August 31, 1994

**Lani POV**

As I witness Lo hurriedly toss her luggage on the floor, her sweater clad arms quickly enveloping me in a tight hug as she quietly whispers, "Oh, Lani...what's wrong?", all I can do is wrap my arms around her tightly as I quietly sob.

Will this day never end?! It seems all I'm doing is going from one train wreck to the next. Just how much can one person take?

Luckily, Aloha knows when it's best to press for answers and when to simply be quietly supportive...something that seems even more apparent after everything that's happened to our friendship these last few months. Despite everything, I can't deny that I've missed her.

But I'm definitely not ready to open up to her about this. After all...I may've just made the biggest mistake of my life, I don't know how to fix it.

Above that, I certainly don't want to admit my own failings...especially now, and to her...the woman who despite being like a sister to me weaseled herself in and stole my last man right out from under my nose. Now there's a mistake I won't be making again...

Even as she sits quietly embracing me, soothing me with gentle Rarotongan platitudes I haven't heard since before I left home all I can do is cry.

I feel caught between a rock and a hard place. After all, I've sent away the love of my life, possibly forever, and I don't know where to go from here. I know I want nothing more than for him to come back, but should I? He says he'll come back for me, but will he really? Should I even want him to?

I continue clutching my errant friend like a lifeline in a world that seems to be rapidly spinning out of control around me...my thoughts taking me in so many directions I don't know which way is up.

One minute, I'm hearing the voice of the mystery woman ringing in my ears...informing me that I'm one of dozens of women he's been with...and is still with. The next, I hear his desperate voice pleading with me to simply open the door to hear him out, followed by the forlorn sound of his heels slowly clacking him down the hallway taking him out of my building, and out of my life...possibly forever. Oh no...what have I done?!

Eventually though, the tears stop coming...and exhaustion sets in. I reluctantly release Aloha's tight embrace, my body slumping in defeat as I slowly meet her concerned dark eyes with my own bloodshot ones.

"Do you need to talk, Lani?" she inquires softly, placing her hand gently on my shoulder as I shake my head in the negative before croaking out an almost inaudible, "Not tonight. How did you get here so early? How was your flight?"

Her eyes lock on mine with a pleading look for a few moments as though compelling me to let her in, but I'm determined to keep my secrets locked tightly up inside my heart...at least for tonight.

Sensing my reluctance, she thankfully decides to let the issue go, at least for now, responding with a peppy sounding. "Oh Lani! It was so exciting!" she babbles excitedly. "You see..."

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**The Artist POV**

As I reluctantly make my way down the hall away from Lani's apartment, the sound of her sobs making their way into the hallway haunts me. What the hell just happened back there?

Of all the possible reactions I'd managed to conjure up, I never saw this one coming...though I probably should have. What were you thinking?

Looking at my actions with the benefit of hindsight, I finally realized that I probably shouldn't have left her the way I had. I'd hoped my letter would be enough of an explanation until I could make my way back to her, but obviously not. I should've known better...

To make matters even worse I have no idea what's happened, and therefore I'm clueless on how to go about fixing it. Maybe she just needs a little space...

I finally make it outside her apartment building, just in time for a cold rain to begin to fall. How appropriate...

I left out a hefty sigh as I open the driver's side door, and tuck my guitar onto the passenger seat beside me using my free hand to rake my sopping mop of hair out of my eyes. "Now what?" I mutter out into the universe, feeling at a complete loss.

I hadn't planned on leaving Lani's place this soon, so I had no obligations or anywhere to be. I wasn't ready to head back to an empty house, but at the same time I didn't really want to see anyone.

So in the end, I did the only thing I could do...I drove. I didn't have any particular destination in mind, but I needed to clear my head so I went wherever my hands took me. When you don't know where you're headed, any direction will do...

At first I found the silence, broken only by the sounds of rain pitter pattering on the hood of the car soothing, and hoped it would help me think about where to go from here. After all, I told Lani I wasn't giving up on us...on love, and I'm not. I just don't know how to go about saving it...especially if she's not willing to let me in and tell me what she thinks it is that I've done.

All I managed to get out of her was that I couldn't even wait a week. What the fuck did she mean by that?! Everything I've done since the minute I left has been for her...for us!

Within minutes the silence I'd originally found so peaceful became deafening under the weight of my own thoughts. I needed a distraction badly...and eventually found myself reaching forward to turn on the radio.

Music has always been my escape when life got too tough, and I figured this time was no different. As I start to channel surf, my mind continues to wander back to the interaction I'd left just a few short minutes ago...but I find myself just as clueless and flabbergasted as I was when it happened. Oh Lani...how has everything gone so wrong?

Having gone through all of my pre-programmed stations but one to no avail, I reluctantly hit the button for my last preset station and hope for the best...and somehow stumble across the one song that seems to fit my current mood perfectly...

https://youtu.be/nW9Cu6GYqxo

As the song fades out I can't help feeling an undeniable sense of melancholy, but also of resolve. Music therapy seems to have come to the rescue once again, and I think I've come up with a plan that just might work. Now it's just a matter of putting everything into motion...

A secret smile graces my features for the first time since I left Lani's apartment hours ago. The details of my plan start to come together, and I can't wait to see her reaction to what I have in mind. This had better work...because failure is not an option...

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**Lani POV**

Lo has only been here about two hours, and I'm already remembering just how exhausting her endless amount of energy can be. I swear...after sitting here listening to a constant play by play of what feels like every minute of a 20 hour flight, complete with connections, that I could probably fall asleep sitting here and she'd never even notice. In fact, she seemed to be talking about anything and everything but the topic she originally came here for...Alika.

Normally I'd be tempted to broach the subject, just to put a temporary end to her non-stop exuberant chatter, but tonight I'm just not feeling it. To my own surprise despite my annoyance and exhaustion, I'm actually a little grateful for the distraction her nonsensical chit chat brings. It's keeping me from thinking about what transpired just before she arrived...and for that I'm thankful...

However exhaustion finally starts to set in. After I've yawned for maybe the fourth or fifth time in the last fifteen minutes, Aloha finally takes notice and releases a large yawn of her own.

"Maybe we should call it a night, Lani. I think jet lag is finally starting to set in." Lo suggests apologetically, emitting a slight giggle as she wanders over to reclaim her luggage. "I can't believe it...I've actually gotten jet lag. Me!"

Oh shit! Realization is finally starting to set in. There's no way I can put her in his room. The place is a disaster zone after my little freak out earlier, and in no condition for a guest...not that I really want anyone else in there....

"Yoo hoo! Lani! You there girl?" Lo asks with a look of confusion, as she waves her hand in my face.

I shake my head slightly to clear it before meeting her gaze. "Sorry...I was somewhere else there for a minute." I offer apologetically. Please don't ask for an explanation...I'm just not ready to talk about it...not tonight...

"That's okay. I was just asking where I should settle in." she begins with a curious smile before her expression turns into one of quiet understanding. Oh thank god...

"I think we both could use some sleep, girl. We've got a lot of catching up to do, and I need my beauty rest" she finishes, erupting into a hearty chuckle as she makes an exaggerated primping gesture. I can't help but to break into a fit of giggles with her antics, making me realize just how much I miss our easy camaraderie. If nothing else...this visit is going to be interesting. Just what I need to take my mind off things...at least for a little while...

"Well...I was going to put you in the guest room," I reply, breathless after my little giggling fit. "But since you had to go and arrive early..." I continue with a grin and a pointed look. "I didn't have the chance to finish cleaning, so I guess you're just going to have to bunk in my room."

"Are you sure?" she asks sincerely, looking a little uncertain as she meets my eyes. "I don't want to be an imposition..."

"It's fine, girl. I don't mind sleeping in the guest room. After all, it's only for a few days..." I reply with finality, offering a soft smile and hoping she doesn't ask any more questions. Then to distract her, I insert almost as an afterthought, "And take off that sweater already! I swear it must be like 90 degrees in here!" I continue, shaking my head bemused. Seriously?! What's up with the sweater?

"But I'm cold..." Lo replies pouting, wrapping the sweater around herself like a little old lady. "Compared to home, it's freezing!" she continues, chattering her teeth exaggeratedly as she schleps her luggage up to my bedroom door. Oookay then...

"Have you got everything you need?" I ask politely, ever the consummate host despite the fact that all I really want to do is either fall into bed and forget this day ever happened...or chase after my e ipo the second Lo's head hits the pillow. If only I could...

"I should be fine...and if I need anything, I know where to find you." Lo finishes with a yawn as she closes the door quietly, leaving me with little but silence and my own thoughts.

As I tiredly make my way toward his room preparing to settle in for the next few days, I can't seem to shake the sudden onset of my own regret and nostalgia about how I left things with him. I still can't quite believe how things finally played out. I feel like I love him, but do I really?

One thing seems obvious...I really don't know him. At least not the way I thought I did. If nothing else the mystery woman highlighted that very fact for me. But where do I go from here? Do I love a real man...or simply the ghost of one? I can honestly say I have no idea...

I give the room I nearly destroyed in my earlier fury a quick once over with a look of defeat and a feeling of overwhelming fatigue, and decide to address the mess tomorrow.

I crawl into a bed that despite hours of cleaning still manages to retain traces of my lover's smell, bringing both a sense of comfort and regret along with it. Just as I was about to settle into an uneasy sleep, I feel a slight crinkle emanating from the pillow under my left cheek.

I hesitantly reach inside the pillowcase as despite my exhaustion, my curiosity seems to have gotten the better of me. I find myself grasping a rather crinkled piece of paper, riddled with his unmistakable scrawl and the remnants of my own tears and despite my own reservations about doing so, I begin to read...

Dearest Lani:

I'm sure you know by now that I'm gone. There is so much that I need to tell you, but above all I need you to know how much I love you.

I want you to know that leaving you is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and that I'm doing it only to protect you from a world you couldn't possibly understand.

You see, my elusive memory finally came back to me last night. Unfortunately with it also came the realization that for me to deserve someone as special as you are, I need to make some serious changes in my life first...changes I need to make alone.

These last few weeks have meant the world to me, mama. Knowing that you helped me solely out of the goodness of your heart, for no other reason other than to be the special person you are, means more to me than you could ever know.

Trust that I'm doing everything in my power to find my way back to you, ready and willing to explore all the possibilities the future has in store for us.

But until that day comes, I need to warn you that you may hear some things about me...things that might give you the wrong impression of me. I'm begging you not to believe a word of it. You know me...

**Author's Note:  Sorry it took so long for me to get back to this story.  Just too much RL stuff keeps getting in the way.  Hopefully this chapter meets all your expectations.  Thanks for sticking with me.  :)  **