Entry # 317

I know I've only been here around four months, and that isn't exactly a lot of time for me to get used to the roaring ups and downs of this place, but how is it not?

Every room I step into reeks of untold stories and hushed whispers. And every new discovery causes a shrill chill to travel up my spine.

Ammi Jaan's condescending behavior towards Fareeda is nothing out of the ordinary. She's been that way with her daughter in law since my first day here. That doesn't mean each new day has not unraveled new discoveries for me.

I'm preparing Ammi Jaan's lunch when across the kitchen, in the living room, Fareeda is bent over in prostration. Ammi Jaan walks in, thumping her cane on the carpeted floor, and watches Fareeda with a keen eye. Right after Fareeda has finished her prayer, Ammi Jaan begins pointing out all the reasons her prayer might not be valid-strands of hair that peeked out of her scarf, incorrect back postures during sajdah, and so many other miniscule details I couldn't comprehend.

And what surprised me more than anything, was how quietly Fareeda listened to her before she snaps 'are you done?' and then disappears. I was expecting an outburst of anger, but there was none.

Given how proper protocol must be followed during salah, I'm just beginning to see Fareeda on the prayer mat, and pointing out her errors so destructively might just push her further away.

Ammi Jaan's behaviour too has begun to poke at me like a sharp needle-how she won't let me stay in her room while her friends are over, how she brushes off my questions.

I can't be caught talking to Tabish. Abnosh keeps to herself more often than not.

I have questions, who do I get the answers from?