A GLIMMER OF HOPE

Water bashed at her body, jolting her around. Her body was battered against rocks, being tossed around like a rag doll. Her lungs begged her to scream, to release all of the pent up agony - she obeyed. Instantly her mouth filled with water, choking her, killing her. 

Cassie shrieked silently, clawing at her throat, frantically searching for any light. It was pitch black. Her lungs felt as though they'd been set on fire, the liquid slowly filling them. 

Then, peace. 

The sickly stillness that surrounded her was oddly calming. Her once erratic heartbeat had calmed, returning to its usual occasional gentle thud. Her lungs felt as though the flames had been put out, the inferno consuming them having been contained. Not even a single ash remained. 

Light broke the water. The once empty black became a glowing pool, with different shades of blue blessing her eyes. Up ahead, there was something that betrayed the picturesque view. Cassie frowned, halfheartedly swimming towards it. 

It was a body. 

Her pulse sky rocketed. The fire in her lungs suddenly erupted again, scorching her from the inside. Even her eyes felt as though they were being embraced by flame. She didn't realise her hand was reaching for the body until it was too late. Her mind commanded her to snap her eyes closed, to not take in the horrifying sight. 

She disobeyed. 

A scream escaped her body. No sound followed, her horror being drowned out by the water. The dead body of Charlotte floated before her. 

Cassie bolted up in her cot. Her breaths left her in gasps, the overwhelming amount of oxygen leaving her dizzy. Bile coiled in her gut, the image of Charlotte's still youthful, frozen face imprinted in her memory. Another wave of dizziness overwhelmed her. Desperately, she leaned over the edge of her bed, heaving. She begged for something to come up, just so her body could be rid of the toxin poisoning her, so she could be rid of the image that plagued her mind. 

Nothing came up. 

Coughing uselessly, she collapsed to the side. Her mind was reeling from the dream she'd just had. It wasn't uncommon for her to have nightmares - they frequently visited her in the night as she was locked up; this one was much more vivid than usual. That's because you killed her, a tiny voice sneered at her. 

"Shut up," she muttered, tossing her hand over her forehead. It felt refreshing, cooling down her warm body. It still wasn't enough to distract from the nagging voice at the back of her mind screaming the same sentence on repeat. Her stomach dropped more each time. 

She rubbed at her eyes, unable to restrain the yawn that passed her lips. A quick glance at the gap in the tent revealed the world shrouded in darkness - it was the middle of the night. Cassie sighed. 

Resting her head back down on her make shift pillow, she let her eyes droop closed. The moment her lids fell, Charlotte's empty eyes stared back at her. 

Cassie barely had time to get to the tent flaps before she vomited. The sheer force of it sent her to her knees, draining her. She gripped at the dirt, uncaring about the stone harshly ripping at her nails and dirt creeping into every crevice, letting it balance her. Heavy, laboured breaths broke the eerie silence, Cassie wiping at the edge of her mouth with reluctance. The taste of it lingered, and her throat felt as though a hole had burned all the way through it. 

She definitely wasn't getting any sleep. 

"Cassie?" She spun around as quickly as her drained body would allow, seeing Jay propped up in his bed. His words were strained, a suppressed yawn breaking them. "What are you doing up?" 

Cassie averted her gaze. She couldn't handle him looking at her with those wide eyes. Especially when less than twenty four hours ago she'd locked him up in the drop ship to kill a child. If she could have any superpower, it would be the ability to travel in time. That way, she could go back to her past self and slap some sense into her. Or knock her out until the whole situation tided over. 

There was a rustling behind her, a sense that someone was coming closer to her. She tensed, preparing for Jay's usual onslaught of affection. Instead, he just parked himself next to her, resting his chin on his knees. If he was repulsed by the sour stench of her vomit, he didn't mention it. Cassie was shocked when he spoke up for the second time that night. "You know, I always thought my favourite thing on Earth would be the trees. I never imagined that it would be the stars. When we were on the Ark, I hated the damn things. It was another reminder that we weren't where we belonged. They're different from down here though. Better."

Cassie found herself staring up at the sky along with Jay. With both of their gazes focused on the tiny lights in the sea of black, it seemed easier to talk to him. "I'm named after a star."

Jay made a noise of appreciation. "You know what? That makes sense. At times you're shining bright, and other times you disappear in the backdrop."

Cassie couldn't rein in the sarcastic reply slipping past her lips. "How poetic."

Jay chuckled, eyes remaining on the great expanse above. "You still not going to tell me why you're up?" Cassie shook her head. Jay didn't even need to look to know the answer. "I gathered as much. You're not one to open up easily."

Neither of them said anything. A silence fell over the two of them - it wasn't exactly comfortable; it wasn't awkward either. It just existed, the recent events leaving reminders on the tone of the silence lapsed between them. Her heart felt heavy - maybe it won't ever go back to how it was. It was no where near perfect, but the best things never are. 

"I'm sorry if I woke you." Cassie murmured, eyes falling to the dirt around her hands. She could barely pick out her dark skin from the smears of dirt across her hands. 

"I'm glad you did," Jay finally tore his gaze away from above, running a hand over his cheek. Stubble was starting to grow. "I wasn't exactly having a great dream honestly." 

She didn't want to pry, but yet she found herself doing exactly that. "What was it about?" 

Cassie knew it was hypocritical of her to ask when she wouldn't open up about her own. Yet knowing something plagued the child was somehow reassuring to her - it wasn't only her that had demons. Maybe, after believing it for so long, she wasn't as alone as she thought. 

"It started off nice. I was back on the Ark, Luke at my side. It was night time, and he was holding my hand as I stared at the tree hopelessly. You know, the tree everyone worships?" Cassie nodded, not wanting to speak and interrupt his flow of words. "We're talking, and he kisses me. It was just so... magical. And that's when things took a turn for the worse. He suddenly starts choking, his face turning purple. His eyes bulge, and he manages one sentence. 'You did this to me'. He was talking about my wristband, Cassie. He's going to die because I let Murphy take my wristband!"

She grabbed a hold of him, pulling her closer to her body. Cassie whispered soothing words filled with empty promises, feeling his shoulders shake up and down as silent cries possessed his body. She paid no mind to the droplets falling on her shirt, only paying attention to stroking her hands through his hair. 

All the while her eyes were glued to one particular shining light in the sky. 

*

Jay had calmed after a short while, the earthquake consuming him having passed. He sniffled, turning his puffy eyed gaze to Cassie. The cracks in his voice sent pangs in her heart; she didn't let her sympathy show. "Thanks. I know you're not a big fan of, well, touching." 

Cassie only smiled, squeezing his shoulders one last time before moving her arm away. She hated how his face dropped a fraction at her action, it was like he needed someone to hold onto him to anchor him to the world. If they didn't, he'd be uprooted and crashing towards the unknown. "Go get some sleep Jabber Jay, you need it." 

A tiny smile crept onto his face. "Was that an insult?" 

"I'll let you figure that one out," her tone was jovial as she shoved him lightly. "Go."

"What about you?" 

Cassie let lies slip past her lips. She surprised herself with how quickly she'd fabricated them. "There's no point trying with your snoring. I reckon that's the sound that an elephant would've made."

She laughed at Jay's offended expression, hoping it covered up the emptiness lying behind her eyes. The truth was she didn't want to sleep - her heart raced at the thought of what her mind would have in store for her. She'd rather spend her night staring up at the stars than silently choking on her guilt. 

At least the sky could distract her for a short while. 

Jay shook his head, muttering some incoherent words under his breath. He retreated back into the tent, the thump of his body collapsing onto the bed hitting her ears soon after. She released a breath, biting down on her lip and tilting her head up to face the infinity above. Every time her mind would wander to Charlotte's still face, she'd focus on another constellation, reciting the names of them like they were etched into her DNA. 

This ritual was all that kept the tears at bay. 

So when she heard the thunderous roar engulfing all sound, she welcomed the distraction. Immediately, she jumped to her feet, eyes scouring the area. 

There. 

A star she'd never seen before, one that was hurtling towards earth. Looking at it more, Cassie's eyes widened. Not a star, but a pod. Her heart soared - her parents were coming down. They were safe. It felt like she could breathe again, like the cement in her lungs had disappeared, finally allowing her to take in the sweet oxygen. A sweet sound filled the air, encapsulated all of the joy she felt. 

It was the sound of her own relieved laughter. 

Not even waiting to tell Jay, she rushed towards the edge of camp, itching to get to the pod as soon as possible. All around her, delinquents were stumbling out of their tents, rubbing at their eyes and gaping at the sight. Laughter and relieved chatter filled the air - they were going to be safe. 

Cassie blocked all of this out, her strides lengthening. She just wasn't reaching the front of camp quick enough. She wanted to already be in the woods, marching to her one destination. If her dads were here, or had a chance of being here sooner, maybe everything would change. Maybe she wouldn't feel a weight in her chest every time she took a breath, or witness a young child plummeting to her doom each time she closed her eyes. 

Like all of her hope while on earth, it was rapidly destroyed. 

A hand snatched at her arm, spinning her around. On instinct, Cassie pulled her less dominant arm back, knuckles close together and prepared for impact. Her heart skipped a beat. Her feet became more rooted in the ground. Her breathing steadied. 

Her fist still remained in the air when she realised the hand belonged to Bellamy. He had a deep frown set into his face, and his eyes held controlled fury. "Where do you think you're going?" 

"Where do you think, dumb ass?" She struggled out of his grip, finally managing to free her arm. He huffed, grabbing a hold of her again. It felt like a python was wrapped around her arm. "I know it's difficult for you, but could you be a gentleman and let go of me? I have important things to do, and breaking your nose might be one of those things if you don't let me go." 

His hand still remained on her arm. "You're not going anywhere." 

"And why is that?" Cassie stared him down, pouring every ounce of hatred in her body into that single look. He appeared unfazed. 

"Because we can't have people wandering the Grounder ridden woods in the middle of the night." Cassie shook her head in disbelief. She could understand his logic; it wasn't like she couldn't protect herself. She'd been fighting for the past three years, and had gotten pretty damn good at it. They didn't call her Callous Cassie for nothing. 

She opened her mouth to interject when he spoke up again, this time turning to the crowd that had gathered around them. "We'll head out at first light." 

Everyone nodded, as though they were satisfied with his ruling. Cassie raised her brows at their sheep-like actions. It was like they didn't have minds of their own. She cleared her throat, catching Bellamy's attention. "If someone on that ship is hurt, they won't be able to make it to first light." 

"They'll have to. We've lost too many people already, we're not about to lose any more." Bellamy's stare pierced her soul, his words holding weight. "Can I trust you to not run off?" 

A smirk twirled the corners of her mouth. "Whatever you say, boss." 

He gave her a small nod, releasing her. Blood suddenly rushed down the limb, sending tingles all up her body. She had to suppress her moan of relief, grateful that her arm had begun to regain feeling. "I'm surprised you're actually trusting me."

Bellamy swivelled back in her direction. A flash of a smile crossed his face. "Desperate times."

"Well isn't that the understatement of the year," she let out a breathy laugh, shaking her head. "See you at first light." 

She walked away before he could respond, a skip in her step. He was so foolish for trusting her with something so important. She needed to see if it was her parents on that ship, or if it was someone who could get her to them sooner. 

To do that, she didn't plan to stay put. 

An uncontrollable smile reached her face. I'm coming to save you, she thought to herself, hoping that the power of it would reach her parents. In a single night, she'd experienced more hope than she had in her seventeen years of living. She would come to understand one day why she didn't do it often.