I have decided that I can no longer stand that small talk between Jiyong and I. This problem has gotten way too out-of-hand, and he will not talk about it. I try to get answers out of him, but he does not want anything to do with me. I am nothing to him anymore.
I drag my feet behind me as I walk in silence down the streets of Seoul. The wind slaps me gently on the face until my cheeks are well past rosy. I keep my head down as I walk, afraid of any human contact. Jiyong's demeanor has changed my attitude all together. I feel like I belong in a tiny hole.
I feel betrayed and lonely. There is no one here that I can reach out to. I call my family, but there is no point to it because they are so far away. So I just sit here alone, the leaves of Autumn swirling around my body.
•••
"Jiyong, I'm home!" I shout as positively as possible. The thought of depression has been rotating through my head recently.
"Hi, Jana," I hear his stiff voice respond quietly from the living room.
"How was your day, baby?" I sit close to him on the couch.
"It was fine," he says, not even looking in my direction.
"What did you do?"
"Why are you so curious?" Jiyong spits out and abruptly rises from the couch and goes into the bathroom.
I sit by myself, yet again. I stare out of the window and watch the sky cry itself to sleep. I lift my tired body from the couch and start walking toward the bedroom.
As I pass the bathroom that was occupied by Jiyong, I hear him speaking to someone. He speaks very fast and I can sense a sort of irritation in his voice.
"Damn it, why don't you listen?" His strained voice echoes.
"Because I don't have to, that's why. You are such an idiot." He replies to himself.
I freeze. I feel tears build up in my eyes as the conversation with himself gets more intense and out of hand. This was much worse than I had anticipated. This was scarier than my worst nightmare.
When things start to seems as if they are clearing up, I begin to walk away.
Then the glass shatters.
I rush back and open the door. My sick Jiyong lies helplessly on the bathroom floor, puddles of blood everywhere. Shards of glass cover the floor beneath him.
"Why me? Why am I the devil?" A single tear falls innocently from his right eye.
"Jiyong," my voice is hoarse and my vision is blurred.
I help him up and slowly begin to clean him. He stares at me as I search his body for the other pieces of glass.
"It's okay, baby, we're going to get through this together," I assure him, even though I am convinced he is not listening to me.
His blood does not stop pouring out of his arms and his legs.
•••
"119, what is your emergency?"
"My boyfriend, Kwon Jiyong, has blood everywhere. He fell and hurt himself with glass. Please send help."
"An ambulance is on its way."
•••
He sits in my lap and I stroke his hair and repeat over and over how it is going to be okay. I promise that help is on the way. I rock back and forth as my clothes turn into a deep red color.
"Jiyong," I begin, "do you remember how we met?"
He stares at me blankly but still nods.
"You do, good. I was sitting in a coffee shop in Berlin, and when you entered, your eyes landed on me almost immediately. After you got your drink, you came over and sat next to me. You told me that I was the prettiest girl you had ever seen in your life."
I smile and laugh slightly at the memory. That was the best day of my life. The day I met Jiyong will forever be permanently engraved in my mind. I will never forget it.
"It's funny because after I agreed to give you my phone number, you spilled your coffee all over the front of me. You felt so bad, but I just laughed at you. It was beautiful to think that someone cared about me that much only 10 minutes after meeting me. You are my blessing, Kwon Jiyong."