Dear love,

I've always wanted you, to hold you, to feel you. But you've always been so scarce and sacred in my life that I took the pen name of loveless. Growing up, I always thought that you would come to me one day. You know, it used to upset me when I looked around the world and saw everyone grasp you so easily as if it was just normal and I couldn't even get a hold of you with all my might.

I had this one belief since my childhood days, that for all the sadness I face, happiness of same amount will come back right​ at me. A simple principle of equivalent exchange. And thus, I waited for your arrival, patiently. Do you have any idea how cruel that wait was? You might have if you were waiting for me too. Anyway no more complains because one day, you finally knocked my door. Was it a fateful day or a cursed...

I was expecting you. That's why I made a wall around myself to test you. A very thick and high wall. But you still took me by surprise when you walked right through that as if it didn't exist, with your all mighty superpower. So much for predicting your advent.

You were gorgeous you know, more pretty than I could ever imagine. You were kind, gentle and innocent, just like a baby, just like I imagined you to be. You had same feel but yet different one. You were everything I ever dreamt of you and yet you were more. It was a unique mixture of familiarity and distinctness. You gave me the Pandora's box of the emotions I didn't even know existed in me.

All that hard wait of years finally paid off. You gave my face a smile, which once used to wear sadness all the time. Because of you I could finally dream of a happily ever after in my story. You healed all the wounds this world engraved upon me. The moments we spent together are the best moments of my life. You poured all of youself like a rain and I was so happy to be able to get drenched in that rain. Little did I know it was but a storm...

We stayed together for only a short while but it was really beautiful, you know...

You fell on my like storm, wrecked up my heart, my feelings and then... faded away... You were the source of fire in my heart providing me warmth but after you left, that flame extinguished. I tried till the end to hold on to the last spark of that fire but I couldn't do anything. Guess that was all I got in that equivalent exchange.

It hurt, love, it hurt like hell! As if someone broke every single bone into my body. Heart has no bone though. It hurt even more than that! As if someone tore me apart, alive, little by little. Perhaps it hurt even more than that. As if I was sentenced to eternally burn in hellfire. To be honest I don't remember it anymore. Because my little heart somehow survived that and rose up again from those pieces, like a phoenix made of stone.

Did you not know that if you go, I will break? Did you imagine how pitiful I'll become if you leave me? No you didn't. They say time heals everything. Then why does my pain just keeps on increasing as time passes?

I'm not angry at you. Not anymore... Because after all, you weren't a lie, love...

Perhaps one day you'll walk past me again but I won't be able to see you anymore. Because I've become blind with this madness. Perhaps one day you'll call my name but i won't be able to hear you. Because your voice won't be louder than those screams of demons inside me. Perhaps you'll once again gently embrace me but I won't be able to feel you. Because feelings don't penetrate into a stone...

In my worthless little life, I've written many things. Among them is a piece that is closest to me. Because I wrote it for that one person to read. It wasn't my best but I'm really happy and proud of it. This one is for you, love, but I guess you can't read it because you aren't a person, you're just a feeling. And this time, I ain't proud of writing it, I'm just... sad...

I'm sad, love... Because you'll never come back. I'm sad... Because even you won't rekindle that fire in my heart again. I'm sad... because I regret I'll never ever be able to live the rest of my life with you. I'm sad... because I don't have any love left in me anymore...

My eyes cried, my heart cried and my soul too as I wrote this, just you didn't.

Even if you visit me again, in the garden of your promises, I will never return to that barren land. As we part out ways, I will never meet you again.

I offer thee my thanks, for everything you did for me.

I offer thee my apologies, for all the mistakes I might have committed.

Dear love,
I offer thee,
My final goodbye...