I was due to go skiing with my parents that Christmas, a little family bonding time after being so absent from one another's lives for so long.

But Harry had a bad dream and I, along with everyone else, dropped everything to hold his hand.

Sirius was pleased, however, thankful that Mr Weasley's unfortunate snake attack meant that he wouldn't be spending a lonely Christmas pulling crackers with his racist house-elf.

You would have thought Harry would be a little grateful, but he spent the entire time in a mood, complaining that Dumbledore was no longer eye fucking him.

"He never looks at me anymore!" He wailed dramatically. "Not even my killer snake dreams gets me his attention these days! And not only that, he's making me take Occlumency with Snape! Why would he do that to meeee?!"

"I don't know, Harry," I sighed, getting a little fed up of his woe-is-me attitude. "Maybe because he thinks it's important that you should close your mind? Maybe because there's a great big evil wizard who is trying to get to him through you?"

But Harry didn't listen.

"He just thinks I'm weak and pathetic." He pouted. "That's why he never made me a prefect."

Dear Merlin.

*****

After a bit of clever blackmail, I managed to coerce Rita Skeeter into interviewing Harry and publicly name and shame all the Death Eaters he saw that night in the graveyard. For free.

That would teach that bitch to slut shame me.

However, it resulted in the end of Harry's relationship with Cho because she was convinced Harry was two timing her with me.

"Pah, she was a shit snog, anyway," Harry shrugged when I conveyed my sympathies to him. "Always crying about that dead boyfriend of hers every time I made a move."

"Well, it has only been eight months," I reasoned. "Perhaps she just needs more time to grieve?"

"Whatever." Harry muttered, shoving a whole roast potato into his mouth.

*****

I reckon Cho must have overheard because the next thing we know, her best friend had gone snitching to Umbridge about our SECRET club.

Someone really needed to buy that witch a dictionary.

Little did she know, I had jinxed the sign up sheet and so now Marietta Edgecombe walked around with ugly boils on her face spelling out the word SNEAK. At least she wouldn't forget that one in a hurry.

Anyway, thanks to her efforts, Dumbledore took the blame to save his favourite pupil from expulsion and did a runner, leaving the entire school in the hands of a demon headmistress.

"Oh, I expect she really fancied herself sitting up there in the Head's office," I said viciously upon hearing that the gargoyle refused to move and allow her entry. "Lording it over all the other teachers, the stupid puffed-up, power-crazy old-"

"Now, do you really want to finish that sentence, Granger?"

Draco Malfoy had slid into view, closely followed by Crabbe and Goyle. His pale, pointed face was alight with malice.

"Afraid I'm going to have to dock a few points from Gryffindor," he drawled, his eyes dancing with relish as he looked down at me.

"It's only teachers who can dock points from houses, Malfoy," I sniped at once.

"Yeah, we're prefects, too, remember?" Ron snarled.

"I know prefects can't dock points, Weasel King," Draco sneered, turning his face to him as Crabbe and Goyle sniggered behind him. "But members of the Inquisitorial Squad-"

"The what?" I said sharply.

"The Inquisitorial Squad, Granger," Draco said, pointing towards a tiny silver 'I' on his robes just beneath his Prefect's badge. "A select group of students who are supportive of the Ministry of Magic, hand-picked by Professor Umbridge. Anyway, members of the Inquisitorial Squad do have the power to dock points... so, Granger, I'll have five from you for being rude about our new Headmistress. Oh, and another five for contradicting me. Five because I don't like you, Potter. Weasley, your shirt's untucked, so I'll have another five for that. Oh yeah, I forgot, you're a Mudblood, Granger, so ten off for that."

Ron pulled out his wand, but I pushed it away, instead getting right up in Draco's face myself.

"Do you want to feel my fist again?" I snarled, our faces so close that I could see the flicker of fear in his eyes.

"Not a wise move to threaten me with violence, Granger," he hissed, his hot, pepperminty breath hitting my face and the faint scent of his citrusy cologne tickling my nose. "Not when I have the power to issue you with a detention." A smirk flickered at his lips as he reached out and grabbed my wrist, swiftly holding up my arm so that the back of my hand was visible to us both. "And it would be such a shame to blemish that pretty skin of yours, wouldn't it?"

His grey eyes flashed and I experienced a wave of revulsion. I quickly yanked my arm out of his grip, shakily stepping back, wanting to put as much distance between us as possible.

"You dare, Malfoy!" Ron growled, his hands going protectively to my arms, pulling me back safely out of Draco's reach.

My face felt hot and I looked away, my heart racing wildly in my chest as Draco simply chuckled.

"New Head, new times... be good now, Potty... Weasel King... and Granger..."

Laughing heartily, he strode away with Crabbe and Goyle sniggering behind him.

"Twat." Harry muttered.

"Bloody ferret." Ron added.

I said nothing, but instead swallowed as I touched my wrist where Draco's fingers had just been.

*****

Fred and George threw away their educations for a joke shop and I fully blame Harry for encouraging them to make this rash decision by throwing his riches at them.

"It's no good nagging me, it's done," Harry said firmly after he had admitted he invested his entire Triwizard Winnings in them. "Fred and George have got the gold - spent a good bit of it, too, by the sounds of it - and I can't get it back from them and I don't want to. So save your breath, Hermione."

"I wasn't going to say anything about Fred or George!" I said in an injured voice. "As a matter of fact, I was going to ask you whether you're going to ask Snape for more Occlumency lessons. Ron told me you were muttering in your sleep again last night."

Harry threw Ron a dirty look, who had the grace to look ashamed of himself.

"You were only muttering a bit," he mumbled apologetically. "Something about 'just bit further'."

"Yeah?" Harry bellowed, going puce with rage. "WELL FOR ALL YOU KNOW I WAS HAVING A WET DREAM ABOUT YOUR SISTER!"

Ron's ears went red.

"Harry!" My hand flew to my mouth as I gasped in horror. "You mustn't say such-"

"I'll kill anyone who touches my sister," Ron said, his voice low and dangerous. "Including you."

"Oh, really?" Harry scoffed. "So why is Michael Corner still walking around then? Or did he become the new Ravenclaw ghost without me realising it?"

Ron drew out his wand. As did Harry.

I rolled my eyes and left them to it, helpfully dobbing them in to Professor McGonagall along the way.

*****

If it wasn't bad enough that Hagrid had once harboured a fire breathing dragon in his wooden hut, he was now hiding a great big giant in the forest who liked to pull up trees and grope schoolgirls for fun.

"BAD BOY, GRAWPY!" Hagrid yelled to his 'brother' as I was losing breath in the giant's iron clad grip. "VERY BAD BOY! YEH DON' GRAB!"

Luckily, he let go. Unluckily, I was fifteen feet up from the ground.

"Good catch, Hagrid!" Harry grinned as I fell into our gamekeeper's outstretched arms, gulping and gasping for air, wondering how I was still alive.

"Well," Hagrid said jovially as we fought our way back out of the forest, nearly getting killed by centaurs on our way, "now yeh've met him, you'll know what ter expect when yer go back. He likes ter be read a bedtime story otherwise he doesn't settle."

"I don't believe him," I said, my voice unsteady, the moment we were out of earshot of Hagrid. "I don't believe him. I really don't believe him."

"Calm down," Harry said, giving his glasses a little lift off his nose as we made our way back to the Quidditch pitch where Ron was playing in goal against Ravenclaw. "We've dealt with worse."

"Calm down!" I said feverishly. "A giant! A giant in the Forest! And we're supposed to give him English lessons! Always assuming, of course, we can get past the herd of murderous centaurs on the way in and out! I - don't - believe - him!"

This school was going to be the absolute death of me.

Still, at least Gryffindor won the Quidditch cup.

*****