I didn't understand it back then, when you told me that it didn't matter. Your words stung because I was already feeling hurt and betrayed. Maybe it's because I could never imagine hurting someone the way they hurt me. Yet, you insisted that it didn't matter. To you, everything people said behind your back wasn't your problem.
I couldn't grasp that concept at the time. For me, it did matter. Every word they said about me felt like a personal attack, a direct reflection of who I was. I couldn't just brush them off as you did.

I remember feeling so confused and frustrated. How could you dismiss it so easily? It felt like you were telling me to ignore my pain, to pretend it didn't exist. You were quick to brush me off, and it was your indifferent attitude that annoyed me the most. Your nonchalance made me feel as if you were almost defending them.

Deep down, I knew it was just me. I have this bad habit of wanting people to agree with me when I'm angry. I'd dismiss anything I didn't want to hear, even if it was the truth.

Gosh, why was I so stubborn?

But, looking back, I see that wasn't your intention at all. You were trying to show me that my value isn't determined by others' opinions. That their hurtful words didn't have to hold power over me unless I let them.

You were trying to teach me something I wasn't ready to understand. You were trying to tell me that what people say about me doesn't define who I am as a person. Their opinions, their whispers, their judgments – they were all external, they were all noise. But to me, back then, that noise was deafening. It drowned out everything else, including the truth of my own worth.

It was a lesson I wasn't ready to learn. I was too caught up in the hurt, too entangled in the web of others' judgments. I couldn't see that by giving their words so much weight, I was allowing them to shape my self-image. I was giving away my power.

I wish I could have grasped this back then, it would have saved me so much heartache.

If only I had known better, I could have spared myself from all that unnecessary pain. All those tears I shed inside the elevator, feeling the prickling hurt in my heart, could have been easily avoided.

In that moment, I couldn't comprehend your wisdom. It took me a long time to realize that. But now, I understand, I see the truth in your words. You were trying to protect me. You wanted me to know that I am enough, just as I am, regardless of what anyone else says.

And for that, I am grateful.