As the days slipped by, the sun and moon engaged in their eternal struggle to illuminate the world, while their emotions lingered like a specter in the recesses of their minds.

A sudden wave of homesickness washed over her, a yearning to be near that person, to bask in the comfort of their presence, to feel the warmth that only they could provide. Despite the fact that they had never exchanged a single word, an inexplicable bond tethered her heart to his.

It was a connection unlike any she had ever experienced, one that she doubted she would ever replicate with anyone else. Clutching her pillow tightly to her chest, she envisioned it as his embrace, wrapping herself in blankets that felt like his arms, seeking solace in their soft cocoon as she drifted into sleep.

Her dreams became a vivid tapestry of emotions. Each dawn unveiled a new version of herself, one filled with an exhilarating affection for him. Butterflies fluttered within her, and suddenly, the world transformed into a canvas of beauty. If this was the essence of love, she would willingly endure a thousand lifetimes just to experience it again.

Not a day passed without glimpsing on eachother, and she sensed that he was beginning to notice her presence—at least, that was her hope.

Yet, a tumult of love and trepidation surged within her. What if I was merely leading him on, igniting false hopes only to shatter his heart in the end? The thought was unbearable, and she knew she could never forgive herself for such a betrayal.

A heavy sadness enveloped her as she contemplated their uncertain future. She envisioned them walking hand in hand, sharing whispered secrets, creating their own little universe. In her mind, she painted a million different lives with him, in a reality where love was uncomplicated, where loving him felt effortless. Each night, beneath the weight of her sorrow, she clung to those dreams.

Two more years to go, and he had one more year of studies ahead. After that, he would embark on his own journey, leaving her behind in the echoing hallways and empty staircases where time had seemed to freeze in his presence.

The thought shattered her heart. She felt compelled to remain a lingering presence in his life, yet fear gripped her. What if I was nothing more than a source of misery for him? I would never risk dimming his smile for anything in this world.

She was well acquainted with her family—a staunchly traditional bunch, clinging fiercely to their outdated notions of class and pride. If she truly wished for his happiness, it was wiser to maintain her distance. To step away from him, to detach herself from his world. But her heart was greedy for him.

A wave of nostalgia washed over me, a longing that tugged at my heartstrings, reminding me of the warmth of his presence. I craved every little thing about him, each memory a bittersweet reminder of what I was missing. My emotions were spiraling into a dangerous territory, yet I found a strange comfort in the daydreams of being enveloped in his embrace.

With a gentle flick, I unlocked my phone, the screen revealing a cherished secret—his birth date. A smile crept across my face at the thought, though a flicker of guilt lingered in the shadows of my mind. I quickly dismissed it, unwilling to let it tarnish my reverie.

The photos were treasures, snapshots of moments we had woven together. Each image held my brightest smile, a reflection of the joy he brought into my life. His own grin was a constant, capturing the happiness that bloomed whenever we were side by side.

I continued to scroll, lost in a sea of memories. From our intertwined fingers against the backdrop of sunlit beaches to the jubilant celebrations of shared victories on stage, each photograph told a story of us, a testament to the bond we had forged.

A particular image of him caught my eye from a distance. He stood there, clad in his trademark white shirt, a gentle smile gracing his lips as he shyly tousled his hair.

I leaned closer, captivated by the warmth of his smile that seemed to reach out from the screen, wrapping me in a comforting embrace.

Only he possessed such a remarkable influence over me. Even in his absence, he had the uncanny ability to lift my spirits, transforming my mood into one of pure joy.

As I scrolled back up, I stumbled upon a screenshot of our conversation—the moment we said our goodbyes.

"Perhaps in another universe..."
"Take care..."

Tears brimmed in my eyes, a torrent of memories flooding back to the moment I had to leave him behind in this unforgiving world. He deserved so much more than this pain; he certainly didn’t warrant the heartbreak that now consumed me.

Clutching the diary tightly against my chest, I wept, the weight of my sorrow pressing down on me. Would this torment ever cease?

With each passing day, the ache within me deepened, the diary becoming both a comfort and a torment.

Even as I longed to put it aside, I was drawn to the promise of a happy ending that once existed in our story.

If reality had turned its back on us, at least within these pages, I could still hold him close.

I could languish in this pit of despair forever, but I had made a vow to care for him, my husband. It felt so wrong to mourn for a man who was no longer by my side.

Regret washed over me like a relentless tide, dragging me deeper into despair. I was engulfed in a profound sense of wretchedness, a miserable soul adrift in a sea of sorrow.

It should have been a solitary journey, just me and my anguish, yet I had unwittingly pulled others into my abyss.

They deserved so much more than this. Each and every one of them did. If only I had chosen to fade away, none of this would have unfolded.

The mere contemplation of death froze every feeling within me, leaving an eerie stillness in its wake.

So, this is where I find myself at last, isn’t it?

"What thing worthy of love can be find in me?"

-Franz kafka