SURVIVAL PAIN

She stalked through the gates of camp, hands deep in her pockets and eyes trained on the ground. In that moment, she wished that she hadn't cut her hair a few years ago, yearning for a shield to hide behind. She was exposed.

"Cassie," Jay pranced up to her, practically buzzing with excitement. "I think I've found a new type of flower. It's gorgeous! I didn't have the heart to pull it out of the ground, you know, because it'd wither and die, but now I'm regretting it since I'm starting to forget little things about it. Octavia promised to take me back every day, isn't that amazing?"

Jay patiently awaited her sarcastic reply, followed by a loving smile or clap of the shoulder. She didn't speak at all, her head still turned to the ground. "Cassie?"

She shook her head, lifting it and weakly smiling at him. "Sorry, I was in a bit of a daze."

Jay blinked. Her eyes had vibrant veins running across the white, a red tinge making her brown iris seem brighter. Her lower lip was riddled with rips, blood weeping from some of them pitifully. Her hands were shaking.

"Cassie, are you okay?" Jay leaned closer, his heart aching to see her like this. He hesitated, then slowly brought himself closer to her. She frowned at him, frozen in place. Cassie didn't do anything as he carefully draped his arms around her neck, standing on his tip toes and leaning close into her body. The sudden heat made Cassie flinch. Yet she let him hold her.

He remained there, Cassie's arms dangling awkwardly at her sides as he held her tighter. "You do realise that you're meant to hug me back?"

His voice was barely audible, his words being lost in the layers of clothing his mouth was pressed against. Cassie didn't respond, the heat of his body taking over. It felt like a warm fire on a cold winter day, relieving numb limbs of the bitter frost. The smoke from the fire was choking her - a part of her wasn't comfortable with Jay being this close. Only her parents had hugged her before, and her. Anyone she held in her embrace she ended up disappointing.

Cassie shrugged him off, not looking. She had to force herself to keep walking forwards, knowing that if she turned around she'd see his crest fallen face, and her gut would clench. She'd impulsively run back over and wrap him in an embrace, taking a moment to memorise his comforting scent.

Clarke's hateful words echoed in her head. You know that if he decides not to be your friend anymore he'd have people but you'd be left all alone. She had to hold back her flinch. The words tore into her flesh again, sending a fresh wave of agony through her body. She was right.

Cassie embraced the pain, allowing it to become a part of her.

She needed that pain to survive. She needed that pain as a reminder of not to let people too close - something she hadn't had an issue with until Jay. Poor, naive Jay. He was too good for her. And she knew that's why it hurt to think of him lying where Wells was.

"I just need some water, okay?" A teenagers voice piped up, annoyance lacing his tone. Cassie's ears perked up, her feet taking her in the direction of the voice. Her heart started racing, her fists clenching involuntarily.

A fight was brewing, and she wasn't going to let the opportunity pass to let off some steam.

Cassie reached the boy just as water splashed over the front of him. He cried out, cursing his opponent. She had an inkling who was behind it, seeing Murphy standing over him with an empty bucket in hand.

She smirked.

"Do I need to give you a black eye every time you're a dick?" Cassie cracked her knuckles, giving Murphy a small shove. He stumbled back, whipping his head in her direction. "I've kicked your ass once, you know for sure I can do it again."

Murphy ran a hand through his hair, tousling the long, greasy locks. She raised a single brow at him, eyes trained on his hands. They moved to his pocket. He brandished a knife, just like the one she made for Jay. A shiver ran down her spine.

"Ready for round two, bitch?" Murphy sauntered closer to her, his swagger causing her mouth to twitch. He played a big bad wolf but in reality, he was the trembling rabbit.

A crowd had gathered around them. Many of the delinquents had abandoned their work, watching the tension build between the two. Cassie had a sense of deja vu.

"Bring it on, dog." Cassie raised her fists to her face, taking a defensive stance. Murphy didn't wait to attack, swinging at her with his knife. She ducked out of the way, grabbing a hold of his outstretched arm and elbowing him in the gut. He coughed, folding over and dropping his knife. In a flash, she'd snatched it up. Her sweeping foot knocked him to the ground, a loud groan tearing out of the boy. She placed her foot on his chest, enjoying the way he wriggled under the pressure. He tried to get up but she pressed down more, relishing the agonised moan that left his lips.

A pair of arms wrapped around her midriff, suddenly lifting her into the air. She squirmed, punching the arms holding her and kicking as hard as she could. Her hits landed, yet she remained in the air. "Calm down, Cassie."

Bellamy.

She nearly laughed - she knew he enjoyed seeing his nemesis on the floor, writhing in agony; he had to look good. She knew that he wasn't as perfect of a leader as the rest thought. He wasn't the guard who protected them all. He was the janitor who cleaned up your shit.

"Aye aye Captain," she breathlessly giggled, his arms pressing into her lungs. It was only hard enough to restrict her breath; it was enough to leave her gasping. For a second she knew what if felt like to be victim to her viciousness.

The moment her feet met the ground, she stumbled slightly, instinctively grabbing a hold of Bellamy's bicep. As soon as she righted herself, she released her grip, blocking out his icy glare in her direction.

Clarke was fighting her way through the crowd, pushing and shoving teenagers aside, oblivious to the curses thrown at her back. She managed to break through, eyes dancing to Cassie and Bellamy for a split second before landing on Murphy getting to his feet. Clarke shrieked, pushing him firmly back to the ground. "You son of a bitch!"

"Well this is an interesting development," Cassie muttered, edging closer to the duo. Bellamy frowned, reaching towards Clarke.

"You know this isn't a good idea," he warned. The only response he got was a sharp glare.

Murphy dusted himself off, staring up at the blonde girl with hatred. "What the hell is your problem?"

A knife landed next to Murphy. There was a rusted red substance coating the blade, dulling it's shine. Cassie recognised it immediately. It was blood. Her breath faltered.

"Recognise this?"

Murphy's eyes widen in recognition. "That's my knife, where'd you find it?"

"Where you dropped it after you killed Wells."

Cassie felt like she couldn't breathe. Her throat closed up, cutting off all of her oxygen. Her head snapped towards Murphy, and she shook off Bellamy's warning grip. "You did what?"

"What? The Grounders killed Wells, not me."

Cassie clenched her jaw, focusing her attention on Clarke. "How do you know, Blondie?"

"He just admitted it was his!" She exclaimed, pointing to the teenager still huddled on the floor. "Everyone knows he hated Wells, he even got in a knife fight with him! His initials are even carved into it!"

Cassie bit her lip, stopping herself from bursting into laughter. "Do you have any idea how crazy you sound? The only proof you have is that he has the same initials. That's not exactly rock solid evidence."

"He just tried to stab you, and you're defending him?" Bellamy spoke with disbelief, gaping at Cassie.

Cassie couldn't explain it in a way that they'd understand. It made her stomach feel funny that the criminals were willing to believe that it was Murphy with barely any evidence, working out the conclusions from hunches they couldn't prove. He had a violent past, so everyone assumed it was him. When he was gone, she would be the next target.

She defended him out of self preservation.

"Exactly, he just tried to stab me! He couldn't stab me if he didn't have his knife, right?" Cassie felt a small spark of hope set alight within. They couldn't disagree with her argument, it certainly had more logic behind it than their's did. She felt her shoulders slump slightly. He'd be okay - her future was safe.

A tiny voice spoke up in the crowd. It shattered the false sense of peace she'd fabricated, creating chaos. "Um, when he took my wrist band off, he stole my knife."

Cassie felt her heart fall. The voice that had spoken up was Jay. She could picture him shaking, panicking and terrified.

"This is ridiculous," Murphy exclaimed, climbing to his feet. "I don't have to answer to you, I don't have to answer to anyone."

"Fucking hell Murphy," Cassie rubbed at her temples. Bellamy tensed up, his rigid posture twisting towards Murphy. Murphy instantly shrivelled inside of himself, like a snail retreating into it's shell.

"Come again?"

There was no coming back from that. Challenging someone's authority makes them do anything to prove that they should be obeyed. That burst of emotion was going to cost Murphy - there was no way of predicting the consequences.

Murphy scrambled to find something to say, his tone bordering on begging. "Bellamy, look, I'm telling you. I didn't do this."

"They found his fingers on the ground with your knife." Bellamy sounded almost dejected, not looking Murphy in the eye. They hadn't even been on the ground for that long, and they were already murdering each other. Cassie couldn't blame him for being dispirited.

Clarke chipped in, righteousness oozing from her. "Is this the kind of society that we want? You say there should be no rules. Does that mean that we can kill each other without... without punishment?"

Murphy carried on denying the accusations, his tone pleading. Cassie tuned out his pleas, spinning on her heel. She couldn't deal with hearing everyone debating whether or not Wells was murdered by Murphy. Hearing everyone speak about him so sparingly, as though he hadn't died less than twenty four hours ago, struck something within her. Anger or sadness, she couldn't tell.

"I say we float him."

Cassie halted in her tracks. She only managed to walk through the first line of teenagers, being suffocated by all of the bodies. Yet the one voice managed to break through all of the lines, inspiring the demons inside everyone to rise. A chorus of agreements filled the air, the thirst for his blood tainting the air.

Clarke began protesting immediately. It fell on deaf ears, a mob surrounding Murphy and beating the living crap out of him. His cries couldn't be heard over the roars of the child criminals, Clarke still battling for his survival.

Cassie watched the scene before her with a predator like gaze. Their deep rooted belief that Murphy killed Wells had roped it's way into her brain - maybe she'd been thinking about it in too much detail, and hadn't noticed the obvious facts? Maybe he was the reason that Wells was ripped from this world so harshly, gone before he even experienced what this new world had to offer.

Doubt nibbled at her mind. The genuine confusion on his face seemed so real.

If it wasn't him, the public execution would make a statement. It would remain in the killers mind until the day they died: they way his eyes bulged, how his face reddened and swelled, and how his body suddenly fell limp. It would be scar them for life.

Cassie felt satisfied with that.

He was squirming more now, being carried to a tall tree. The teenagers were quick to fashion a noose out of rope, rapidly throwing it around Murphy's neck. They forced him to stand on top of a box, the rope getting wrapped around a tree. To her disguised horror, the kid checked twice to make sure it was secure.

Jay rushed to stand next to her, eyes widening at the sight of Murphy screaming. "Did I do that?"

"No, whoever killed Wells did." She was like ice - frigid, with no chance of warming.

"You don't think Murphy did it?" Jay frowned, gasping in horror as Bellamy kicked the box out from under Murphy.

"Jabber Jay, I know a murderer when I see one. He's just an ass." She stared as his eyes widened, his hands clawing at the rope. "But the person who did kill him will remember this. To me, it's justice either way."

Jay reeled back.

"Cut him down!" Finn demanded, fighting his way through the foliage. Cassie trained her gaze on him, him running towards the strung up Murphy who was gasping for air.

"Stop!" A meek voice cut through the anarchy. "I killed Wells!"

Cassie froze. Her eyes snapped in the direction of the small child, no older than thirteen, shaking, her face the picture of terror. The same very face that Wells saw before he became no more. She lunged towards the child, profanities and threats gliding easily off of her tongue. "I'm going to cut your tongue out you murdering fucker!"

Bellamy's hands grabbed at Cassie once again, pulling her back from the child. She kicked out, fury burning within her, venom filled words being spat the girl. Charlotte cowered away, looking over her shoulder at Cassie struggling as Finn and Clarke guided her away.

"Bellamy get your hands off of me!" Cassie struck out, managing to land a hit in his gut. He wheezed, his fingers loosening. It was enough for Cassie. She aimed another kick to his knees, grinning as she felt him fall down. She stumbled out of his grasp, sending Bellamy one last glare. "I don't know why I thought you'd be a good ally. You're pathetic."

Bellamy coughed, his gaze fixed on her. She rolled her eyes, walking towards Murphy crumpled on the ground. He was still gasping for breath, massaging his bruised neck. She pushed aside her instincts begging her to smack him, offering a hand towards him. He huffed, knocking it aside and attempting to clamber to his feet by himself. "You stubborn dick."

Cassie firmly grabbed a hold of his upper arm, pulling him upright. He glared at her, hatred poured into his gaze. "I didn't ask for your help."

"You didn't ask to get hanged either, seems like people enjoy making decisions for you." Cassie smirked, crossing her arms across her chest. "How does it feel knowing that a little girl is about to get away with murdering Wells just because Bitchy Blake has a soft spot for her?"

Murphy didn't respond, only looking behind at her at the group of teenagers making their way towards Bellamy's tent. His jaw jutted out, anger woven into his face.

"She deserves to be punished."

Murphy marched in the direction of the other delinquents, turning around. "You coming?"

The smirk didn't fall from her face. "You bet I am." 

-

hi guys! i'm trying to update more often, but please bear with me as my inspiration is just about unpredictable as the english weather. 
i hope you're all safe and healthy! i'm currently having to work from home in the midst of all this chaos and gotta say after doing this for 3 weeks am going to lose my rag soon. anyone got any good coping methods? so far i've been exercising more since i don't have much better to do. 
anyways thanks for sticking with this book and thanks for reading! love you all lots, 
-thirdwheelchurchill