread her rebuttal to him as well, but he looked contrite. And when Matt excused himself like she had rapped his knuckles, Harry didn't pounce like she thought he would. Like he planned to 10 minutes ago

"How can I help you Harry?" She started after a pregnant pause that must have made it to its seventh month at least. Somebody had to say something.

Harry swallowed, "Professor Smith," his mouth pinched the words. He chewed them for a second like bitter almonds. "I wanted to ask you which painting you thought I should turn in tomorrow." She knew that was not what he wanted to ask her. Jo was fairly certain her didn't want to ask much, more wanted her to listen. But she appreciated that he got it, right then, in her office, where she was his professor. This, they, could not happen. She should have been relieved.

Jo was at least sorry. Though those weren't the same feeling.

"They were both amazing Harry. I think either will get you a first." The one she thought was her, that's the one. "The large one, the amber woman of grains. Turn her in. Though I'm not sure how you'll manage that." She almost offered help, but held back, and really, all of her motives were ridiculously questionable in that moment.

He nodded and pinched his lip before getting up to go. Jo allowed her eyes to caress down his back to the skinny jeans he favored, she recognized the pulled back corner on the pocket. Those ones and the ones with torn knees were his favorites. She was watching him at the door when he turned back. His mouth opened, and he made eye contact with her, the words a diver poised at the tip
Of the springboard.

Her tongue felt dry and she wanted him to ask, she did, but when he walked out wordlessly, she let him.

So, when Jo came to her home days later after a long afternoon, she was susceptible to the brilliant portrait he made. Harry's head came up at her voice and made her melt onto the pavement below her. She was sure she was as attractive as the ring of wet near a drain after the day she'd had. Not that it mattered she reminded herself. She should not be attractive to him and anything that could kill the tendrils of voltage that hung around them were needed.

"Arry!" Zoe called and Jo was amazed she remembered him at all. It had been some months since swim. He made an impression. Zoe looked fed up at Jo and pulled at her pant leg until she nodded and ran to him. He hoisted her up onto his knee. God, the nose bonk they exchanged was about the cutest thing she had ever seen. No, that was another reason, any man she dated, had to know she came with a ready made family, had a toddler. That was wholly unfair to someone as young as Harry. Even if he wasn't put off by Zoe in the slightest.

"Missed you bug!" Harry jostled her up and down. His attention was focused on Zoe, like his attention always focused on whoever he was giving it to. So unfair, but Harry was better than Zoe's own dad with her, by miles.

Speaking of, "Hey loves, we need to get in the house. Daddy is coming." She faked excitement in her voice. "Remember baby girl?" Zoe gave her a dead eyed look and Jo couldn't exactly read Harry's, he looked like a shuttered home, all prepared for a hurricane.

She hoped it was nothing so dramatic. She moved her groceries while everybody got themselves up. When Jo reached the door, Harry took her groceries and her bag once she found her keys and stepped off the step she would never be able to unsee him on.

Jo got them inside and Zoe made a run for the toy that she wanted to show Harry, was full of plans about her upppets. The air stilled and warmed now that she was in the kitchen, in the hearth and heart of her home with him. He'd always been part of their lives, now he seemed to belong here. Jo wanted him to belong here.

She shrugged that off, with a physical motion, "How can I help you Harry?" He didn't respond, though she could hear him breathing behind her.

Jo turned with eyebrows raised to Harry looking at the floor. At the sight of her toes, he looked up, first at her, then the ceiling. "You said it Jo!" His toes clenched. "If you didn't want me to.... I told you where I was at....and you said it. Then you kissed me like that. Like that, Jo! You ca...." he stopped and squared his shoulders. She could see the muscles at his temples flexing.

"Har—H!" She really didn't have a defense for her self, but he seemed so upset and she hated it.

"How could you kiss me like that and then run? Avoid me like you have? You, like, Jo," her name was a shout, maybe not in volume but emotion. "You cannot fake that feeling, I can still feel it! And then mess me about. I tried....I tried to stop myself for ages, and then you kissed me and gave me all this hope and confirmed everything I could feel between us, and you said it....You said my name, Jo....then you took it away." He pulled out a chair and collapsed into it then, like he'd been holding his breath waiting to tell her all this and needed a rest now.

"H," Jo started when Zoe came back into the room and with her newest acquisition, a collection of finger puppets that fit perfectly in her sweaty palms. She rarely relinquished them.

Zoe climbed into the chair Harry had become a broken doll into and laid them out for him. She was chattering on about them and Harry was faking a smile for her. It slowly grew, and Jo felt like shit, or gum on the bottoms of a shoe. She'd made him sad and Zoe was cheering him up with little girl magic.

She didn't mean to mess him about. She couldn't help herself. She needed to be better, the space between them was the problem. Jo needed to be all in or out. Out, she needed to be out, anything else was emotionally irresponsible.

She watched Harry put three puppets on his fingers and then four on Zoe's and she was emotion. Big ones and little ones and all the hope between them.

When the knock sounded, she hurried to the front door with relief. It also made Jo so happy Colin went back to the front door so quickly after he moved out. He did not have back door privilege. She smoothed her hair and then realized she couldn't be fucked to care. Her bun-and-mum day attire would have to do. The bigger deal, was she was not ready for him. No bag of extra clothes for the accident Zoe seemed to reserve for Colin, though Jo suspected he just didn't pay enough attention to her to see she was wiggling. Jo hated sending her off, the man was too selfish to be trusted with a child.

This is why it sucks to make a baby with someone not up to the task, she supposed.

"Hey Colin." She moved back so he could come in. "Took a while to get shopping done. She's not ready."

"Where is the little goblin?" Jo hated that nickname.

Colin frowned at her face and she figured it must show. Or there was something on there. She waited until he looked away to wipe it. She didn't want to show her belly to him, not ever again.

"Oh hey Henry," she heard Colin say flatly as she came into the kitchen. Zoe was still sitting on Harry's lap happily, she had moved from playing with her puppets to his rings and she had yet to notice her dad. Jo was ashamed she liked that.

"Hey goblin!" Colin tried to get Zoe's attention, but she was playing with a pretty carved rose ring on Harry's finger. Jo saw a flash of a smirk on Harry's face. "Oi, kiddo, you gonna say hi to your old dad?"

Zoe looked up then and shyly said, "Hi" then made herself smaller in Harry's lap.

Colin looked at Jo, "Is Ethan home then?" She must have looked puzzled because Harry spoke. And his voice raked over coals.

"Nah, Jo called me just in case, she has a department meeting she has to make, needed a Plan B I guess." And Harry shrugged like it was no big deal, but Jo was delighted that he knew how often Colin put other things above visitation and left Jo in a lurch, and that Colin knew he knew.

Colin's usually bland face had some life in response to that, he looked like he'd eaten a lemon. "She ready to go then?"

"Yeah, just let me pack her a bag." She turned to go and felt every eye on her. Zoe's was the greedy gaze of love only a toddler feels for its mother, Harry's she imagined as soft and appreciative, like he looked at an art piece he liked. And she had no idea what Colin's was. Funny that the man who was her husband was the greatest enigma in her home right now.

"Jo, I like your trousers. Nice fit!" She heard from behind her and looked back, because she knew that tone in Colin's voice, but it had been absent since her bump popped. She just had on leggings, nothing special or even clean, probably. Jo looked back to be sure and he was giving her that salacious eye that she had craved when she was in her second trimester heat and he'd ignored her needs. She wanted to slap him.

Harry cheeks were red and his jaw was clenched. Thankfully, Zoe was still on his lap. She had better hurry. Jo extended her arm and made sure to keep distance between her and Colin.

While she was in Zoe's room, Colin had wrangled Zoe onto his hip and he looked like a giraffe in a Tesco for all his comfort. Harry was standing as well, by the door, but didn't look like he was going to leave until Colin was out of the door.

"I put some extra clothes in there. In case and her pj's if you think it'll be later when you bring her back. Then I can just get her in bed."

"You can change her when she gets back." Colin deflected and Jo squeezed her fist to keep from telling him that would disrupt her sleep, that should be obvious.

"She'll prolly just stay asleep if she doesn't have to be changed though mate. It worked last time Jo got in late with her and I was here with Ethan," Harry chipped in.

"Think I've got it, mate." Colin looked down his ever so slightly crooked nose at Harry. The younger man stood up to his full six feet and looked at Colin squarely.

"Just seemed like common sense, courtesy, is all." He shrugged like he couldn't care, but Jo could kiss him. She wouldn't, not again, but she wanted to."Professor, I'm gonna send you a picture of my final submission later, ok? I'd really value your opinion." That last bit was said with subtle, but detectable sauce.

"Sounds good Harry. You'll get a first, no doubt!" She smiled to him and reluctantly watched him go. Their conversation was not finished, but he seemed to know she had met her limit today,with Colin and all. Was to considerate of her to force her into more discomfort.

Jo got Colin out the door and fretted while she did grading until he made it back with Zoe three hours later, right on time and in pajamas. He had some shame it seemed. Harry bolstering her in that situation had her smiling as she went to sleep. He was a good person to have on her side.

Late that night, she woke up to a buzzing phone. It was a picture of a night sky, with womanly shapes within the celestial bodies against a turbulent sky.

I know she is everywhere, but tonight I can't quite find her. Read the accompanying text.