Chapter 24: Forever Haunted

Opening my eyes I found myself in my soft, warm and safe bed - the bed I had haven't called mine in what feels like a lifetime. I only vaguely remember Carter carrying me after I had fallen asleep in his arms as we rested by the hot springs. Looking down at my body now I saw only a few lingering marks but other than that my wounds have healed perfectly - although my wrist was still a little sore it was no longer broken at least. Letting out a deep sigh I pulled myself up into a sitting position and took in my surroundings as if imprinting them into my memory. Everything was just the same, a little dirtier here or there but relatively the same.

Pulling back the covers I slid out of bed and welcomed the cool morning air and the mist gathering outside as it just further proved that I was in fact back and not trapped in some make shift room that has been set up in stead of a cell. Wondering over to the wardrobe I slipped into a lose grey top and a pair of high waist black jeans, I was just buckling up my jeans when the door suddenly slammed open making me jump. The sudden fright of the noise had my heart jumping to attention and feeling like it was being ripped out of me while I was still using it. I put my hands to my chest and dropped down to the floor, curling over and trying to breathe through the pain and hold back my tears.

"You are supposed to be in bed." A familiar voice scolded me. "You need to breath, deep breaths and calm down, control your heart rate." She said in a soothing tone that was meant to calm me.

I did what she said and let my body relax on the floor as I tried to bring it back down to it's normal resting rate. Feeling the pain pass me by I opened my eyes to find familiar set of red hair and grey eyes behind a pair of reading glasses. Jan. I smiled at the pack elder and took her hand allowing her to help me to my feet and back over towards the bed. "You need to rest, you shouldn't be up and about for another few days at least."

"I felt fine." I said as I sat back down, my back up against the head board and my bottom half cover back under the warm blankets.

"Until something startles you or gets your heart pumping, then you risk shifting." She explained.

I pressed my lips together trying to stop the questions from pouring out of my mouth but the itch to ask and get answers or at least some sort of explanation was heavily out waying the placid girl in me. "I thought you said that I couldn't shift?" The words came spilling out of my mouth before I had a chance to catch them.

"No I said only a few have done it and it would hurt a lot more." she corrected me.

I thought about her words and I had to agree. When I had heard other wolves speak about their fist change they just explained it like their bones broke and it was over in no time, but for me the pain felt like every organ was being ripped out of my living body and then my bones would break and my body would explode into an anxiety attack. "When you said it's happened before," I paused and thought back to the diary she had given me and opened up my bedside draw and pulled out the bound book "were you talking about her?"

A small sad smile formed on Jan's lips as she grabbed a hold of the book and ran her hands over the book like it was her heart and soul written down.

"Did you know her?" I asked as I studied Jan's expressions.

Jan nodded sadly as she recalled old memories making me feel guilty for making her member the painful memories. "She was my aunt."

"What happened to her? The diary just stops." I asked her as I handed the journal back to her and leaned back in the bed.

"She died. She had two children and found peace, accepted her life and her mate but there was a large siege all those years ago and many died as a result, my aunt and father included, even little Lilly who now haunts the woods."

"I thought it was rogues who killed Lilly?"

"No, that's what they told everyone so that no one family would hold grudges. My aunt made the change but unlike you she didn't survive, after you shift it's like your bones can't make the shift back and when you try you end up snapping the wrong bones and snapping your main arteries. You were very lucky."

"I know that now." I put my head down as if ashamed.

"Don't make a habit of changing, at the moment you need to avoid all stressful and fearful situations, understood?"

"Yes of course." I sat there and started fiddling around with the blanket. I started to remember the events of last night and one image flashed just behind my lids making me pull the blanket tighter around me. "Josh." I breathed unable to say anymore. Was he okay? Did he survive?

"I think it's time that I left you. Carter is anxious to come in here, he's probably burning a hole in the floor from his pacing." She said but the tone in her face was sad and somewhat distant which scared me. What was wrong with Josh, if anything happened to him I would never forgive myself.

Jan left me to my panicked thoughts as she disappeared behind the door and Carter barged his way into the room, he stood there staring at me as tense as I've seen him before. I could his worry, his tense muscles and his fear as if it were all my own. "Hey." I smiled at him hoping it would reassure him that everything was okay.

"Hey." He answered softly.

"How's Josh?"

Carter closed his eyes slightly and hesitated which only made me worry more. "He's hanging in there. He took a few hard blows but he is starting heel slowly, if he makes it through the next couple of days he should be okay but he had a lot of damage to his spine..." Carter trailed off. I cringed hearing the news, because of me Josh was now fighting for his life and even if he does survive what kind of life would he have? With such damage will he okay and be able to fully heel or would he be permanently injured?

"Can I see him?"

"No one's allowed in, only Cory." He shook his head and hesitantly walked in to sit on the bed just beside me. I didn't understand why he was begging so hesitate, sure I had to make sure I didn't turn but just having him here by my side seemed to ground me. "How do you feel?"

"Fine. Better than I deserve I guess."

"You don't have any pain or..." he trailed off once again which caught my attention. It was as if he was side stepping another conversation which striked me as odd. I felt fine, great in fact, maybe a little sick in the stomach but other than that... stomach...

My face dropped and paled instantly. "The baby?" I breathed and tried to focus on the heart beat. Closing my eyes I put my hand on stomach and listened to the silence, my own heart was echoing loudly in my ears but it beat alone which only made it beat faster.

Carter placed his hand on top of mine and his thumb brushed my skin calmingly but the gesture just made tears pool in my eyes. Looking at Carter's sad and disappointed face I knew there was no hope, our baby was gone.

Tears start to spring into my eyes and gush down my cheeks uncontrollably as my loud and erratic sobs took over my entire body making my bones and insides jump and scramble inside of me. Carter pulled me into his lap and tried to comfort me as I cried into his chest. The realization of what I've lost begins to hit home, the questions followed through my mind as I started to wonder if it was a boy or girl, what it would look like, would they be cheeky and mischievous like Harley? Would they be more serious and quiet like Carter? Clumsy and inattentive like me?

I closed my eyes and gave into the darkness, leting my mind wonder and run after the what if's that will haunt me for the rest of my days.

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She gets up and wants to go and sort everything out goes to see her pop and her friends and and apologizes. They go home for dinner and tom comes over he shakes his pops hand and smiles she picks up Harley and tom ruffles his hair up.

Opening my eyes I saw the sunset peer through the curtains and immediately recoiled at the strong rays of sunlight. Scrunching up my nose I raised my head and watched my vision begin to spin like I was on the rocky seas as my head spun like I was on a merry-go-round. Slipping out of bed I was thank-full that I was still dressed and wonder over towards the door, not really wanting to stay in this room any longer. I made my way down the hall hearing muffled voices as I reached the top of the stair case.

"Mummy's sleeping, go play Harley." Carter whispered.

"I want to see Mummy!" Harley almost screamed making me flinch.

"In the lounge room. Now." Carter used a stern threatening tone as he commanded obedience from our son.

I could almost imagine Harley's upset little pout as he stormed off into the lounge room - the thought made me smile. I took a deep breath and made my way down stairs letting m hand keep my balance as it held onto the railing. Coming down the steps I saw Carter standing on the bottom step with his arms folded in front of his chest looking menacing as ever. I cleared my throat as I stopped a few steps behind him making me jump slightly in surprise and turn to face me, his eyes widening in shock.

"Mel, what are doing out of bed?"

"I didn't want to be stuck in that room all day and night." I shrugged and leaned down wrapping my arms around him and placing a small kiss on his cheek before I started off towards the lounge room in search of Harley with Carter following me closely. Turning the corner I smiled at my son innocently playing on the floor whilst my heart started to ache once again with the pain of the loss starting up once again.

"Mumma!" He beamed at me as he quickly stood up and raced towards me, his arms reaching up and gripping me tightly as he hugged me and buried his head near my collar bone. I hugged him closely and squeezed his small frame taking comfort in having him in my arms. I was never going to let him go again.

"Thomas and Dean are still here if you wanted to see them." Carter whispered as he stepped closer to me and rubbed small circles on my back in a soothing way, "Your grandfather's here too."

I nodded my head took a deep breath as I shifted Harley on my hip. I wanted to see them all, to talk to my brother, to my grandfather and apologize to him for the last three years and also to thank Dean for everything he has done over the last few weeks. I turned around and smiled at Carter before making my way into the kitchen to see everyone there - everyone but Cory and Josh who were still locked up in the bedroom trying to heal. Jack sat on his chair, kicking his legs while he waited for food while Will watched over his little brother and listened intently to what ever story Thomas was telling.

As I walked into the room Dean immediately stood and wondered over to me giving me a small smile. "I'm glad to see your alright." He nodded and ruffled up Harley's hair making him bury is head further into me.

"Thank you for everything Dean."

"No need to thank me, I only almost let you drown and failed to teach you how to swim." He chuckled and put his hands into his pockets.

"You did more then that."

Dean moved to Carter and the two started talking quietly while Thomas ended his story and engulfed me in a big hug that only made Harley whine as he got squashed in the middle. "Oh stop your complaining." Thomas scolded him as he picked him up and tickled him making Harley's mischievous laughs echo through the room. Smiling that the two of them I realize that Harley actually looks like Thomas more then he does me or even Carter - with the exception of his eyes. I looked over and saw my Pop sitting down staring ondly at the scene in front of him, his hair was a lot lighter then I remembered and his wrinkles were deeper and more defined.

"Hey Pop."

"Hi sweet heart." He stood and hugged me gently.

"I've missed you." I confessed.

He smiled and I could see his eyes begin to tear up as he re-guarded me. "I've missed you too."

Cater's hands wrapped around my waist and pulled me back against his chest. "Notice how Harley looks like your brother?"

"Yep." I smiled.

"So with his looks and your compulsive lying, all hope is lost." I chuckled, the vibration of his laughter vibrating through his chest and warming me.

"Hope is never lost."

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Just a Short Epilogue to go and then it's all over. Hopefully I'll have my last update for you all in a couple of days.

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