Congratulations to all the winners!

This is one of the largest (in terms of long-term commitment) categories I have EVER done in all my five years of contest hosting, so this is a major moment for all of us 👏👏 I'd say it's on par with the Best Fanfic category for my Fairy Night Awards, so it's safe to say this is a special category to me!

For an additional prize of 10 votes on any story of your choosing, guess the word count of the reviews (intro + outro not included)! Anyone can participate, whether you're a participant of this category or not! Even those not signed up for the contest can make a guess.

Leave your guesses here --->

Any guess not left as an inline comment there ^^ will not be counted. Please use whole numbers, not ranges. So do not guess 15,000 - 16,000, guess 15k or 16k. No ranges allowed.

Also, just to give a slight hint, none of my reviews for this contest are ever going to be under 10k words long. If they are, I will say so. I also go based off of Quotev, not Wattpad, since I have no intros/outros on Q, just the raw reviews.

Winners will be announced in the next results.

For the Indie category, the total word count of the reviews was 40,609, or 115.6 pages.

You can see in the bottom right corner that the word count is there.

That means the person who got it closest was Iyah-M, who guessed 40k on the dot, with the second closest being jobless_for_Bangtan, who guessed 37k. Awesome guesses! I will be giving ten votes on any story of your choosing, or just a random story if you don't care which one or if you don't see this.

Now, onto the results for this category.

If I make a suggestion you do not want to use, simply ignore it. You don't need to go out of your way to tell me how much you dislike and disagree with the suggestion. That's a slap in the face to all the time I spent making it. I won't be offended if you don't use the suggestion and/or ignore it, but blatantly disrespecting it is rude. I get it; every writer has their own style, and my suggestions won't work for everyone and that's 100% okay, but please just ignore them if you don't want to use them instead of arguing with me about them.

There will be third, second, and first place, along with three honorable mentions (there was a tie, so an additional honorable mention will be given). There are eighteen total participants in this category, so good luck scrolling through this, lol. This was also an extremely, extremely competitive category, so please do not be discouraged no matter what your results are.

I apologize if there are ever any repeats with the songs. As you can imagine, I have a lot of songs to give out, and some songs fit multiple stories, but I hope you enjoy your playlists!

Congratulations, everyone!

IMPORTANT: Since there is an image limit on chapters, I am going to post only the album scorecards of the top six in this chapter, then I will have an additional chapter posted shortly after this one that will have the majority of the scorecards. I will have to do this in the future, too.

3rd Place

Our beloved summer by Taekookiecookie

Review:

*As a bonus for placing in the top three in such a big category, upon completion of this work, I can publish a promotional review for this story to be featured on the official Wattpad Short Story profile, though the work has to be either completed or consistently ongoing (as in, consistently receiving updates).

Album Cohesion: 8.5/10. This category judges two things. One being your general story pacing, and the other, smaller part being how long it takes to get to chapter one since I've seen plenty of stories where there are ten chapters before any actual story content. Here, there is only one character introduction, which is good. It doesn't dilly dally and lets you get into chapter one pretty quickly, so you get full credit for that side of the category!

As for the primary part, the story's pacing is pretty good so far! There are only two chapters out, but I thought the pacing was well-handled in chapter one especially. There could be some smoothening to some of the language and grammar to help sentences flow a tad stronger and feel more fluid within the text, but that's something I'll cover more of later. This section I tend to do last, so most of my thoughts will be scattered throughout the review, hence why this section will be short. The pacing, though, is good, and I thought the story flowed out at a good rate.

Overall, the pacing is so far so good, and I'd be interested to read more of the story.

Lyrics: 6.5/10. This section judges your grammar and overall technical writing, which includes how sentences flow together and how the story descriptions flow. Overall, I'd say the grammar is pretty good! Dialogue tags are primarily done correctly, which gives you a leg up on the competition since the majority of people don't do tags correctly. The descriptions are also pretty interesting and have good vocab. I only have some critiques for some grammar errors along with some moments where there could have been some tweaks to the descriptions.

There were some awkward moments throughout, which I figured I'd start with. I'll give another example in the next section, but here's one from chapter 1 for now: Jungkook dipped his head in a quick bow, eyes lowered, and when he finally spoke, "Hello," he murmured, barely audible.

This is a good concept for a sentence, it could just use a slight tweak. Consider: Jungkook dipped his head in a quick bow, eyes lowered, and when he finally spoke, "Hello," it was barely audible. This is a small tweak, but it flows more with what the first part of the sentence is saying. I hope that makes sense! I'll provide another example in the next section, but for now, let's move into grammar.

Grammar-wise, there are some punctuation errors throughout. Here are some examples:

Chap 2: The hallway was quiet after the lunch break, most of the students were back in their classes by now. Here, the first clause and second clause can't be combined with just a comma. It needs either a conjunction or a semicolon. Consider: The hallway was quiet after the lunch break, and most students had returned to their classes by now. I tweaked the wording to "had returned" as well to better align with the past tense.

Chap 2: He hated getting involved, but something about Jungkook's silence—stuck with him. Here, the em dash isn't needed, so it can simply be: He hated getting involved, but something about Jungkook's silence stuck with him.

So there were some punctuation errors that could be tweaked, but nothing that broke my immersion with the story.

Moving into descriptions, the descriptions are also pretty good! I only have a few recommendations to help smoothen out certain sentences and reduce some of the telling over showing moments.

As for telling over showing, you've done a great job with showing over telling in general, though there were some moments of unneeded telling over showing, in my opinion. For example:

Chap 1: Jungkook didn't answer. He merely folded the soggy napkin, placed it neatly beside his plate, and continued eating, his posture relaxed, as though the taunts and spilled drink meant nothing.

Here, I'd say you don't need the "as though the taunts and spilled drink meant nothing" because it's already shown in that sentence and in all the paragraphs beforehand, so it's a moment of unneeded telling over showing.

Another example: For a moment, Jungkook just stared at him, his chest heaving with emotion (chap 2). Here, the "with emotion" is unnecessary since the heave as an action is already showing a lot of emotion without anyone needing to be told it's being done with emotion. And, in general, I wonder how one can physically heave with emotion. If there's emotion added to the heaving, it's likely done via the facial expressions, not the heave itself, so if that's what you're going for, I would recommend focusing on the facial expressions instead. I hope that makes sense!

Lastly, when it comes to the sentence structure, there could be a bit of diversity. The reason is because there are a lot of gerunds/-ing words present throughout due to the sentence structure often being longer sentences with a lot of commas and -ing verbs. There could be some diversity to this as these sentence types appeared often and made up I'd say the majority of sentences throughout the story.

Overall, the lyrical composition (or... y'know, just the technical quality) of the story is good and does a good job presenting the ideas and environments of the story. The grammar is overall good, too. There could just be some tweaks to the structure and punctuation to smoothen it out even further!

Dynamics & Harmony: 6.5/10. This is the character and dialogue category. Obviously, I've read quite a bit of your work. I believe I've actually read most of your work. Here, I'd say the dialogue is improved from your previous work, and it's great to see that! The dialogue is an improvement, and I liked the dialogue present throughout the story. The main deductions come from just some awkward dialogue here and there, and also some grammatical things that factor into dialogue formatting. But the overall dialogue was interesting! I'll talk about the characters in a little bit, but let's cover the dialogue formatting first.

When it comes to formatting, I would recommend downsizing on the amount of tags used since there are a few times where only two people are talking yet there are tags for almost every line. There's also an overuse of the tag "muttered." I've been on record saying that said or asked should be the tags you use the most, so I understand if it seems a bit contradictory to say "*insert tag here* was used to much" while also saying "said or asked should make up the majority of how many tags you're using," but the difference is if tags are downsized on, now "said" or "asked" are being rarely used either way. I may have given this advice in the past, but the 50-30 advice of dialogue is one that's been very helpful to me, and that advice is of your dialogue, only 50% or preferably less should have tags, and of that 50%, 30% or preferably more should be said or asked.

The reason is because when you write dialogue, what is the most important thing? The dialogue itself, right? So if the tags are getting too out there or too fancy, it can get distracting. That's why I tend to give the 50-30 advice, that way there are less tags to give more focus to the dialogue and what's happening around it. But the point is the tag "muttered" was used a tad too much and could be downsized on, same with the tags in general.

Similarly, there were times you used commas to introduce dialogue when you didn't need to. For example, from chapter 2: Jungkook whirled around, frustrated, "Do you want me to report you to the police? Huh?" Since there are no tags in "Jungkook whirled around, frustrated," the comma is incorrect. I would recommend simply: Jungkook whirled around, frustrated. "Do you want me to report you to the police? Huh?" Since Jungkook is the subject of the action, we know the dialogue is his, therefore no additional tags or commas to introduce the dialogue are needed. The same applies for when you have tags after an action.

For example: Taehyung stopped in his tracks, his expression softening, "You can," he said quietly. "But I'll still care."

Consider: Taehyung stopped in his tracks, his expression softening. "You can. But I'll still care."

OR: "You can." Taehyung stopped in his tracks, his expression softening. "But I'll still care."

The tag isn't needed since we already know Taehyung is the one speaking based on the natural back and forth speech pattern along with Taehyung being the subject here. If you want to get the softness across still like the "quietly" after the "said" was doing, I would recommend putting the action of the softening expression between the "You can" and the "But I'll still care" like I showed above. I hope that makes sense!

The final thing I'll mention is there was some awkward dialogue, which I alluded to earlier. For example, the end of chapter 2 with this: But Yoongi wasn't listening. He pointed at Taehyung, "Do you even know how much depressed I am because of you?" he shouted. "Because I can't help you? Because you won't let us in? BECAUSE YOU WON'T F/CKING EVEN TALK TO US!"

Here, the "Do you even know how much depressed I am" is a bit clunky, same with the "Because you won't f/cking even talk to us." I'd recommend: He pointed at Taehyung. "Do you know how depressed I am because of you? Because I can't help you? Because you won't let us in? Because you won't even f/cking talk to us!"

Here, I didn't make any major changes, just some small word choice tweaks. I removed the first "even" to give more emphasis to the second "even" in the last sentence, giving it more punch. I also removed "much" since it made the sentence a bit awkward. Lastly, I removed the all caps and rearranged it so it'd be "won't even f/cking" instead of "won't f/cking even." If you read it out loud, you may notice how the "won't even f/cking" flows a lot smoother and gives more punch to the "even" and curse as opposed to before.

I'll nerd out for a second, but in acting, what words you give punch to are of upmost importance. In that last sentence, I can imagine the "even" and "f/cking" are the punch words that are most emphasized, hence why I removed the first "even" to give it more weight later in that final sentence. So it's a small thing, but giving that final sentence more fluidity and emphasis to the curse and "even" gives the punches they bring more impact, in my opinion. I do advise against using curses as the big punches too much since they're very commonly used as punches, though that's just for future reference and not something you do right now. And it's also fine to have the f word be a punch word, that's just me being an acting nerd. If I'm gonna study film, I might as well nerd out about it sometimes, right? 😔

Now, you probably noticed all my critiques were about dialogue and tweaks that could be made there, and that's because I don't have any critiques for the characters as of yet. I think you set good foundations for them so far to set up how they're going to behave throughout the story. I appreciate that you're showing Yoongi getting mad at Taehyung and showing the other side of the coin where this loss they're going through is impacting them, too, and grief never impacts just one person. Namjoon is the calmer one, but Yoongi is more outraged over Taehyung refusing to talk to them, and both sides are understandable. Yoongi just wants Taehyung back and is growing enraged, while Namjoon is remaining more on the calm side. Understandable reactions. I think this will be interesting to explore if you continue this story with a chapter three showing the aftermath of Yoongi yelling at Taehyung.

So, long story short, there are definitely good set ups here that can lead to an interesting exploration of grief. Grief is my single favorite concept to explore in storytelling, so it's safe to say this is up my alley, and I'd be excited to see where you go next with it.

Overall, the characters have good foundations to make for an interesting story, and the dialogue is a solid improvement with great moments. There were some formatting errors and awkward moments that could have been tweaked, but you overall did a good job with this category.

Narrative: 8.5/10. The narrative here follows Jungkook and Taehyung on an emotional journey where they are both dealing with intense, isolating emotions and need to come out of it together. Taehyung is dealing with grief, and Jungkook is dealing with dark thoughts (while also being bullied for being a new student, so that's just the cherry on top).

This is a good foundation for the narrative. The story, from here, can go in many directions. Like I said in the previous category, there is good set up for the characters here and a lot of background information that have the potential to bring about many emotional moments. It's a promising start.

There's nothing necessarily wrong with the narrative yet, but it's just way too early to judge since, at the time of writing this, there are only two chapters out, so I don't know where the narrative is going. I don't know who Taehyung is grieving yet and I wouldn't know he was grieving if it weren't for the blurb (which isn't a flaw since it's early in the story, and there are certainly good hints to show Taehyung's emotional anguish).

None of these are necessarily flaws of the story, but since I don't have much to go off yet, it's hard to judge, and in this AOTY category, I am looking for something I can share more thoughts on. There are small things, like the structure I mentioned earlier, but it's all in all good. So, so far, it's got good foundation and good set up to become an excellent exploration of grief, and I'd be interested to see where it goes next, though I do not have enough to judge fully as of yet.

Album Presentation: 7.5/10. Our beloved summer is a good title, but it just needs capitalization or a more clear reason why two of its three words are lowercase, especially when the blurb capitalizes it as Our Beloved Summer. I would recommend either capitalizing it or having the blurb match the title since otherwise it's inconsistent. The cover lowercases it as well, so maybe a simpler fix would be simply lowercasing it in the blurb for more consistency. Otherwise, the title is good.

The blurb summarizes the story in a short and sweet way. I'm very tired of long blurbs, so it's good to see a short and to the point one, so good job with that. It has good grammar and presents the idea clearly and smoothly without taking up too much of the audience's time.

Critique-wise, nothing major. You may want to consider using this for the blurb: ―. If you use regular em dashes in blurbs, Wattpad often makes them hyphens instead, so we gotta use alternative symbols that look identical to em dashes. My blurb for Starboys has an example you can copy paste into your blurb. So it'd become: When Taehyung, grieving a painful loss, stumbles upon Jungkook―a transfer student on the edge of giving up―he doesn't hesitate to save him. Though, at the same time, since you have "When Taehyung, grieving a painful loss, stumbles upon Jungkook..." it may be stronger to use the same punctuation type, otherwise it can feel a tad awkward. So, consider: When Taehyung, grieving a painful loss, stumbles upon Jungkook, a transfer student on the edge of giving up, he doesn't hesitate to save him. Grammatically, it's still correct, so that's just one alternative to consider. The other thing is what I mentioned before about how you may want to lowercase the Our Beloved Summer since it doesn't line up with the capitalization of the official title. Otherwise, the blurb is good.

As for the cover, I think it's cute and gives the exact vibes you need for this story. The color scheme is bright but also slightly washed out to give a sense of foreboding, alluding to Taehyung's grief and the happiness that can be found within the sadness. It's a good cover that reflects the story well. The only minor critique I have is the top feels a tad cluttered, so the author's name could maybe look a tad neater on bottom instead of sandwiched between the title and subtitle, but I'm also not a graphic designer, so it could look not so great on the bottom, who knows, but I just thought I'd throw it out there regardless. All in all, the cover is great!

Total: 37.5/50.

Songs chosen to reflect the story:

1) Her Name was Conny by Daniel Gadd, Homay Schmitz (Not Explicit)

- This is an instrumental piece composed for the game Road 96, and the song plays when talking about a woman who passed away named Conny. The song was created for the purpose of reflecting the feeling of grief, which I think works perfectly with the theme of this story and Taehyung's character. It's also an incredible instrumental with a lot of heart and emotion put into it.

2) Stronger Than Me by Sarah Cothran (Not Explicit)

- I think this song emotionally fits with the previous song and the themes of the story. It's all about the darkness inside you and watching it build up. The theme of the song is about overcoming said darkness, so it could allude to Taehyung and Jungkook's journeys to overcome the darkness inside them. Sarah also just has awesome vocals, so she's worth giving a listen.

3) VOID by Lil Nas X (Not Explicit)

- Okay, okay, I know it's a Lil Nas X song, and you probably think Old Town Road right away, but I swear this song is a banger. There are a lot of layers to this song, but I think the one to take away for the purposes of the story is the isolation that this song sings about. I think that perfectly reflects Jungkook's character, especially the line "I been feelin' small as the salt in the sea." It also musically fits with the other two songs, maintaining that slower, darker feeling.

Link to playlist --->

Album Scorecard:

2nd Place

The Essay Collection by Iyah-M

Review:

*Even though there are fictional short stories in this collection that would work with my normal criteria, I am using the experimental rubric since I feel it better fits this collection

*As a bonus for placing in the top three in such a big category, a promotional review of your work will be featured on the official Wattpad Short Story profile as soon as the update schedule allows, making you a Wattpad featured writer!

Creativity: 10/10. The creative side of this essay collection is very good! I am judging this based off the creativity of the ideas, and all of the essay topics are unique and interesting. Like the light pillars. Never heard of those, so it's cool to see an essay about them. Or the Filipino Debut. Never heard of that either. A lot of these topics are things I've never heard of before, so I really liked that aspect of the collection. The only topic that I've seen done before was the should art be required in education topic, though that's absolutely fine and I think it's a topic worth talking about, so that's not a critique in any way, but it goes to show that your ideas are so unique that the least unique one is still a pretty solid topic.

As soon as I opened the collection and saw the titles of these essays, I was blown away by how interesting they sounded. Normally people will see essays and get a very specific image in their head: heavily academic, slow, often a lot of fancy words and jargon, but here, you have really interesting ideas that break the standards of essays and try something truly unique. For that reason, I have to give this section a 10, I just have to. One of the most important parts of an essay are their topics. It could be the most well-written essay in the world, but if the topic is boring, then no one will want to read it anyway. Here, you have a match of interesting writing and interesting topics, which made for a great read! Great job with the creativity here!

Timelessness: 7/10. Like I mentioned in the previous section, the ideas here are awesome! They're ideas that I think will stand out to anyone who stumbles upon your collection, and they'll think "Wow, you wrote these for class? These seem a lot more creative and passionate than the average class assignment." That's what I was thinking when I did my initial read through, and I think that makes this piece quite timeless. By timeless I mean pretty much exactly what the word means: will I remember this piece, and if so, will I remember anything of substance from it? I think I will remember a lot of substance from it.

It takes me a long time to judge categories, so I'm back after reading this a few weeks ago and can say I still clearly remember quite a few of the topics you covered in the collection, which goes to show that it stuck with me. Beyond that, I can remember specific points you made or specific topics that I remember wanting to... well, remember! Like the light pillars. So I think you have a timeless collection on your hands here that will make people want to remember it and do their own research outside of the reading, and if you can encourage people to look into your topic even after the essay is over, you must be doing something right.

This may sound like a strange thing to say, but one critique I have is I'd love for these to be longer and more analytical. There is a lot of summary here, so it could be interesting to be more specific and analyze even further. For example, the Filipino Debut essay was an interesting topic and had a lot of interesting things in it, though it could have benefitted from making the paragraphs longer by adding more analysis and explanation. For example, we don't really get to know exactly what the Filipino Debut is until quite a few paragraphs into the essay when it could have been more memorable if the explanation came in the first paragraph, and the first paragraph was more cinematic where you describe almost narratively what the Filipino Debut is. Set us in the scene, give us a hypothetical scene of what one of those Debut events would look like. Tell us what it sounds like, what it smells like, what it looks like, etc., and then dive into analysis on why we should care about it, leading to your thesis/topic sentence that hooks us in. All of that in the first paragraph could make for a long first paragraph (though not obnoxiously long, as long doesn't inherently mean good), but it could also help make the essay stand out more by giving the reader an experience that makes us feel like we're in the Debut. You want us to care about the Filipino Debut, so I say go all out and make us care by putting us in a Filipino Debut, if that makes sense.

But overall, the collection has a timeless feel to it that makes it enjoyable to read, and I remember it even to this day, weeks after reading the collection. So as much as it could have been great to see more analysis so we as an audience can learn even more about your topics, I still think the timeless factor is there, and these pieces will stick with the audience for a while.

Structure: 6/10. The essay collection is very clear about its direction: it wants to tell the readers about new topics, and there are some short, creative stories in there as well. So when it comes to direction, we know what we're getting in to; it's made very clear right off the bat, and I appreciate that. As a reviewer, it makes it easier on me when I can tell where you're going with something, that way I can focus more on the narrative and the general idea rather than the technical stuff. I of course don't mind talking about the technical stuff since it's a very important part of writing, though if I have more time to talk about the creative side, it's pretty satisfying to me.

But anywho, that aside, I think the structure of the essays works for the collection. While we don't really know the rubric for these assignments, we don't need to since it's general enough that first time readers who have no knowledge of the subjects presented here can catch on pretty quickly, which is good since that's the goal of essays: to appeal to people who are unfamiliar with the topics (in a lot of cases, but not all, of course), so I think you did a good job there.

On the critique side of things, the structure could use some tweaks. For starters, I would very strongly recommend not using news stations and wikis as sources. I say this for two reasons. One, news stations get their sources from elsewhere, so it's easier and more reliable to go directly to the source. News stations often leave out important details and/or report biasedly, so it could make the sources they are pulling from not get reported on accurately. As for wikis, a lot of times the sources used in wikis are wrong or outdated, not to mention written mostly by non-professionals. I personally use wikis to get general information on topics before deciding to write about them, so I'm not saying don't use wikis at all since they can be helpful, but consider avoiding them as official sources, if that makes sense.

Another thing is that I was a little confused by the presence of some of the short fictional stories since those weren't really essays but rather, well, stories. So it was a bit confusing to count them as essays when they were fictional and narrative, and not a narrative essay since that's a bit different. It felt like they belonged in a short story compilation, not an essay collection, if that makes sense. It's not a big deal, it was just a little confusing, that's all.

Moving away from that and back into the structure, I have a minor critique that I noticed you use the word "very" often. Words like "very" and "a lot" are advised against using in many academic essays since they're seen as fluff words that can be replaced with stronger words, such as I used "often" instead of a lot in "...I noticed you use the word 'very' often." It's a small change, but it makes the essay sound more professional and structured. I would also recommend spelling out numbers from at least 1-9 if not 1-99. I say this because I know in academia it's borderline a requirement (depending on what format your school teaches you, though in MLA American English it typically is) to spell out numbers from 1-9, otherwise that often warrants point deductions. It's not a big deal, though still something worth mentioning.

The thesis/topic sentence could be improved to be more specific. For example, the topic sentence in the first essay is "Art is very important in our education, and should be provided in our schools." This is a little vague and could benefit from being more specific. The sentence before it introduces more specifics and acts more like a topic sentence, so that's what I mean when I say it could benefit from being more specific. Here's an example of a thesis from a film essay: It may seem like film does not have any connection to psychological conditions such as voyeurism, but theories such as Tom Gunning's cinema of attractions, Jacques Lacan's mirror stage, and Slavoj Zizek's eye versus gaze prove cinema is deeply interlinked with voyeurism due to how spectacle, identity, and the gaze are pivotal elements that shape the viewer's engagement with the medium.

It's not perfect, but it succeeds at being specific. There is likely no doubt in your mind after reading that that you know exactly what argument the writer is going to make, exactly what their primary sources are, and can make a guess about how the essay will be structured (likely going in order by arguing Gunning's point, Lacan's point, Zizek's point, and then how it connects to the three prongs of spectacle, identity, and the gaze). After reading the topic sentence in your art essay, I don't really know where your argument is going to go. Taken on its own, it can simply be seen as a statement. In other words, to an outsider, it can be seen as a sentence that doesn't need to be elaborated on and can simply be an opinion.

That being said, there are a million ways to write intros, so I encourage you to play around with it and find what works for you and the topic you're writing about since, of course, every topic will require a different type of introduction.

Overall, the structure has its strengths and some areas that could be tweaked, but none of the tweaks are so drastic that it ever takes away from the central ideas and creativity of the essay collection.

Flow: 7.5/10. When it comes to the overall flow of the collection, I enjoyed it. I thought the unique ideas paired with the clear passion for the subjects being presented made for an entertaining and unique read unlike anything you're going to find on Wattpad. I could clearly see your writer's style as I read, and I thought you connected your overall points well, which is, of course, extremely important for an essay, but even zooming out and looking at the narratives in the story, as much as I was a bit confused by their presence, that doesn't mean there was anything wrong with them as individual stories. I thought they flowed well and gave us a solid look at the general concept while also not overstaying their welcome, so good job with that.

When it comes to critiques for the flow, I only have a handful, like some sentences are general and unneeded. Like "According to many studies, art should be provided in our education because it improves the student's intelligence" (the art essay). Like I mentioned previously, you could benefit from being less general and instead being more specific. Instead of telling us there are many studies, jump right into a study. That's why I felt that sentence wasn't needed and hurt the flow since now instead of jumping right into a strong source, we're being told a general statement about sources, so that's why I recommend being more specific throughout your essays, that way the claims are more clear and the readers can see more of your writer's voice, and it also gives more validity to your argument when you're specific, making readers trust the information you're giving more.

Another thing is what I mentioned before about sometimes making sure the ideas flow from one another smoothly so the audience can follow along easily, like the Filipino Debut and how it takes a while for the explanation about what the Filipino Debut actually is, so there are a few paragraphs there where we're being told information about the Debut without even knowing what it is, so we're left wondering why we should care about this topic when we don't know what it is yet. So flow-wise, I would recommend making sure the explanations for the topic come first and lead into the analysis, if that makes sense.

Overall, I thought the flow part of the collection was handled well and did a good job keeping the reader engaged throughout the short collection. I only had two critiques to help with reader comprehension, though other than those two things, you did a good job with this category.

Album Presentation: 7.5/10. This section is broken into the title, blurb, and cover, so let's start with the title being The Essay Collection. It is a book compiling a series of essays covering a variety of topics, so the title quite literally sums up what's in the story. Though, with that being said, it could be interesting to give this a more specific title. Like: *insert word/phrase here*: The Essay Collection. So like a word that you feel captures the vibe of the essays, and then you can use The Essay Collection as a subtitle. Or you can do something like what An, or Seamlesslove, does with her short story compilation. She named it Succinct Tales, which I think is a clever name without even needing to say "Short Story Collection." So consider playing around with the title to make it have more pop, if that makes sense.

The blurb is as follows:

Nineteen essays are featured in the first of The Essay Collection. From art to the phenomenon of "light pillars," these short works came from various assignments. And there are some that I genuinely enjoyed writing in here that I still am quite proud of.

It's simple and to-the-point, which is exactly what it needs to be. The only recommendation I have is to consider being more specific about the "art" portion of the "From art to..." sentence since the "light pillars" is super interesting and specific, so having a bit more specification on the "art" could be beneficial, too. Like your essay is on if art should be required in education or not, so consider having it be something along those lines, like "From the educational qualities of art to the phenomenon of...". That's just off the top of my head, so I'm not saying it's perfect, but it's a bit more specific since "art" is very general and doesn't narrow it down while "the phenomenon of 'light pillars'" is super specific and interesting. So that's my only suggestion, but I otherwise like the blurb and think it does a great job letting the audience know exactly what they're getting in to.

The cover is very cute. I love the purple and white color scheme, and it's a visually pleasing cover. I love the cute little font used and how the whole thing looks like a journal cover. That fits in perfectly with the whole concept being essays written in school. I really like the cover and think it's appealing, so no criticisms!

Total: 38/50.

Songs chosen to reflect the story:

Since this is a compilation, I decided to go based off of the short stories, like City Clothes, to make a short playlist that captures the feel of them.

1) Begin Again by Purity Ring (Non-explicit)

- The title implies what the song is about: restarting your journey and remembering the past and how it impacted you. The song talks about guarding the past and being aggressive, which I think reflects My City Clothes really well, so I chose it to reflect that short story in particular.

2) Interlude: Set me free by Agust D (Non-explicit)

- Like the last song, this song's title implies the meaning of the song. It's literally about being set free, though it goes deeper than that and talks about questioning the outcome and where one is going, which I believe reflects Gemini's story well with the constant questioning of identity and how splitting is going to go, so I chose this song to reflect the Why Gemini are Twins chapter.

3) The Way (Instrumental) by Zack Hemsey (Non-explicit)

- This is an instrumental that has a sense of solemn and adventure, which I think fits the history journal entry. The history journal entry is a fictional spin on real events with many sources to back it up, so I feel this piece is a powerful one to go along with this fictional journal since it gives that sense of adventure and power that I feel matches the vibe of the journal.

Link to playlist --->

Album scorecard:

1st Place

A Midsummer Night's Dream by Pviscelle

Review:

*As a bonus for placing in the top three in such a big category, a promotional review of your work will be featured on the official Wattpad Short Story profile as soon as the update schedule allows, making you a Wattpad featured writer!

Album Cohesion: 7/10. This is the pacing category, which is split into two sections. The first, smaller part is how much you're dilly dallying before chapter one. Are there a million intros? Are you putting a gazillion chapters prior to chapter one for no reason? Nope! There is only the preface, which is perfectly fine to have. Since you don't dilly dally and only have one chapter (a necessary one, at that) prior to the beginning of the story, you get full credit for this portion of the pacing.

As for the general story pacing, it works for the narrative. It's at a medium pace, I'd say, where the story is short, being 11 minutes approximately, and it has slower moments as well as faster moments that lead to an interesting conclusion that left me both shocked and satisfied. I normally don't have too much to say about pacing cause, y'know, if it's good, it's good and there isn't much deeper to say about it, but I do think it's interesting how the story is structured. It's a unique structure that I can tell you put a lot of thought and care into, and I wanted to take a moment to appreciate that.

Suggestion-wise, not too much, hence the good score. The only thing which is probably my main critique of the entire story is the majority of the story is summarized. I do like a lot of the summary, though it could also be interesting to see more scenes. It starts in a scene with the incubus wanting Bierra, then a good chunk of it is summarizing Bierra and her relationship with her classmate, and then back to the scene. It did start to get a little lengthy with the summarizing, so it could be interesting to trim or make more of the exposition more cinematic scenes and moments in the incubus' memory, but I'm not saying that will work since this is a very uniquely-structured story, so that's something I suggest with caution because this story structure is one that requires a lot of care. So not a definite thing, but it is something I thought I'd throw out there nonetheless.

Another thing is the end report was good, though I wasn't sure if one or both of the interventions and implications sections were needed simply because we got the message by then; however, I'm also not a psychologist. So if that's something you feel is needed, then please do ignore the crap out of me right now. I am the furthest thing from a scientist like... ever. I have studied psychology in the past and continue to research it to this day, but that's just because I like writing about mental health, so I'm far from any professional, hence why that's just something I'm mentioning and not something I'm saying needs to be changed or anything.

Overall, the pacing is good throughout the story. You start off strong by not wasting any time, and then you have the core of the narrative that has an intriguing pace that I think will keep the reader interested.

Lyrics: 7.5/10. This is the technical writing category that judges your grammar and everything else that factors into technical writing (i.e., general flow and descriptions), so let's get started with the grammar!

Grammatically, the story is good! When there were "grammar errors," they were clearly purposeful, like the fragmented sentences in the beginning. I liked the usage of breaking the rules to create new meaning. Sometimes grammar breakages for style can end up not great or drive me crazy, but here, I liked it and thought it made sense. You didn't do it too much and dialed back when needed, so the overall grammatical quality of the work is good.

The only sentence that made me pause was this: Falling asleep with her head slumped against the bed frame when an open textbook lay on the meat of her thighs, such smooth and long thighs. The reason is because of the "when an open textbook lay on the meat of her thighs." It kind of felt like the "when" was supposed to be another "with" since the when doesn't really make sense in that context. If it was meant to fit in with the older style of English the narrative has, I don't really think it works there, though that could also be just a me thing. But other than that (I don't take off for one or two things anyway; I have a three-strike rule, so I only take off if I have three or more examples of something), the SPAG was great.

When it comes to the descriptions, I think they are also interesting, unique, and work for the story. I was worried it'd be too much, but I think it works for the narrative. It is technically straying into purple prose, but congratulations, this is the first time I think ever that I haven't been bothered by there being purple prose in a story. It actually kinda makes sense here to have that more flowery language. But I also would say this is a far stronger example of purple prose because most purple prose I see on WP is just a crap ton of complex words thrown together with little syntax. The sentences here are better put together and dial it back when needed for more clarity. It also helps that the grammar is clean, as I normally see a lot of comma errors in purple works. This is all just a long way of saying I thought the descriptions worked for the narrative, lol.

I do think some of the adverbs could be cut back on, especially the more advanced ones since, in my opinion, if you're gonna go that far to use an extremely advanced adverb, you might as well just cut the adverb and use a far stronger word, y'know? It doesn't matter how advanced the adverb is since it's still telling over showing, so that's why I am of the opinion it's stronger to use a different structure or set of words that aren't adverbs if you're gonna go the complex adverb route. For example: "fortuitously." But that's a small thing since adverbs weren't too frequent. And it's fine to use adverbs, so I'm not saying don't use them, but what I am saying is consider downsizing on the more complex, out-there adverbs since, in my opinion anyway, at that point, you might as well just go for the non-adverb complex words, y'know?

Similarly, some of the word choice could be tweaked. For example: The short pause was impregnable. I understand what you're going for here, though I feel the sentence was a bit unnecessary or could have been tweaked; however, I also acknowledge my bias since I'm not a huge fan of using the word "pregnant" for silences since I think it's a bit overdramatic and unneeded in most cases. That could very well just be a me thing, so let's give another example.

Another example: The clear want in them to have him was palpable. I would recommend avoiding using the word "palpable" because it's become a very cliche word, and it's also not a very strong one. I've read, I kid you not, every single ONC entry this year. Every single one. I have lost count of how many used the word "palpable" multiple times. It's become such a cliche word that it pulls me out of scenes when I see it. I understand that's anecdotal, though what's not anecdotal is how often it's used.

Overall, the technical quality of the story is good. The grammar is solid, and the grammar breakages with things like fragmented sentences were handled well, same with the descriptions.

Dynamics & Harmony: 7.5/10. This is the characters and dialogue section, and there isn't much dialogue in the story, so let's go over that first, shall we?

There isn't much dialogue, but what's there works, and based on the direction you chose, there's no reason for there to be more than what's present. That's just a fancy way of saying the dialogue does exactly what it needs to, and it fits in with the chosen direction, making it good! It's also properly formatted, so that's an added bonus.

As for the characters, they are more vessels for the themes. There's an unnamed "incubus" who is the narrator, and as I'll mention again in the next section, I thought it was a clever choice to tell the story from the perspective the incubus. The incubus also just had a fun POV. Okay, wait, I realize how that makes me sound considering incubi are not nice people (or... I suppose, demons), but I don't mean it like that, I mean it's a unique POV with clever language that makes it feel extremely personal to the incubus. When writing in first person, it's important to make the first person POV feel personal to the character. You can get away with a more "general" POV in the third person (in a lot of cases, anyway), so I think having it be first person was a great choice that felt like an extension of Bierra, almost like her darkness manifesting itself as the narrator of this story.

Suggestion-wise, mostly just the same things I've been saying where it could have been interesting to have more scene over summary since the entire story is primarily summarized, so we don't know much about the characters (not that we need to know a whole lot, but it could help with the emotional impact). That said, it's interesting summary, so it's not a big deal. There isn't too much to say about the characters and dialogue since this is a far more theme-based story, so I'll focus more on that in the next section.

This isn't a critique but rather just a random thought: it could be interesting if Bierra was nameless, hammering home that isolation even more, especially if the end result has just a patient number, reducing her to a number and not even a name. I'm not saying that has to happen or it can work, but it's just something that popped into my head that I thought I'd throw out there. Even if it's not something you think would work with this narrative (totally valid; it may be tricky to do that final report without a name), maybe it inspires a future work? So I thought I'd throw it out there regardless!

Overall, the lack of dialogue gives the story a unique feel (and it fits in with the chosen narrative), and the characters are good vessels for the themes of the work, making for a fresh read.

Narrative: 8.5/10. I'm gonna be real with you, even though I've read this story probably at least five times, it's been a hot minute since I last read it, and I completely forgot about the plot twist about the mental health until I saw the report and was like "OHHH YEAH." I remember everything now, and I remember suggesting tweaking the trigger warning so it didn't spoil it, and I'm so glad you did that because now I got the true shock you were going for with this. That was a great change that really had me hooked by the end.

I respect this narrative a lot. It really tries something different and succeeds at it, and at the same time, it doesn't feel like it's trying too hard to be different. It's a unique idea that presents the incubus concept in a way that's different. It isn't just smash smash bang bang nomnom like most incubus stories are. In fact, sex doesn't really happen in this story, at least, not really. It's implied, summarized, and has one moment where it's very clear it's happening, but it's not treated necessarily in a lustful way. Well, yes, it's lustful, but not lustful for the readers, if that makes sense? It's not meant to make them be like "Ooooh steamy," and it's not even really meant for the characters to feel that way either. If anything, it's almost like an addiction; a cycle Bierra cannot break, and I think that's fascinating.

The choice to show this from the perspective of the incubus was a fantastic and unique choice, especially considering the twist that, oop! The incubus isn't real (probably... or maybe the psychologists are wrong)! So it creates a sense of "Wait, if the incubus isn't real, then... what is this POV? What am I doing? What am I reading?", and I mean that in the best way possible. You took a not-real, fictional story and made the narrator quite literally fictional within an already-fictional space. And, like I said, it makes it feel personal to the incubus and almost like the POV is actually Bierra when she's having her episodes, which gave it an even more unique feel than it already had.

As you can tell based on the very high score, I don't exactly have much in terms of suggestions. It's really all I said before where it could be interesting to see more scenes or trim in some areas to tighten it, but otherwise, the narrative is very good, and I overall enjoyed it a lot.

Album Presentation: 8/10. The title is A Midsummer Night's Dream, which is capitalized correctly according to Chicago guidelines and also fits in with the story. It's unique and Shakespearean (literally). For those reasons, I have no critiques of the title.

As for the blurb, this is the core of the blurb, though there is also an excerpt and some content warnings: She was a force driving him to sin with sheer temptation even in her sleep. He was a mystical being not backing down until he had a taste.

Normally I'm not a huge fan of more vague blurbs, but this works since the additional content surrounding it really shows us what the story is going to be about, and I can make educated guesses based on what you said.

As for the grammar, it's technically fine, though I do think the language could be tightened since it's a tad too passive, and you typically want blurbs to be as active as possible to inspire excitement and immediacy within the audience. The "sheer temptation" is also unneeded since it's already basically said with everything else.

Consider: She was a force driving him to sin, even in her sleep. He was a mystical being who wouldn't back down until he had a taste.

It's a small tweak, but it changes the "not backing down" to be "wouldn't back down," making it more immediate, and it removes the "sheer temptation." Overall, though, the blurb is good.

As for the cover, it's very elegant, and I think that elegance is good for the story we're about to see. It gives the story a clean, polished look, and I also like the what I assume are butterfly wings on the bottom. I liked all the color choices, too. Suggestion-wise, I hesitate to ever give suggestions for covers since I am no graphic designer, but either way, I don't have many. The text seems a little off-center, with the dip of the M not aligning with the space between Stella and Pviscelle, so it just looks a tad off-center. But, overall, I liked the cover.

Total: 38.5/50.

Songs chosen to reflect the story:

1) Can't Help Falling In Love - Dark Version by Tommee Profitt, brooke (Not Explicit)

- This slow, dark song perfectly reflects the atmosphere of this story. It's foreboding, has a hypnotizing female voice at the center of it, and it slowly builds speed the longer you listen. I think that describes the story exactly. You feel like something is wrong the entire time, there's a woman hypnotizing herself, and it slowly builds the longer you read. Plus, it's also just a good atmosphere-setting song.

2) Cholesterol by BONES (Explicit)

- This song maintains the atmosphere created by the previous song, keeping the darker tone but this time having an even deeper meaning. This song is very open to interpretation and can be spun many ways, but one common way it's spun is the singer is desperately looking for a reason to stay, and the anonymous person he is singing to is the reason he is there, which I think fits in with Bierra's fixation on her classmate.

3) 28 Reasons by SEULGI (Not Explicit)

- SEULLLLLGIIIIIII 😍😍😍😍😍🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗😏😏😏😏🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭😩😩😩😩😩

Wattpad Ambassador btw

Anywho!

The reason I chose this song is not because Seulgi reminds me why WOMENNN 😍😍😍😍

Ahem. I really need to stop.

So getting into the actual reason... this song fits the overall atmosphere of this playlist, and the toxic messaging behind this song regarding how Seulgi is singing about the dark side of oneself matches the theme of the story.

And... also... SEULGI 😍😍😍

Okay bye now sdnvksdnjvds Seulgi hehe

Link to playlist --->

Album scorecard:

Honorable Mention

A Walk in the Orchard by CarmenJohnson599

Review:

Album Cohesion: 7/10. This category is split into two parts: how the transition to the first chapter is, and how the overall story pacing is, with the overall pacing making up the majority of this category. But when it comes to the first part, you don't dilly dally or have a million chapters before chapter one. You get to the point right away without wasting our time or dilly dallying. You give us a solid look at what the story is going to be about in the first chapter and get moving into the plot with no time wasted on a million introductions, character aesthetics, prefaces, etc., so full credit for that side of the pacing.

This isn't really a critique or a praise, kinda in the middle, but I'm not sure if you need chapters here. It's only a 30-minute read, and the chapters being split up didn't add much to my experience of the reading. So maybe it can work as just one story without any chapter breaks. That's not a critique or a praise or anything so it won't factor into the score, though maybe it could be worth experimenting with. I'm not saying you have to since that's just my opinion. The chapters could work well for other readers, so that's just something to consider but not something I'm saying you absolutely should do, if that makes sense.

But moving into critiques, the main critique I have is the story loses a bit of engagement here and there since there are a lot of sentences to describe more mundane acts, and sometimes that's okay and even needed so we can understand what's going on, though the lunch room, for example, got a lot of time dedicated to it, but I feel those segments could have been trimmed a little to focus more on the plot rather than the smaller things, like what the characters were eating. Consider downsizing on these types of scenes. While it can be interesting to get to know more about the habits and likes/dislikes of the characters, be careful about overdoing it to instead focus on the plot.

So all in all, the pacing does a good job keeping the reader immersed in the story, and it starts strong with a bang into what the story is about without dilly dallying.

Lyrics: 7.5/10. The word choice is on the simpler side, choosing to be more to-the-point instead of overly complex or anything like that. I think that works well for the narrative and what you're trying to do with the direction of the short. The story is more focused on the bullying aspect, so the snappier and less complex word choice reflects the brutality of bullying. So I think you did a good job sucking the readers in by having a style that matches what you're going for thematically.

The main critique I have is the sentence structure, especially in the first chapter, got a bit repetitive since there weren't many usages of unique sentence types or punctuation. A lot of the sentences would start and then stop with not much variety. By that I mean, sentences that would go something like this: I went to the store. I bought some cabbage. I went home and cooked a meal afterwards. <--- sentences that start and then stop with similar sentence starters (in this case, "I"), so it could be interesting to diversify these sentences to show more experimentation and keep the engagement high.

That being said, there wasn't much in the way of SPAG (spelling, punctuation, and grammar) errors, so that's good. Of what I noticed, they weren't really consistent, so I think you did a good job there. I didn't notice any typos until the end of the story in chapter 3, but for the life of me I can't remember what it is, but I also think that's a good thing that the typo I remember seeing was so small that now I can't even remember it, so hey, I think that's a plus. It's also totally possible I'm being delusional and there was no spelling error.

So, yeah. Essentially, there were just many moments of repetitive sentence structure that made the story sound a bit robotic at times since the sentences all read the same way, so I would recommend playing around more with the sentence structure and not having too many of the same sentence types back-to-back, that way readers are reading unique sentences that keep them on their toes. Overall, though, I think you did a good job with this aspect of the story.

Dynamics & Harmony: 7/10. This is the characters & dialogue section, so before I get into the dialogue, let's start with the characters!

There weren't many characters, which I think is a good thing since this story doesn't need that many characters. We have a more focused narrative here with us worrying about mostly the main characters with some that are more on the side, like Brandi. Well, since I mentioned Brandi, I might as well talk about her first, right? Brandi had a nice twist to her where it turns out she used to bully the protagonist, which was an interesting twist I did not see coming and even commented on within the book since I found it intriguing. That was a great turn of events that had me interested to know more about the story. So even though Brandi is a side character, I thought she added a lot to the narrative.

The protagonist and Lori are the two central characters here. The protagonist has a reputation to the point where even the teachers are like "Bro you gonna take care of this or not?" So I like the atmosphere surrounding the main character. I don't believe we are given a name for the protagonist, unless I missed it (which is totally possible), though I have no problem with that and think it works well here since it's about the concept of bullying and putting a stop to it more than anything. Lori is the bully, so it's easy to dislike her, though I did like her final line. As an antagonist, I think she works well! The protagonist also works, as she's fighting for a cause easy to support: stopping bullying. You do a good job keeping the focus on the concept while making the characters interesting as well.

For the dialogue, it's good, too. Like I just said, Lori's final words are good, and the dialogue throughout works for displaying the themes present throughout the narrative. So, all in all, the characters and dialogue are solid.

My critiques are only about the formatting of the dialogue. There are some dialogue errors throughout the story, so I'll go over them here. The first thing I'll say is that I would recommend not using actions as tags. Actions like "I smiled," or other similar words (chuckled, laughed, etc.). I say this because they're a bit unnatural, as words can't really be nodded, chuckled, laughed, etc., but they can be said, asked, whispered, etc. So I would recommend considering avoiding using actions as tags, especially since there are so many alternatives. Here are a few examples of alternatives:

"Dialogue." I chuckled. "More dialogue."

I chuckled. "Dialogue."

The second thing is there are some capitalization errors with the dialogue. For example: "Why don't you ever wear it down?" I asked, "You have beautiful hair" (chap 2). Another example: One boy sitting nearby, Josh, whispers, "we are willing to back you..." (chap 1). The first example should be: "Why don't you ever wear it down?" I asked. "You have beautiful hair." The reason is because these are two separate sentences, so you don't need the comma. Commas between one set of dialogue and another implies continuation within the same sentence, not two separate sentences. So a potential way to do that is with this: "I wanted to ask you," she said, averting her eyes, "why were you following me?" There's more connection between the first line and the second, and when connecting dialogue needing a comma, the second dialogue's first letter should be lowercase unless it is a proper noun. That doesn't happen all the time, but it does happen sometimes. Sometimes you do capitalize the second half of the dialogue correctly.

On the opposite side of things, the chapter one example should be this: One boy sitting nearby, Josh, whispers, "We are willing to back you...". This is because when introducing new dialogue, the new dialogue is treated like a new sentence, so the first letter would be capitalized. To put it simply, if you have new dialogue, the first letter should be capitalized. If you are continuing dialogue, it should be lowercase unless it is a proper noun. Some examples:

He turned and said, "How are you?"

"Are you okay?" he asked. "You seem off."

"Hey," he said, breathless, "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Wait," she said as she stopped, "where are you going?"

Overall, the dialogue and characters work well for the narrative and do what they need to to elevate the story, though there could be some tweaks to the presentation of the dialogue.

Narrative: 8/10. The narrative is simple: a bully needs to be punished. It's straightforward, but that isn't a bad thing by any means. If anything, I think that works in the story's favor since we get to see the build up to the execution of the protagonist's plan to stop the bully, like the protagonist has done many times in the past to the point where even the teachers are like "Bro pls help us" without actually saying that.

I liked how the narrative ended and wrapped up with Lori having the final say, but instead of her being snappy and more of a bully, she's resigned and learned her lesson without her on her knees apologizing to the entire school. It's a more subtle way to show Lori learned something from that experience. I also liked how you included moments of tension throughout, like the sinking feeling that the fight with Lori isn't going to go the way the protagonist expects. And then, Lori stabs her while she isn't looking. That's a nice moment to add more tension and be a what the actual flip moment, too, so I think you did a good job sprinkling in the tension and making the reader question what was going to happen around every turn.

The only critique I have is what I mentioned before in the pacing section where you could benefit from cutting out some of the more mundane descriptions to get to that final fight faster. Since the sentence structure is very similar for a lot of the story but particularly chapter one, the narrative did lose some of its engagement, though the final part did pick up the engagement again. Though, with that being said, I still was interested to see what would end up happening in the end, so I was still intrigued even with some engagement issues with the pacing and similar sentence structures getting a bit repetitive to read at times. So either way, you still have a solid idea, and I enjoyed reading it.

Album Presentation: 7.5/10. The title is A Walk in the Orchard, which I think works for the story. After reading the book, I can say that yes the title does, in fact, fit the story's narrative well. It literally ends with just that. That's the climatic moment right there that you're alluding to without making it too obvious, so I think you did a good job with the title. No critiques for it.

The blurb is a short summary of the concept of the book, posing a question to the audience about what they would do if everyone was scared of a bully. This is a short story about bullying, and the blurb covers bullying. Makes sense, right? So there's not too much to say about the blurb other than it sums up the story in a way that's short and doesn't overstay its welcome.

The only thing I'd say in terms of critiques is that the spacing is a little off, which is very clearly no big deal but still something worth mentioning. There's an extra space between the period/full stop and the start of the next sentence for every sentence in the blurb, so I would suggest removing those extra spaces whenever you get a chance. You'll notice there's one extra, so you only need the one space, not two, but we've talked about it in the past, so I won't talk your ear off about it, haha.

The cover has a nice background image that reflects the title. It creates an interesting contrast since it's a peaceful title and cover despite covering a serious and violent issue: bullying. But I like that about it and the way the final fight takes place in such a peaceful place. It's an interesting writing decision that really gives the reader a chance to reflect on the violence since it's put in the spotlight due to the peaceful nature surrounding it. So I liked that aspect of the cover.

When it comes to critiques, I wasn't a big fan of the font used. It could be interesting to play around with the font a little more since it looks like the standard comic sans, so I would recommend playing around with it a little and making that part of the cover a bit more "cinematic" (for lack of a better term), if that makes sense. Otherwise, I thought the cover provided an interesting contrast between the violence of bullying and the peacefulness of the orchard.

Total: 37/50.

Songs chosen to reflect the story:

1) La Cienega by 88rising (Not explicit)

- This is gonna sound weird, but I chose this song because I feel like it's the type of song the main character would listen to while practicing. I don't know why, but I just feel like it would be. Maybe it's just me, but it has that vibe to it that I feel the mc would like. Feel free to tell me if I'm going crazy, I just thought of this song right away after reading this story. But even beyond that, I feel this song accurately sets the vibe of the story, so I think it's a good start to the playlist.

2) If You Were There, Beware by Arctic Monkeys (Not explicit)

- There are many ways to interpret this song, but it undoubtedly has to do with popularity and how it's easy for outsiders to sink their claws in and pry apart the lives of others. In my personal interpretation, I think it's about how popularity negatively impacts everyone, especially those around the popular individuals since just by being associated with someone of higher social status, you're put at risk. I think this reflects the final fight of the story well, where everyone wanted to pry and see the fight for themselves. Instead of it being about bullying, for them it became almost like a spectacle, which I found interesting, and it's also why I chose this song to reflect the story. Another reason is because it fits the overall vibe of the previous song and the next song.

3) Long Way Down by Robert DeLong (Explicit)

- This is a song about being a "savior" and the expectations that come with it. The singer compares himself with someone else who is more of a savior saving the world from "nothing," alluding to how expectations are constantly put on that individual to the point where they'll be saving the world even if nothing is at stake. I think the theme of pressure within the song fits the story very well since everyone kept asking the mc to do something about the bullying situation, even above the teachers.

Link to playlist --->

Album scorecard:

Honorable Mention

Runaway Princess by BookLover3062 (new account: ThatOneWeirdoGirl27)

Review:

Album Cohesion: 7/10. This section is split into how quickly you get into chapter one (a minor portion of the score) and also the overall pacing of the story. When it comes to how quickly you get into chapter one, you get full marks due to the fact that you don't dilly dally, only including a quick clarification chapter before chapter one, and chapter one starts off right away. You don't have a million chapters before chapter one that make me want to click off. For those reasons, I think the pacing into the story is good, giving the reader a solid start without wasting their time by any means.

When it comes to the general story pacing, that's also good. Sunny's determination and strength throughout the story were shown at a good rate, same with the rate at which she tried to solve the Tamish conflict. The ending was also good, and I liked the final line you left it off on. It was a satisfying conclusion that wrapped up everything as needed. This was a more plot-focused story, with defeating Tamish and showing good triumphing over evil being the main focus. The characters were a focus as well, but I'd say it was more 60-40 plot to characters (which is good; for the theme you have, keeping a clear focus on the plot was a smart decision). The reason I say that is because the pacing of the plot is even more important as a result of the higher plot focus, so the fact that you did it well is an even higher praise. All in all, good job!

Critique-wise, two things. One is to consider slowing down during the alicorn reveal since this is a big moment. It could have been interesting to see more of Sunny's emotions there, as everyone shares the same reaction: shock. Understandable shock, but seeing at least one person's emotions for such a life-altering reveal (in this case, Sunny's) in more detail could give the reveal more weight. I'm not saying it needs to be like paragraphs upon paragraphs of description or anything of the sort, but since this is one of the biggest moments in the story that also gives the characters a fighting chance against Tamish, it could be beneficial to give the moment more weight, if that makes sense.

Also in the beginning, when she arrives at Aunt Carol's and describes how Tamish had overthrown her family could be expanded upon. It's summarized instead of shown cinematically, and it could be interesting to get scene over summary here, especially since we as an audience don't know anything about Tamish, so getting exposition there could be beneficial. I'm pretty against overusing exposition, so I'm not saying exposition dump, but having a scene to show more of the emotions and give at least some exposition could be really helpful to keep the reader engaged. By that I mean when she arrives and tells her aunt about everything, instead of saying "She described the details of how Tamish had overthrown her family," have it be a scene where we see her describing it. That can help set the stakes and establish who Tamish is more clearly, as who Tamish really is was a bit vague throughout the narrative. I hope that makes sense!

Overall, the pacing of the story is good and does a good job going from point A to point B smoothly.

Lyrics: 7/10. This is the technical writing section covering not only the SPAG (spelling, punctuation, and grammar) but also everything else that factors into the technical quality (i.e., descriptions and general paragraph/sentence structure). So, let's get started with grammar.

Grammatically, the story is pretty good! I don't think I noticed any spelling errors, so if there were any, they were small enough to go unnoticed. The general syntax was good, with the sentences feeling smooth and not awkward. I only have one critique about grammar, but it is a main grammar error, so it'll take me a couple paragraphs to talk about it below.

As a little disclaimer, I was reviewing this at the same time you were editing, and I tried to go back in after editing to tweak my notes, but I originally had some notes in here about grammar errors that were since fixed after editing. I think all the errors I have below are still present post-editing, but if they're not, please disregard.

The main error I noticed were punctuation errors, and also some moments where I felt the sentences could be tweaked to have different punctuation. To start, here's an example of a sentence I felt could have been tweaked: She felt her heart beating in her chest and her blood pumping through her veins as she ran further and further away from Eldoria and the only home she'd ever known. Consider: She felt her heart beating in her chest and her blood pumping through her veins as she ran further and further away from Eldoria—the only home she'd ever known. The reason I added an em dash is because that sentence goes on for a while without punctuation, so giving it a breathing break could be beneficial.

But going into more objective errors, here is an example of a sentence that needs a comma: One of her aunt's friends came over and the two busied themselves making food and tidying the house while Sunny slept. Consider: One of her aunt's friends came over, and the two busied themselves making food and tidying the house while Sunny slept. All I did was add a comma to connect the two clauses.

Here's an example of there being a comma where it's not needed: She crept to the room where Sunny was, and pushed the door open, slipping inside. Consider: She crept to the room where Sunny was and pushed the door open, slipping inside. The second comma is fine, but the first one isn't needed since the "She" is both creeping into the room and pushing the door open, which makes this a compound predicate sentence type.

A random example:

I went to the store, and bought milk. (Incorrect)

I went to the store and bought milk. (Correct)

Since the subject is doing both of those actions back-to-back, it's a compound predicate sentence type, which means it doesn't need a comma. I hope that makes sense!

Description-wise, the story is good. A small critique is what I mentioned in the previous section where it could have been interesting to slow down and more closely explore the emotions during the alicorn reveal. However, that said, the other descriptions and overall flow and sentence structure was good, making for a smooth read that I enjoyed!

Dynamics & Harmony: 8/10. This is the characters and dialogue section, so let's start with the dialogue and then get into the characters!

The dialogue does what it needs to for the story. It portrays the good versus evil you're going for effectively. And, to top it all off, you do dialogue tags correctly, which is awesome since so many people do tags incorrectly. I only have one critique for the dialogue I'll leave below, but you overall get almost full credit for this side of the category! Good job!

Critique-wise, I'd say there were a few too many dialogue tags. Having more dialogue tags is more acceptable when the target audience is younger, so it's not a big deal, but it is something worth considering downsizing on since it can get repetitive to have too many dialogue tags regardless of target audience. Like I said, no big deal, but tags can get repetitive and draw attention away from the dialogue, so that's just something worth considering for future works.

Character-wise, as you can probably tell based on the high score, I enjoyed the characters. This is a classic good versus evil story that does what it needs to to portray that theme. The characters are likeable enough that you want to cheer for them and see them succeed. Sunny has clear motivations and is an active character who is always changing the direction of the plot. All the characters are active and feel impactful on the narrative, which makes everyone feel important (which of course is great; sometimes stories shove too many characters in, and then the characters end up feeling pointless). I liked Sunny a lot and was happy to see her get her good ending.

The only thing about characters is what I mentioned before about how it could be interesting to see more reactions to the alicorn outside shock to make the characters feel more unique and individual. I.e., maybe one character is celebrating instead of just shocked, or another is bitter (I'm just throwing this out there as an example, but I don't think bitterness would work with the tone of the scene), or another runs to hug it, etc. Some different reactions to such life-changing news could make the characters feel more individual and also really hammer home what this alicorn means. Otherwise, though, the characters were fun to read about.

Overall, the dialogue does exactly what it needs to to keep the story moving and is formatted correctly from a grammatical standpoint, and the characters are likeable and get you cheering for them to succeed.

Narrative: 7/10. The narrative is a classic tale of good versus evil, and it was refreshing to see pure good and pure evil characters. I like complexity and all these nuanced narratives as much as the next person, but sometimes it's nice to just get a clear good versus evil. It makes it easy to cheer for your protagonist and want to see the villain fail.

This is a good narrative that isn't confusing or tries to throw too much at the audience. I didn't notice any plot holes or inconsistencies, and I enjoyed the worldbuilding and how all the characters converged to fight against evil. It's a great plot that follows its structure and feels like everything happens for a reason. Problems are met with solutions, and there is a sense of whimsicalness to it to give it an added flair. I think most readers will really enjoy this narrative since it's simplistic but tells a classic, uplifting theme of good overcoming evil and how determination can save the day.

The only suggestions I have are things I basically said before about how the alicorn is a big narrative moment that feels like it could use some more detail, but the other thing I mentioned but didn't talk too much about was Tamish. That summarizing scene in the beginning could have been interesting as a scene where we learned more about the stakes since we don't know much about Tamish, and considering he is the evil the good has to triumph over, knowing more about him could be beneficial to get the readers more invested in the stakes. It is clear that he's evil, though I feel like I don't know much about his motivation or much about him. I'm not saying we need to know a crap ton about him or anything, but even just doing a scene over summary in the beginning like I mentioned earlier (with Sunny describing what Lord Tamish did) could be enough to give the emphasis we need on his evil misdeeds and who this guy is. I hope that makes sense!

Overall, the narrative was fun to read and kept my attention, and it was a refreshing good versus evil plot that had a satisfying conclusion.

Album Presentation: 7.5/10. Runaway Princess is the title of the story, and it's two short words that quite literally sum up what the story is about, and they're capitalized correctly according to Chicago (the typical manuscript editing format). For those reasons, I have no critiques of the title!

Blurb-wise, it also sums up the story exactly as needed, which is great. The blurb is as follows:

Princess Sunny has had to abandon her home in the castle due to her kingdom being taken over by an evil wizard. Aided by her younger cousin, Sunny ventures through her kingdom and back in the hopes of saving the world before it's too late.

Along her journey, Sunny encounters magical creatures and family to help her on her quest, but does she really have what it takes in the end to defeat Lord Tamish?

In my opinion, it doesn't need the "in the end," but it's otherwise good from a grammatical standpoint. Consider: Along her journey, Sunny encounters magical creatures and family to help her on her quest, but does she have what it takes to defeat Lord Tamish? But like I said, other than that, it's good from a SPAG perspective!

Conceptually, you did good keeping the blurb short. Blurbs are supposed to be on the shorter side, so I think you did a good job there while also clearly establishing the stakes and main characters. It could be a tad more cinematic, as it is summarized matter-of-factly and could benefit from raising more questions and using more powerful adjectives and sentence structure. Or maybe more of a hint about who Lord Tamish is. It doesn't need to be anything too crazy detailed, but it's something worth considering! I still overall like the blurb.

As for the cover, I love the concept of the cover and the borders being all the leaves to make us feel lost in the woods. It's an elegant cover that reflects the overall vibe the story has. The only critique I have is the background could be made a bit lighter so the text can be slightly more visible, as the text is a tad hard to see. Otherwise, though, the cover is great!

Total: 36.5/50.

Songs chosen to reflect the story:

1) Experience by Ludovico Einaudi (Not Explicit)

- This is an instrumental with heavy fantasy vibes, but I think it's the perfect start to this playlist due to the slow, somber nature it has. It's a wonderful song that fits the story perfectly.

2) Runaway - Piano Version by AURORA (Not Explicit)

- I chose the piano version of this song since I think it matches with the overall vibe of this playlist while also maintaining the airy, fantastical feel of the original version. It may be a common choice to give to a fantastical story, but I honestly think it works well due to the feeling of adventure the song brings.

3) Elmshore by Justin Bell (Not Explicit)

- This is like the opposite of Experience, where it's a more energetic instrumental, almost like battle music to match the epic final showdown between Sunny and co. versus Tamish. It's a solid instrumental to end the playlist on, and I think it's the perfect song to play while reading that ending portion of the story.

Link to playlist --->

Album scorecard:

Honorable Mention

The Fabulous Spec-Fic Smack Down Anthology by katiegoesmew

Review:

Album Cohesion: 8/10. This is the pacing category that judges both how much dilly dallying you're doing prior to chapter one and the general story pacing. The dilly dallying is just a tiny part of this section, but still something worth going over. To start with that, you don't at all dilly dally and instead get right into it. All you have is an introduction, which is of course fine to have and works! For those reasons, you get full credit for this side of the category.

As for the general story pacing, it's also good. Every story is paced how it needs to be and does its job to get the plot moving. It doesn't feel rushed or slow or anything of the sort, which means everything is how it needs to be. When the pacing is good, there's not much to say other than, hey, the pacing is good, so good job with that!

Suggestion-wise, as you can probably tell based on the high score, I don't have much. There are awkward sentences throughout that slowed the reading speed unnecessarily, and the confusion with the story direction about if this is an anthology or not (along with the general time frame happening between certain chapters) was another factor, but those are both things I'll cover later that I'm only bringing up here to explain why any points were taken off.

Overall, the pacing for this work is good and does its job to get the reader invested.

Lyrics: 6/10. This is the technical writing section covering all things SPAG and structure, so let's jump right into it!

Grammatically, the story is great. The punctuation is consistently good, same with the spelling and general grammar. There are some editing errors, it seems, where there are some inconsistent but occasional errors.

For example:

"So, what do you think of the new book?" she asked in a sing-song voice

Here, there's no end punctuation (chap 3).

There's also this: Black shadows danced across the glistening dark blue ice, cast by moon- and starlight filtered through the clear ice snow globe enclosing the house (This is Where It Gets Dark). This sentence is a little confusing because of the second clause and the dash. The dash can simply be removed, though I would also recommend removing either the moon or stars. I say this because having both makes the sentence a bit clunky, and "ice" is used twice here, so you may also want to limit it to just "snow globe" since you already established the "ice" in the first clause. As for the moon and starlight, the reason is because if there is a moon, we can already assume stars and vice versa, so you may want to consider: Black shadows danced across the glistening dark blue ice, cast by starlight filtered through the clear snow globe enclosing the house. That's just one alternative, but, of course, there are plenty of ways to take this sentence!

The general grammar, though, is very good!

The descriptions have great moments and solid ideas presented through them. There is strong word choice present throughout the story, and that when backed up by good grammar makes the descriptions have many great lines and vocabulary that I think will keep readers enjoying the narratives!

Suggestion-wise, the descriptions, like I said, have great ideas, though the descriptions regarding physical descriptions could be a bit more inventive, as I've noticed with your work you have a tendency to choose to describe a lot of the same parts of someone. For example, in the Google chapter, we're told about Cupid's bow lips, icy blue eyes, chocolate eyes, almond-shaped eyes, etc. These aren't bad descriptions, but since there are so many eye descriptions and typical descriptions (icy blue eyes, chocolate eyes, Cupid's bow lips, and almond-shaped eyes are all very common descriptions), it could be beneficial to diversify them and focus on more distinct physical traits like you did with Pipaluk, maybe more to do with their skin, or things very, very specific to the individual. That's not to say you can't use eye descriptions and things like that, but it could be beneficial to downsize a bit since there are a lot of them. You do give specific and unique descriptions (like with Pipaluk), so none of that is to say you don't, but it's just a recommendation to consider downsizing on how much you describe the more typical things. Similarly, the words "ice" and "blue" are used a lot throughout the entire compilation, so downsizing on that as well could be beneficial. I understand why you're using them, though from a reader's perspective, there are only so many times we can see the same words without them becoming repetitive.

There is also a slight telling over showing problem where sometimes you unnecessarily put in telling. For example: She froze in the doorway, her icy blue eyes wide with surprise and her mouth hanging open as she stared at him (When Google Fails). You don't need the "with surprise" here since eyes being wide and a mouth hanging open are universal signs of surprise, and based on the context of the scene, it's obvious she's surprised, therefore you don't need to directly tell us she's surprised.

And there's also the thing I mentioned in the previous review about how some of the descriptions were a tad awkward or started to go on too long. Like the example I gave from chapter one in my previous review: The white shrank back to the ground obediently. It traced a quick path across the brickwork to an ordinary shrub - or what remained of it, anyway. It could be more direct and shorter to say something like: The ice slithered back across the brickwork, curling around a shrub—well, what was left of it.

But the main thing is similar to what I just said where sometimes your uses of dashes got confusing since you're using hyphens and not proper em dashes (if you don't have an em dash key or can't get them to work on WP, I at least recommend doing -- so it's more clear it's meant to be a dash and not a hyphen), and that when combined with the awkward sentences made some of the descriptions very confusing. For example, from chap 9, the When Google Fails chapter: Unlike the much shorter Emma, bundled head-to-toe in winter wear, Lily wore jeans and a baggy, long-sleeve shirt-blue, of course, to match her eyes, her dark blue leather boots and gloves, and her ice, coating every surface of the house, inside and out.

If you read that sentence out loud, you may see how it's very confusing and runs on too long. It sounds like two or three sentences shoved into one. For editing purposes, I strongly recommend reading your work out loud and/or plugging it into TTS due to the frequent descriptions running on too long. Hearing how your sentences sound can really help prevent moments like these. This description comes almost halfway through the story. By this point, do we really need to know all of this information? Can this be sprinkled throughout instead of thrown at us all at once? Especially since ice and blue descriptions are, by this point in the story, very common? Is there a different way you can describe this, or a new way to describe these things? I think if it were a proper em dash instead of a hyphen, it'd at least make more sense, but I still recommend cutting it up a bit and trying to find more inventive ways to describe your characters, as the character descriptions fell a bit flat for me due to them being repetitive.

Overall, the technical writing for this work is good, especially when it comes to the SPAG. The descriptions present interesting ideas but could just be trimmed in terms of their structure and also their repetitive language.

Dynamics & Harmony: 8/10. This is the characters and dialogue section, so let's start right away with the dialogue!

The dialogue present throughout the story is good. Dialogue tags are done correctly, which is awesome, and there weren't even any actions as tags, if I'm recalling correctly. I feel like I would remember if I noticed any, so if there were any, they were minor enough to go unnoticed by me, so good job with that!

The dialogue itself is also good and feels natural. There are pauses when needed, and there isn't too much shoved into the dialogue. Characters talk over each other, interrupt each other, and properly respond to each other, making it feel like they're talking to each other rather than talking at each other, which is a common mistake I see in many books. That made each conversation feel fluid and interesting to read about, especially when the characters have speech styles that make them stand out.

Along with that, there is good space around the dialogue where it's rushed when needed and slowed down when needed, not to mention there are actions and descriptions happening around the dialogue to make it feel more realistic. A conversation is rarely just a conversation. There are loud noises in the background, stomach growls, stutters, cars driving by, creaks of floorboards, the characters needing to readjust their body positioning, etc. Even as I sit here writing this, no conversation happening, my laptop fan is going and distracting me, the keyboard makes noises, cars are passing by the busy street I live on, and my mom is in a meeting and talking loudly enough I can hear her through my room door. All of this and I'm not even talking to another person. So all of that is to say every conversation has crap going on around it, so I was glad you included varying factors to make the dialogue more realistic.

As for the characters, they are also good. As already established, they have good dialogue, so that makes it a lot easier to settle in and want to read more about them. They also have clear personalities and distinct traits that make them stand out. While I did have critiques for some of the descriptions getting repetitive, that doesn't mean there weren't any descriptions that stood out to me character-wise. Pipaluk's introduction, for example, was handled well and had good descriptions attached to it. Pipaluk, in general, was probably my favorite. He has the clearest personality with his attitude and quirks, which made him stand out. All of the characters stood out, really, so that was great.

Suggestion-wise, not much, as you can probably tell based on another good score. It's really just what I said before about how the characters are sometimes described in repetitive ways, and Lily's actions in chapter 2 felt extremely OOC for her and contradictory to how she was shown in chapter one, which may not seem like a big deal, but the entire reason chapter 2 happens is because of her being OOC and not noticing these cubes she openly was very cautious of were burning down her property, so it is extremely important since otherwise the chapter wouldn't have happened. Otherwise, though, the characters are interesting.

Overall, the dialogue works well for the story and is formatted properly, and the characters were distinct and had individual personalities that made them stand out from one another.

Narrative: 7/10. This is a loosely connected story with changing characters in the same general "universe," so there's no one overarching narrative but similar characters and worldbuilding elements to look in to.

The stories are all unique and creative, with there being different concepts and genres you experiment with throughout the collection. The opening two chapters have a unique narrative with the cubes that does a good job setting the tone for the entire story, though there are darker chapters that are more introspective, such as This is Where It Gets Dark, which definitely lives up to the title and gets dark. All of the stories here are enjoyable and play around with different styles, word count limitations, and structures. The Curse was another good one that had a cute opening, and it was an interesting take on the Snow White tale. I liked how you took the prompt that chapter was written for and thought it was clever.

Suggestion-wise, just a couple things. Like I mentioned in the previous review of this story, it was a bit confusing at times, especially with the Lily plot in the beginning few chapters with the cubes. The first three chapters all seem to follow the same character in a connected story, though A) that's inconsistent with what an anthology is, and B) it's unclear at what point these chapters are taking place due to inconsistencies within the chapters. Like I mentioned in my previous review, the first and second chapter happen in the same day, confirmed by chapter two saying she felt guilt for the second time "today," so it has to be on the same day, but last we were with her, she was watching them closely, then she needed to be alerted to them causing chaos in her yard in chapter 2 by a third party.

You can have an anthology with recurring characters if they're different individual stories, but there are connected storylines that make it less an anthology and more a composite novel. I'll stop talking about it now since I already did previously, though it is still something that factors in here since it did really confuse me for the first three chapters, and even with the knowledge they're connected, it is still written a bit confusingly regardless since the timeline is unclear, and we're unsure if chapter three is supposed to be connected to chapter two or not since chapter two ended on a cliffhanger, and even though chapters one and two happened on the same day, chapter three is more ambiguous.

All of that is to say there could be more clarity with what the goal of this story is since it seems to go back and forth between wanting to be individual stories like an anthology to being almost connected if not directly connected. Some more concrete answers for the timeline of this story and your general goal for what you see in it could be beneficial.

Overall, the narrative is good and presents unique ideas and interesting experimentation, there could just be some tweaks to the clarity of the story.

Album Presentation: 7.5/10. The title of the work is The Fabulous Spec-Fic Smack Down Anthology, which is an eye-catching, especially considering what this is about. It's quite literally for a contest of the same name. It's whacky title that I think will draw attention, and it's also capitalized correctly according to Chicago guidelines. That said, this still really isn't an anthology, so the title is misleading in that regard; however, it's otherwise a fine title.

As for the blurb, it lays out the groundwork and shows exactly what the story is going to be about. It has the genres listed clearly, same with why it was written. That said, it does feel more like an author's note, not a blurb. You're not really advertising the story to us and getting us ready to read, so it feels more like material you're read in the foreword rather than an actual blurb of the book, especially with the second paragraph that gives us information we really don't need to know in the blurb. So, my recommendation would be to consider making this blurb more cinematic and more like you're pitching the story to us, as right now it feels a bit like an author's note rather than a story summary. That said, the SPAG is very good.

As for the cover, it works. It has pretty coloring and a good font. Since it's a collection of shorts, it makes sense that it's a more general cover focused more on clearly establishing the title than anything else. It could be interesting if the author's name was aligned with the white cube it's inside to have more symmetry with the title being aligned with the other pink cube, and I wasn't sure of the purpose of the black scribble line on the bottom, but it's otherwise a good cover that works for the story.

Total: 36.5/50.

Songs chosen to reflect the story:

1) Gestral Village - Gestral Market by Lorien Testard (Not Explicit)

- This cute instrumental is a song on the Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 score, and I instantly thought of it while reading about those cute cubes. It's a whimsical, fun instrumental that kinda just sounds like what I imagine would play whenever the cubes enter a scene. It's also just a cute instrumental that I think has great whimsical vibes.

2) Take Me to My Destiny by Synthea Starlight (Not Explicit)

- This is a sci-fi-esque song that's all about adventure, and like the previous song, it has a whimsical feel to it, except this one has adventurous lyrics. It matches the tone of the story and overall playlist with its experimental vibe and adventurous feeling, so I think it matches the anthology well.

3) A Sort Of Homecoming by Symmetry (Not Explicit)

- This instrumental starts off almost hypnotic with its repetitive rhythm, but as it goes on, more and more layers are added, and it feels like the kind of music you'd sit and stare at your wall while listening to. It also helps that it's from an album called Themes for an Imaginary Film, which feels like a speculative adventure. For those reasons, I think this song is a great one to close off the playlist!

Link to playlist --->

Album scorecard:

ALL REVIEWS:

Birthday Prank Gone Wrong by emilypoole977

Review:

Album Cohesion: 8/10. This category refers to the pacing of your work. There are two parts of this. The small part is how long it takes to get to chapter one, and the main part is the general story pacing. You get full credit for the small part since you don't dilly dally and don't have any unnecessary chapters before chapter one, which is the whole story since it's a oneshot. You don't waste our time and instead jump right into it, so good job with that.

As for the story pacing itself, that is also good. You get to the prank itself pretty quickly, and the whole story goes by relatively quickly. While it could be slowed down to focus more on the emotions, I also think it's good that this doesn't risk dragging it out since this isn't the type of story that needs to be like 30 minutes long, so I think under 20 minutes is a good length to keep this at and was a smart decision.

I won't talk your ear off about descriptions since we've already talked about it a few times in the past, though I did feel there could have been some more descriptions. Most of the story is dialogue, and of what isn't, most of the descriptions are action descriptions, describing what the characters are doing, and not much in terms of general descriptions. For example, maybe just one sentence describing the dish that was broken, as it's important to the plot (it causes the entire plot), and it's also Jin's favorite dish, according to him. So nothing major, but just some small stuff here and there to give more emphasis to the things important to the plot and characters.

But other than that, the pacing is pretty good and flows from point A to point B clearly, earning you a high score in this category.

Overall, the pacing does what it needs to to elevate the story and make it flow out at a comprehensive pace. I was not confused for any portions of the story and thought everything was explained well, and I appreciated how there was no dilly dallying before the story began.

Lyrics: 6/10. This criteria judges the technical quality of the work, including the grammar and technical quality of the descriptions. I already briefly mentioned descriptions above, so I won't get into it here again, and overall, when it comes to the technical score of the work, I'd say it's an improvement and feels more polished than past works I've read, so good job there.

Like with descriptions, I won't talk your ear off about grammar and spelling since we've already talked about it in the past. Though, for sake of fairness and to explain where the deductions came from, I do have to at least somewhat go over it, but I'll do my best to make it quick! I know much prefer talking about concepts and creativity than the grammar, so let's go rapid fire here.

There were spelling errors throughout the story, such as hyungs spelled as hyungd in the sentence He couldn't believe his Hyungd were treating him like this.

There are some preposition errors, where sometimes prepositions could be stronger. I.e., right after the hyungs typo: Namjoon was now having trouble breathing, and because he wasn't answering, Hoseok waved a hand in his face. It's not necessarily very wrong, and most grammar checkers probably won't mark it as such, but for sake of smoothness, I would recommend "Namjoon was now having trouble breathing, and because he wasn't answering, Hoseok waved a hand in front of his face." Saying "in his face" makes it sound like Hoseok actually waved his hand inside Namjoon's face, which obviously can't happen, hence why I'd recommend the "in front of."

But moving into more consistent and important errors, there are times there is missing end punctuation. Close to the last example I used, there's this: "Namjoon, are you okay?" he asked

There is no period/full stop after the "asked."

I will mention this again in the next section, but there were times the dialogue was missing quotation marks. For example, a little over halfway into the story: Where do you think your going, Hyungs?" he asked. This is also a case of incorrect your you're usage here, hence why I used this example. Consider: "Where do you think you're going, hyungs?" he asked.

For context, I always lowercase titles like oppa, hyung, maknae, etc. since I believe they should be lowercase in English unless they are starting a sentence. Even though you're using hyung to refer to specific people, it's essentially the English word for brother. You wouldn't say "James Brother," but rather "James brother" because "brother" is not part of the proper noun and just a general noun to describe who "James" is, therefore lowercase is more common (though, we typically don't say "James brother" either, so that's where translating Korean into English is tricky).

That said, if you're putting the title first and directly addressing someone, then it's fine to capitalize. I.e., Chairman Park. No one in Korean really says Hyung Jimin since hyung normally comes after, but I suppose anything's possible; I'm not a native speaker, after all. So I'm not necessarily saying it's wrong since Korean subtitling is a debated topic, though for me personally, I recommend lowercasing it since I've never seen anyone capitalize it outside of fanfiction, but I understand that's anecdotal evidence (it also just looks far neater to me).

But moving all that aside, the overall technical writing is fine and works for the story, though there could be some tweaks to smoothen it out.

Dynamics & Harmony: 7/10. This is the dialogue and characters category, so I'll go over the characters first and then the dialogue.

This story is more of a concept where it relays the feelings of isolation and Namjoon's whole story to the audience, so the characters here are not complex, and they don't need to be. They present the theme exactly as they need to, and it works. Namjoon gets the most complexity, but it isn't over-the-top, and it fits within the structure of the narrative. I'll transition into dialogue now to say when it comes to what they're saying, it also works. It fits in with the themes and works for what you're aiming for.

When it comes to the technical side of dialogue, there were some missing quotation marks that I mentioned before, and dialogue always needs quotation marks, so I would recommend making sure all your dialogue has it so it's understandable, otherwise we won't know it's dialogue or won't know where the dialogue ends, making it hard to follow.

I believe I've mentioned this in the past, though I advise against using semicolons in dialogue. It's not that it's necessarily wrong, but we as humans don't really speak in a way that warrants semicolon usage, and even when we do, it's hard to pick up on. Like we can tell when someone has a "comma" when they're speaking, but a semicolon? Meh, not as much.

I know it may seem nitpicky, but dialogue, especially in emotional moments (and this whole story is emotional), is a lot less polished and smooth. So when there are a lot of semicolons in dialogue, it can make the dialogue feel a bit stiff and too formal, or sometimes too polished. Tweaking the SPAG errors throughout can also help smoothen the dialogue since there were times the SPAG errors distracted from the dialogue.

The dialogue tags are mostly done correctly, so that's good, though there were a couple times I noticed you capitalized the tag when it needed to be lowercase. Not often, so it's not something that's going to majorly factor into the score, but it's just something to consider for future works with keeping the tags consistent. I.e., "Why did we do it, Hyung?" He asked. The "he" needs to be lowercase here. Or: "Hyungie, please come to my studio." He said. It should be: "...my studio," he said.

Similarly, there were a few times you ended dialogue with a period/full stop instead of a comma when you were using a tag. That's an example, but another example right after it is: "Joonie, it's okay, I'm almost there." he said. The capitalization is correct there, but the period/full stop after "there" needs to be a comma. That's also a case of there being no end punctuation since there is no period/full stop after the "said" in that sentence, and the one there is one I added, so that's another example of the grammar error I mentioned in the previous section about needing end punctuation.

Overall, the characters and dialogue work for the story and accurately present the themes you were going for, though there could be formatting and technical polishes to strengthen the dialogue further.

Narrative: 8/10. The narrative is simple: it's Namjoon's birthday, and the older members of BTS, without informing the younger ones, decide to prank Namjoon. Yoongi breaks a glass and blames it on Namjoon, and Jin comes in and doubles down while Hoseok is on the fence, and the prank goes wrong, leading to a fallout between them. It ends with reconciliation and Namjoon hosting a livestream to express himself.

This is a simple plot that fits in with exactly what you want to say. Since this isn't a big plot-focused story, I won't have too much to say here other than it works, is pretty well-paced, and matches the theme you're trying to get across. For those reasons, I believe this section deserves a high score and did a good job displaying the themes. I also did not notice any plot holes or inconsistencies, so if there were any, they were minor enough to go unnoticed.

Critique-wise, the main thing I'd say is what I mentioned in the pacing section where there could be just a tad more descriptions here and there, though another thing is there could have been more given to the Namjoon live, as it's really only one paragraph of Namjoon reflecting, so some more complexity and emotion could have been given to it, especially considering that's the live that really opens everyone's eyes to how he's feeling. I'm not saying there needs to be too much more since I think the simplicity works well, though just a tad more to give the emotions a bit more weight could be interesting.

Overall, the plot is good and makes the narrative feel interesting, and it matches the themes you are displaying.

Album Presentation: 5/10. The title of the story is Birthday Prank Gone Wrong, which is exactly what the story is about. While it's more of a sentence saying what the story is rather than a title, I think it's fine for such a short story. We don't need anything flowery or anything of the sort, therefore I think it works and shows what the story is going to be about well.

As for the blurb, this is the blurb:

The Hyungline prank Namjoon before his birthday by Yoongi blaming him for something he hadn't broken the prank goes wrong when Namjoon has a panic attack and passes out, the Maknae line find out and get mad.
The Hyungs try and apologise and Namjoon thanks then for their apologies but can't forgive then after a a live the Hyungs realise just how much Namjoon has been struggling and how wrong they were to do the prank.

The blurb tells the reader what they're getting into and is short, which is good since the vast majority of blurbs really don't need to be long, and most long blurbs I see could use some trimming, so I'm glad you kept it short here and focused on the idea.

As for critiques, it could be edited and polished to be a bit smoother, as it's hard to read, and the second part feels a bit bullet-point-like instead of a more engaging blurb.

SPAG-wise, consider:

The hyung line prank Namjoon before his birthday by having Yoongi blame him for something he hadn't broken. The prank goes wrong when Namjoon has a panic attack and passes out, and the maknae line find out and get mad.
The hyungs try to apologise, and Namjoon thanks them for their apologies but can't forgive them. After a live, the hyungs realise just how much Namjoon has been struggling and how wrong they were to do the prank.

That was strictly a SPAG tweak, and I didn't change any of the wording unless needed to make it grammatically correct. I kept it in UK English as well, but if I accidentally use a z for realize or apologize while SPAG checking, please ignore it since that's just my American brain taking over automatically.

Conceptually, I would say the blurb could use some tweaks since it reveals the entire story. There are now no mysteries, shocks, or engagement within the story since we read the blurb, which told us everything. We know the general plot of the prank, which is good (we should know that). We know the prank goes wrong, but do we need to know exactly how it goes wrong? Can we conceal the fact that Namjoon passes out to add an element of mystery to how it goes wrong? Do we even need to know what the prank is? Including the hyungs trying to apologize is fine, but do we need to know exactly what happens after that? The only thing missing is how they reconcile by the end, but that's about the only plot beat missing while everything else is there. So when it comes to blurb writing, I would recommend giving just enough to inspire intrigue, but avoiding most of the major plot beats to keep readers wondering what will happen. I hope that makes sense.

As for the cover, the characters in the story are reflected on it, and it shows Namjoon crying to reflect the emotions that are going to be present throughout the book, so it sets the foundations for what's to come. The cover, though, could use a tad more style and intrigue to it, as the author's name is hard to see and doesn't have any special font to make it stand out. The title could also be more elegant (maybe in a cursive font?), and it could be interesting to have a birthday theme on the cover. Just could be, not saying it's a must, but it could be interesting to see. So, long story short, the cover shows the title clearly and has the core characters present, though there could be more intrigue to the cover and more style.

Total: 34/50.

Songs chosen to reflect the story:

1) Think Of Me Once In A While by Take Care (Not Explicit)

- This is an instrumental, but I think the lack of lyrics actually reflects the story even better since it shows Namjoon's lack of voice. Or, more accurately, the voice taken away by pranking him and not considering his side of the story. It's also a bittersweet instrumental that matches the vibes of the story, in my opinion.

2) Alone Again by The Weeknd (Explicit)

- The Weeknd is, of course, an iconic artist, though I feel this is one of his most under-appreciated tracks. It's a powerful track that matches the vibes of the previous song on this playlist. It's slow and, as the title implies, analyzes the idea of being alone, which I believe reflects Namjoon's emotions in the story. It's also just an awesome song, so I think it fits.

3) Doubt (demo version) by Twenty One Pilots (Not Explicit)

- I think this song reflects Namjoon as a whole, not just in this story but in real life, too. It also ends the playlist on a bang with a faster but just as emotionally impactful beat. Honestly, just look at the lyrics and you'll see how amazing this song is. Twenty One Pilots are mainstream and have been for a while, but I feel sometimes their artistry is truly under-appreciated.

Link to playlist --->

One More Sunset by 4everSherlocked

Review:

Album Cohesion: 8/10. The story starts right off with chapter 1 and doesn't waste any time with a million unnecessary chapters prior to the first chapter. This section is split into two parts, with the first being how many chapters are before chapter 1 and how the intro to the story is structured, and the story pacing itself (which makes up the majority of this category), and for the first part of this category, you get full credit since you don't waste any time and you jump right into it with the first chapter and introduce us to the characters in a smooth way.

As for the story pacing, the pacing is very fast and often takes place in vastly different points of time, skipping around and showing snippets from their lives rather than going day-by-day, which I think is exactly what the story needs. It doesn't overstay its welcome, but at the same time, I think the fast pace works so then we get to see life in the blink of an eye, which I think says a lot about diseases and how they can really impact life, so good job with that.

The only critique I have is something I will likely repeat throughout the review. I feel the story could have used just a little more time in the oven. Not necessarily more detailed since I understand your motives of wanting to keep this short, which is perfectly understandable and I agree it should be short to get to the ending, which is the most impactful part of the story, faster. Though, with that being said, seeing a little more of McKay and Jungkook's relationship growing in the beginning prior to the several month long timeskip could have been beneficial to set up their feelings more. Maybe just one more short chapter showing more of them as individuals as well as together since the impact of the ending comes from if we care about McKay and Jungkook, and while I did have investment in them, I feel it could have been stronger if I had just a tiny bit more time with them, if that makes sense. But, with that being said, I still think the overall pacing is good and does an effective job getting to the ending fast while giving us enough sprinkled throughout to make us invested in the two characters. Which, side note, I think it was a great choice to only keep it a McKay and Jungkook story instead of trying to force more characters in there. A lot of BTS fanfics will have all seven members there for no reason. It's fanfic. You don't need all of them in every single story, that's why it's fiction. So I appreciate that you acknowledged this and decided to limit the scope to focus on your vision. So that's just a side note, but I wanted to point it out anyway. All in all, the pacing is good, as you can probably tell based on the high score.

Lyrics: 6/10. The overall word choice and structure of the book works since your goal is to keep it short and simple with nothing overly descriptive or anything like that, which I can appreciate. Nothing wrong with longer stories, though it's nice to be able to sit down and finish reading something in one sitting that doesn't take forever. I read this in like less than ten minutes, then read it again to take notes on it, and it was lightning fast, so I appreciate that. A lot of books on Wattpad are 10+ hours long (nothing wrong with that; I myself write extremely long books... cough Starfield cough), so it is nice to see a short book that still has an impact in a short time.

Along with that, I think the choice to have the sunset be the common ground between our two leads was a good choice since it led to many sun-related words, like glow, being used to describe the main characters and everything going on in the narrative, so that was a great decision.

When it comes to critiques, most of them are things I've said before, so I won't talk your ear off about them, though they do frequently interrupt the flow since many of these errors occur often, so I still need to mention them. First and foremost is the semicolon problem. Almost every semicolon used in the story—and there are quite a few used throughout the short runtime, making them more noticeable—is incorrect. But since I've said this a few times in the past, I won't go too deeply into it other than to say I recommend avoiding semicolons. They disrupt the flow a lot since they have different connotations and pauses than commas, so interchanging them means the readers are reading the sentences completely differently than they're intended to be read, so that's why I strongly suggest using semicolons very sparingly and using grammar checkers to ensure they're correct.

Another thing is there are dash errors as well. For example: It had been almost a year since they had started dating - and now that his career was really starting to take off - he had to go away for a while (chap 3). There's no need for the dashes here and they can simply be commas. This is another common error, though not as common as the semicolons.

The last thing is another thing I've mentioned before about redundancy in the word choice, and it happened quite a few times throughout the short. For example, in chapter 1, nodded her head and slowly sinking lower are used. The nodding his/her head is something that happens a couple times throughout, and as I've explained in the past, there's no need to write things like nodded his/her head, shrugged his/her shoulders, blinked his/her eyes because all those verbs already imply location and often include the location in the definition of the word, like a shrug is a shoulder movement, so saying shrugged his/her shoulders is just saying "shrugged his/her shoulders his/her shoulders." Same with verbs like nod and blink. As for the sinking one, the verb sink implies the word lower, so you don't need both sinking and lower and can simply stick with sinking.

There's also redundancy in the descriptions, too, not just the actions. For example, in chapter three, you say the room is sunset bathed, and then, just a couple paragraphs later, you again say "the sunset outside bathed the room...". You only need to establish that it's sunset-bathed once, especially in such a short chapter since it's far easier to remember the descriptions when we're only reading what I imagine is at max 400 word chapters, but likely in the 200-300 range, based on the final word count being below 3,000. I hope that makes sense.

Overall, the word choice does what it needs to for the story and does a good job getting the reader invested in what's going on.

Dynamics & Harmony: 7/10. There are really only two characters in this story: the male and female leads. I think that's a good thing since it means we have more time to focus on the two that are presented to us. Jungkook is just as Jungkook as ever, so no complaints here about Jungkook. I mean, he's Jungkook. Hard not to like him. But even zooming outside of him being Jungkook and just looking at him as a character, I liked him. I liked seeing an unconditional love between the two of them. It was wholesome and refreshing to see, even if it didn't end up lasting due to external circumstances.

I mean what I said, though: he is very Jungkook here. He's got that hopeless romantic personality to him, plus he has his passion and desire for performing that made him feel very familiar to BTS fans, but even beyond that, I think non-fans can find a lot to enjoy here, especially through the original character of McKay, who bounces off Jungkook well. Considering this is a dynamics category, I think it goes without saying that the two bouncing off of one another is a good thing.

So when it comes to the two main characters in the story, I think they bounce off each other well and work for the purpose of the narrative. We don't learn too too much about them, but we don't need to since it's more of a thematic story shown through the eyes of a relationship. So for what the story is trying to say, I think the characters work.

As for the dialogue, just some minor critiques. One of them is something I've said in the past, so it's something I won't go too into detail about but will still mention: capitalizing the second part of dialogue when using a comma. You don't need to capitalize the first letter of the second piece of dialogue (when connecting it using a comma) unless it's a proper noun because it's a continuation of current dialogue, not new dialogue. For example: "Well, I can tell you that there will be people that love it," said Jungkook, "But not as much as I love you" (chap 2). The "but" should be lowercase since it's not a proper noun and is being connected using a comma. If there were a period after Jungkook, then capitalizing it is fine, but whenever it's a comma, it needs to be lowercase.

The second thing is there was some awkward dialogue here and there. Like the above line I just mentioned is a little clunky and could benefit from being shortened a bit. But instead of using that same example, let's be unique and use a different one so I'm not talking your ear off about the same thing. Here's another example from chapter 2: "You'll be famous yet." The "yet" is the part that isn't really needed, based on the context of the scene. Simply saying "You'll be famous" could work just as well. I know it may seem like a small thing to point out one word, though while I was reading it, I paused and thought it was a little awkward.

So, all in all, the characters and dialogue are good and work for the story, there were just some errors with the dialogue.

Narrative: 8/10. The overall concept of the narrative is good. It follows a blossoming friendship and eventually relationship that of course will not end well for either of them. That being said, the focus is more on legacy and valuing time than it is on the actual act of McKay's death itself, which leads me to my next point of...

The last chapter was well-written and easily the most gripping and interesting chapter in the story. Not even because of the concept or the characters but rather the fundamental way it was written + the writing choices made. What impressed me was the way you handled her death, and instead of explicitly showing it and needing to say she passed away, you let readers pick up on that for themselves, and then you focus on descriptions of sleepiness and how closing McKay's eyes would result in essentially her death, though again, you do so without needing to explicitly say she's gonna die lol. So just the fundamental way it was written was very interesting and enjoyable to read about. And since the read time is so short, we didn't have to wait long to get to such an impactful moment.

But moving away from the last chapter (I just wanted to talk about it first lol), let's go more general since this is supposed to be about the overall narrative. The overall narrative has a relatively simple concept following two people who meet and eventually fall in love, and I think that works very well for the story. It's simple and to-the-point, but it gives the readers an impactful narrative without overstaying its welcome. I think the overall concept of following them through certain hardships beyond just McKay's inevitable demise was a good choice since it allowed us to see the extent of their relationship and not just all the good but also the not-so-fun parts.

The only critique I have of the narrative is the same thing I mentioned before where I felt it could have used just a little more time in the oven to flesh out just a little more. I still think it should be short and snappy, so I'm not suggesting adding like a ton of stuff or something like that, but just a little more to increase our bond with the two leads so that last chapter has that extra impact. It's already extremely well-written and the best-written chapter in the story. I'd argue it's one of your best-written chapters period, so that's why it could be interesting to see just a tad more development between the two leads so it's even more impactful as a result. Though, with that being said, I still think the narrative was well done.

Album Presentation: 5/10. The title is One More Sunset, which is a good title. It's simple and to the point, and I'm rejudging the title after reading the story and can say that it perfectly matches the narrative. For those reasons, I have no critiques and will give the full score for the title.

There is no blurb for me to judge, it is simply a quote I assume from the story (I do this section before reading the story, so I haven't seen it yet), therefore there is no blurb for me to judge and I must assign points accordingly. I would very strongly suggest writing a blurb for this, even if it's short and abstract.

The cover has a great concept with a blurry woman with her face covered by Jungkook. After reading the story, I'd say this is very in-line with the story: McKay disappears while Jungkook stays front and center, carrying on her legacy.

I have a couple of minor critiques and then one main critique. The minor critiques are that I think the author's name is a little too transparent. It's really, really hard to see on tablet and phone. On laptop it's a bit easier, but most people are reading on tablet and phone, so it could benefit from being not as transparent. I like the idea to have it be more on the transparent side since it's a cool aesthetic, maybe just tone it back up by a bit, if that makes sense. The second thing is I'm unsure how to feel about the title text. I feel it could be a little larger and take up more of the center of the screen since it's almost small enough to be mistaken as subtext, so maybe consider playing around with the

The main critique I have which is both subjective and objective is that I'm not a big fan of the movie-like text at the bottom replicating a movie poster. The reason movie posters have those texts is because there are hundreds if not thousands of people who work on them, so they are often legally obligated to have those things on the movie posters. For a book, really only one or two people work on them, maybe three or four, but mostly one or two at most (on Wattpad), so there is no need for this text, especially when I can't read it. All I can make out is mostly the bottom row of production companies and the date (February 1st). Books aren't rated like movies, so the R rating doesn't make sense, either. So, in my opinion, it just ends up being more like visual clutter rather than a needed part of the cover.

Like I said, that's both a subjective and objective critique, where subjectively I think it's a bit cluttered, but objectively it's almost unreadable. I was reading on tablet and decided to open this cover up on my laptop in fullscreen and so I can zoom in, and even with fullscreen and max zoom, I can barely make out anything, so that's why I strongly suggest not having this on the cover.

Like I said, I really love the concept here with the woman blurred in the background with Jungkook covering her face and the leaves surrounding him. Awesome aesthetic. It could just use some tweaks to the text to make the concept even stronger, if that makes sense.

Total: 34/50.

Songs chosen to reflect the story:

1) Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol (Non-explicit)

- It'd be a crime not to put this song here. Not only is it my personal favorite song (or second favorite, depending on the day; depends on if I listened to Like Crazy that day or not), but it's also just a good song to reflect the feeling of wanting to stay in a moment for a little bit longer, especially with a loved one. It's a soothing beat and a sad song with lyrics that match the vibe of your story perfectly, hence why I put it on the playlist.

2) Lost by Bendel, FETH (Non-explicit)

- "Why can't things stay like yesterday? Shut my eyes til' you fade away." I think those lyrics are pretty good indicators of what the song is about and how I feel it fits with your story. While the song can be interpreted many different ways when it comes to losing and leaving, I think it works for this story because A) the beat feels like something Jungkook would make (kinda feels like it could be the same vibe as Stay Alive... just me?), and B) because it has lyrics reflecting a confused protagonist (the singer) questioning himself and what has happened for him to end up where he is.

3) Clouds by Before You Exit (Non-explicit)

- Considering Jungkook himself loves this song, I feel it would also be a crime to not put this song on the list. While this song relates to more platonic relationships than romantic, I still think it works. The beat matches the other beats already chosen for this playlist, so it makes sonic sense for it to be on here, and along with that, the theme of "clouds" throughout the song is related to the theme of the sun throughout the story. Both are in the sky, lol. But that aside, it's a good song that matches the vibes of the rest of the playlist and reflect the story's plot well.

Link to playlist --->

Let's Go on a Strange Date by shinhaari

Review:

Album Cohesion: 6/10. This section is divided into two parts: the pacing leading into the hook, and the overall story pacing, which carries the majority of the weight for this category. But to begin with the introductory pacing, you get full credit for that since there are no unnecessary chapters before chapter one, and you don't dilly dally getting us into the meat of the story, so no critiques for that side of things.

When it comes to the story pacing, it's all in all okay, with the chapters not feeling too long or too short. They stick around long enough to give us enough content to feel satisfied, and you're able to get the message of the story across succinctly. The critiques I have are in relation to story flow rather than the beginnings and endings of the chapters, and I'll leave them below.

The pacing of the first chapter in particular could use some work. I recommend avoiding flashbacks in the first chapter because we're trying to adjust to a new story, so having to jump between different timelines can be really confusing. The beginning where we get exposited about how Jungkook asked her to be his girlfriend was a bit jarring and felt unnecessary, and it's also technically written incorrectly (will talk about this later), which makes it difficult to keep up with what's going on. That when combined with the long paragraph issue that's often a result of purple prose (will talk about this in the next section) makes it hard to understand the direction of the story, so that's why I'd recommend at least tweaking the paragraphs to separate the flashbacks from the current moments (since present actions are often put in the same paragraph as the flashbacks) and fixing the technical writing since the flashbacks are presented as current moments, not flashbacks, which makes it confusing to read (will explain this in the next section). These moments can feel like describing things for sake of describing things, which is a common byproduct I see of purple prose, so I would recommend reconsidering how you position these elements in your text, and don't be scared to sprinkle them out more instead of putting all the descriptions and exposition in one chapter.

Another thing is be careful about the POV switches. Normally I advise against switching POVs within the same chapter since it's often unnecessary and just works to confuse the audience, and in chapter one, there's a POV switch to Jungkook that was unnecessary. There's nothing in the POV that gives purpose to why the POV switched, let alone switched so abruptly at the end of the chapter. No new information only Jungkook knew was revealed or anything like that, so there was no point in switching POVs there. I would recommend not switching POVs in first person POV within the same chapter, as it can be really confusing, though especially in this case where no new vital information is revealed, so it could have easily been still in Seo Yeon's POV and made no difference. In general, I would recommend not switching POVs in the middle of conversations, as that can be hard to follow. For example, in chapter three, the second and third POV switch (from Jungkook to Seo Yeon) was especially confusing, and I had to reread it to understand it was still the same conversation.

So overall, you don't dilly dally and get right into it, which is good, and the chapters stay exactly as long as they need to, which is also good. There could be some tweaks to the POV changes and the flashbacks, though the pacing all in all does what it needs to for the story to work and the message to be shown clearly.

Lyrics: 7/10. This category judges the structure of the story, primarily the technical structure but also the overall descriptions and direction of the writing. I would say there is pretty clear direction about where the story is going: it's a series of dates teaching the reader and characters a lesson about quality time. The language clearly shows this journey and does a good job making the reader want to stay invested in it, so all in all, good job with that.

The main critique I have is this writing is purple prose, which isn't always a bad thing, though I notice many patterns within purple prose, and one of those patterns is having disjointed paragraphs. What I mean by that is you'll have paragraphs that could be split up into multiple paragraphs. For example, the opening paragraph could be split at "I looked up at the pristine..." since it starts more metaphorical and prose-y and then goes into specific character action, so it could be split up there. Though, the purple prose is primarily in the first chapter, and the description becomes more down-to-earth and less flowery in the later chapters, but the dialogue is still a bit over-the-top throughout the whole story (will explain this later).

A frequent byproduct of purple prose writing is the dialogue is normally unnatural and overly flowery, which is the case with this story where the dialogue often sounds unnatural and has syntax errors where the dialogue won't make sense, though that's something I'll cover in the dialogue section with examples, but I'm bringing it up here since that language does factor into the structure of the story, so it's worth mentioning here as well.

Grammatically, there are some tense issues. When you're talking about a past event within the past tense, consider adding "had" so we get a clearer idea of the timeline. So, for example, in the first chapter, you talk about the day Jungkook asked Seo Yeon to be his girlfriend. For example: His ears turned red like a raspberry macaron as he gazed at me with his doe-like eyes and stuttered to ask if he could hold my hand. This just looks like a current moment scene since the story is already written in past tense. The same applies to the other flashbacks, like in chapter two. That's why having more usages of the word had can help to make it perfect past tense. When writing in past tense, typically you need perfect past tense to show something is happening in the past, otherwise it looks like it's just part of the present moment.

There aren't many grammar issues, though, which is good. There are only some minor errors here and there, nothing consistent. For example: "You could have said that to me before. I rang the bell" (chap three). There's an extra period/full stop after before.

Overall, the technical writing is pretty good with few errors aside from some tense issues and minor issues. The writing is purple prose, which can harm the dialogue and make the paragraphs feel disjointed at times, though the writing does do a good job presenting the story idea and showing clear plot direction.

Dynamics & Harmony: 6/10. This is the characters and dialogue portion of the review, so let's get into it and talk about the characters first.

The two primary characters are Jungkook and Seo Yeon, a young couple journeying through various dates and rediscovering their early days of dating and finding a new appreciation for the world around them and also each other. It's a wholesome relationship that you'd kinda have to be miserable to hate on, so when it comes to the relationship itself, I think it's a solid idea that does a great job carrying this story idea.

Both of the characters are vessels for the plot and themes, though even though the focus is on the themes and emotions, the quality of the emotions is presented well through the eyes of Jungkook and Seo Yeon, so it's easy to want to cheer for them and see them succeed on their dates, finding new appreciations and remembering their eventful past.

Critique-wise, I have a few things. Due to the purple prose, the dialogue is unnatural in many places. These are two close lovers, and this is also Jungkook. While of course it's fictional and I'm not expecting it to be like real life, Jungkook is the member of BTS who speaks most informally. While I was learning Korean, I actually was able to understand Jungkook fastest because of his informal and more simplistic way of speaking, so having him speak really formally here, to a lover no less, could be tweaked, in my opinion. Again, not expecting it to be like real life, though that is a factor to consider. If it were someone like Jimin, who is basically Korea's Edgar Allan Poe with how formally and flowery he speaks, it could work more in my mind, though even then, he speaks like that in interviews, not with close friends. But like I said, not expecting it to be like real life, just something worth mentioning because Jungkook is actually the member of BTS who speaks the least formally.

For example, from the first chapter: "Don't you feel intrigued about why I chose these places?" Another example from the second chapter: "Let's take a moment for ourselves, Seo Yeon. You look alluring with this blindfold. You're arousing me." Another example is Jungkook's dialogue at the end of chapter four, starting with "I wish we could see the beautiful view...". All three of those examples are really unnatural dialogue that sound more like interview dialogue rather than dialogue spoken between a couple. I would recommend making the language in dialogue more informal, especially between couples, since even some of the most well-spoken people I know don't speak flowery like those examples. The reason is also because dialogue is spoken, and when we speak, we're a lot more prone to mistakes and informality, especially the younger we are as the younger generations' speech styles are more influenced by slang and social media. So it can be hard to believe that Jungkook can randomly, and frequently, come up with poetry-level dialogue on the spot while in emotional moments. That's why I recommend considering making the dialogue less formal, as not only will it be more natural, but it'll also help readers connect to the characters more.

My main advice would be to read dialogue out loud. If it sounds awkward to say or doesn't sound like something that would be spoken, then it's probably best to change it.

The dialogue tags are mostly correct, though you have some inconsistent moments, like chapter three has a few tag issues. Such as: "...House Number 86." Jungkook said. The period/full stop needs to be a comma. Another example: "Were you the one who scribbled on my wall?" She yelled. The she needs to be lowercase.

So, overall, the main critique I have is the dialogue itself could be smoothened to reflect a young couple more accurately, though the characters do a good job presenting the plot idea and showing the audience the themes and emotions clearly.

Narrative: 7.5/10. The narrative is relatively straightforward: Jungkook wants to take his girlfriend on strange dates, and this story shows the value of quality time and how location doesn't matter but rather the people you are in the location with. It has a solid theme of valuing those around you and making the best of sometimes really strange situations, which I think is cute and makes for a solid plot idea.

Like I mentioned before, the plot direction is clear, so that's another nice bonus that makes the narrative that much stronger and easier for the readers to get engaged in.

The last thing I'll mention is I think you made the right choice to focus on Jungkook and Seo Yeon instead of throwing in a bunch of characters. There are side characters along the way, but the themes and emotions are mostly presented through the couple, so focusing on them not only boosts engagement with the characters but also the narrative since the two primary characters are vessels for the plot.

The deductions are just an accumulation of everything I said before about pacing especially but also syntax and making sure the dialogue is natural so we can become more invested in what's going on. So I won't go into detail other than to mention those things. The overall narrative is unique and will catch readers' attention.

Album Presentation: 8/10. The title is Let's Go on a Strange Date, which is a good title. It's unique and catches my attention, and it's capitalized correctly, so I have no critiques for the title.

I've talked about the blurb before, so you know I like it already, and it works for what the story is about. The SPAG is consistent, so I have no critiques for it creatively or technically!

The cover is simplistic, though it has a nice aesthetic charm to it. I'm not entirely sure how the Jungkook picture relates to the story, and it feels a little like a regular Jungkook pic that can fit a large number of stories, so it could be more story-specific, as it does not give the boyfriend and cute date vibe. Along with that, I would recommend tweaking the title so it's Go instead of go, that way it aligns with the title capitalization. Otherwise, I like the font used, and I like the aesthetic.

Total: 34.5/50.

Songs chosen to reflect the story:

1) We're Finally Landing by Home (Not Explicit)

- This is an instrumental, but I don't know, I feel like it fits the vibes of the story, y'know? It has this adventurous feel to it, and anything Home makes is good, so I just felt like it was a good introduction to the story's playlist. It's a cute song with a great atmosphere, so I think it works!

2) Fairytale by Alexander Rybak (Not Explicit)

- Okay, maybe this one is a bit of cliche pick, but honestly, the sweet vibes of this song, strong vocals, and message all match with the story, and it's also just a banger of a song, so I think it fits! It's a bit of a different vibe from the previous song, but I think it has the airy, adventurous feeling that matches this playlist's overall theme!

3) Sweet by Cigarettes After Sex (Not Explicit)

- This is a sweet song (literally) to round out the playlist. It has low, slow vibes that match with the overall atmosphere of the playlist, and it has that loving feel (and lyrics) to match the story. I think it's the perfect song to close this playlist off with!

Link to playlist --->

After The Last Petal by QuinceArchFortes

Review:

Album Cohesion: 8/10. This is the pacing category, judging primarily the general story pacing, but also how smoothly your book transitions into chapter one and if there are unnecessary delays for like twenty character introductions or anything (exaggerating, but y'know, still). Here, there are no chapters before the first chapter, meaning there are no delays, and certainly no unnecessary delays. So for that part of the category, you get full credit.

As for the story pacing, it is also good, as you can probably tell based on the high score. I liked the opening paragraph and thought it did a good job setting the tone for the story right off the bat. I've been doing a lot, and I mean a lot, of judging lately, and a lot, and I mean a lot (again lol) of stories open with long-winded descriptions. I don't mind stories opening with descriptions, but sometimes I just... y'know, want an opening line. I want to read the first sentence and think "Woah, I'm in for something," so I've missed stories where the first line isn't a description and instead gives a sense of what's to come, so it was a breath of fresh air to see this opening line that instantly told us what was going on while also not going too fast.

Okay, okay, I'm going on and on about essentially one line, or one paragraph since I liked the whole opening paragraph, but I just wanted to appreciate it because I think some underestimate the power of an opening line. That's your first and maybe even only chance in some cases to hook the reader, so having it really set the tone for the story is important.

That's just a long way of saying "Hehe I liked it." Seems like I'm a hypocrite, huh? I was tired of long-winded descriptions, but I just gave one, haha.

Anywho, moving away from that, the general story pacing is pretty good, too. I liked how the first chapter was paced and thought it was a good way to introduce the story by introducing the character motivations and what's going on pretty quickly. I thought the part where Delanie had to sneak back in for her shoes was interesting and well-paced, too, and how she had to try and maintain her composure and a facade that everything was fine to the others in the castle.

The only critique I have is there were some moments where I felt there could have been more exploration of Delanie's emotions, especially regarding her SA. I'm not referring to the dub-con elements King Chevalier and her have but rather the clear SA from Nokto in chapter 5. I'm not criticizing this being in the story, by the way; it's perfectly understandable for something like this to happen considering the setting. If anything, it'd probably be unrealistic if it didn't happen or at least be alluded to.

The point is less about the SA itself but rather how it could have been interesting to have more time dedicated to Delanie's emotions regarding it. Seeing as it happens in the very last chapter, there isn't a lot of time to explore it or her emotions regarding it. She feels alone for I think two paragraphs, but it's quickly back to business and she's plotting to discover more about Chevalier, and she's even having sex with him in the same chapter she's sexually harassed and assaulted in. When I lay it out like that, I hope it makes sense why it feels like her SA was glossed over and could have had more depth given to it, otherwise I don't see the purpose of including it since it doesn't have any greater impact on her character.

Overall, the pacing is solid throughout the story and feels coherent to read. It also doesn't dilly dally in the beginning and gets right to it with chapter one, making for a smooth transition into the narrative.

Lyrics: 6.5/10. The lyrical composition is primarily a grammatical category, though descriptions and how the story is presented is also a factor. Description-wise, it's pretty good. I didn't notice any cases of purple prose or moments where it felt over-the-top. The language was balanced and made sense for the story. There could be more descriptions of the physical locations (not the characters or the library, though, as they were fine) here and there, but that's really just here and there for locations outside the library as, like I mentioned in the brackets, the library was good. I also liked some of the specific word choice, like using "wee," like "wee hours of the morning" in chapter three. That was a nice touch that fit in with the world well.

Like I mentioned above, the characters were pretty well-described, particularly King Chevalier. There was an attention to detail with him, and I liked that. Their physical appearances were clear and made sense. I like it when the physical appearances match their personalities, and here, they definitely did.

Critique-wise, I won't talk your ear off much about grammar since I've already gone over it in my previous reviews, though all the things I've said before are true here when it comes to grammar. There are errors present throughout, such as comma errors. I.e., from chapter three, over halfway into it, "Sighing, I closed the door behind me, and moved forward down the hall." It can simply be: "Sighing, I closed the door behind me and moved down the hall." You also don't need both directional words of "forward" and "down," so only the "down" is needed.

There was also an overuse of intro clauses. Not as much as in the previous review I gave, but it was still present. Though, since I just talked your ear off about that not too long ago, I won't do so again other than to mention it here since it does impact the score of this category.

Overall, the lyrical composition of this work is good. It does a good job keeping the language interesting without being over-the-top, and it clearly establishes how the characters look. There could be some fine-tuning, as there were frequent grammar errors, but it was still an overall enjoyable read from a technical perspective.

Dynamics & Harmony: 6/10. This section refers to the dialogue and character work, so we'll be focusing on Delanie and King Chevalier for this segment. There are other minor characters, but for sake of the review, I will be focusing on the two leads since they have the most screen time by far.

A small thing, but I like the name King Chevalier. Maybe I'm biased since I've been playing Expedition 33 lately, and a Chevalier is one of the enemy types (that I hate with a burning passion... I can beat the hardest boss in the game, but I can't beat those stupid Chevaliers), but I think it's a great name (regardless of my personal vendetta against the e33 Chevaliers...).

But anyway, moving away from that, the dialogue works for the story and does a good job presenting information without feeling overly expository or unnecessary. It's easy for writers to resort to expository dialogue that ends up feeling very unnatural, so I was glad not to feel bombarded with exposition throughout this story. I thought Delanie had pretty good dialogue, and I liked how she read books to Chevalier. While that often got unholy, the concept of a female lead reading to a male lead trying to come to terms with his emotions is surprisingly wholesome and soft, and I liked that concept.

In short, the dialogue as a whole worked and didn't feel out of place or over-the-top. It's easy for more fantastical stories to have over-the-top dialogue (one of my least-favorite parts about these types of stories, as much as I do like the genre), so I was glad this one didn't.

I can also clearly see the Beauty and the Beast inspiration without even needing to look at the tags, and I thought that aspect was handled well.

Critique-wise, a few things. I'll start with the technical cause that's the boring stuff, and I don't want to talk your ear off about it, haha. There are dialogue tag errors. For example, from chapter three, a little over halfway into it:

"Oh, good morning!" She said brightly. "I mean, afternoon," she corrected.

"Good afternoon," I replied, giving her a small curtsy.

She laughed, "That's not necessary," she said warmly. She gauged my posture before continuing. "I'm heading out. Would you like to walk with me?"

So, here, the first "she" can be lowercase, and I also don't think you need the "she corrected" tag afterwards since it's already implied in the line itself. The second line is grammatically correct, so nothing to say there. The third line is also pretty good, and the only change I'd recommend is changing the first comma to a period/full stop, so it'd become: She laughed. I decided to use that example since it had a couple things to point out, but the tagging is overall fine throughout the story, there were just small errors like that that could be tweaked.

I may have mentioned this in a past review, though as you can probably imagine, I've done a lot of reviews, so my mind is a bit foggy, so I apologize if I've mentioned it before: the dialogue tags could be cut down on at times. Like in this section, I only pulled three lines so it's not a big deal or anything to judge the entire conversation on, but all three lines have tags, and there are actually four tags for three lines here. There are plenty of times the tagging is fine, but also some times where there were more than one tag for the same person speaking, and that's not to say you can never have more than one tag (if there's a drastic change in tone, that may be a case where another tag is needed, for example), but in many cases, it's not needed since the dialogue typically implies any changes anyway, or it can be described instead of told via a tag. Another example from the same chapter: "It's rude to stare," he commented. His eyelids lifted lazily before narrowing. "What are you wearing?" he asked with a hint of disgust. The "he asked with a hint of disgust" was, in my opinion, not needed since we already see it's a question, and based on his narrowed eyes and next line saying "It's hideous," we can already tell he's displeased with the choice of attire, so that was just one moment where the tag could have been eliminated. I hope that makes sense!

Now moving away from the technical stuff, the main thing I'd say is Delanie could have a bit more to her, as she felt a bit one-dimensional throughout the story. Like I mentioned earlier, her SA and abuse is a tad overlooked, it feels, and some further exploration of that could be interesting to see. She could use a bit more clear personality, as her love of books is great and a good thing to have, but some more expressions of wants and desires and motivations could be interesting to see. I don't feel like she changed much from chapter one to chapter five despite getting abused and SA'd, and I feel like that would drastically change her, you know what I mean? So there could be more depth and complexity given to her, especially considering there is opportunity to since complex topics such as SA do happen to her, so there is room to expand if that is something you're interested in doing, whether it be in this story or another.

Overall, the dialogue and character work... well, works for the narrative. There could be some tweaks to the technical sides of things, and maybe some more characterization for Delanie, but it all in all does what it needs to to elevate the narrative.

Narrative: 5/10. The story follows Delanie and King Chevalier, along with some side characters (such as others in positions of royalty), as Delanie captures Chevalier's attention for a reason he cannot understand. He is typically the cold-hearted, brutal beast, yet he seems to have emotions regarding Delanie he tries to push out only for them to grow stronger.

This is a familiar story idea that fits within the ikemen genre well. It feels consistent with the style you presented through the language and cover, so everything matches well. That's a small thing, but it matters since it helps keep the readers engaged to the world and plot, and the world is a pretty big factor to consider when talking about the plot (the plot can't happen without a world for it to bounce off of, right?).

Like I mentioned during the beginning segment of the review, the pacing is also good, and of course the pacing drastically impacts the plot. Everything flows out at a smooth rate, making it easy to follow. I didn't find myself confused about anything, and I didn't notice any plot holes, so if there were any, they were minor enough to go unnoticed.

I also liked the setting and thought it was a good backdrop for this choice of plot, and all of the library scenes had a certain vibe to them that I liked. I can't really put it into words, but the whole atmosphere of the library was interesting, and it made the plot more enjoyable as a result. I hope I'm making sense right now, but who knows with me. Lord knows I like to yap, but I don't know if any of it makes sense.

Critique-wise, my main critique is the story is a tad cookie cutter cliche. I don't mind cliches (in fact, I think they can be very effective in many cases), though here, I didn't feel many shocks since it followed many of the same plot beats other stories within this genre follow. There's the cold king who falls for her and can't understand why, there's some miscommunication between them about what Delanie wants and what Chevalier wants, and they end up together. That's not necessarily a bad thing, though for a specialized category like this, I am looking for something that pushes a little more, if that makes sense. Some more twists and turns or an exploration of a deeper theme (such as what I mentioned before about Delanie's SA and how women are mistreated by authority figures) could give it more of an edge.

Another thing is I wasn't a huge fan of them having sex in chapter five. The other sex scenes were fine and felt like they made sense, though in chapter five, I felt it could have been more emotionally impactful if they didn't, especially so soon after Delanie got touched without her consent. That scene, to me, felt a bit like having sex for sake of sex, while the other sex scenes felt more interesting.

I know I'm not a big smut person and have voiced my disdain for the genre before, but I truly don't mind it and sometimes even like it if I feel it's a needed scene, so all the other sex scenes were absolutely okay and even good to me, but it was that last one felt a tad forced considering what had just happened to Delanie, and also considering the whole point, at least in my interpretation, was for the King to come out of his lust and realize there was more to his feelings, so to end a story about overcoming that with more lust felt a bit thematically inconsistent. To my interpretation, anyway. Especially considering he abused her multiple times. A calm, peaceful moment of them simply holding each other could have been interesting to see, though that could be just a me thing. Unless its purpose was more to commentate on the cycle of lust, though it didn't feel that way based on the final line disproving Delanie's thoughts during the sex scene, so if the purpose was to be commentary on the cycle of lust and over-relying on it, then I would recommend making that clearer.

Overall, the narrative matched the genre well and felt coherent. The pacing was also very good, which made for an easy read. My main critiques were that it could have used some more twists and turns, and the final sex scene felt a little unneeded and thematically inconsistent.

Album Presentation: 8.5/10. The title is After the Last Petal, which is capitalized as needed, making it grammatically correct. It's a good title that foreshadows what's to come within the story. For those reasons, I have no critiques of the title.

The blurb summarizes the story and is short. It's exactly what it needs to be to let the reader know what they're in for. I'm glad you kept the blurb short, as I don't really think blurbs need to be longer than 2, maybe 3 paragraphs, so I liked seeing a shorter blurb since this trend of longer blurbs is tiring me (they're almost always overstuffed with info, imo). So I liked the blurb. It's also grammatically well-written. The only minor nitpick I have is I wasn't a huge fan of the emojis in the blurb since there were a lot of them, and they felt a bit unnecessary aside from the bees and the sign for cws, though that could just be a me thing. Otherwise, it's a good blurb.

The cover, like the title and blurb, is good. The placement of the genre + author's name on the book itself was clever and added a nice layer to it. I liked the art and how it depicts the two main characters in a way that matches the genre style. I like the overall coloring and how the colors are light and feel like they blend together. The only thing I wasn't a huge fan of was the black font color for the title since the rest of the title is very whimsical and colorful, but that could be just a me thing, and honestly black is fine since at least you know it'll be easy to see, right? So that very well could just be a me thing. But overall, it's a good cover that I think will attract readers.

Total: 34/50.

Songs chosen to reflect the story:

1) Time of Your Life by Bob Moses (Not Explicit)

- This is an energetic song that, as you can probably guess based on the title, definitely has some sexual undertones to it. I think it reflects the relationship between Chevalier and Delanie well. It's also, as I said, energetic, so it matches the passion put into their relationship. I also think it's just a banger of a song, so there's that, too.

2) Can You Feel The Sun by MISSIO (Not Explicit)

- This song is all about escaping and self-reflecting, which I think represents Chevalier well, especially considering the primary lyric in this song is "Can you see the sun?" His sun is Delanie, but he responds with "I don't, but I can feel it." He may not be able to fully love, or "see" in the context of this song, Delanie, but he can feel her. She's there, just out of reach. So that's why I felt this song reflected the book well!

3) LIFE AFTER SALEM by Lil Nas X (Not Explicit)

- Okay, okay, I know, it's Lil Nas X, so you probably think Industry Baby and Old Town Road, but I recommended VOID by Lil Nas X to another contestant in this category, and I swear the b-sides on his album, Montero, are amazing. LIFE AFTER SALEM is about the pain you feel from relationships. Salem being in the title is a metaphor to the burning out of witches reflecting in burning relationships. The chorus being take what you want from me I think reflects Delanie's feelings toward Chevalier, and like the previous song, reflects the darker side of the relationship.

Link to playlist --->

The Book Of One Shots by Pulchra_Aurum

Review:

Album Cohesion: 7/10. This category refers to how your story is paced. There's also a small part where I judge if you post 1482738 chapters prior to chapter one (it's honestly a pet peeve of mine). Here, you don't have that. You have chapter one and that's it. No dilly dallying, no delays, just right into chapter one. For that reason, you get full credit for that element of the pacing.

When it comes to the general story pacing, it's also pretty good. I've reviewed a couple of the other oneshots in this compilation, and depending on when this is published, I will be reviewing more (i.e., Seance for Jane's contest, if this is published before those results are), so for sake of this review, I will focus on Inferno's Edge, especially since that was also the only one published at the time of me initially reviewing this, so I have a lot of thoughts on it already typed out anyhow. So when it comes to Inferno's pacing, it's good. It could use some stronger flow and stronger sentence and paragraph structure to help it flow smoother, but that's something I'll get into next section and a tad in the narrative section as well. There were many awkward sentences and sentences that needed rewrites that had me pausing and needing to reread to try and understand the sentences, so that slowed the pacing unnecessarily, but that's something I'll get into in the next section, like I said.

The ending of it being a lot of exposition also felt a little unnecessarily slow and like something that could have been sprinkled throughout the story instead of expo-dumped at the end (it also could have helped solidify Aethera's motivations more for the readers and helped the plot make more sense earlier on), but I still think the pacing was overall good, especially in the beginning.

Overall, the pacing works for the story, and in the later oneshots, the pacing is all in all pretty good, too, though for sake of this review, I'll be primarily focusing on Inferno's Edge.

Lyrics: 5/10. This category refers to the technical quality of the work, which includes the SPAG quality, descriptions, general flow, etc., so it's a mix of everything technical, not just grammar. The technical quality here has many moments where it shines, particularly in the most recent addition with chapter eight, which has many inventive descriptions that I enjoyed. I'm going to mention it probably a gazillion more times here, I'm sorry, but I really have no idea if my reviews for Jane's contest is going to be posted before or after this, so just in case it's after, I wanted to specifically point out that you compared eyes to constellations in chapter eight, which is something I also will (or already have) point out in my review for Jane's contest, but I wanted to bring it up here, too, because that description impressed me. All in all, the technical quality has its shining moments that made the story enjoyable.

Critique-wise, my main suggestion would be to consider reading sentences out loud and/or plugging them into TTS. I'll later make a critique that many of the stories can feel a bit confusing (unnecessarily so, I mean), and where it feels like I feel like I'm missing something, and I think part of the reason is because the sentences are often confusing and run-ons despite many of them not being that long. I'll give some examples:

He'd saved her from death's precipice that not even her immortal endowments could save her from the rupture to her soul upon letting dark magic stoke its claim on her (Inferno's Edge).

If you read this sentence out loud, you may notice how it doesn't make sense. He had saved her from death's precipice that not even her immortal endowments could save her from the rupture to her soul upon letting dark magic stoke its claim on her. Like I said, if you read it out loud, you may notice how clunky it is and how it doesn't really have clarity here. I would recommend downsizing on this sentence. I challenge you to cut this sentence in half and try to get the point across as plainly as possible.

When you're explaining the core concepts of the story, it's not that you can't use more advanced language, but be careful with how it's being used. This sentence felt, to me, like a thesaurus sentence, where advanced words were thrown in without the syntax, which results in the sentence feeling confusing and unnecessarily complex. This happens often where you'll have a sentence that's meant to clarify the plot, but it ends up making the plot more confusing because we don't know what these clarifying sentences are saying due to the unnecessary complex language. For example, the words precipice, endowments, stoke, and rupture don't need to be in the sentence and are unnecessarily complicating it. It's okay to be simplistic and plain at times; sometimes it's even better to do this. Or, if you are absolutely set on using mostly complex language, I would recommend reading the sentences out loud to make sure they have syntax and are used correctly.

Another example: The only reason she'd even hesitated to come apart from her position here was that she had more say exerting her right to easily obtain that backstabber's soul as the only Supreme Reaper of Mortevallis.

This is another example of an unnecessarily complex sentence. And when I say "complex," I don't just mean the vocabulary but also the length and how it's structured. The biggest issue is the "to come apart from her position here." Can it simply be "The only reason she'd even hesitated to leave her position..."? If you read "The only reasons she'd even hesitated to come apart from her position here" and "The only reasons she'd even hesitated to leave her position" back-to-back and out loud, not only does the "to leave" flow much smoother, but syntax-wise, it makes more sense. What does it mean to come apart from a position? Like, is she physically falling apart, because that's what you're implying by using that word choice over simply "exit," "leave," "depart," or any other "leave" synonym. It's one thing if you said "to part from her position," but you said come apart, which means something completely different, hence why it doesn't make sense and feels like a word sandwich.

Long story short, my biggest suggestion would be to read sentences out loud and/or plug them into a text-to-speech (TTS) generator. I personally use Scrivener's built-in TTS function, and I don't even need grammar checkers anymore since the TTS helps me catch more errors than anything else ever did, so it's good for more than just catching awkward moments or hearing if the dialogue is fluid or not.

Grammatically, the spelling is pretty good. The main grammar issue I noticed besides the syntax I mentioned above was comma errors. I've talked about comma errors in the past, and depending on when the reviews are published, I'll talk about it again for my review of Seance in Jane's contest, so I won't talk your ear off about it here other than to say there were frequent comma errors.

There are some editing errors where sentences run on too long or have minor errors in them, such as this: Theo had been been the one to deliver him before he could get caught in the crossfires of the battle between the Xenakis family clan and a rival clan (Inferno's Edge). The "been" is repeated. Overall, though, the SPAG is fine.

All in all, the story has its highlights when it comes to the technical writing, gaining more inventive descriptions the farther along you go. There could be some polishing to the punctuation along with some sentence restructures, but it all in all has many good moments that will keep readers interested.

Dynamics & Harmony: 7.5/10. This category refers to the characters and dialogue. Every chapter has different characters with different dialogue, and I'd say they're overall good. They have unique motivations and personalities that make them stand out from one another, and no oneshot feels the same, which is also a point of praise for the narrative. The characters aren't around for too long since the oneshots aren't too too long, but during that time, you get to know them and see their reflections of the themes. I think it's interesting how the majority of the oneshots show their themes directly through the characters, making for a more intriguing reading experience.

The dialogue is also good and does what it needs to to elevate the characters and themes. It works and fits the character personalities. I don't have too much to say about the dialogue since I think it works, but I just wanted to mention that I liked it. Haha, I type whole paragraphs of info, but now I'm just saying "I likeeeeed itttt." Haha. I don't know why I find that funny, but it's just kinda ironic how I can go off and yap, but now I'm just like "Hiii, I liked it 🥺🥺." Pffft.

Okay, anyway. Moving on.

Critique-wise, just a couple of things. There are actions as tags, which I believe I've mentioned in past reviews, so I won't talk your ear off about it again other than to mention it. For example: "You're not cheating death again," Aethera's gaze was cold, unimpressed as she watched him finally give up on resisting (Inferno's Edge). There's no need to make it a tag, and actions are not proper dialogue tags so this is grammatically incorrect regardless, so the "again" can simply have a period/full stop after it.

Again, this may be something you've already read in my review for Jane's contest, or not depending on when it's published, but there were times the dialogue started getting too on-the-nose where it felt a bit heavy-handed with directly telling us the themes. Especially in chapter eight with 8.3 having the theme spelled out and sometimes even italicized in dialogue, while the rest of the story is far more shown to the point where the core concept of the painters is barely told to us when that feels like something to tell, not the themes. So that's just a long way of saying there could be some downsizing on how much is told via dialogue, and sometimes it may be stronger to leave some things about the themes unsaid and implied.

Overall, the characters work for their narratives and do a pretty good job reflecting the themes of the stories. There were times the dialogue started getting heavy-handed, especially considering the narratives could be vague, so sometimes it felt a bit like whiplash, but you all in all did a good job with this category.

Narrative: 7/10. This is a oneshot compilation of currently eight stories. At the time of initially reviewing this, there was only Inferno's Edge, therefore that is the story I will focus on, but I will factor in the overall quality of the other stories as well.

Before I get into the thick of it, I'll say as a small thing that I think all of the individual titles for the stories are good. They're interesting and set the stage for what's to come, so good job there!

But moving into it, you have great ideas. Every narrative idea here is great, with the eighth one being my favorite (though that's bias since it reminds me of Clair Obscur, lol), but all of them were good. There isn't a single weak story idea here. All of them are creative and oozing with life and passion, so I appreciate that.

They also all have clear themes. A lot of times, when I read Wattpad books, I struggle to comprehend themes, and a lot of times it's because the writer doesn't really have a clear theme in mind, so it's hard to think of one when not even the author has one, you know? But here, I can tell you had clear ideas not only for plot but also for the themes and emotions you wanted to convey, which made for a pleasant reading experience. Even though I had critiques for the sentences being confusing, the themes are not, and that's most important since these are pretty theme-driven narratives, so good job with that.

Critique-wise, a couple things. The stories within the oneshots have a tendency to be a bit confusing, like there's an important piece of the story I just don't get. I'm not sure which review will be out first—this one or my one for Jane's contest—but I'm assuming my reviews for Jane's will be out first. Assuming those are out first, my main critique is there could be a bit more clarity with what's going on. For example, in Inferno's Edge, about 1/4th of the way into it, she shows up and says Alexandros name, but there isn't much description to show where he is and what's going on. I can follow how she got there since she's going through the mortal realm invisible to the human eye, but where's Alexandros? There's no transition to show he's there and where she is exactly. Some more grounding in the environment and what's going on can help the reader stay immersed, as I reread that part three times to see if I missed her approaching Alexandros or something similar, but I didn't see anything unless I really didn't connect the dots. I understand she can feel his soul, and that's cool, but I'm talking about where she is physically, y'know? There was no mention of her approaching a man or where she specifically is, so I imagine her kinda in a void.

Similarly, by the end, it says "Five hundred years. And that was it." And then afterwards it says "Aethera passed the next hundred over days in leisure." This isn't an issue. The issue is the text later, by the very end, clarifies that it was a hundred days, not a hundred years, but having the "Aethera passed the next hundred" makes it sound like a hundred years, not a hundred days, even with the "days" in the sentence since that refers to her being in leisure, not the actual time passing. Since you just mentioned years and then said "next hundred" right after, it sounds like a hundred years, so you may just want to clarify that you mean a hundred days and not years, as there is a major difference between torturing a soul for a hundred days versus a hundred years. I was wondering why the heck she hadn't realized he didn't want to betray her and why it took a hundred years for her to realize this, but a hundred days makes far more sense, so that's why I'm even bringing it up cause it otherwise wouldn't be a big deal.

Another thing to consider is kinda what I talked about before where there is some unnecessary telling over showing, except there's some in the descriptions and not just in the dialogue that I mentioned before. Telling over showing is necessary, and every story needs it to a certain extent, though I'm talking about moments where it felt like you didn't need to tell over show. Example: "Open your eyes," her words were full of unwavering conviction and her resilience in wanting to sever all ties with him. "I already am." The "her words were full of unwavering conviction" part is not only a grammatical error because it's not a tag (therefore it should not be formatted as one), but it's also unneeded telling over showing. This is already shown throughout the entirety of the story, so we don't need to be blatantly told this. Maybe you can break the dialogue up with a physical description (or description of her face) to show this rather than tell this? Just a suggestion to keep in mind for future works where revenge is the primary function, as revenge tends to be far more powerful when shown and not told.

Overall, the ideas are awesome, the titles for each idea are awesome, and the themes are awesome. There are a lot of life lessons to take away from these oneshots, and I can tell you have a lot of passion for these stories, so I encourage you to keep adding to this oneshots book, as these themes are all wonderful!

Album Presentation: 7/10. The title is The Book Of One Shots, which about sums up what the intention of the book is. That being said, I have one critique. Consider giving it a specific name instead of the book of one shots. I say this because there are a lot of compilations out there, so giving it a more specific title could be interesting to see, and it'll also help it stand out both to readers and in the general Wattpad algorithm. For example, my friend Seamlesslove titled her short story compilation Succinct Tales, which I think is cute but also helps it stand out more to readers. Or SeraDrake titles their shorts Morsels, another beautiful title. It could help it stand out in the algorithm and also set the tone for the general feel of the stories within your work. So, the title is capitalized correctly and does say what the story is going to be, but some diversity and maybe a more unique title could be interesting to see as well.

The blurb is simple and to-the-point. It tells the reader that this is a short story collection. It could benefit from potentially having some more specifics about what genres the readers can expect and some teases for some of the stories within, but I don't think a one shot compilation needs a complex blurb or anything crazy specific, so I think it's fine but could potentially benefit from being a little more specific about what readers can expect, if that makes sense. Overall, the blurb is good, and I appreciated that it was short and didn't drag on, as many stories on Wattpad are starting to make long blurbs a trend, for some reason.

I really like the cover. It's simple but creative with the ink blots of the pen splashing out and making for an interesting color flair without overdoing it. It almost reminds me of Dune Part 2 with the fireworks in the sky during the black and white scene, where there were blot-like fireworks in the sky. Really random reference, but that's what it reminded me of, and I enjoyed that a lot. I have no critiques for the cover since I think it's awesome!

Total: 33.5/50.

Songs chosen to reflect the story:

1) Heart of Corruption by Lappy (Not Explicit)

- This dark, creepy instrumental sounds like it would be playing during the Hades and Aethera fight. It sets the tone for the entire playlist and also has that revenge, action-packed feel that I think represents Aethera's character well. I think t's the perfect tone to start off this playlist!

2) Half God Half Devil by In This Moment (Not Explicit)

- As the title implies, this is a rock song that's pretty intense and is about revenge. It fits the same theme as the previous song, building on the atmosphere this playlist has, and it fits Aethera's character well, in my opinion!

3) <demons> by Kim Petras (Not Explicit)

- This song is an instrumental again with some "lyrics" in the beginning to introduce the topic. It's a funky instrumental with a darker undertone. I don't know why, but I feel like this oneshot book requires more instrumentals than songs with hard lyrics, you know what I mean? I just feel like it fits. So I think this is a good song to close off this playlist on!

Link to playlist --->

Werewolf Game: The Hunt by itsmethesmc

Review:

Album Cohesion: 7/10. This section refers to the pacing to your story. One small part is how long it takes to get into the first chapter of your story. I see a lot of stories where it has like 10+ chapters prior to the actual first chapter, making it difficult to get invested. Here, there is only one chapter since it's a one-chapter story, so that means you don't dilly dally and instead get right into it, which is great! You receive full credit for that portion of this section.

The larger part of this section is the general story pacing, referring to how well your story flows out. Does it go too fast? Too slow? Was I confused because it went too fast or too slow? Here, I'd say the pacing is overall fine for the concept. It's a fast-paced story, and I think it's good to maintain that. It's a fast-paced game, so it makes sense to have fast pacing, right? I like how you didn't waste time and kept us interested, and I like how you didn't make this a 30+ minute long story since it is a contained narrative that didn't need to be extremely long.

That said, there were a few moments throughout the story where the pacing could have slowed down to flesh out what was happening in a bit more detail and focus on the emotions a bit more. For example, when Hobi and Y/n died in the beginning, that's when the shocking twist that they're dying for real comes to light, and this could have been a cool moment to slow down and flesh out the emotions and stakes a tad more. Maybe add some more descriptions and really set the mood. That's not something that I'm saying has to happen, but it's something worth considering for future works when you have emotional moments and big shocks.

Toward the end, due to the number of characters present, it did start to get a bit hard to follow since everything was going fast, so some slow downs toward the end to have more descriptions and scene setting could be beneficial, too. I'll talk a little more about this later.

Overall, the pacing was good and worked for the story. It was fast-paced, but considering the speed of werewolf game, it makes sense that it had that fast pace.

Lyrics: 5/10. This is the technical writing section, which judges both the overall SPAG (spelling, punctuation, and grammar) and description techniques. I think there is strong potential here since this is a cool narrative idea, so there naturally are some great opportunities for descriptions, environments, and concepts, so I think you have a great foundation here, and I have some suggestions to really bring it out more!

My main critique for this category is that there are many SPAG errors present throughout. Before I get into some of the individual errors, let's go over some general grammar tips that may be helpful for improving the grammar in future stories. For improving overall grammar, I would recommend using a grammar checker, like Grammarly, QuillBot, and/or ProWritingAid. All three are free and have different strengths. Grammarly is pretty good at identifying typos and has the option to change the English style (i.e., US and UK English), QuillBot is the most aggressive grammar checker that will point out the most errors (though sometimes it ends up being wrong because it's overly aggressive), and ProWritingAid is pretty good at identifying when you've used too much of the same words (so it tends to be better for longer novels and keeping track of how often you're using certain words).

You could also try reading out loud and/or plugging the text into a text-to-speech (TTS) generator (or simply reading the text out loud yourself). I personally use the built-in TTS in Scrivener, but I know Microsoft Word has a built-in TTS as well, and maybe Google Docs, but I'm not sure about that. Either way, if you just Google TTS generators, I'm sure you'll find a bunch to use. I don't even use grammar checkers anymore because using TTS has helped me so much that I don't need them anymore.

Now, let's move into specific errors.

Let's start with there are spacing errors since that's a minor thing. There are errors like this: " How? "

I hope when I copy paste it, it'll show there are extra spaces between the " and the word how. Consider: "How?" You don't need spaces between quotation marks and the word they are surrounding, so here are some more examples of ways to punctuation the quotes:

"Hi."

"I missed you."

"How are you?"

Those are all examples of where to put the quotation marks. I hope that makes sense!

Similarly, when you're using dialogue, punctuation goes inside the quotation marks, not outside it, so when you are ending dialogue, the commas and periods/full stops go inside the quotation marks.

Here's an example from your story:

"Stop! You're gonna spill your role", PD said. It should be: "Stop! You're gonna spill your role," PD said. So the comma should always be inside the quotation mark when you're using a tag. If you're not using a tag, then anything other than a comma is used as end punctuation, and that too should be inside the quotation marks.

Some examples of correct punctuation for dialogue:

"Hi."

"Hi," he said.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Go away!"

Notice how all the punctuation is inside the quotation marks, regardless of if there is a tag after the dialogue or not, so the punctuation should always be inside. I hope that makes sense!

There are some capitalization errors present throughout. For example: I know I'm pretty close with bangtan but I'm very shy and I become Red infront of him. The "bangtan" is a proper noun, therefore it should be Bangtan, and the "red" is not a proper noun, so it should be "red." Shortly after that example (which is from the beginning of the story), Seokjin is lowercase and spelled as seokjin when it needs to be Seokjin, so that's another example. Proper nouns always need capitalization, but non-proper nouns only need capitalization in certain scenarios, like they're starting a sentence.

There are comma errors present throughout the story. For example: I felt pain in my chest and it was bleeding. And: "Did I die for real?" I asked and he nodded as startled as me.

Consider: I felt pain in my chest, and it was bleeding.

And: "Did I die for real?" I asked, and he nodded, as startled as I was.

I didn't change any of the wording, just added commas.

Description-wise, there could be more descriptions. Like I mentioned in the previous section, there could be some slow downs to flesh out some of the emotions and what's going on. It could also be cool to get more descriptions of the environments and the wolves themselves, as these environments and wolves sound really cool, and I'd love to see more of what you're thinking since these are cool concepts, and I encourage you to explore these concepts more and describe what you're imagining!

Overall, the technical writing has potential and has moments where it shines, there could just be some polishing to the grammar and some more descriptions to help flesh the story out more.

Dynamics & Harmony: 5/10. This is the characters and dialogue section, and I think here, like the previous section, there is strong potential and good foundations. I'm interested in the relationship between Y/n and Jimin due to their sibling relationship. There's a lot of potential there, especially with the emotions. I also think there is strong emotional potential between IU and Jungkook due to Jungkook's feelings for her. Yoongi's betrayal is a good concept that is an emotional goldmine, too. So, it's safe to say you have a lot of great foundations here that will keep the readers interested, and I think there are a lot of ways you can expand on this.

Though, unfortunately, before I get into the fun creative stuff about the characters, I have to talk about the technical writing. It's better to just get the technical writing out of the way since that's the boring stuff, right? So I'll go over it as fast as I can, and then we can get back to the character stuff!

The main suggestion I have is I would recommend not having emojis in dialogue, or in the story in general unless the characters are texting. The reason is because we can't speak emojis, so it's a tad awkward in dialogue and can break a reader's immersion in the story. So it's okay when it's in texting or in author's notes, but I would recommend avoiding it in spoken dialogue (and in description for the same reason that it's hard to imagine emojis in scenes, so that's why I'd recommend avoiding using them).

Similarly, I would recommend not using abbreviations in dialogue and descriptions unless the characters are speaking. I.e., the ntmy in the beginning. For starters, some people might not know what that means. I'm a native English speaker and have a degree in English, but it took me a hot minute to realize what that meant. If you use an abbreviation, it doesn't read as "nice to meet you," it reads as the letters n-t-m-y, so we're imagining the characters physically saying "N-T-M-Y," not "Nice to meet you," hence why I recommend when using dialogue to only put what they're actually saying. So, instead of ntmy, nice to meet you, or instead of brb, be right back. I would recommend only using abbreviations if the characters actually are saying them, but even then, I advise against it since a lot of readers really dislike seeing abbreviations in stories (unless the characters are texting).

The grammar errors I mentioned in the previous section are present in the dialogue, and there were the dialogue-specific errors that I covered beforehand, but they do apply here since this is the dialogue criteria, but since I already wrote about them in the previous section, I won't talk your ear off about it again here.

Let's move back to the characters now, shall we? I don't have any problem or critiques of the individual characters, though what I'd say is there are a lot of characters, and that's why I'd recommend considering downsizing, since trying to follow who was who got harder and harder as the story went along, and it felt like most of the characters didn't have any impact on the plot. So if there are characters that don't impact the plot at all, I would recommend cutting them so there is more focus on the characters who make a big impact, therefore making those characters more memorable and emotional, and it also is easier on the readers since keeping track of that many people can be very difficult. I hope that makes sense!

Overall, the characters and dialogue have potential since this is a cool concept, there could just be some grammar tweaks and some downsizing on how many characters there are.

Narrative: 6/10. I think the idea of pairing an entertaining game with an entertaining group of artists is a good one. The concept of the narrative is following a group of idols as they try to figure out the strange occurrences happening within a werewolf game, which is essentially like mafia where people have different roles and there's a lot of "murder" involved. However, there are twists and turns along the way that keeps it spicy.

That actually leads me to the first thing I liked about the story: the twists and turns. The story will definitely hold your attention since there are plot twists and betrayals around every corner, so it's hard not to be engaged, y'know? I like how you added shocks into it to make it feel unique!

Another thing is the idea itself is good. While I didn't know what werewolf game was (I'll talk more about that later), I was curious to know more about it. It's an interesting story idea that can carry a lot of intrigue. It can also attract a lot of audience members because it has that death game feel to it, and it's safe to say that's a popular genre (cough Squid Game and Alice in Borderland). So, I think you did a good job selecting the story idea!

Suggestion-wise, I would recommend having one character or a few characters not know what werewolf game is so then you have a natural way to explain what werewolf game is. For anyone, like me, who isn't familiar with werewolf game, they're going to be very lost for the entire story. Google gives a crap ton of information, so even after Googling it, it's hard to become really familiar with it, especially since everyone is going to play the game differently and Google's definition won't be a one-size-fits-all kind of situation, so that's why I very strongly suggest explaining what werewolf game is for the audience who doesn't know what it is (though, the audience shouldn't have to Google something to grasp the plot of the story, hence why I recommend explaining it within the story itself). That's why I said consider having a couple characters not know what it is: now that gives you a reason to explain werewolf game naturally.

And that also ties in to how it could be beneficial to downsize on how many characters there are so we have a bit more focus and can focus on the story more if there is less going on. The pacing goes a little fast, and while I do think the fast pace overall works, it could be slowed down a bit more naturally if there were less characters so we could focus on the plot and most important characters a tad more.

Another thing is what I mentioned previously in the pacing category where there were some moments where the story could have slowed down and had stronger reactions to what was happening, like when Y/n and Hobi "died" in the beginning. It was a shocking moment, yet it felt like it went a tad too fast and could have been slowed down to focus on the emotions and what was going on.

I'd also love to see an extension about what the space between life and death is, and how the reviving works. So, they're dead dead, of course, but I'd be curious to see more of what this means for the characters and how they feel about it, as they don't express much about how they feel about it, so I'd definitely encourage you to expand on this, if you're interested, as there is a lot of emotions you can write about here about someone losing their life. Everyone who died in the game didn't know they were going to actually die (of course), and the betrayal that comes with that could also be an interesting emotion to explore, so if you're interested in continuing this, I definitely encourage you to, as there's a lot to uncover here! Or maybe just more added to the chapter currently published that explores their emotions more.

Overall, the narrative has a strong idea and shocking twists and turns that will keep readers engaged. There were some tweaks that could be made to smoothen the narrative a bit, but I overall liked it.

Album Presentation: 5.5/10. The title is Werewolf Game: The Hunt, which I think is a pretty good title. It tells the audience exactly what the book is about (werewolf game) and adds a powerful subtitle that implies danger (the hunt), so I think that's a good title. I have no critiques for it.

The blurb does give a general rundown about the story, though it could use some tweaks to the grammar and presentation. I would recommend trying out a more "cinematic" blurb, and by that I mean something that really sets the stage for the story more in-detail, so instead of the casual speech used here, consider tweaking it so it's more like a cinematic blurb. There are plenty of examples out there, so I recommend Googling "Book blurb examples" and scrolling through to see what you find.

If we're talking strictly grammatically, then the blurb could use some grammar tweaks. Here is the blurb with the grammar tweaked:

A K-pop fanfiction!

This is a standalone book. It was written for a fanfic contest.

The topic was werewolf game. I made this book with two popular K-pop groups, BTS and TXT, and two popular K-pop soloists, IU and PSY, along with another character, PDnim.

The story will be told from the perspective of a girl named Y/n.

So, K-pop stans, please support me. This topic was quite new to me, and I worked hard for it ㅠㅠ.

Thank you!

I didn't make many changes to the word choice and instead focused on the grammar and spelling. I made a lot of tweaks, so you may want to look at them side-by-side to see what I added and removed.

So, overall, I would suggest having a more cinematic blurb that focuses on telling the readers about the plot of the story instead of why it was written and how you feel about it. You can save that for an author's note in the story itself, though when readers see a blurb, we want to see why we should read the story from a plot perspective, so consider focusing more on the plot here and give more teases for what the story could entail. Will there be betrayal? Secrets revealed? What are the stakes? Is anyone's life at risk if they don't play this game? I'm not saying you need to answer all of those questions or even half of them, but consider raising some points like that so readers can identify the stakes and why they should read. I would also recommend tweaking the grammar so it flows a bit stronger. I hope all my suggestions made sense.

The cover has a good concept with the werewolf eyes in the background looming over all the K-pop idols. So, in concept, I like how you included the werewolf eyes, and I like what you were trying to do with the cover. That being said, I would suggest remaking the cover to fit the Wattpad dimensions (512x800). If you need help doing this, I would recommend using Canva and choosing the ebook template since it automatically sets it to 512x800, or you can use other apps like the Wattpad one calls Desynger (I think that's how you spell it?) since it auto sets the dimensions to 512x800. Logopit Plus is another one where you can set custom dimensions and put 512x800 in there so you can format the cover that way. So I would recommend remaking the cover to fit those dimensions so it's more of a book cover, as the dimensions there currently make it look more like a banner, if that makes sense. Overall, the concept of the cover is good with the wolf eyes lingering over the K-pop idols, it could just use some tweaks to the presentation to make it easier to see and more in line with the book cover dimensions.

Total: 28.5/50.

Songs chosen to reflect the story:

1) Bury Me Low by 8 Graves (Not Explicit)

- I feel this story requires a more EDM, funky vibe for its playlist. This is almost like a mini action novel with all the stuff going on within the plot and the high stakes. Not to mention werewolf game is like mafia, so there's a lot of action to unpack. That's why I chose Bury Me Low. I feel like it perfectly matches the vibes of the story, not to mention death is a theme within the song and is also a common occurrence in the narrative, so I think that matches!

2) Death Is No More by BLESSED MANE (Not Explicit)

- This is a phonk song, but I think it fits in with the vibes of this story well and also maintains the high energy the previous song on the playlist has. I think it matches the energy this story needs since it's a very fast-pacing, high-energy narrative. And, like I said, it matches the energy of the previous song, so it fits in perfectly!

3) Spicy by aespa (Not Explicit)

- I gotta add a K-pop song to this, right? Especially one so high-energy and full of heat... literally, cause it's called spicy. Like the previous two songs, it has high energy and a lot of fun to it, which I think reflects the fast pace of this story well. It closes out the playlist on a high note and will keep the energy going even after it's over!

Link to playlist --->

My Never-Ending Book by AprilJester

Review:

*Stories judged: April Fools!/It's An Emergency/Halloween Hangover

Album Cohesion: 7.5/10. This category judges the pacing of the story and is split into two parts. There's the small part that judges if you have too many unneeded chapters before chapter one, and the main part that is the general story pacing.

As for the small part, there are three chapters prior to the first chapter: a content warning, a background chapter, and the world guide. That's not many and probably around the page count you'd expect from a book through the dedications and things like that, so I'd say it works. I felt the background and world guide chapters could have been combined, as splitting them didn't really do anything for me, but that could also just be a me thing. Overall, the lead into the first chapter is good, so you did good with that part of the category.

As for the general story pacing, it's also good. The themes fit within the smaller chapters, making it feel like I understood the themes by the time I was done reading each chapter. The plots within the chapters conclude at their own pace and don't feel unfinished by the end, which is good since that led to satisfying conclusions!

Suggestion-wise, I don't have too much, as you can probably tell based on the good score. The first chapter is fine since it was on a word count limit, so I think you did good with the limited words you had to work with there. I'll talk about it more throughout the review (I cannot write in chronological order to save my life, so I wrote this section last), but a lot of the emotions are told to us and never shown, same with everything else, which can make the stories go by pretty fast and leave little room for analysis and open interpretation. Some more slow downs and showing over telling could be beneficial to making the stories feel more well-rounded.

Overall, though, the pacing is very good and works well for the story.

Lyrics: 6/10. This category refers to the technical writing of the story, which includes SPAG, but it's also everything else, like the descriptions and general presentation of the story, so let's jump into it!

Grammatically, this story is good. Dialogue is formatted correctly (will praise this again in the next section!), and the grammar is pretty solid. The spelling in particular is good, and I don't think I noticed a single spelling error, so if there were any, they were small enough to go unnoticed.

The only major grammar error I noticed was comma errors. For example: It was time for dinner and I could see the anxiety bubbling up in Grace (April Fools!). Consider: It was time for dinner, and I could see the anxiety bubbling up in Grace (April Fools!).

So, the overall SPAG quality is good!

Most of my suggestions are about the way information is presented throughout the story. For example, sometimes the sentences can be a bit clunky. Example: It was at that moment that I realized something important that I had not paid enough attention to notice in the few days Grace has been with us (April Fools!). Can it simply be "I realized something important: there is always a grown-up within touching distance of Grace." or something of the sorts? This is the chapter with a word limit, so simplifying the amount of words in the sentence could be beneficial to that chapter especially.

Another thing in similar vein is there is a lot of telling over showing. The vast majority of the information we get about the characters is told to us, almost like some of the characters and themes are summarized to us instead of shown cinematically. Example: His voice was soft like he didn't want to scare her (April Fools!). The "like he didn't want to scare her" isn't needed since that part is already implied based on the context of the scene and the other telling over showing moments. So my main critique is that the majority of the story is told, where we know every emotion the characters are feeling and exactly what they want at all times. I'm not saying there needs to be a crap ton of showing over telling, and I'm not saying you can't use telling over showing (every story needs telling over showing to a certain extent), but having more showing sprinkled throughout to give more nuance and complexity to the emotions could be interesting to see.

Overall, the technical quality of the story is good. The grammar in particular is a highlight, with there being minimal errors.

Dynamics & Harmony: 7/10. This is the characters and dialogue category, so I'll start off with the dialogue before transitioning into the characters.

The dialogue throughout the story is pretty good. When it comes to the grammatical side of things, that's also pretty good, with the tags being done right the vast majority of times, giving you a leg up on the competition since most people do dialogue tags incorrectly, so good job with that! The grammar within the dialogue is good, too, with there being commas put in the right places and names blocked off with said commas when needed, giving the dialogue more smoothness. All in all, the dialogue is good!

The only minor thing is there are occasional actions as tags, like "He was so cute," she smiled for the first time, and I giggled (Halloween Hangover). The "she smiled for the first time, and I giggled" part can be its own sentence, so there could be a period/full stop after "cute," and then the "she" can get a capital letter. This doesn't happen too often, just a few times (I only mention something when I see it three or more times—I call it my personal three strike rule—but here, I think it was really only like four or five times), so it's not going to factor into the score much, but I just wanted to point it out.

Moving into the characters, I thought they worked. I'm sure I'll have stronger feelings about them after reading the original novel, but even without the full knowledge, I still thought there were interesting themes and ideas presented throughout the shorts. Really my only critique is what I said before about how most of the things we know are told and not shown. I can understand it more for the first one since that was on a tight word limit, though even in the other two that didn't seem to have a word limit, there was a lot of telling over showing, and basically everything we know about the characters was told and not shown, so it's a bit difficult to have a broader conversation about them since there wasn't as much room for interpretation and analysis as there could have been. That said, there were cute themes revolving around Grace in particular, and I thought the Halloween Hangover chapter showed wholesome vibes that I think will make anyone soft, so I appreciated that.

Overall, the dialogue was handled well here, and I thought the characters showed promise and displayed interesting themes.

Narrative: 8/10. I judged three different narratives, so I'll go based on the overall quality of all of them. The overall quality is good! I think each of the three shorts present so far do a good job displaying engaging themes that will keep readers reading. I appreciated how even though I'm not familiar with the original novel, I was able to follow along and didn't get lost. It was written in a way where most people are going to be able to understand even without the background knowledge, and even if they don't have it, you were kind enough to provide the worldbuilding information in the beginning with an optional chapter explaining it.

I'd say the Halloween chapter was my favorite since it had an interesting concept that showed more of Grace's internal thoughts, but I liked all three of them. The first one was wholesome and a feel-good story, the second one was a nice life lesson about safety, and the last one was also wholesome. I thought each idea was good for this kind of compilation, and all three of the ideas were easy to follow. I didn't notice any plot holes or inconsistencies.

As you can tell based on the very high score, I don't have much in terms of suggestions. Really it's just what I said before about how there's an over abundance of telling over showing, which can sometimes detract from the otherwise good themes and can make the plot not as complex and engaging as it could be. That said, I still think all the theme ideas and how they interact with the overall narrative are good, so it's all in all an enjoyable read.

Album Presentation: 5/10. The title is My Never-Ending Book, which is capitalized correctly according to Chicago guidelines and is also a fun title for a oneshots compilation, so all in all, I have no critiques for the title!

As for the blurb, it's short, but that's a good thing since blurbs should be short. It also clearly establishes that this is a one shot compilation for your previous work, which I think is a creative idea, and it's good that you established that early so no one got confused.

Suggestion-wise, the first sentence could use an additional comma. The sentence being: I will write this one-shot compilation in the world I created for 'The Mahani Wolves' and hopefully, it will start a trend for writers everywhere.

Consider: I will write this one-shot compilation in the world I created for 'The Mahani Wolves,' and hopefully, it will start a trend for writers everywhere. It's just one added comma, but it's something worth considering.

Creatively, it could be interesting to get a little more about what these oneshots are going to be like and what the suggested age range is. It's marked as mature, and it does cover EDs (though not in any graphic detail, so it could be marked for everyone), so having an idea of what to expect could be interesting. I understand there is a content warning chapter, though having that in the blurb instead is something to consider. But that aside, more prominently, there could be more hints at what's to come within the story itself, like maybe a general idea of the genres you're thinking, or themes to expect, etc. It's not a big deal, but still something worth considering! All in all, the blurb works, though it could use a tad more detail.

As for the cover, as always, I like the little hat on your name to give it your unique visual flair, and I think it fits well on the cover. I also see what you were going for by having the same background image as the original story's cover with the pup picture in the corner to symbolize the story is going to be tales from the childhoods.

Suggestion-wise, the cover could be adjusted since it doesn't fill the 512x800 Wattpad dimensions. There's a lot of white space at the bottom that could be filled, and same with the white space on the top, though that's less noticeable since the author's name is there. The font chosen for the title could also be tweaked, as at least for me, it doesn't feel like it fits on the cover. I understand the purpose of the smaller pic of the pup on the lower left side of the cover, though it feels a bit out of place and a bit too visually jarring, but that could be just a me thing—I'm far from a graphic designer, after all.

Total: 33.5/50.

Songs chosen to reflect the story:

1) numb by my head is empty (Not Explicit)

- This is a beautiful instrumental song that's lo-fi and slow, setting the overall atmosphere for the story. It's a fun story, but it does cover Grace's emotions, and they are far from always happy. She has her struggles that give her a tragic past and present, so I think this "numb" track that shows so much emotion despite the title is perfect to start off this playlist.

2) Safe And Sound by Capital Cities (Not Explicit)

- I love this song so much. It's such a sweet, safe-feeling song, if that makes sense. It's faster than the previous song and has lyrics this time, but I think it still fits the overall atmosphere of the playlist and represents the safety Grace's family wants her to feel. It's also just an awesome song.

3) Crossing A Line by Mike Shinoda (Not Explicit)

- Another song with lyrics but still in similar vein to the previous two songs, this was the song Linkin Park member, Mike, made after Chester's unfortunate passing, and the song is about moving on and coming to terms with what's happened. I think the song's message of acceptance and self-discovery after tragedy matches Grace well.

Link to playlist --->

In Vino Veritas by Mochi711

Review:

Album Cohesion: 8/10. This is the pacing category, where part of it is dedicated to how many chapters you have prior to the first chapter, and the larger part is the general story pacing. For the small part, you get full credit! There are no unnecessary chapters before the story starts, so readers can get started right away. Good job with that!

As for the general story pacing, as you can probably tell based on the high score, it is also good. This is the extended edition, and even though it is extended, it felt just right and how it needed to be. I'm glad Yoongi chose to have that conversation there instead of waiting for home since that also made the pacing smoother so we didn't have to change to a whole new scene and establish a new location just for one conversation, so that was a smart decision to have them sort it out right then and there (and it also made sense character-wise). The ending ended where it needed to and didn't drag it out, which was good.

The only critique I had was it did get a little lengthy with the exposition in the beginning, and the dress designing scene started to go on a little too long, in my opinion. The exposition was just a tad lengthy since it was in chunky paragraphs, so maybe a simple fix is just splitting it up a hair more, or intertwining it more with the actions. As for the dress designing, same thing where maybe it could be trimmed just a tad. Though, other than those two things, the pacing was good.

Overall, the story felt fluid and went from point A to point B smoothly, not pausing to take any detours, and the way it ended was good and felt satisfying.

Lyrics: 6/10. This is the technical writing section, dealing with all things SPAG, but that also includes the general technical writing of the descriptions and how the sentences flowed together. Let's begin with SPAG!

The overall SPAG is pretty good. The spelling was great, and the general grammar was smooth. There were some errors I'll go over as we get through this section, but not many, and nothing that ever broke my immersion, so good job with the grammar!

As for the descriptions, there were enough descriptions, so I didn't feel like it was lacking in that regard. The descriptions present good ideas and interesting visuals for the readers, which I enjoyed and thought you did a good job with.

Suggestion-wise, most of my suggestions are about the general structure of the sentences. For example: Looking up as the door opened, I was escorted out and stood outside with Yoongi and the others, looking up at the looming marble steps (near the beginning).

Consider: The door opened, and I was escorted outside with Yoongi and the others, gazing at the looming marble steps.

I tweaked the word choice, so I'm not saying that's the perfect sentence or anything, but I tweaked it so it was shorter and more direct (removed the intro clause, removed one use of "look" so it wasn't repeated, removed the "out" and "stood").

When writing sentences, a writing challenge I'd recommend is asking yourself "is there a shorter way to write this sentence?" The top goal of creative writing is not showing over telling; it's saying what you need to say in the shortest amount of time without overwhelming the audience. For some, like Blade Runner 2049, that "short time" is still almost three hours of a movie. For others, it's twenty minutes. It varies from story to story since every story requires different lengths, but when writing sentences, my recommendation is to see if there are ways to trim them up.

In this sentence, "looking" is used twice, and you have an introductory clause. Introductory clauses are fine to use but tend to be passive, so do you need the passivity here? Another thing is do you need to specifically say every action? We can assume she's standing or at least about to stand, so do you need the "I was escorted out and stood outside with Yoongi and the others," or can it be simplified?

Similarly: "If you're not sure how to act, just smile and nod," Yoongi whispered in my ear as we walked in with smiles as fake as the ones directed at me as soon as we entered. Is the "as soon as we entered" needed? There are already a lot of "as" clauses, so is another one needed, or do we get the gist without it? If it were not there, the sentence would have the same meaning, right? In those cases, where the sentence can have the same meaning or the meaning is implied through context, then clauses like "as soon as we entered" can be removed to remove potential repetition and keep the language more direct.

I won't talk your ear off about adverbs, though I do need to mention them since they were overused here. "Slightly" in particular was overused, and when they enter the party, it's used 3+ times in a short time, and "politely" was overused, too. So I would recommend downsizing on adverbs.

Similarly, introductory clauses were very overused and could have been downsized on. There was probably at least one intro clause in every paragraph, and I would recommend downsizing and using intro clauses close to least of all the sentence types. I say this because of what I mentioned before about how they tend to be passive sentences, so it makes the language less engaging when there is a lot of passivity instead of active, direct sentences.

Another thing is what I've mentioned in past reviews where sometimes the paragraphs could be split up. It's okay to have long paragraphs if the idea is all mostly the same, though there were times there were different things happening in the same paragraph that could have been split. For example, about a quarter into the text (right after Michelle leaves with Yoongi), the paragraph that starts with "After flagging down a waiter..." could be split at "My party of one didn't last long..." since that part is introducing a new topic and action. This doesn't happen too often, but it's still something worth mentioning.

I won't go into detail about the UK and US English thing since I know you know, but it is something to bring up since it did switch between the two styles a lot, sometimes in the same paragraph (i.e., toward the last 1/3rd, when Yoongi approaches Essie, he says "realise" and then "realize" within two sentences in the dialogue that starts with "We don't know each other that well").

SPAG-wise, the only error I noticed enough to mention was punctuation. For example: "I don't expect you to forgive me but I want you to know I'm so sorry for misjudging you," I said in shame. Consider: "I don't expect you to forgive me, but I want you to know I'm so sorry for misjudging you," I said in shame.

Overall, the technical quality of the work is good, with the grammar being good and smooth throughout the story. I had some suggestions for the presentation of the sentence structure, but the technical score is still good.

Dynamics & Harmony: 7.5/10. This is the characters and dialogue section, so here, we'll mostly be judging Essie and Yoongi since they were the leading characters. But, for now, let's start with dialogue.

First, let's start with the boring stuff: grammar. But, good news: the dialogue tags are done correctly aside from this one: "Can I...can I hug you?" He asked tentatively. The "he" should be lowercase. But that was the only case I noticed, so that doesn't factor into the score. All in all, great job with the dialogue tags!

As for the dialogue itself, it also works. I especially liked Essie's business talk with the Parks after she designs her dress differently, as that was a great way to show her potential once she gets settled and comfortable. It also made her relatable since most people feel really, really awkward until they get comfortable with the people and environments around them. She was incredibly awkward, and then she settled into her groove, which I liked.

As for Yoongi, I liked the message of communication you presented through his character. It was a good choice to have the characters be the core vessels of the themes. The main critique, though, is that his dialogue got a bit awkward by the end, and a little bit of Essie's did as well, but mostly his. For example: "I was trying to hold it together and not look like I was going to push them away from you but I realised after you left the main room that you caught my look and thought it was against you," he said.

Here, if you read it out loud, you may notice it's a bit clunky and could be tweaked. The conversation between Essie and Yoongi could be tweaked since it's very smooth and polished despite the circumstances, and there are a lot of words all at once.

My general rule of thumb for writing dialogue is if you say it out loud and feel like you're running out of breath (not from emotions but rather from the sentence going on too long), it should probably be reworked. If you try to read that sentence in one breath, it feels difficult and chunky, and it could be split up, less formal, and more emotional to match how we speak during more emotional moments. Yoongi is putting his emotions on display with this confession, so some more natural pauses, stutters (not talking like s-she, but like him needing to break off or stop because he's struggling to get words out), trail offs, simplistic language, etc. could be interesting to see here. I hope all that makes sense!

Overall, the characters and dialogue work for the story, with Essie being the highlight as she had interesting dialogue and a relatable character, and the message of communication was a great choice.

Narrative: 7.5/10. The narrative is simple yet complicated at the same time: Essie goes to an event with her partner, Yoongi, who she married mostly just on paper and not for any love purposes. The narrative follows Essie trying to find her place in the entertainment industry at an event while Yoongi is dragged away by his ex, Michelle, who used him for success.

I think this is a good story. It's a solid idea with good execution. That when mixed with good pacing and smooth grammar made for an enjoyable reading experience. Essie was a good character we were able to relate to, and she did a solid job carrying the plot forward. It was refreshing to have a smart lead character who thought on her feet and managed to make a bad situation good, and also while doing so with grace by not just dumping wine on Michelle's friends but taking their negative actions and turning them into positivity. I thought that was a great twist on the common tropes and a great chance to spread positivity instead of negativity.

Another thing I enjoyed was the theme being about communication. I also especially liked how you chose to use this theme surrounding a marriage. We all know divorce rates are not great right now, and a lot of that is because of miscommunication, so choosing a marriage as a lens to tell this theme was a smart choice.

I mentioned it earlier, but the ending was satisfying, too. I am reading the extended edition, so I am judging it on its own apart from its counterpart, but even though it's "extended," it didn't feel dragged out or like it was extended just for the sake of it, which is another thing I appreciated.

Suggestion-wise, just a few things. It could be interesting to expand on the pressure Yoongi felt to marry, as the ending monologue focused a lot on Michelle, but I was left a tad confused about why he felt so strongly about marriage. I couldn't tell if it was a revenge thing against Michelle or if it was pressure from fans that was mentioned in the beginning, but we weren't shown any pressure from fans, so some more detail about why he felt the pressure to marry could be interesting, but only could be. I talked about the exposition earlier, so I'm not advocating for more exposition (for a sci-fi writer, I sure hate exposition, don't I?), but if there's a way to naturally weave it in, it could be worth considering.

Two more things that are basically the same with only a slight variation: there was some unnecessary telling over showing, and also director's notes. Director's notes is something I call sentences that spell out the emotions that were already shown to us. Like the author pointing the readers to the emotion they want readers to feel, almost like a director directing their actors.

Examples from the text:

She was clearly flaunting her connections to show me I didn't belong, and that I should just make myself scarce. Here, we already saw that Michelle was doing this through her actions and other telling lines, so we don't need to be directed to this conclusion as we already came to it.

And: As the group slowly diminished as the others went to other groups, it was clear she fit into this world, while I was standing next to Yoongi, yet completely out of my element. Same thing where we already saw time and time again that Essie was not in her element, so it doesn't need to be told to us directly.

As for telling over showing, it's basically the same thing except this time with the themes. There's this at the end:

"It's amazing what honest conversation could do," I thought to myself as I recalled the beginning of the party. "From practiced coldness to a new warmth...I could get used to this."

I looked down at my dress, eyes zeroing in on the barely visible spot where the wine had splashed onto it. In vino veritas: in wine there is truth.

Here, the themes are spelled out for us, but they don't need to be. The "it's amazing what (an) honest conversation can do" is okay I suppose, but then spelling out the wine part when it was already in the title and blurb was a bit much, in my opinion. What gives themes impact is what's left unsaid, so for future works, I recommend considering letting the meaning linger and have people make their own conclusions. I already connected the title to the theme as soon as the wine got spilled on her dress, and that was fun. I was like "Okay, yeah, title makes sense now," and I liked that I got the chance to draw my own conclusion, so that's why I'm recommending not spelling it out as clearly by having Essie quite literally repeat the themes in her mind.

Overall, the narrative was good and chose a great theme and displayed it through a just-as-great lens of marriage, where miscommunication frequently happens. I all in all liked my read.

Album Presentation: 7/10. The title is In Vino Veritas, which is capitalized correctly according to Chicago guidelines, and it's a catchy title. I'm ngl I may have sat there for five seconds choosing different ways to pronounce it and giggling to myself. I'm the giggler, I guess. Anywho, it's a good title, and I have no critiques for it.

As for the blurb, I like how it's formatted and how you kept it short. This is a short story, so... yeah, it makes sense the blurb is short, right? You clearly identify it's a Yoongi one-shot, which is good, and you don't drag it out.

Suggestion-wise, contrary to what I just said, it could use just a tad more detail, but just a tad so it remains short. I haven't read the story yet, so from a ftr's perspective, I'm a little confused about what the story will be about. I'm not saying it needs to be a whole long paragraph or anything, but even just a little more detail to what's already there or one extra sentence could do it.

After reading the story, I would say it could be worth considering to include she's Yoongi's wife, or a little bit of background, especially since a lot of people probably won't know what shakers and movers are. We can guess based on context clues, but even I didn't know what that meant prior to Googling it. So maybe just a little bit more background and detail about what the story is so ftr's can gain a better grasp on what the plot is could be beneficial, but it's overall a fine blurb.

As for the cover, it sets up the narrative well, with the wine glass being in-frame, same with Essie and Yoongi. It shows Essie's dress and hints at what's to come with the red spots on it, and I like the font for the title. The only thing is the cover feels very far away, with Yoongi and Essie pretty far back, and Yoongi's face is quite glossy. Though, to be fair, I'm not a huge fan of this art style since I've seen it on a lot, and I mean a lot, of covers, so that could also just be a me thing. All in all, the cover works for the story.

Total: 36/50.

Songs chosen to reflect the story:

1) Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want To Come by The Wombats (Explicit)

- I think the title alone explains why I chose the song. Essie did not want to go to that event, and it shows in like every sentence in the story. This song is also like my life motto, so I'm a bit biased toward it. It's just such a good song, and it's also fun, so it's worth a listen if you haven't heard it before!

2) Glad You Came by The Wanted (Not Explicit)

- THE 🦅SUN🥳GOES😏DOWN💅THE👀STARS🥺COME✅OUT🤣AND💜ALL💀THAT💯COUNTS😔IS🤩HERE🤗AND🥰NOW😘

3) Like I Do by Tilka (Not Explicit)

- This is another song that sums up Essie well. No one does it like she does, and she's going to show that to the world. Yoongi would miss her if she were gone, so I think this song's lyrics perfectly capture that feeling. It's also an upbeat, funky song to end the playlist off on!

Link to playlist --->

The Ballad of Time and Moon by MiaKurenai_2009

Review:

Album Cohesion: 7/10. This is the pacing category dealing with two things: one is how many chapters you're posting prior to chapter one, and two is the general story pacing. Of course, the general story pacing is the majority of this category, but it's a nice detail to have a smooth entrance into the first chapter, which this story has. There's only an intro and aesthetics chapter, and then the story starts with the prologue and chapter one, meaning you get full credit for this side of the pacing since you don't dilly dally and instead get right into it.

As for the general story pacing, it's fine and does what it needs to to get the story moving from point A to point B. This is a very plot-focused story, so the plot is introduced and finished within a few chapters. It is a very immediate story, with the story starting with a bang and setting the stakes and character motivation within just the prologue, and establishing that as early as possible is what is going to hook the audience, so good job with that!

Suggestion-wise, the story feels a bit rushed. It's very plot-focused, so the characters feel a little neglected; however, I write this section last, so I already go over this point later, so I'll let future me explain it. But to summarize my thoughts, the story could be slowed down to show more emotions of the characters and flesh out the plot idea more.

Overall, the pacing works for the story and keeps the plot moving, though it could be slowed down since it goes by very quickly.

Lyrics: 6/10. This is the technical writing category covering all things SPAG (spelling, punctuation, and grammar) and anything else regarding the technical sides of things (sentence structure, descriptions, word choice, etc.). So, let's get started with the grammar.

The grammar throughout the story is overall okay, though there could be some improvements since there are very frequent punctuation errors along with some awkward sentences/formatting.

For example, from the prologue:

Just as she was sure she was mere seconds away from her end again-- knowing the feeling all too well.

In the twilight of her life, a soft glow pierced the encroaching darkness. A figure, ethereal and serene, emerged from the light-a goddess, her presence both commanding and gentle.

Here, the first sentence is a fragment that doesn't satisfyingly conclude what it sets up. The "Just as she was sure..." needs an action to make it complete. In this case, it would likely be "a soft glow pierced the encroaching darkness." Consider: Just as she was sure she was mere seconds from her end again, a soft glow pierced the encroaching darkness." I didn't change much of the word choice but instead combined the two sentences to make one complete sentence, keeping most of the same word choice. This happens a few times throughout the text where the sentences feel disjointed and/or incomplete, so I would recommend keeping an eye out for fragmented sentences in future works.

There are frequent punctuation errors throughout the story. Examples include:

...she grumbled freeing her navy rob, from the nearby branches (chap 1).

She remembered seeing him once or twice in her estate, the crown prince holds a grudge against him, but she never got to know why (prologue).

Consider:

...she grumbled, freeing her navy robe from the nearby branches (I'm assuming it was meant to be "robe" and not "rob").

She remembered seeing him once or twice in her estate. The crown prince held a grudge against him, but she never got to know why.

I changed the holds to held because you're writing in past tense, not present, so that was a tense error. There are occasional tense slips where you incorrectly slip into present tense while in past tense. You can use present tense when writing in past tense (i.e., for dialogue and direct/typically italicized character thoughts), but in that example, it needed to be past tense.

Most commonly, you'll have sentences where you need a semicolon or to split up the sentence (like the one above) but will instead join the clauses together with a comma, so I recommend keeping an eye out for that in future works since it was very common in this one.

Moving away from the SPAG, though, the descriptions are the next topics to cover. I like the concepts for the descriptions and the world attached to said descriptions. Although I did have some critiques for the pacing of the work, I actually liked that the world was both prominent and in the background at the same time, where we got enough details to keep us interested, but you didn't exposition dump on us either.

There were also a few specific descriptions throughout the story that I enjoyed, such as describing blood as a crimson cough. That was a unique description that set the stage without being over-the-top, so I liked it!

Suggestion-wise, just a few. I would recommend being careful about redundant descriptions, as they did pop up a few times throughout the work. By redundant I mean descriptions where you describe the verb twice. I.e.: She blinked her eyes (chap 1). And: ...exhaling a breath (chap 3). Here, the redundancy is in the "her eyes" and "a breath." The verb "blinked" means to shut and open one's eyes quickly, so by definition, that sentence isn't actually "She blinked her eyes" but rather "She shut and opened her eyes quickly her eyes." I hope when I lay it out like that, it makes sense why you don't need the "her eyes" and can simply say "She blinked." The same applies to exhaling a breath. Exhale means to breathe out, so you're not saying "exhaling a breath" but rather "breathe out a breath." It's not a big deal, but still something worth considering. I didn't see this in the story, but the same applies to "She nodded her head" since a nod means to move one's head. Like I said, didn't see it in the story, but that's another common one I see, so I thought I'd mention it.

The last two things are both small things again, so I'll go over them quickly. I would recommend being careful about how often you describe hair as "cascading," as I noticed it on more than one occasion throughout the work. It's not that it's a bad description exactly, but hair cascading is one of the most used descriptions I see, and trying to find a more unique way to describe hair could be beneficial. That's just another small thing, but still worth mentioning.

The last thing is another thing that's small but happened more than once throughout the story: Alexiel's voice being "heavy with emotion." I bring this up because "heavy with emotion" doesn't actually tell us anything about the scene or character. Is there a way to show this instead of tell it? Maybe have her voice crack, or her speech to become more broken and slurred, or have her reposition her body language, etc.? There are telling over showing lines like that (heavy with emotion) throughout the story, and it's fine to tell over show as long as it's needed, though if there are more opportunities to show, I encourage you to go for it!

Overall, the technical quality of the work is good with some unique descriptions that kept my attention, though there could be tweaks to the grammar to help smoothen the flow of the sentences.

Dynamics & Harmony: 6/10. This is the characters and dialogue section, so let's start off with the dialogue.

The dialogue does what it needs to for the story to move along at a good rate. It doesn't get too expository, and it showed the readers everything we needed to know without going on too long. So, all in all, I thought you did a good job with the creative side of the dialogue.

As for suggestions, the dialogue could be improved through the grammar fixes suggested in the previous section, as there are frequent grammar errors within the dialogue. Smoothening those can help smoothen out the dialogue as well.

There are some dialogue-specific errors that I will go over below.

"In two days," (chap 3; needs a period/full stop, not a comma; this happens a few times throughout the text where dialogue with no tag ends with a comma instead of a period/full stop). So it would become: "In two days."

Another error is: "It's the perfect ruse to throw him off our trail without arousing suspicion," she explained with conviction, "Trust me, there's no better way to unsettle him and secure our escape." (chap 4) The t in "trust" should be lowercase since you are continuing the dialogue with a comma, therefore it's considered part of the same sentence and lowercase (unless it's a proper noun). There are some errors like this throughout where the dialogue is formatted a bit awkwardly, but otherwise, the dialogue works for the story.

As for the characters, I like the concepts behind them. It's easy to sympathize with Alexiel due to her being cheated on and then left in a cycle of death caused by the woman he's cheating on her with. Yikes. Yeah, it's easy to feel bad for her and want to see her succeed. I also like her powers and thought they were interesting to read about.

Kaito is the male lead and another one with an interesting concept behind his character, with him being the mystery reject who wants to help, but a twist reveals he's the reason Alexiel is stuck in the time loop in the first place, which was a nice shock and a cool factor to throw into the mix.

Suggestion-wise, it could be interesting to learn more about the characters, as it's a very plot-focused narrative. There are no pauses to learn more about the characters, hence why the pacing is very fast. This is supposed to be a short story, so I'm not saying there needs to be like 3+ chapters dedicated to just character stuff, but a little more information about who these people are could be beneficial, as Kaito and Alexiel didn't have much chemistry as a result of us not knowing anything about them as individuals, and when we don't know much about them as individuals, it's hard to see the chemistry between them together. They don't have much reason to like each other romantically since they just met and don't know anything about the other. If anything, Alexiel should probably have far stronger negative emotions toward him by the end for his betrayal. If not because of the betrayal itself, then for him concealing it from her. I understand his reasoning of wanting to protect his family, but I didn't even realize he had a family because I don't know anything about him, and neither does Alexiel. Family didn't seem to matter to him because he never mentioned them, if I'm not mistaken. They're not in the epilogue, either, unless I missed something. So showing more about the characters could make them stand out more.

Overall, the dialogue works for the story, and the concepts behind the characters are good and will keep readers interested, though the characters could be given more depth, and there could be some grammar tweaks to smoothen the dialogue.

Narrative: 7/10. The narrative follows Alexiel Chisaka on her quest to break her cycle of death. Little does she know the answer was closer than she expected, and twists and turns throw her off her path and make it hard to stay focused, but she ultimately defeats the time loop and manages to go on to live a good life.

This is a great plot idea. It combines the time loop genre with fantasy, making for an intriguing blend of ideas. Most time loops I see are more sci-fi or horror, taking place in the contemporary world to tell a tale about mistakes and having second chances. This unique blend makes the narrative stand out and kept me interested.

I believe I mentioned this earlier, but the world is also interesting and elevates the narrative. I like how there was some magic, but we weren't hit over the head with it. The descriptions also helped with clearly visualizing the locations they're going to and the items they need, so I enjoyed that as well.

Another thing I mentioned earlier was it was easy to cheer for Alexiel since you feel bad for her, and that's established right away. It was a smart decision to jump into the action with that prologue and establish the stakes right away, as that first hook is extremely important and arguably one of the most important parts of your story, otherwise readers won't continue reading, so I thought you did a good job with that.

Suggestion-wise, it's mostly what I've said already where we don't know much about the characters, making it difficult to feel much during that final fight with Yui since we don't know her or the male and female leads. So it could be interesting to slow down and flesh out the characters more since I didn't feel like I learned much about them throughout the work, and that by extension will help the plot so we can better understand what's going on and connect with the plot events. Since it happens fast, I needed to read it three times to fully grasp the plot since there is a lot of information very quickly, so that's another reason I recommend slowing the pacing even by just a tad.

Overall, the narrative has a solid idea with solid concepts presented throughout its runtime, and it could just use a bit of slowing down to help flesh out the ideas more.

Album Presentation: 7/10. The title is The Ballad of Time and Moon, which is capitalized correctly according to Chicago guidelines, and it is a nice, clean title that will attract readers and makes sense for the story. For those reasons, I have no critiques.

As for the blurb, it summarizes what the story is about. It's five paragraphs, so it could be trimmed a hair, but it's overall a fair length for a blurb, at least in terms of word count. It establishes who the main characters are and what the general plot is going to be clearly, so that's good.

Suggestion-wise, the SPAG could be improved, as the first paragraph in particular is a bit awkward with its wording. The first paragraph is as follows: Alexiel Chisaka, the loved daughter of Duke Chisaka, was known for her beauty and knowledge all over the lands. But when the crown prince, her dearest friend, chose Yui instead of her, it only did not hurt her pride but left her heart broken.

Consider: Alexiel Chisaka, the beloved daughter of Duke Chisaka, was renowned for her beauty and knowledge throughout the lands. But when the crown prince, her dearest friend, chose Yui instead of her, it not only hurt her pride but also left her heart broken.

I tweaked the wording so it flows a tad smoother, but I didn't make any drastic changes so the main point is still the same.

The third paragraph could use some punctuation tweaks as well.

This is the original paragraph: From being his mistress... to being disguised as a boy and becoming a knight, from dying for him to being killed by him, she had tried all ways-- she could think of, but alas she tragically died every time.

Consider: From being his mistress to being disguised as a boy and becoming a knight, from dying for him to being killed by him, she had tried all the ways she could think of, but alas, she tragically died every time. I only made punctuation tweaks and didn't change any of the wording.

As for the fourth paragraph, there are also some errors. Here is the original paragraph: But everything might change, when at the time of her tenth death, Benzaiten approached her, her heart lidded with pity, and offered her a solution.

Consider: But everything might change when, at the time of her tenth death, Benzaiten approached her and offered her a solution.

I removed the pity line since it was unneeded. The blurb is as long as it is because there are unnecessary details like that, so that's something to consider trimming. We don't need to know the goddess pitied her because A) it will be shown in the book, so you don't need to tell us everything to leave room for mystery, and B) it's evident in the fact that she's even offering a solution, so spelling it out directly isn't needed. Otherwise, I just made punctuation changes to make it grammatically correct.

Overall, the blurb sums up what the story will be about and who the primary character will be, though it could be tweaked SPAG-wise and could be trimmed a hair.

As for the cover, it's a nice cover that reflects the story with the red stone in the middle. I like the edges of the cover and how elegant they are, and I thought the choice to keep it dark/all black was nice since it's a sleek color and also represents the darkness Alexiel keeps slipping into upon every death. The only thing is the title text maybe could have been a tad larger since it seems quite small on the cover, but that also might be just a Wattpad thing where it looks smaller. All in all, it's a good cover.

Total: 33/50.

Songs chosen to reflect the story:

1) Wake Me Up (feat. Justice) by The Weeknd (Not Explicit)

- The dark tone of this song fits in with the darkness present throughout this narrative. The whole song is about fading away, so I'd say that's pretty relevant to this narrative. It's also just a great and underrated Weeknd song.

2) WHERE ARE THEY NOW??? by emily jeffri (Not Explicit)

- This is another dark song that matches with the vibe set up by the previous song. It's mysterious and existential, just like the topic of this book. For those reasons, I think it fits perfectly on this playlist!

3) Bipolar by Dropped Out (Not Explicit)

- This song has an ethereal feel to it. It's an instrumental, yet without needing a single word, it evokes so much emotion. It's powerful, and it almost feels like running free for the first time, especially toward the end when the beat really kicks in and gives you that feeling that you're floating. It's different from the last two songs since it's more freeing, yet it has a similar feel to it.

Link to playlist --->

The Final Sacrifice by Thatgurlaturdoor

Review:

*Story judged: Nikita

Album Cohesion: 7.5/10. This section refers to the overall pacing the story has, and it's split into two parts. Of course, the largest part is the actual story's pacing and how it feels to read. The smaller part is how long it takes to get to chapter one. Do you have a gazillion unnecessary chapters before the story actually starts? Nope, you don't! You get right into it and don't waste anyone's time, so great job with the organization of the story. You receive full credit for that.

The entry judged was specifically Nikita, so I'll only be talking about the pacing/narrative of that entry. For Nikita, the pacing was pretty good. There are twists and turns present throughout the short that make it engaging, and it kept me on my toes. I liked the progression from Nikita at first just kinda being there and then realizing "Oh, crap, I don't remember anything." That was a fun moment but also an "Oh crap" moment because we as the readers are also finding out with her that she doesn't remember anything, so you really put us in Nikita's shoes. I never got confused about the plot and thought it was easy to follow, even when the explanations came at the end about who Nikita is.

Critique-wise, as you can probably tell based on the high score, not too much. I'll talk more about both of these things later, but I felt the ending was a tad abrupt, and it could have been interesting to slow down and explore Nikita's emotions a bit more. Though, like I said, I'll talk more about these things later (I tend to write the pacing section last, so I already wrote my points later in the review), but I wanted to bring them up here regardless to explain the deductions and my general thoughts.

Overall, the pacing is pretty good throughout the story, flowing from point A to point B fluidly. Having good grammar also helps with the sentences flowing well, which is what I'll get into below!

Lyrics: 7.5/10. This is the technical writing category, which is more than just SPAG but also your general description writing and how everything is structured, so let's jump into it!

Throughout the story, there were quite a few moments where I was like "Oh that's cool word choice." I left a comment on one of them, and it was the line "Hence my musical heels." In the context of the scene, I thought that was a clever line that made me crack a smile, so the overall word choice throughout the short is really, really good!

The grammar is also pretty good, and when the grammar is good, it's easier to get invested in the story. So the general writing quality is good, as you can probably tell based on the high score.

That said, there are frequent comma errors, which is really the only major error I noticed, but it is a major error nonetheless. Here's an example: I didn't know a place called Sandy Ale so how did I get here?

Consider: I didn't know a place called Sandy Ale, so how did I get here?

Another thing is there were some awkward moments here and there that could have been smoothened. I'll give an example of an awkward moment in the dialogue in the next section, but I'll give an example of it in the text, too: The vision went black. Consider: My vision went black. Since it's first person, having "my" here makes more sense. It's a small change, but it's a tad more fluid.

Overall, the technical writing quality is good and has great moments of solid descriptions I enjoyed. The grammar is pretty good, too, making for a fluid read.

Dynamics & Harmony: 6/10. This is the characters and dialogue section, so let's jump right into it, starting with the dialogue.

Grammatically, as we covered in the previous section, the story is pretty smooth from a grammatical standpoint. The dialogue tags are done correctly, which gives you a leg up on the competition since a lot of people don't do tags correctly, so great job there!

When it comes to the dialogue itself, sometimes it can feel like the characters are talking at each other rather than to each other. For example:

"What's wrong with you?"

Her response is: "How could you tell? Are we friends?" but that's not really a proper response to that question. It sounds more like she's replying to him saying "There's seriously something wrong with you." He asked her, so he clearly doesn't know, so her reacting as if he does know felt a bit confusing to me. The humor of Nikita's dialogue could benefit from being toned down a bit since some of the humor, like this, felt a bit forced and could have been dialed back a tad.

Similarly, this is both a character and dialogue thing, but I wasn't a huge fan of Nikita's dialogue. I can understand joking to blow off steam and all that, though it started to get hard to sympathize with her and want to keep seeing her personality since she didn't really have any deeper emotions or thoughts regarding her memory being wiped and her supposed love for Maxim. There was a quieter moment near the end where she confirms her past self really only loved Maxim, and I thought that was great, though throughout the whole thing, I felt there could have been a little more seriousness at times, especially since some of the humor in her dialogue felt a tad forced.

When it comes to the characters in general, it's a bit hard to say much about them since it's a very short story more focused on the mystery behind Nikita, so I don't know too too much about Nikita and Maxim. I do like how their personalities are clear, though, as you can tell who these people are just by reading about them for ten minutes. So you definitely make the characters clear, which is extremely important. Even though I wasn't the hugest fan of Nikita's personality, I still appreciate her character since I can actually describe her to you. I can describe Maxim, too. There are a lot, and I mean a lot, of stories on here where I genuinely don't remember more than one personality trait of the main characters, yet now I can remember their characters very clearly despite it only being ten minutes long. I remember more about these characters in ten minutes than I remember from some characters in full novels, so I appreciate the dedication to making their speech styles unique to them and making them such distinct characters.

Overall, the formatting of the dialogue is pretty good, with tags being done correctly, though there could be some tweaks to the dialogue itself and how Nikita is presented.

Narrative: 7/10. The narrative follows Nikita, who randomly is in Sandy Ale, a place she doesn't even know about, and she slowly comes to the realization that she doesn't remember anything. That's when a stranger notices her and chases after her, and it becomes a tense chase that results in Nikita discovering who she is.

I think this is an interesting story idea. Writing from the perspective of someone who is slowly coming to terms with the fact that they don't remember anything was fun to read. Of course, I feel awful for Nikita for having to go through that, but it's a unique perspective to read about, and I thought you did a good job with the creative side of the plot idea.

I also said earlier that the pacing is pretty good. I liked how the twists and turns come out at a steady rate to keep the reader engaged. One thing is definitely for sure: readers are going to want to keep reading to see what happens next, and that, of course, is extremely important.

Critique-wise, the main critique I have of the narrative might also be able to be taken as praise, but it's that I felt like there wasn't enough of the story. By that I mean, it feels like this is more of a chapter one to a full novel or novella, not a standalone. It still feels like we have a whole plot and mystery to unravel, and it feels like there's a lot more of Nikita's story left. We made all these revelations almost at the very end, so that led to it feeling like I was ready to click on "continue to the next part" and see what came next, but there is no next part. I say it can be seen as praise as well because it basically boils down to me saying "I want to see more," though it is still something to consider.

Another thing is what I mentioned before about how the ending feels a tad abrupt. I liked the actual ending line and thought it was good, though it feels like the story had more to say, and I'm left wondering if there was a theme or grander message within the story that I might have missed. I've read this entry three times trying to decipher a potential theme, but I can't really decipher any aside from maybe love triumphs all, which is a fine enough theme, though I feel like there was more it was building to that could have been interesting to see.

Overall, this is a good story that kept my attention throughout the entire short. I thought it was an intriguing concept shown with a unique writing style that I enjoyed.

Album Presentation: 7.5/10. The Final Sacrifice is the title of the story, and the story is a short compilation of short story entries for contests. I appreciate that you gave it a more solid name instead of just saying "Contest Entries" or something of the sort. I like it when these anthologies have titles to them. It makes it more interesting that way. So, I liked that a lot! No critiques for the title.

There isn't really a "blurb" exactly, just a sentence clarifying that this is for contest entries. It could be interesting to have the blurb match the title and cover, where it goes above and beyond and gives us sneak peeks for what's going to be inside and what kind of stories we can expect, even if it's just one sentence saying the barebone basics (i.e., the genres). But I'm glad there's something there, even though it could benefit from some general wrap up telling readers what journey they're about to embark on. So it could be interesting to see the blurb match the title and cover, but I'm still happy that it clarifies its intended purpose so there's no confusion about that.

The cover could have easily just been something really simple, but you took the time to give it extra flair with the duct tape on it and the cool background image, which is another thing I appreciate. I don't have much to say about it other than I think you did good with it! It's a little blurry, but that seems to be only because of the Wattpad blur, as some call it, so that's no big deal (plus, it looks mostly fine on laptop unless you zoom in, so, really, no big deal). Other than the dreaded Wattpad blur making the cover a little pixelated around the text and when you zoom in, it's a great cover!

Total: 35.5/50.

Songs chosen to reflect the story:

1) Far From Home by Synthea Starlight (Not Explicit)

- This is a futuristic-sounding song, but I think the airy vibe it has and the general feel of adventure and sense of trying to find your home among foreign land makes this the perfect song to represent this story and kick off the playlist!

2) Where Do We Go From Here? by Ruelle (Not Explicit)

- A classic song that is slower than the previous song, Ruelle brings a beautiful track that feels like a fantasy. It's a love song, but it also has a sense of adventure to it, hence the title asking where to go from where they are. It's a slower song to give a break from the more energetic sense of adventure the previous song had while maintaining the overall atmosphere, as I think this story has a strong sense of trying to discover oneself.

3) Like You Do by Joji (Not Explicit)

- Joji is a wonderful artist with a lot of great songs, and this one is no different. This matches the vibes of the previous song and rounds out the playlist. This song is about past love and lingering feelings that come with it, which I think reflect the two leads quite well. It's also just a gorgeous song, so it's worth a listen.

Link to playlist --->

Reversing the Epoch by bangtanrewinds

Review:

Album Cohesion: 8/10. This is the pacing category, which is split into two parts. There's one small part that deals with how much you're dilly dallying prior to chapter one, and then the main part, which is the general pacing of the story. Let's start with the small stuff. There is only an intro, and then it jumps right into the story, which means you don't dilly dally and instead get to it. The intro is a good addition and doesn't feel unnecessary, too, so for that reason, full credit is awarded for this part of the section.

As for the general story pacing, it is also good. It is a six-chapter story, with all but one of the chapters being under ten minutes long. The story ends exactly where it needs to, and the general chapter endings are pretty good, feeling conclusive and like the next chapters are going to build on them, which they do. The plot beats move from point A to point B to point C smoothly, which made it easy to read.

As you can probably tell based on the high score, I don't have much in terms of suggestions, only small things I'll expand on more in the narrative section (I write this section last, so future me already has it covered!), but I'll still bring them up briefly to explain where any points were taken. The main thing is I felt there could have been a bit of a slow down, but just a bit, to explore the concept of the time travel more, seeing as that's the core plot of the story, and there were some confusing elements that could have been avoided had it been slowed down a bit, but again, that's something I'll talk about more later!

Overall, the pacing did exactly what it needed to to keep the story moving, and there was a smooth transition between the chapters before chapter one to the actual story, so all in all, good job with the pacing!

Lyrics: 5/10. This is the technical writing category that deals with all things grammatical and anything else that factors into the technical writing (descriptions, structure, flow, etc.). Let's start with the spelling, punctuation, and grammar, or simply SPAG for short.

As for the grammar, it's good! The spelling has some errors, but it's overall fine. For example: "You'll submit to me, and I'm spare their life" (chap 1). I believe you meant "I'll" here, not "I'm." That said, the spelling is overall good, and there are only minimal errors.

The main error is punctuation, as there are frequent punctuation errors. There tends to be an overuse of semicolons, and while they are used correctly, I caution against overusing semicolons since they're a complicated punctuation mark that join two sentences, so they can get a little awkward to read if they're used too often. That said, they are used correctly, so that's good. The punctuation errors are more about commas.

Example: I shouted crawling to her again (chap 1). Should be: I shouted, crawling to her again. When using an -ing verb after a dialogue tag like this, normally you need a comma before it and after the tag, hence why there needs to be a comma there.

But the overall SPAG is fine and does what it needs to for the story!

My main critique is the general structure since there are a few times throughout where the sentences were confusing. For example: Seems like she was mentally stable that the curse blew her so quickly as the latte attacks the central nervous system and the one born with a weak one can't stand the contamination of the latte in them (chap 1). If you read this sentence out loud, even with the context of knowing the rest of the story, the sentence doesn't make sense. It seems like it's meant to be more like this: "It seems like she was mentally stable enough that the curse blew through her quickly. The latte attacks the central nervous system, and someone born with a weak one can't stand the contamination of the latte." That's just a rough rewrite and not what I'm saying would work for sure, but it makes it more understandable since the original sentence isn't grammatically correct (it's a run-on, and the words used don't agree with each other, hence why I cut it up), so I would recommend tweaking it, especially considering this sentence explains the core of the plot. I was left confused with the plot for a bit because I couldn't comprehend this sentence, which is why I'm spending so much time on it since it's imperative for sentences explaining the plot to be clear and direct.

Another example: I don't know what to feel I'm hurt that my parents are no more but passed that I'm finally leaving this world which belongs to monsters like you (chap 1).

I think you meant "pleased" instead of "passed." I looked at all the definitions of passed I could find, but none of them fit that sentence, so I think "pleased" might work stronger here. For this sentence, it runs on and becomes confusing. Consider: I don't know what to feel. I'm hurt my parents are no more but pleased I'm finally leaving this world, which belongs to monsters like you.

My other main critique is there's an overabundance of telling over showing. Almost every emotion and plot beat is directly told to us with not much room for interpretation, so experimenting more with showing over telling could be beneficial since the emotions, to me, didn't impact me much because everything was being told. We were told everyone's exact thoughts and motivations, so having some more showing over telling could be beneficial. That's not to say never tell (every story needs telling to a certain extent), but it's to say consider downsizing. I'll give some examples later!

The last thing is I recommend being careful with the language since it strays into purple prose territories oftentimes. Purple prose isn't inherently a bad thing, but since there are awkward sentences and complex concepts along with overly formal dialogue because of the purple prose, I would recommend downsizing on the amount of advanced vocabulary present throughout the story.

For example, in the second chapter: "Lost in the symphony of her allure...". This was an unnecessary moment of purple prose, and the sentence could have been trimmed. My main recommendation is to be careful and always ask yourself why you're using the words you're using, as sometimes if there are too many complex words, it can come off as more trying to sound pretty for sake of sounding pretty rather than because the words are meant to demonstrate deeper emotions. So for future reference, I would recommend downsizing on the complex vocabulary. I hope that makes sense!

Overall, the technical writing throughout the story has great moments with pretty good grammar, there could just be some tweaks to how much telling over showing there is.

Dynamics & Harmony: 6/10. This is the characters and dialogue section, so let's start with the dialogue before moving into the characters.

The dialogue is, for the most part, formatted correctly, with tags consistently being done correctly. The only error is there are actions used as tags, but I'll get into that in a moment. The general dialogue tags, though, are all good, which is great news since a lot of people get them wrong, so solid job with that!

As for the actions as tags, there are some moments where actions, like "he shook his head" or something of the sort are used as tags, though those are not dialogue tags but rather actions.

Random example:

"Hi," she smiled. Incorrect.

"Hi." She smiled. Correct.

OR:

She smiled. "Hi."

"Hi," she said with a smile.

Since dialogue is spoken, action tags like shaking heads and smiling do not agree with what is happening, hence why speaking verbs (said, asked, whispered, etc.) better accompany dialogue. You can still include the actions as demonstrated above, though they just can't be the direct tag. I hope that makes sense!

My main critique, though, is that the dialogue could be tweaked since the characters speak very similarly. They speak pretty formally, so their speech styles blend together, making them not as distinct as they could be. For example: "Jimin, your father is quite clever. He launched the new coffee today, right on the Hamkke Festival" (chap 2). Can it be simplified to: "Your father's smart for launching the coffee during the Hamkke Festival."? This is an example where everyone speaks the same and overly formally. Koreans do have formal speech styles, but not with friends and family. It's actually growing more common in modern South Korea for families to speak to each other in 반말 (banmal) around their family members, and they already would be speaking informally around their significant others, so that's why I recommend considering downsizing on how much advanced vocab and formal structure is in the dialogue, as the dialogue did get wordy at times (will give an example in the next section), and also consider toning down the formality.

When it comes to the characters, they work for the work. Haha. Work for the work. Okay, anywho, moving on, it was easy to feel bad for Minji and even past Jimin because they were really innocent in all of this. Future Jimin, or Joon, came back and terrorized them because he couldn't accept Minji's passing. It was the last thing she did to break him, and he went back and reversed it... he reversed the epoch. Haha, get it, cause it's the title- okay, sorry, I'll show myself out.

Anywho, the only real critiques I have of the characters is what I mentioned throughout the review about there being a lot of telling over showing, and most of the emotions are told to us instead of shown, but otherwise, I thought the concepts behind the characters were interesting and kept my attention throughout the story.

Overall, the characters and dialogue did what they need to to keep the story moving and keep the readers invested, there could just be some tweaks to the formality level of their dialogue.

Narrative: 7/10. The narrative follows a mysterious demon named Joon on his rampage when he finds his queen dead, and that triggers him to go back in time to attempt to fix this, starting several years beforehand, during a quiet day at a cafe Jimin and his girlfriend are in with his dad. From there, chaos breaks out, and nothing is ever the same again.

I think the idea for this narrative is good. The title ties into it perfectly and sets up what the plot is without spoiling anything either. I liked the world of the demons and how there was the cafe, too, that settled into the middle of the plot and ended up being our anchor for the chaos that Joon inflicts on them. It's a really cool plot idea that mixes both time and demons, and that's definitely pretty unique, so I enjoyed it!

The pacing was also good, as I mentioned earlier, so that helps massively with the plot considering we need a good pace if we're going to have any chance at understanding what's going on, so good job with that, too!

Suggestion-wise, mostly the same things I've mentioned throughout the review, primarily with telling over showing since there is a lot of telling over showing here. For example: The crowd reacted with a mix of surprise and curiosity. Many of them, especially those from the city, were sceptical about the possibility of such ingredients affecting mental health. It was something they had never heard before. Some found it thoughtful that the cafe owner was taking such precautions, while others shrugged, thinking it was no harm to them, even if they didn't fully understand the reasoning (chap 2).

Can this be shown? Do we need to be told every reaction, or instead of a paragraph of telling, can we get a paragraph of showing the reactions in more detail? Is this paragraph even needed? Do we need to know everyone's thoughts? They don't end up mattering in the long run, so is this telling even needed? I'm not saying if there's an answer since that would be up to you decide. You know what's best for your work, hence why I simply raise these questions but don't have an answer for them, but they're still worth asking.

Another example:

"What the hell is happening? You and your father did this, right? As soon as that unstable boy drank the coffee, he turned red and started behaving like a zombie. He attacked my daughter, who wanted to check on him as a responsible doctor," his voice cracked as he remembered how the boy had mercilessly bitten his daughter, turning her into a zombie (chap 3).

Here, the text is over-explaining in the dialogue itself (this is an emotional moment; no father is going to be reciting the play-by-play of how his daughter got hurt if not killed like this), and then you tell over show again with the "as he remembered..." part after the dialogue is over. So all of that is to say my recommendation is to consider tweaking the dialogue and how much is told instead of shown.

The main thing is I think the time travel could be explained more clearly since the whole paradox of if he kills himself, he can't come back later to kill himself is kinda brushed over, and while it is fiction so it's not something I'm going to dwell over, it is still something worth exploring.

It also raises the question of if his goal is to kill his father and then himself, why doesn't he go back and kill his father earlier in life when Jimin is younger and more defenseless, and also not with Minji? He put Minji in the line of fire and could have gotten her killed; he can't control what others might do to her while in chaos, so he put her directly in danger despite his main purpose of going back being to protect her. Could he not go back any further than seven years? And even if no, why did he infect so many people? He killed Jimin's dad without anyone noticing. Couldn't he have lured Jimin back there and killed him too, without the extra steps and risk to Minji's life? I understand he wants to kill Jimin to make all the stories stop, but if that's the case, can he go back in time and tell himself to write a happy ending for them instead? Like the last set of questions, I'm not saying what the answer to these questions are and if they're actually possible in the narrative, but they are worth considering, and fleshing out the time traveling a bit more clearly could help eliminate those questions readers might have.

This isn't a critique but rather just a random idea if you choose to write future works like these: it could have been interesting and a shocking twist if Minji died anyway by the end. Like I said previously, he put Minji directly in danger due to his plan, and having her die could have been commentary on how you can't change your past and need to accept things as they are, not as how you want them to be. Joon again resorted to violence to attempt to "save" Minji, so having her die as a result of the cycle of generational trauma and violence could have been intriguing. I'm not saying it has to happen or that Minji getting to live free isn't an optimal result (I'm sure every reader will want Minji to live free), though it's just something worth thinking about if not for this narrative then for future works with similar themes. Again, not a critique and doesn't factor into the score at all, but just something I thought I'd throw out there.

Overall, the narrative has a solid idea that I think will get readers interested in the story, though I did have some critiques for the telling over showing.

Album Presentation: 8/10. The title is Reversing the Epoch, which is capitalized correctly according to Chicago guidelines and also interesting to look at. A quick search of what epoch means gave me more intrigue than before, as now I can clearly see the title's relevance to the story. Since it's grammatically correct and fits the story, I have no critiques of the title.

As for the blurb, like the title, it works for the story and sets out the stakes clearly. It leaves enough open to stay open for interpretation while also giving enough concrete information that we know what to expect when clicking on the first chapter. The only critique I have is this sentence: He ventured through time, shedding the blood of his family, and reducing the Cafe Delightful Enigma to nothing but ruins.

There are two ways this sentence can be interpreted. One is there's a comma error, or the other way is this is supposed to be a list. If it's a list, the verbs don't agree with each other. You have "ventured" first, and then "shedding" and "reducing," which makes it grammatically incorrect (if it is meant to be a list). I would recommend tweaking it so all of the verbs are past tense instead of gerunds. So it'd become: He ventured through time, shed the blood of his family, and reduced the Cafe Delightful Enigma to nothing but ruins.

Or, if it's not a list and you're saying he ventured in time to specifically do those two tasks, then it is a comma error, so it'd become: He ventured through time, shedding the blood of his family and reducing the Cafe Delightful Enigma to nothing but ruins. The extra comma makes it look like a list and is therefore grammatically incorrect, hence why I recommend this alternative if you meant to say he ventured through time to do those two specific things. Other than that, though, the blurb works well and is grammatically correct.

As for the cover, it hints at what's to come with Jimin looking not so human, and there's also the barista apron he's wearing that hints at what the story is about. I think it was very creative to have the edges all be torn and almost make the cover look like a crumbled up piece of paper. The cover does have a lot going on with a lot of different elements, so maybe it could be condensed a bit, but I still think it's overall a good cover that sets up the story well.

Total: 34/50.

Songs chosen to reflect the story:

1) Family Tree by Ethel Cain (Not Explicit)

- Ethel Cain is truly one of the best lyricists I have ever seen in the industry, and that is not a comment I make lightly. This song is a wonderfully dark, powerful narrative that I consider far more than just a song but rather art (like everything Ethel makes). The song is about generational trauma and how the violence passes down and becomes a cycle. Perfect for this narrative, right? It's also such a powerful song. Ethel is the queen of build-up, and it's a long song (7 minutes!), but when you reach the 5:10 mark, that's when everything explodes, and all that build up pays off. I can yap about this song all day, but I'll end it here to say I think it fits your work perfectly.

2) What Could Have Been by Sting, Ray Chen (Not Explicit)

- This is a song from the hit series Arcane, and it maintains the somber tone started in the previous song. This song covers the theme of regret and lost possibilities, and I think the line "I am the monster you created" perfectly summarizes Jimin's relationship with his father. It's a great song and one I feel perfectly matches the narrative.

3) Void by The Neighbourhood (Not Explicit)

- This is a sad love song about needing your other half to fill your void. I think it's a lesser-known Neighbourhood song, but I could be wrong (I feel like all of their songs have hundreds of millions of streams, so I'm probably wrong). It's a banger nonetheless. I think it's a great but sad song to end the playlist off, and it matches with the tone of the story's ending.

Link to playlist --->

The Last of Them by GoldenieTwilightie

Review:

Album Cohesion: 6/10. This section is judged based on two things: the transition to the hook/chapter one, and the overall pacing within the story, with the overall pacing making up the majority of this criteria. But let's start with the pacing into the beginning of the work. The transition into the hook is good. You don't dilly dally or have a million chapters before chapter one. All of the chapters are essential, which I appreciate, so you get full credit for that side of this section!

As for the story pacing, it has great moments where everything feels like it flows out at an interesting rate to keep the readers invested in what's going on. There are certainly no dull moments, so there is going to be high engagement throughout the story. I feel like I was able to read through it fast not because it was short but because I was invested in what was going on, so the time flew by without me noticing.

Suggestion-wise, the main critique I have is the pacing is extremely fast at times. That's not inherently a bad thing, as fast pacing can be very beneficial depending on the story, though here I would say it's a little rushed at times. There are frequent POV changes that make it hard to attach to the characters and the scenes since by the time we are really getting into the scene, the POV switches.

All of that is to say consider slowing down and fleshing out these individual switches a bit more so we can get more invested. For example, in chapter three, the POV switch to Dylan (the first switch to Dylan). There are no descriptions of where they are, any descriptions of the emotions, any physical descriptions of the characters, etc., so it's difficult to imagine the scene. When starting a new scene, I recommend establishing location as soon as possible. Now, books are different than film, but taking it in a film lens (for context, I studied film in school, so I jump at the chance to relate anything to film, haha), one of the first things you get when you start a new scene in a film is an establishing shot so the viewers can ground themselves in the moment. Relating that to books, we as readers want to be grounded in the moment, so establishing location more clearly as early as possible in a scene is recommended so we can better understand and imagine what's going on. And I recommend describing it with at least a little bit of detail, since sometimes you'll establish the location by simply stating the location, like "I'm in the school canteen," but we don't know what the school canteen looks like, so consider giving brief descriptions incorporating the five senses so readers can have an easier time imagining things. I hope that makes sense!

I also strongly recommend not switching between first and third person, especially not in one chapter, as it can be difficult to follow such drastic POV changes, and also especially in a short story. There are already frequent POV changes, but putting in switches between first and third within already frequent changes can make it more difficult to follow along. For a story as short as this one, I don't think it needs to switch from first to third in general, though if going to third person is something you're definitely aiming to do, I would recommend doing it with a chapter break so readers have more time to process it.

The last thing I'll mention is chapter two ends abruptly, and it felt like it had more to say before the chapter ended, but it ended. So that's just one last thing to consider tweaking that ending a bit to be more conclusive, but of course, all of these are just suggestions and not a must, but I hope seeing these suggestions inspires you for future works!

Overall, the story does the pacing into chapter one/the hook right, with no dilly dallying or random, unnecessary chapters, it could just use some tweaks to the general story pacing to help the ideas flow out at a stronger rate.

Lyrics: 5/10. This section judges the structure of the story (like the grammar and spelling) and its description quality, so let's start with the structure and then move into the creative side of the story.

There is some very, very interesting word play here with how the ocean lore is presented to us, which I appreciated. I thought it was intriguing reading about the backstory behind Cora and the other various worldbuilding elements. I'm a sucker for worldbuilding, as sci-fi is my genre of choice, so it personally appealed to me. I also just think stories revolving around oceans and adding a level of mythology to them is really cool, so the actual story idea is solid, too, which I'll praise in the narrative section as well.

When it comes to structure, the thing I'll start with is I would recommend being careful about unnecessary words. Here's one sentence: Hundreds of years earlier than the present day, the prophecy starts coming true when Cora, her sister oceans, and other water bodies go extinct due to the hunt for its precious substance, 'Pira'. The unnecessary words here are "than the present day." It's already implied by mentioning "Hundreds of years earlier," so consider saying "Hundreds of years ago, the prophecy...".

Another example: The rainwater that descendingly falls on the dried ocean ground gets used up by humans as well. I'm pretty sure descendingly isn't a word. My spell checker marks it as a spelling error, and upon looking into it, I could not find any sites showing it as a proper adverb. But either way, I would recommend removing it since it's an unnecessary adverb. A common error authors have is forcing adverbs into their text, and this often arises in the form of saying the same thing twice. The definition of fall is to "move downward" (Oxford). The definition of descending is "moving downward" (Oxford). So when you put both together, you're essentially saying: The rainwater that moving downward moved downward." That's why I would recommend removing the adverb and using "The rainwater that falls on the dried ocean ground...".

In general, I recommend limiting adverb usage since adverbs are telling over showing (which is fine to use; every story needs telling over showing to a certain extent, but I just advise against overusing telling over showing) and often don't say much about the text. That's not to say never use adverbs (I myself find them useful, especially in reviews), but consider downsizing, that's all.

Moving away from unnecessary words, the next thing I'll mention is there are tense issues where you flip flop between past and present tense incorrectly. For example, sometimes you'll have present tense dialogue tags (like he says, in chapter 3), and other times you'll use past tense dialogue (like exclaimed and said). I would recommend making sure the story is in a consistent tense. It seems you're mostly writing in past tense, in which case present tense is rarely used within past tense, only in exceptions like in dialogue and (typically italicized) direct character thoughts.

The last grammar thing I'll mention before getting into descriptions is there are punctuation errors throughout the narrative. Here's an example: Pira, being the only remnant, survival souvenir in the human world; which is affected by the pandemic that kills humans after they hit puberty if they drink water. It saves humans from this apocalypse called 'Floatiese.' Legend says, it is considered to be nature's curse upon humans for exploiting and depleting priceless resources over the years.

Semicolons are sometimes used as replacements for commas, but commas and semicolons are not interchangeable. The semicolon in the first sentence is incorrect. The comma in the last sentence is also incorrect. Consider: Pira, being the only remnant, is a survival souvenir in the human world, which is affected by the pandemic that kills humans after they hit puberty if they drink water. It saves humans from this apocalypse called 'Floatiese.' Legend says it is considered to be nature's curse upon humans for exploiting and depleting priceless resources over the years. I tweaked the punctuation and added "is a" in the first sentence to make it more fluid.

Like I mentioned in the pacing section, I would recommend having more descriptions. I'm not suggesting adding paragraphs upon paragraphs of description since that may be overwhelming, but even just a little bit more sprinkled here and there could be beneficial. For example, in chapter four, Dylan enters his full form, but it's not described at all. We're told it's surreal but aren't given anything beyond that. This is a huge moment in the story both plot wise and for Dylan, so I would recommend slowing this moment down to flesh it out more. There's a picture given at the end of the chapter, but I recommend not using pictures as substitutes for descriptions, especially since the picture doesn't come until the end anyway, so I have to read the transformation without knowing. That's why I recommend including more descriptions, if that makes sense.

Though, while on the topic of descriptions, there were many descriptions I liked. When the descriptions were present, I enjoyed them, so that's another reason I encourage you to add more: I like the ones you have! For example, from the chapter "THE WHIRLPOOL," I liked the description in the first section, right before the POV switch with the paragraph "At that moment..." with Stargreen. That was great, and I enjoyed that a lot!

Another thing that is a smaller thing, but it does matter for engagement and shows you have attention to detail: I liked the chapter titles. Each one is unique and makes sense for what happens within the chapter, so I thought that was a nice touch that shows you really took it to the next level when it comes to the detail.

Overall, there are cool ideas here with interesting worldbuilding, there could just be some tweaks to the grammar and presentation.

Dynamics & Harmony: 5/10. I've mentioned it once, and I'll mention it again, though the idea for this story is good, which makes it easier to want to learn more about the characters and see more of this world. This is the characters and dialogue section, so I think you're kicking it off to a good start by building intrigue about who these characters are, particularly Dylan. I was also especially intrigued by the Turtle God, as that just sounds like a cool name, not to mention his role in the story later that may shock readers and have them wanting to read more, so I think you have a great vision for your characters that readers will get behind and want to see more of.

My main critique for this category is that the characters often blend together, making it difficult to identify many traits for the individuals, especially when it's a very dialogue-focused story with not much space between, and of the space that is between, it's mostly for exposition, not character information. When it comes to character thoughts and actions, there isn't much attention given to them, so that when combined with the large cast size and the short length of the book makes for a character list that blended together. So my main recommendation would be to slow down and flesh out the characters more. This is a short, so it doesn't need to be a really, really long, super duper detailed list of characters with long arcs and things like that, but having more clear traits and personalities could help the audience cheer for them and want to see more of the book.

For example, when Dylan gets kidnapped in chapter 3, there is very little time to sit with Dylan's emotions, so we don't see much of Dylan's reaction to what's going on, therefore making it so we don't have a chance to get to know Dylan's character. That's an opportunity to show us how your character reacts to intense situations, therefore characterizing them and also giving the reader a moment to breathe and settle in to what's happening in the book. Maybe he tries an inventive way to escape, or we get a more personal look into his character thoughts, or something else that's unique to him.

This is a first person narrative, though it feels more like third person objective as there is a lot of telling over showing Which, by the way, I disagree with the "always show, never tell" crowd, as I believe every story needs at least some telling depending on the narrative, though I recommend considering downsizing on the telling and showing us more character emotions through thought-provoking descriptions and a more personal look at the characters. It being first person didn't make much difference for me since we didn't get to know the characters on the personal level you'd expect from first person, so it could be a third person objective POV story. So for future narratives written in first person, my recommendation would be to get more personal with the characters, as first person is the best POV for that personal feeling. I hope that makes sense!

When it comes to dialogue, I have a few suggestions. While the dialogue is overall okay, there were some grammatical errors and inconsistencies within the text. For inconsistencies, there were times the speech style would suddenly change in the middle of someone speaking. For example, in chapter four, the monologue. The monologue is formally spoken and seems pretty serious, and then there's a "y'all" at the end that felt very out-of-character for the speech style established. I personally say y'all all the time in my speech style, so this isn't about the word y'all, more the presence of it within an otherwise serious and formal monologue. It just felt very jarring and like it contradicted the speech style we were otherwise shown. If my knowledge is not mistaken, I understand in Indian English that "y'all" is considered more formal, though in the context of the dialogue, it felt a bit contradictory regardless of knowing that.

While on the topic, there is some stiff and unnatural dialogue present throughout, and one of the examples I have also has a y'all in it. From the second chapter: "I want to meet y'all up." It should be: "I want to meet up [with y'all]." The with y'all is optional, but I advise against it. Like I mentioned before, I say y'all every day both verbally and in text, so I'm not saying don't use it, but when it's used in the dialogue here, it's often awkward, which is why I advise against using it too often, and also not having as many people say it, as three different characters use y'all, which makes their speech styles blend together and not feel as unique. Consider having just one character say it to make that character's speech stand out more.

When it comes to the grammar side of the dialogue, there could be some tweaks. The multi-paragraph dialogue is done incorrectly. When continuing dialogue spoken by the same character in multiple paragraphs, open quotes are still needed. In chapter 4, you do this:

"...I couldn't tell this to anyone, because I was in his trap and now, you both released me, indirectly, when y'all met here.

He couldn't turn Cora into a blackheart because there was Avisa there.

The second part needs an open quote. When you are continuing dialogue across multiple paragraphs, only the end quote gets omitted until the dialogue is 100% done, but you still need the open quote so it's clear it's still dialogue and not description. I thought it switched back to description and the end quote was just accidentally left out until I realized later that it was multi-paragraph dialogue, so you need " in front of the He so readers know the dialogue is continuing, and you need an open quote in front of every paragraph of dialogue until the dialogue ends. I hope that makes sense.

Another thing is tags are done inconsistently. Sometimes they're written correctly, other times they're incorrect. For example: "Avisa is such a sweet girl, what are you talking about?" He said, pouting. The he needs to be lowercase because dialogue tags are continuations of the dialogue, not new sentences. So unless the tag is a proper noun, it needs to be lowercase. Even when the dialogue ends with ? or !, the tag still needs to be lowercase (again, unless it's a proper noun; proper nouns are always exceptions since they need to be capitalized). I hope that makes sense, too!

I already went over the grammar errors in the lyrics section, so I'll leave them there, though they do factor in here since the grammar errors impact the flow of the dialogue.

Overall, the concept behind the characters is good, like the Turtle God, and also Dylan's role in the prophecy and the cute little rivals to lovers Avisa and him have going on. There could be some tweaks to the dialogue and a more personal look at the characters, though the concept is still solid regardless of that.

Narrative: 7/10. Like I mentioned in the previous two sections, the idea for the narrative is quite unique. I've never seen anything like this before, and on Wattpad, despite reading literally well over one thousand stories in the past six months, I've only encountered I believe one other story that's been ocean-focused, so it's safe to say this is an extremely original idea, and I applaud originality! I encourage you to keep publishing unique ideas like these, as they're refreshing to see not only on Wattpad but in general as a reader, as the market can be oversaturated by the same kinds of ideas. So when it comes to the ideas here, they're all solid. They're imaginative, and I can tell you put a lot of thought into them, which I just wanted to take a moment to appreciate.

Like I mentioned briefly in the last section, I also liked the little rivals to lovers going on between Avisa and Dylan and thought their dynamic was cute to see, same with the Turtle God's place in all this. There isn't a single idea here that isn't awesome, so great job with the creative side of the story!

The deductions come from everything I've mentioned throughout the review, like considering having more descriptions and slowing down the pacing as the story goes by very quickly, so it can be hard to attach to and understand the plot at times. There are many worldbuilding elements here, and all of the ideas are cool, though they could benefit from being fleshed out more. This kinda feels like the type of story that needs the Dune treatment (the book in this case, not the movies, though I love the movies), where it has its own cool glossary and is a longer epic. So it's all in all an interesting narrative I enjoyed reading, its execution could just use some tweaks.

Album Presentation: 8/10. The title is The Last of Them, which is a good title. In the story itself, it is spelled in all caps, which makes for a unique visual. So when it comes to the title, I'd say it sparks my interest, has correct capitalization, and fits the narrative from what I can tell prior to reading it and only reading the blurb/seeing the cover. All in all, no critiques for the title.

As for the blurb, let's take a looksie. Here's the blurb:

Blurb:

Their world has gone extinct but is still evolving and expanding.

The last of them, tells the story of Ocean folk and their adventure for survival to save all the worlds existing in harmony. Fighting villains and realizing powers, it narrates a saga centuries old and of the present world.

Take a deep dive and get lost in its magic.

I would suggest removing the "Blurb:" part. I say that because it's unnecessary. We already know it's the blurb, and you also format it so it's separate from the other stuff, so you make it clear that the part above is the blurb. But that's a nitpick more than anything, so let's get into formal analysis.

The blurb is okay since it overall summarizes what is going to happen in the story, showing that there is interesting worldbuilding in store and an epic plot, though it could use some tweaks. I would recommend spelling it as The Last of Them since you're referencing the title, therefore it becomes a proper noun, and I would also recommend removing the comma after "them" since it's incorrect. Creatively, it could be beneficial to mention the main characters and be more specific since it's very general. What villains? What powers? What are the Ocean folk? Why should we care about this world? Consider expanding on this more and giving the audience more sense of stakes so we have more reason to click on the story, if that makes sense.

That being said, the blurb still presents a unique concept and has an intriguing capitalization of "Ocean" in Ocean folk, which sparked my interest when I first saw it. So other than the grammatical tweaks, I'd say the blurb is in a good spot.

The cover is very, very pretty. All of the images throughout the story are, in fact. I love the glowing mermaid picture you have going on here. I think it's absolutely beautiful, and it does a good job reflecting the story. It's an aesthetically pleasing cover, and to top it off, you continue that good presentation throughout the story with unique, eye-catching images, and I appreciate that you put so much effort into creating visual appeal for your story. No critiques for the cover!

Total: 31/50.

Songs chosen to reflect the story:

1) Labyrinth by Miracle Musical (Not Explicit)

- I think this funky song is a great opener to the playlist. It's fast-paced and has an experimental sound to it. The chorus makes you feel like you're floating in some fantasy landscape, and the lyrics inspire the listener to look deeper and peel away the layers. For those reasons, I believe it is a good fit to reflect the overall mood of your work.

2) The Nightshift by Symmetry (Not Explicit)

- This short instrumental is a perfect transition between Labyrinth and the next song. It's a mood-setting song that makes you feel like you're in a movie, but at the same time, I think it fits in with the other two songs on the playlist because it evokes a feeling of wonder from the listener, which I think your story does, too, so that is why I think this instrumental is a great fit.

3) Ancient Dreams in a Modern Land by MARINA (Not Explicit)

- Marina is an absolute icon, and this is one of her most underrated songs, in my opinion. With a funky beat and lyrics that require close reading to get the full meaning of, this song is a fantastical adventure that I think works well with your story. I think it reflects the fantastical vibe of your work perfectly, which is why I chose it as the final song on the playlist.

Link to playlist --->

END

...why are you still here?

Y'all didn't learn from the Indie category, huh? You scrolled all the way down just to see if I'd say something, right?

Dawg this is like a good 3 hours worth of reading (I'm guessing; I'm writing this prior to finishing the reviews). Ain't no way you read all that.

You wanted to see if I'd say something about Jimin again, didn't you?

Well, I regret to inform you that as hot as Jimin is, I've been on a Gustave kick for the past... like month and a half, maybe more, idek anymore.

Gustave being Gustave from Clair Obscur: Expedition 33. If you haven't played or at least watched it, you need to cause wtf are you doing if you didn't. It's like the best game ever. My favorite game ever.

Uwu.

Gustave is hot.

Lemme just...

GUSTAVE GUSTAVE GUSTAVE GUSTAVE GUSTAVE

He's like a love child between Robert Pattinson (the person everyone says looks like Gustave) and Charlie Cox (the dude who actually voiced Gustave).

GUSTAVE 😍😍😍

I love me some soft-spoken, traumatized, tall, metal-armed, fictional men who have a surrogate daughter/sister (his surrogate daughter/sister being Maelle).

WOOOO LET'S GO MAELLE AND GUSTAVE

THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE IS CLINICALLY INSANE SHE AIN'T EVEN LIKE 4 FOOT OR SMTH GUSTAVE IS JUST THAT TALL

EVERYONE PLAY CLAIR OBSCUR

WOOOOOOOO

Take home whoever walks in, just keep your eyes off him 😩😩😩

Sorry, Miss possessive came on shuffle while I was writing this.

Okay bye.

See you in best music video, which should drop in like a week lmao I'm basically done with it.