The letter sat next to me, folded on the grass.

I picked it up, unfolded it, and stared at the words within. Whoever the stranger had been, he was right. I would be better off without Vincent and my mother in my life. Before I could give it too much more thought, I ripped the letter in half. And half again.

I kept shredding the letter until only tiny pieces remained. And then I let it drift away in the wind, no longer allowing its darkness to coat my soul in misery. My mother had reduced me to this horrible state of grief for the last time.

Standing, I brushed some stray dirt and dead grass off my skirt and grabbed my bag from where I'd thrown it onto the ground near me. I wasn't sure what time it was, or how much class I'd missed, but I was determined to stop feeling sorry for myself.

I wasn't here to miss all my classes. My education might end up being my only salvation once I graduate. Since my mother made it clear I wasn't welcome with her, I would have to do my best to forge my own way forward in life. And that started today.

In one pocket of my bag, my cellphone vibrated. I pulled it out, stunned to learn that I'd been out here for over two. I'd missed first period and most of the second, but I would have enough time to make it to my third period class.

There was a single text from Naomi. Are you okay?

My fingers hesitated over the screen. I doubted there was much point in lying to her now. I'd run away, and I'd been gone for hours. She obviously knew I wasn't okay.

Not really, I replied.

Almost instantly, the three little dots appeared, letting me know she was typing. I wondered if she'd been checking her phone often, just waiting for me to reply to her.

Do you want to talk about it?

I chewed on my lower lip, tugging at the chapped skin there. As much as I wanted to discuss all my problems with someone, I wasn't sure Naomi would understand. But I felt like I was drowning.

Maybe allowing someone in could help me.

Yes, I think I'd like that. I pressed the send button before I could change my mind.

Meet me in the library? Ten minutes?

Yes.

I slipped the phone back into my bag, swallowing hard. Telling Naomi, opening up to someone for the first time, would be hard. I wasn't even sure if Inara knew the real reason I was here.

Alek claimed to know, but I wasn't sure if he did or not. Especially when I wasn't even truly sure what had happened that night.

Most of campus was deserted, since everyone was still in their classes. A few students milled around in front of the library, either headed inside or to the academic buildings.

I hadn't realized how cold I was until the warmth of the library surrounded me. The still silence of the library was like a shroud, and I moved forward quietly, afraid to disturb the silence.

Just past a group of studying students, I spotted Naomi's shock of red hair. She was looking around, searching the students that passed her by. A smile cracked across her face when she saw me and she waved me over to her.

"I'm glad you came," she said when I reached her. "I've been worried about you."

"Yeah, sorry about running away like that. I just needed a little time for myself."

"What was in that letter?" Naomi asked me, worry causing creases in her forehead.

I glanced behind me at the students at the table. Their attention appeared to be on their textbooks, but I didn't want to risk it.

"Is there somewhere else that's more private?"

She nodded. "Yeah, yeah, of course. There are some study rooms in the back we can use."

We headed back through the library, past a few more groups of studying students who didn't pay us any mind. At the back of the library, several doors lined a wall. Each was labeled as a study room. Naomi opened one of the doors and found it was empty.

"Come on," she said, gesturing for me to follow her.

Inside, there were a few tables and chairs, each haphazardly arranged as if whoever had left this room hadn't cared to put anything back how they'd found it.

She closed the door behind us as I settled into one of the seats, placing my bag in a chair next to me. Naomi sat across from me, her eyes watching me intently.

"So, the letter?"

"Right," I said, letting out a small sigh. "Well, my mother, and stepfather I suppose, declined my offer of them visiting for Parent's Day."

A sad look crossed Naomi's face. "Did they say why?"

I gave a bitter laugh. "They said that since I was no longer their child, they were under no obligation to visit me here. And that any further forms of contact were unwanted."

The look of pity in Naomi's eyes nearly made me regret telling her. I couldn't stand that look. It was the same look that cab driver had given me when he'd tried to console me on the sidewalk.

"Why would she say something like that?"

"It's kind of a long story."

"I don't mind listening for as long as you need me too. We're friends and I'm here for you."

Right. I breathed out another long sigh, wondering where to start. "My mother and I have had a rocky relationship for years. It's been slowly dissolving, piece by piece since I was a little kid."

When Naomi gave me a questioning look, I explained, "My father died in a car crash when I was five. Then my mom married my stepfather. And I think that's the moment I lost her. Vincent... hates me.

"I'm not sure if he always did. Or if in the beginning it was an act to lure my mother in. But he was nice when they dated. Bought me things, took me fun places, acted like a father figure, and all of those things I was craving since I'd lost my dad.

"But then he married my mom and he shifted. And so did she. It was like an instant thing, a switch flipping. He didn't care for me and my mom didn't care about me."

"I'm sure that's not true," Naomi said. "I'm sure your mother loves you."

"She watched, you know, when he would hit me. Even sitting there, five feet away from me while he slammed his fist into me, again and again, she never said a word. Hell, she never even blinked.

"And when I would beg her, beg her, to please, please, make it stop. She would look at me and she would say, 'Please Selene. Please don't make me chose between the man I love and my daughter. It would break my heart.'

"And I stopped asking her, because I knew that if I ever really forced her, she wouldn't pick me. And I couldn't let myself hear her say those words. I didn't want to know that she would really abandon me. But it turns out she'd say those things anyway, even if I didn't push her."

A tear had slipped down Naomi's cheek and her face looked horrified.

"But the real kicker came a few weeks ago. I wanted to go to a bonfire with my friend, Hanna. They told me I could go, but I had to take my stepbrother, Oliver, with me. I agreed, though I didn't like it.

"I went to the bonfire that night. And it was the worst mistake of my life."

Naomi was still horrified, her face so pale even her freckles had dulled. "What happened at the bonfire?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess that's the million-dollar question. I can't remember any of it. It was dark when I woke up, alone in the dark. I was hauled to the police station for questioning, because Oliver and a girl, Samantha, died at the bonfire.

"And since I was there, the police thought I might have had something to do with it. But they cleared me and I was released."

My breath was uneven, my voice shaking, as I told the next part. "My mother was waiting for me outside. And she told me that I'd brought shame to our family. She said that Oliver's death was my fault and she didn't want to see me again. I was given the train ticket to get here and told to finish my schooling. And after that, I would be on my own.

"I was told to never darken her doorstep again. To never talk to her again. And I was stupid enough to send her a letter, as if she would ever change her mind."

Naomi leaned forward in her chair, her cheeks still wet with tears. "It wasn't stupid of you to reach out to her," she said. "It's stupid of your mother to reject you like this, for something you didn't do."

But what if I did?

I bit my tongue against the question. There was no point in letting Naomi know that I wasn't so sure I was innocent at all. I was surprised she hadn't run out of the room by now, not wanting to deal with the crazy amount of baggage I was dragging around with me.

"I thought she'd change her mind."

"She still could."

I shook my head. "Even if she did, I don't think I'd want to repair this relationship. I can't keep letting her in, only for her to break me into a million pieces. This isn't even the first time. She's been breaking my heart for years, I just was content to let her. Because she was my mom, you know? But it's not fair to me."

"You deserve better," Naomi said. "And you can do better. Family doesn't have to be blood."

"I lost everything," I admitted to her. "But I'm starting to realize that I didn't lose much of anything at all."

"I know that it wouldn't be the same, but I'd love for you to spend time with me and my mom on Parent's Day."

"Oh, no, I couldn't do that," I told her. "You two are meant to spend the day together—"

"If my mom found out that I had a friend who was alone because her mom didn't love her, my mother would kill me. There's enough room for you."

There was a tightness in my throat at Naomi's kindness. "I'd really like that, thank you."

Naomi smiled at me. "How about we go find some comfort food in the dining hall?"

"That sound perfect."

"Let's go then."

I stood, grabbing my bag and following her out of the room. For the first time in weeks, my heart felt lighter, less burdened. Having a friend, someone to talk to, to share things with, was enough.

I would always miss my mom, or at least, the version of her that loved me endlessly and beyond reason. The Natalie who would have chosen her daughter over anything else in the world, even herself.

But as I'd once told myself, that woman was gone. Maybe her heart had died in that car crash with my father. And maybe one day, a long time from now, I'd see her again at the end of the road.

Until then, I'd keep her tucked away in my heart as I forged a new path for myself.