Sutton

VIVI BURSTS INTO MY ROOM, NOT BOTHERING to knock, the door banging against the wall a loud punctuation to her sudden arrival. The only light is from the warm glow of the lamp on my bedside table illuminating the mess on the floor in front of me, the contents of the box strewn all around in disarray. A folded letter sits in my lap, and I reflexively clutch it to my chest the second my sister barges in.

Her wide eyes take in the scene, the words that were about to spill out frozen on her mouth. She toes a few items out of her way, slowly walking through the room, and thrusts her phone in my face.

"Did you lose your phone? Did you drop it in water and now it's drying in rice? Did it die without you realizing it?"

"Huh?" I gawk up at her in utter confusion. "What are you talking about, Viv?"

Shoving her phone in my face again, she continues, "Your boyfriend has been blowing up my phone since you've been ignoring him. He has threatened to come over to see for himself if you're all right if I don't send proof of life." She takes a quick picture, the flash from her phone blinding me, and then quickly sends off a text. "There. Done. He can leave me alone now."

Just then her phone dings and she rolls her eyes. "Jesus, that guy. He's bossy and demanding. How do you put up with it?" Glancing at her phone, she skims the new text. "He says you look sad. Wants to know why."

"Jesus," I whisper as I hunt for my phone under all the discarded items from my mom's box. When I finally find it, I realize I have a bunch of missed calls and texts, all from Kelly. "He's so dramatic sometimes," I mumble as I push the redial button to call him. Seems easier than playing a game of telephone with my sister as the go-between.

He answers on the first ring. "Baby girl." His voice is gruff, a mixture of worry and irritation.

"Kelly." I mimic his tone, leaning more heavily on the irritation.

I remove the phone from my ear to look at the screen when I realize he's trying to video chat me. Quickly rejecting the request, I return the phone to my ear. "What do you want, Kelly? You've got your proof of life. You've seen I'm completely fine. You don't need to get your undies in a wad over nothing."

"Either accept my Facetime request or I'm coming there." There's no room for arguing in his statement, and I know him well enough to know he's serious.

Rolling my eyes, I get to my feet. "Fine." I cross my room on tiptoes to avoid all the debris of my mom's life. "Give me a minute, though."

"Why? You don't need to pretty up for me. Besides, I already saw what you look like, remember? Vivi sent me a picture."

"No, dumbass," I bite out as I walk through my dark house. "I'm going outside. Ok, I'm ready."

I situate myself on the front stoop, the coolness of the cement stairs seeping through the thin fabric of my pajama shorts. As I accept the video chat request, I have the brief thought that maybe I should have taken a minute to compose myself. I cringe at the image of myself staring back at me. My hair is pulled on top of my head in a messy bun, a headache already forming at my temples and working its way across my head. The day's makeup is smeared under my eyes. Instead of fixing my appearance—it's too late at this point anyway—I snuggle into the softness of Kelly's flannel that I threw on the minute I got home.

"So..." I prompt when the man on the screen is quiet.

Kelly is still in the same faded green tee from earlier, but his overgrown hair peeks out from under his backwards hat. I fixate on that detail rather than the intensity in his hazel eyes that seem to peer into my very soul. It's so unnerving the way he looks at me sometimes. I have a strong urge to reach through the screen and flick him in the forehead.

"Why were you ignoring me? What's going on? Why do you look like that?"

I huff out a laugh devoid of humor. "Fuck off, Kelly. I'm at home. It's nighttime. I don't have to be pretty right now."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it. You're always pretty. Even when you're sad."

"I'm not sad." I avert my gaze again as the lie slips from my lips.

The night feels and smells like fall. The cool breeze causes goosebumps to stand up on my exposed legs, and the distinct smoky smell of a bonfire circulates in the air. I peer down the block at the trees illuminated by the streetlights, hints of reds and golds dotting the leaves. Soon the whole street will be an array of reds, oranges and yellows as summer completely surrenders to fall.

"Bullshit, Sutton." Kelly's voice cuts into my reverie, but I continue to avoid his gaze, peering up at the night sky instead. The vastness of the twinkling stars against the black canvas soothes my unsettled nerves a bit and I blow out a deep breath before returning my eyes to the screen. To the face of the confusing man who has so fully inserted himself into my life.

"Fine. I'm a little sad."

He nods. "I know. That's why I wanted to see you. You can't fake how you feel when I can see your face. You can't hide from me."

"I'm not trying to hide from you, Kelly." I hear the resigned quality to my voice, the inherent sadness. "I'm just tired. It's been a long day. And I haven't had a chance to process anything yet. I was taking a moment. Can I not take a moment?"

He removes his hat, exposing the true state of his hair. The brown strands stick up in all directions and the sight makes me smile. "What? What's that smile?"

"You need a haircut."

Smoothing a hand through his hair, he glares at me. "I thought we didn't need to look pretty for each other."

"I didn't say you don't look pretty. Just that you need a haircut."

"Are you calling me pretty, baby girl?"

"You're a solid 7 out of 10."

This earns me a laugh. "Always such a fucking brat."

"Fine. 10 out of 10, would recommend. Better?"

"No. Tell me why you're sad. What did you find in that box?"

I sigh, and without thought, I rip out the hair tie from my hair and massage my fingers through my scalp. Before Kelly has a chance to comment, I bite out, "Ignore my hair. It gave me a headache." I avert my eyes from the little square box showing the exact state of my wild hair.

"Why did you even put it up when you know it gives you a headache?"

I cock my head at him. "Because it was bugging me. Duh. Now shut up with your stupid comments if you want to hear what I found, yeah?"

He nods, pressing his lips together, and I swear I see the corners tilt up in a suppressed smile.

"I found a letter. It was in a sealed envelope with a 'RTS' stamped on the front. Apparently, my mom tried writing the dickwad and he couldn't even be bothered to read the letter. He denied it and had it returned to the sender. Unopened, Kelly. He discarded my mother that easily. Poof, she's gone. Just like that."

"Did you read it?"

"Yeah, of course. I was hoping to finally figure out what happened."

"And did you? Find out?"

I slump forward, resting my elbows on my knees, my phone propped up in one hand. "Yeah. It was clearly spelled out in the letter. Want me to read it to you?"

"Nah. Just give me the CliffsNotes."

"She basically reams him out for being an asshole, not letting him off the hook for treating her like a piece of garbage he discarded so easily. Apparently, she had real feelings for him, and she called him a coward for letting his dad dictate his life because she knew he had feelings for her, too. But she thanked him because in the process of revealing his true self, she had a huge epiphany. She didn't want to live that life anymore. She had a real life she needed to get back to. She confessed to still being in love with her husband and stated her intentions of trying to mend things with him. Then..." I pause, squeezing my eyes shut tight. This next part is what hit me so hard.

"Sutton." His voice is low, laced with so many emotions. When I open my eyes, I see the concern written across his face. "What is it, baby girl?"

I shake my head, trying to trick myself out of the tears tingling my eyes. "She was pregnant. That was true. But she lost the baby. And he never knew. The giant douchebag never knew he created a life with my mom, because she never had a chance to tell him before he kicked her to the curb. So she was dealing with the loss all on her own. After all the miscarriages she had with my dad." I shake my head again, but this time I can't deter the tears any longer. A few leak out onto my cheeks. I don't bother to wipe them away.

"Sutton." He scrubs a hand over the scruff on his face. "Jesus. I hate when you're sad like this. Should I come there? Can I come there?"

I wipe the moisture off my cheeks with the back of my free hand. "No, no. I'm fine. Really. You don't need to come here. I'm going to hop in the shower and wash this day away before crashing into bed. It's fine. I'm fine."

"I feel like you could use a hug. I'd really like to give you a hug."

Our eyes connect through the screen, and I suck in a deep breath at the intensity in his gaze. Being wrapped up in Kelly's arms sounds so good I'm almost tempted to give in. Instead, I snuggle into the warmth of his flannel, the shirt a poor substitute.

"I'll take a raincheck. Ok? But thanks. I'm fine, Kelly. I'll be fine."

After disconnecting the call, I go back inside to find Vivi still in my room. She's made herself comfortable on the floor, sifting through the piles of my mom's stuff. When she hears me enter the room, she holds the letter up to me.

"I don't want to talk about it." My tone is final, and she nods.

"Figured as much." She stands, her eyes studying me. "I'm assuming you talked to Kelly about it, though?"

"Like I had a choice. You said it yourself. That man is bossy and demanding."

She studies me some more and I squirm under her assessment. "You should be careful, Sutton."

I maneuver around her, careful to avoid stepping on anything strewn around the floor. I wave off her warning. "I'm going to shower and then call it a night."

Before I can escape, though, she continues. "You guys aren't fooling anyone. You're obviously both in deep shit. And you're both stupid. Like I said, be careful."

Later, when I'm lying in bed with a wet head since I didn't have the energy to dry it, I scan through the series of texts that Kelly sent me earlier. Finally, I land on the most recent one. It was sent minutes ago.

KELLY: The offer for a hug always stands. Consider it an open invitation.

KELLY: Sleep tight, baby girl.

It's then as I see the evidence of his concern and the ghost of Vivi's warning floats around the room that I remember his parting words when I was leaving my parents' house. I haven't had a chance to digest them yet, but now they rattle around in my brain demanding attention.

"I was interrupted before, but you need to know how fucking beautiful you are. Stunning, Sutton. You're fucking stunning."

Shit, my sister is right. We're in deep shit. Deep, deep shit.