August 24, 1994

**The Artist POV**

I wake up the next morning confused and out of sorts. I take in my surroundings uncertainly. What the hell happened last night?

The last thing I remember is my head pounding relentlessly as a kaleidoscope of memories pound themselves into my brain, seemingly without mercy.

I roll over hoping to find Lani sound asleep beside me, but sadly I'm still alone. Oh Lani...

"Lani! " I yell out questioningly, but to my chagrin silence is my only response.

Left alone with my thoughts I can't help but wonder what's happening to me. I'd spent so much time hoping my memory would come back that I'd never really considered what might come with it, and now that it's finally happened I find I'm feeling a little afraid.

What will this mean for our relationship? What do I do now? Should I wait for her to come home to reveal myself to her, or would it be easier for me to leave now?

The questions are eating me alive as I slowly make my way to the shower to start another day.

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As I shower, my mind wanders to everything I probably have waiting for me at home...legions of friends just outside probably keeping vigil, hoping for any sight of me...media personnel...Warner Brothers staff chomping at the bit over my whereabouts....and that's not even the half of it.

I find myself shuddering at the thought, and thinking it's almost enough for me to want to keep running away from it all at this point. And if I'm feeling this way, how on earth would poor Lani feel about it?

This brings me to the heartbreaking realization that I just can't do that to her. Despite how much I want her to always be with me, it can't happen that way ...at least not yet. I have some serious changes I need to make in my life first, and I need to do it alone.

With tears in my ears over the direction my thoughts are taking I crawl out of the shower, slowly making my way to the room I've been using for the last month.

My next step...finding something to wear.

Looking through the closet, I realize that most of the clothes aren't really my style. Still my eyes tear over once again at the kind gesture Lani made for me, a man at the time she barely knew.... I love her so much for trying. I hope she knows how much I appreciate everything she's done...

I continue shuffling through the closet, hoping to find what I'm looking for. They've got to be in here somewhere...

Finally a familiar purple dress shirt and tight black pants come into view. Yes!

I quickly pull them on, but can't help feeling that something is missing. I take myself in, and everything seems to be in place...that is until my eyes take in my stocking feet. Ohh....

The memory of what happened to make me lose my heels slowly comes back to me and I'm belatedly irritated with the mob that cost me my favourite pair of shoes. Some people... Still...that experience led me to Lani, so it was more than worth it. I can always get another pair of heels...

I shuffle through the closet looking for a temporary replacement when my eyes land on a familiar set of footwear that I somehow haven't found a reason to wear this last month...a pair of black cowboy boots with spurs. A devilish smirk dances across my features momentarily as I think of all the things Lani and I could do with these.

Unfortunately the reverie doesn't last long, leaving me bemused and heartbroken. With a regretful sigh, I pull them out and slip them onto my stocking feet.

I shuffle my way back to the bathroom to continue putting myself together. Here goes nothing...

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The first thing my eye lands on once I'm back at the bathroom counter is Lani's eyeliner. I don't think she'll mind me borrowing it...just this once.

With my hand shaking, I manage to roll it in between my fingertips. I slowly bring it toward my eyelid in an attempt to line it in a way I haven't in a few weeks now. My first attempt makes nothing but a mess as my hand continues to shake with anxiety and nervous energy. Shit!

It takes me a few moments to rid my face of the mess before I'm finally ready to try again. This time my hand is more sure, and in a matter of moments my countenance returns to a more familiar look.

The next step is my hair. I drag my fingers through it, noticing it's both longer and curlier than I've grown accustomed to. I let out another deep sigh as I start rooting through cabinets and drawers looking for something I can use to straighten it. C'mon Lani...you must have something...

Eventually my eyes land on a curling iron. Well it's not ideal...but I guess it'll work...

I pull it out of its hiding spot, and move to plug it in. As it's heating up, my mind continues to wander over everything that's happened over the last month. So much has changed...and I have Lani to thank for that... Am I sure that leaving is the right thing? But what else can I do? If I set eyes on her again, I know I'll never be able to leave, and it's not fair for me to bring her into my mess...

In an effort to distract myself from my inner musings, I gently place my hands on the curling iron testing the heat. Ouch! Looks like it's ready.

With the curling iron finally hot, I slowly start pulling it through my mess of black curls, gradually transforming my hair into the dark waves I'm familiar with.

Taking in the final result in the mirror, a bemused grin comes on to my face. Well world...ready or not, The Artist is back...

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I move to put together a quick breakfast for myself as my mind continues to wander over a series of what ifs. What if I just stayed here with Lani? I've been so happy here, happier than I've been in a long time...maybe ever.

In the end though I know what I have to do, even if I don't really want to do it. I can only hope it's worth it.

I grasp my bowl of cereal, and shuffle over to the phone to start making calls. After all, the sooner I do this, the sooner I can make my way back to her....

First things first, find someone to come pick me up... I wrack my brain trying to think of who I can trust to keep their mouth closed, and the media away. I quickly dismiss Mayte, and a few members of Paisley staff before eventually landing on what quickly becomes an obvious choice...Duane.

I pick up the receiver and start dialing with an uncertain hand, fingers shaking. Once the phone connects I sit through one ring...two...three. C'mon man, pick up!

Eventually someone picks up, and I hear an unfamiliar voice say, "Antonio's Pizza, how may I help you?"

I pull the phone away from my ear and eye the receiver with a look of disgust before slamming it down. What the fuck?!

I nervously pick the phone up again, working to steady my trembling fingers before attempting to dial again. C'mon man...you can do this...

In the end I psyched myself up for nothing as seven rings later, I still got no response. Maybe this should tell me something....

I shake my head in an attempt to rid myself of these unsettling thoughts, preparing to try again...someone else this time.

With a look of determination I punch in the next set of digits, and before long I'm greeted with a computerized voice, "You have reached the voicemail of Levi Spencer of NPG Records. Please leave your name and number, and I'll return your call as soon as I can...BEEP!"

"Hey Levi, it's me...c'mon man, pick up," I hesitantly reply, waiting a few seconds as I nervously fumble with the phone cord.

Still getting no response, I utter a frustrated "Dammit!" into the receiver before slamming the phone down with an irritated growl.

Maybe I should rethink this whole thing, and just stay here. After all, Lani should be home soon...poor mama must've had one hell of a night....

Down and dejected, I slowly make my way over to the couch hoping the phone will ring as I try to figure out my next move. C'mon Levi...call back...

After several moments of commiseration and contemplation, one final name comes to me that I can try. I know I can trust her...

Shuffling back over to the phone and picking up the receiver for the fourth time that morning, I slowly and unsteadily punch in another familiar set of digits, tapping my foot anxiously as I want for the line to connect. One ring...two...three... and then finally, a familiar voice comes on the line, "Hello?"

"Rosie, it's me. Thank god I caught you..." I reply hesitantly as a look of uncertainty graces my features. Well here goes nothing...

"Artist baby...is that you?!?" a surprised sounding Rosie replies.

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**A few minutes later**

I take a look at my watch realizing about 15 minutes have passed since I hung up the phone after one of the most awkward phone conversations I've ever had.

Seriously...try explaining why you need a ride home after literally dropping off the face of the earth for a month sometime. Can you say awkward? Being unsure of my next steps contributed even further to my uncertainty, and Lani's continued absence makes this whole situation somehow both easier and more difficult.

Am I sure I really want to do this? What if this ruins everything? I can't bear the thought of losing her forever...

Finding myself tearing up yet again and desperate to distract myself, I take one last walk through the apartment. I find myself trying to burn the details of the place into my mind until the day comes when I'll set foot in here again.

Eventually reality starts slowly setting in and I start making peace with a decision I feel forced into making, at least for the time being. I really wish I didn't have to go...but this way is probably best. I don't think I'd ever be able to leave otherwise.

My eye eventually settles on what's become a familiar sight over the last few days...the beautiful aquamarine ring I found amidst the wildflowers back at the cabin. It was still sitting on my dresser where I left it last night, and I finally figured out what to do with it as a sad smile overtakes my face.

Quickly looking around, I manage to find a small jewelry sac with a pull string on it. I open the bag slowly, sliding the ring inside it as I head toward the kitchen looking for a pad of paper and a pen.

After finding what I'm looking for, I carry everything over to the kitchen table and settle into the task at hand. With a look of determined resignation I start to write what has to be the most difficult letter I've ever written.

I just hope she understands...

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**A few minutes later**

I give the letter one last sorrowful read though, all the while knowing that no words will ever be enough to express everything I need to tell her. As I lovingly place the letter inside its envelope before affixing it to the fridge, I give the silk bag with the ring inside a gentle kiss, carefully attaching it to the envelope as a familiar thought races through my mind. I love you Lani...

With that final task done, I take a nostalgic look around the apartment before slowly making my way to the door in preparation to leave.

Just as my hand touches the knob I hear the blast of a car horn outside. Summoning up every ounce of my courage I gradually reopen the door to my old life...leaving my heart behind in this humble apartment that's become home.

My last thought before the door slams shut is, I'll be back for you, Lani...

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