Dear World,

I'm nothing special. I'm straight. I get average grades in college. I have a small clique of nerdy friends I love spending time with. And I enjoy all things artsy even if I'm no good at it.

But there's some things I've never told anyone. Not my family. Not my closest friends. Not even my sister who I tell everything to.

One of these things I've been holding back from telling others about me is that sometimes I just feel like a wall. Friends tell me how unhappy they are and how they wish things could be better and come to me for comfort, but when I try to talk to others about what makes me sad it just feels like I'm a big joke. Nothing I say is heard or taken seriously by others.

Sometimes it feels when people come to me for comfort that what I do or say to them isn't worth their time. I'm just that barely in the background character who listens and tries to speak, but it goes without care or consideration. They usually want their crush, boyfriend/girlfriend, or someone good looking to make them feel better. I may be exaggerating. I admit I might just be selfish and maybe these friends are listening to me and are taking what I'm saying seriously. But, they're still sad.

I try to keep my wall up. I try to help those that need me even if they don't or can't help me in return. I try to keep my wall from cracking under the pressure or eroding from my tears that I refuse to let others see. Because what if, when my wall comes crashing down, will they see who I really am and hate her too.

She's selfish. She keeps asking for help when she herself gives her all to help others.

She's cruel. She wants everyone to just appreciate that they're loved and have friends that care about them, even if they don't know it.

She's lonely. She's surrounded by people who love her and she likes to make them smile, but they don't take her pains seriously.

She's broken. She keeps patching up the cracks in her wall so no one sees the real her.

She asks too much.
She's not worth your time.
Why still read this?

She's self-centered. Always thinking for herself when she wants everyone to smile and see how beautiful this world can truly be.

Everyone has someone they show who they truly are to.

Whether it be a friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend, or a whole group of people.

She doesn't have that. Not yet anyway. She wants that. But she needs to be there for everyone else. She can't think about her own happiness and love life. She needs to be there.

Even if no one hears her.
Even if they don't care her jokes are just hiding the cracks that threaten to break the wall that hide who she selfishly is.

Love,
OriginalFox