LIBBY

***

My alarm goes off at an ungodly hour, as I have to have a shower to wash off all the travelling.

I'm still horrendously tired, and probably would be for a few days, but I had to push through and get on with it. I suppose throwing yourself into school and classes is a good way of helping to ignore the jet lag.

Today is orientation. And as I washed my hair, closing my eyes, a pair of olive green eyes flash up in front of me. It makes me gasp and I immediately reopen them.

I hoped I would be in a different group, my correct group, as my name had been missed off. But knowing my luck, I doubted it. And when I see him, I suppose he'd go back to being rude and hopefully would ignore everyone, me included. And if he did talk to me, then... well I'd cross that bridge when it came to it.

I get dressed and note that none of the others are even awake yet. I can only imagine it was in the early hours, and I find myself thinking I should let them take me out some of the time. I tiptoe around quietly, getting my bag ready, making sure I didn't forget my keys. Once I'm all set to go, I take one last look in the mirror at myself and quietly head out the door.

I walk round to Steph's flat and knock on the door. I hear a faint 'hang on' from inside and step back and wait.

The weather is much warmer today, and definitely much more humid. Even though it's still relatively early, the sun is shining through the clouds already and I can tell it's just going to get hotter as the day goes on. I was going to have to start getting used to it.

***

Orientation was different for us internationals today. Usually it's where you get signed up for your classes, get textbooks, meet your professors, your classmates. But today, for us, it was all about getting to know what American college classes were going to be like.

There were apparently a day's worth of activities, but I think they could be optional if you didn't want to take part. I know they're headed to the beach at the end of every day over the next two weeks, as a welcome fortnight, but I don't think I was feeling the beach tonight. It's only 8am and I'm already exhausted, so I don't think I'll make it to lunchtime, let alone this evening.

"It's so early!" Steph groans. "Man, why do they make us start now?" I feel like the question is rhetorical but I answer it anyway. She yawns loudly as she shuffles along behind me.

"To get us used to how classes will be. My friend told me it's more like going back to school again."

"Back to school?" Steph looks shocked and it makes me laugh. "Oh because everyone looooves school," she says, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

I chuckle. "Yeah. More lessons, more often. What do you take at your university back home?"

"Sciences. I have lectures every day and then labs, so I was hoping for a break this year. That's why I took history modules."

"Oh right. Well I'm a history student at Exeter, hoping to be a teacher, and last year I had six hours of contact time a week. The rest you're expected to be reading."

We start wandering towards what we hope was the campus library. In the email instructions it said you'd find it by looking for the big, teal iron clock in front of it. The school mascot was apparently sat outside too, reading a book.

Eventually we wander onto what must be Chancellor's Walk; a huge walkway with red and white flagstones lining it. There are university buildings all down it as well, all looking daunting and imposing in the morning light. But at the end of the walkway, in the distance, was the iron clock. The building behind it must be the library.

As we get closer, I see there are people already there, despite us being about fifteen minutes early.

It's Laura, the leader yesterday who hadn't remembered to put me in a group. And when she sees us she waves us over and hands us each a tye-dye shirt. There were another couple of people here as well, so Steph and I wandered over to them.

The two girls were South American, from São Paulo, and they were only here for a semester. One, another Alex, was doing Sciences and Marine Biology, and she'd heard that UNCW had a great Marine Biology department. That wouldn't surprise me, given the proximity to the beaches. The other girl, who I think was called Julia - she spoke so fast I barely caught it - was studying law. So far, everyone I'd spoken to was doing something different. History, Marine Biology, English, science, law... plus I'm sure I'd meet many other people who majoring in things I'd never even heard of.

As minutes tick by, more people we recognise start arriving and chatter gets louder. I can hear Jason's familiar voice over the chatter, Steph seems to hear him too, and she gets up to join him and Hamish. I follow her, waving at Alex and Julia before we go, smiling kindly. Other than this week, I'm not sure if I'll see them because I'm not doing Law or Marine Biology classes, but I'm sure I'd spot them walking around. Campus didn't seem that big and with all the buildings gathered around, people probably spent most of their time around here.

"Okay guys! Can I have everyone gathering round please!" I hear Laura's voice shouting over the rabble yet again.

My head is searching back and forth for that mop of brown hair, even when I shouldn't be. But after five times of craning my neck from side to side, searching over the crowds for a figure in black, I can't see him and I feel a ball of relief in my stomach.

"What are you looking for?" Steph asks next to me.

I look at her and shrug. "Just looking. There are just so many people." I say it with too much enthusiasm and I don't think she believes me.

She narrows her eyes but doesn't say anything. She had no reason to believe I was looking for him in particular. She has no idea he'd said anything to me both in the apartment before shopping or when we'd got back. And she definitely didn't know that we'd had a steamy make out session yesterday. I feel my cheeks heat at the thought.

"Okay can you all gather into the groups you were picked up with? That'd be great." My stomach knots with nerves again, but I still can't see him as we search out the others as well.

Most people already were gathered, but soon enough the groups were all sorted. There were about twenty groups, as far as I could see, and about a hundred people all looking like they've come from all over the world. You could see all the Brits... all pasty white, which Steph points out and it makes me laugh.

Amir finds us soon after we found Jason and Hamish, and now we were left waiting for someone to come and claim our group, as it was clear that Jasper wasn't here. He'd obviously had enough yesterday. And to be honest the thought of seeing him again made me feel nauseous. He'd no doubt torment me about what happened, and I'd feel like an idiot all over again. Especially if the others found out.

"Where is he?" Hamish asks, looking at me.

I don't answer. They're all looking to me as if I'm the leader, as if I know where he is, but I don't want to be the one they look to. I've always been a follower rather than a leader, and that wasn't about to change. Plus, why the hell would I know where he was?

"Erm, Laura!" Jason calls to the group of people wearing teal shirts. She steps towards us with the same clipboard as yesterday, whipping her fake blonde hair round her shoulder.

"Hey guys," she smiles over-enthusiastically. She hasn't seemed to notice that our so-called leader isn't here. Maybe she knew, and maybe we were just going to be split up and join other groups.

"Our guy hasn't turned up," Hamish says to her and her shoulders sink, although I can't say her face is surprised.

"Okay, um... give me two minutes," she holds up two fingers and gets her phone out.

After a few seconds, I can see she's got through to him because she's gesturing wildly and shouting down the phone.

"Yeah, he's not coming," Jason laughs, watching Laura pace from side to side. I can't hear what she's saying but she sounds mad.

"Thank fuck for that," Hamish chuckles and Amir nods in agreement. Steph is just looking at me and I try not to show any emotion.

I don't say anything either. I find myself feeling disappointed. I don't know why, but I am. And that's got me feeling more hot and bothered than I wanted to. I was determined that he hadn't got under my skin, telling myself that it was nothing, but I had clearly been affected one way or another. I hate myself for it, I really do, but feelings and emotions are always so hard to understand.

Laura shouts down the phone again, getting all of our attention, but then looks up and gestures wildly with her clipboard again. She's not winning this argument, I can tell. And when she comes over, looking defeated, I speak for her to the group.

"You want us to split up?" I ask and she nods with a smile, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah sorry guys. He erm, well, he's not coming." She shrugs. "There's no point sugar coating it."

Jason snorts. "It's okay, we hated him anyway. He was such a knob."

Laura's jaw drops, and I hit Jason lightly on his stomach. He looks at me confused, but doesn't apologise. I think Laura probably knew what she was getting herself into with him, but she probably didn't need to be told in so many words.

"Anyway, so boys if you guys go with Ethan..." She cups her hands around her mouth. "ETHAN!" She yells for him in the distance and he turns around just as the boys start jogging towards his group. He waves them over and as Jason, Hamish and Amir join them, they start walking again.

"Then you two girls can come with me." She smiles at Steph and me and I see Steph's face has fallen. I think she wanted to go with the boys.

When Laura brings us over to her group, Alex who we've just spoken to is there, so we smile at each other. The others we all don't really know. One girl I recognise vaguely from yesterday but I'm so bad with faces I can't put a name to her. She doesn't seem bothered though, so I stick close to Steph as we all huddle around Laura.

"Right so the first thing we're doing is a tour of the campus." She begins as the other groups start moving away from us. It looks like as she's the leader, she's starting from the library.

"So UNC Wilmington opened its doors in 1947... and at that point the campus was quite small." Laura was probably able to do this tour in her sleep. She wasn't looking at notes and as we walk down Chancellor's Walk, she rattles off facts by the dozen.

"Most people who came as students at the beginning were veterans, and even now we have a close relationship to the forces with many of our armed forces finishing up degrees after they return from Tours. With nearby bases at Fort Bragg and in Jacksonville, a lot of the student population are our armed forces, or from army families."

She goes on to say that the college offers degrees in humanities, science, health and business... and that the marine science courses draw quite a lot of students here from across the country.

And as we move round to the recreational buildings, I'm genuinely impressed. There's a fully functional gym, which is forty times better than any gym I us back home, and there's a pool. But what's best is that it's free for all students. I make note to get inducted there and keep active while I'm here, hoping not to fall into the trap of large sizes and no exercise. The gym isn't too far from my apartment building either, so it wasn't going to be too much effort.

She goes on past the apartments, and I see three strange looking mud pitches. She says it's Oozeball, mud volleyball, and several of the girls laugh nervously. I smile, as that does sound like fun. I'd never played volleyball but standing in a foot of mud did sound awesome.

They have an on-campus cinema, that seats over 300 people. She mentions that one of the activities for tomorrow was a showing of Grease. She mentioned that for big movies, they sometimes do big marathons.

"Do you guys do Avengers?" One of the boys asks from the back.

She nods. "We did, yeah. We couldn't show Endgame here though, but we had a marathon all weekend with a number of them, including Infinity War."

"Does it show the new releases?" A girl asks.

"Not all of them. Some maybe. I think the last big 'blockbuster' we had here was Les Miserables, the one with Hugh Jackman. It was sold out, but if I'm being honest, it could have chosen a better one." I shrugged to myself. I quite enjoyed that film myself, but I knew it wasn't up to everyone's taste.

She then leads us round the residential halls on the other side of campus. I recognised International Hall, which is where Jason and Hamish are, and when we come back around to the apartments, Laura mentions this was where most of the on-campus parties happen, although she did ask us to keep that on the down-low. A few of us laugh, but Steph and I look at each other and grin with amusement. I think she likes the idea of being close to parties, but I also feel like she appreciates a good night's sleep just as much as I do.

***

I'm saturated with information by the time we come to the end of the tour, which had taken almost two hours. I'm boiling from the sun and my feet are killing me by the time we get back to Chancellor's Walk. And when I see a figure in black sitting on the bench outside the library, my stomach drops.

He's turned up and I suddenly want to be sick.

Even though we're still about a hundred metres away, I duck behind a tall boy who's standing in the back and I just hope to God he can't see me. I have my cap on, as the sun's beating down, and I'm blending in, wearing the hideous tye dye shirt Laura had made us all wear, so I don't think he'd recognise me.

As we get closer, he looks up, but I can't tell from here if he's waiting for us or waiting for someone else. When Laura spots him, she tucks her tongue into her cheek and I hear her swear under her breath. She's obviously as annoyed by him as everyone else seems to be.

"Jasper, you're too late!" She calls over to him as he stands and walks towards us. "Excuse me a minute guys." I duck behind the tall guy again and Steph looks at me funny.

She walks away to meet Jasper half way, which I'm thankful for and the two of them start engaging in an animated conversation. She's not taking any of his shit, and after a couple of minutes of back and forth with Jasper gesturing towards us standing as a group, he finally walks away, back down Chancellor's Walk.

"What are you doing?" Steph whispers as she joins me at the back.

"Nothing. Laura's voice is giving me a headache." I try to lie but she doesn't buy it, especially when I keep looking past her, towards Jasper's retreating figure.

"What's going on Lib?" She asks. "Did something happen between you two yesterday? You're acting really weird."

I shake my head quickly. "No. No of course not. He was just a dick yesterday that's all. I didn't want him to see me and make a comment or something." That part was true at least.

"He doesn't know you. Why would he make comments?" Again she makes a face and I can feel my cheeks redden.

I didn't know how to field that question without admitting something happened. I would have told Lo in a heartbeat, but I still didn't know Steph well enough to know how she'd take it, or how she'd treat me afterwards.

"Nothing happened, I promise. I just don't like him." I say it with enough finality, I hope, that she'd let it go. And thankfully, after a couple of glances from me to Jasper and back again, she does nod and let's it go.

"Okay. Like I said, you were just acting weird that's all."

"How do you know how I act?" I ask. The question wasn't meant to be asked harshly, but it came out that way and her eyebrows raise. "I'm sorry." I apologise before she can say anything else, and I try to calm myself.

She shakes her head but she nods and gives me a smile. "You're tired I think. Or hungry," she jokes.

"Both," I laugh.

The group had moved on slightly without us, so we jog to catch up. Laura is now talking about various societies on campus, and as she continues, I turn and check on Jasper.

I can no longer see him, so he must have turned off to a car park or gone into a building. Seeing him made the disappointment dissipate slightly, but now it was back and still hovering over me, and as Laura continues, I decide I want to get out of here.

***

After another ten minutes, I wished Steph and I had never caught up. In all honesty, I wanted to go back to sleep. I was absolutely shattered, I missed my family like hell and I already had boys and weird flatmates to deal with. It was too much. And that's not even mentioning the fact that Laura's tour was really bland and boring.

"Steph," I whisper after another five minutes of a tour that had just moved onto Morton Hall. It looked like was going to be taking us to each individual building, and we'd never get done at this rate. This was where I was having all of my classes apart from one, so I didn't need to see any other buildings. And from Steph's bored expression I can tell she was probably thinking the same.

She looks back at me.

"Do you want to get some food?" I whisper, pointing with my thumb back to Wag.

She looks from the group, and back again. And when she grins at me, and I know I've won her over.

I know we need to be back again in front of the library at four this afternoon, for a barbecue and a quiz, but the rest of the day is ours. And thanks to Laura, we now know our way around. And to be honest, even the barbecue was optional... It was at the beach so we could always make our own way there.

So, at the next opportunity, we sneak away and walk back along Chancellor's Walk slowly. And when we reach Wag, I breathe a huge sigh of relief.

Food and a good friend to talk to. And in the spirit of good friends, I decide I should tell Steph everything.

So once we've grabbed a large amount of food and find a quiet corner, I take a deep breath and tell her everything.