BENTLEY

***

"Bentley?" Mum calls. "Bentley, are all packed up there?"

Jesus Christ, Mum. "Yeah yeah, nearly there." I've said that the last four times she asked me.

I hear a pair of footsteps run of the stairs, no doubt one of my two brothers. Five seconds later I hear the door handle slamming against my wall and Beau blurs into my room.

"Beau! Watch the wall. Mum's going to kill me."

"Sorry," my ten year-old brother, Beau says. He is so adorable, and even though I shouldn't have favourites, I love him the most because he's basically a little shit and gets away with everything. "Mum keeps asking if you're packed."

I snigger. "Does it look like I'm packed?"

I gesture to my room, which is a pigsty, piles of clothes everywhere. My clothes for university were all in the wrong piles and I could barely find anything I needed. I was meant to do this days ago, but kept getting distracted by parties, which are way more fun.

"No! Can I tell Mum?" He bounces up and down and I roll my eyes.

Before I can tell him not to, he disappears in a puff of smoke, and I know he's gone off to tell Mum. Fuck's sake.

"Benny?" I hear my dad come around the corner a few minutes later, and I roll my eyes. He won't mind the state of my packing necessarily, seeing as me and him are so similar, but it's still annoying. Him and Mum are being extra babying today because they know I'm headed off for university in two days.

"Hey Dad. Yes! I know! I'm not packed. Can people lay off!" I yell at him and he stands and crosses his arms.

"Oi. Cool the temper." He points. "What's with all the huffing and puffing?"

I want to scream and tear my hair out. I'm huffing and puffing, as Dad says, because I'm fucking nervous about leaving. I'm doing the same thing Mum did, but I'm doing it for four years. And it's really beginning to freak me out, and I'm wondering why I even agreed. It's fucking nerve-wracking.

My family and I are all so close that I'm finding it hard to let go. When they suggested I could go to American college if I wanted, I jumped at the chance. Freedom. Absolute freedom. Freedom from my little brothers coming in my room whenever they want. Freedom from my parents incessant need to be my best friend. But then that's exactly why I'm going to miss them. The more I thought about it, the less I actually wanted the freedom I'd desperately been looking for.

Compared to most of my friends, who I'm also going to miss immensely, I have a unique relationship with my parents and my family. They are my best friends, and I'm not ashamed to say it. And I love that we're so close. My parents allow me to stay out to all hours if I want, so long as my homework was done and they knew where I was, and if I did stay out, that I was to let them know. I have fun with them because they trust me.

I'm never embarrassed to tell my friends I'm busy on some weekends when Mum and Dad want to take us down to a National Trust place because they want to do a family day out, and neither do my brothers. I was never not happy to be woken up by my brothers at six in the morning on Christmas Day because they're too excited. And I kind of miss it now that they're older. I'm always greeted by a hug or a smile when I come back in from school. And I always wait up to speak to Dad when he's on a book tour, or away on business in America.

"I'm..." and I can't finish my sentence because the tears are flowing down my cheeks.

"Awww Benny," Dad steps forward and encases me in his warm, strong arms. "Come here. Hey, it's okay."

"It's not. I'm going to really miss you guys." I sob into his shirt.

"Sure you are, and we will too, but believe me when I tell you that these years are the best of your life okay."

Dad does know that, and I believe him. He'd told me he spent most of college in an angry stupor, and that he only snapped out of it when he met Mum in his senior year. He'd lost one of his best friends after his first year of college, and with that he felt like he couldn't live because his friend didn't. But I think that's why he's been so persistent in getting me, Beau and Jason to do whatever we wanted to do. Because even though he knows and we know that we have many years on this earth, there's still no point in wasting any of those minutes on things we didn't want to do. That's why I was headed to UNCW, Dad's Alma Mater, on a football scholarship. And I was excited, I promised both my parents and myself that I was. But right now I'm allowing myself one more night of uncertainty before I put my best foot forward on Saturday.

"What if I don't make any friends?" It sounds so stupid to be worrying about that.

I pull myself away from Dad's arms and notice Mum lingering at the door, watching us. She's dressed in her lounge jeans and she's got food all over her t-shirt, no doubt it's detritus from Beau and Jason's spontaneous food fight at breakfast this morning. I'd come down this morning to chaos, and I struggled to keep myself from joining in.

"You want to know what my brother said to me when I was in your shoes?" She asks, stepping into the room, pulling my desk chair with her. A waft or Mum's peachy perfume waves over me, and it calms me slightly. Dad sits down on the bed next to me as she sits, taking my hands.

"What did Uncle Rob say?"

"He said to just be myself. He said to be myself and everyone would love me."

Dad snorts and looks at her, shaking his head. She shrugs.

"And you know what? He was kind of right." She smiles and looks back at Dad.

There was no denying that Mum and Dad were sickeningly in love, and probably always would be. But I just wish they wouldn't do it right in front of our faces sometimes. They'd had a rough patch not too long ago, which was utterly rubbish because we barely saw Dad, but they've sorted through it and now they're more in love than ever, and completely inseparable.

"I was myself from day one and I snagged myself a hottie, Ben," she giggles and her cheeks pink. She's trying to sound like Dad but she can't quite pull it off. But when a smile appears on my face, I think I may have been wrong. She can always make me smile.

"He may have been a knob but he liked me for me... and god knows why he still does?" She pretends to not know the answer, but I know there are a million answers to that question.

"If only I hadn't put my hand up..." Dad says, rolling his eyes as he sniggers. She leans over and pokes him in the side, making him flinch. Honestly, they're like big kids. Sometimes I feel like I'm the parent.

"So just be myself?" I ask, looking down at my hands.

"Yup. It's worked pretty well so far, right?" Dad asks, nudging my arm. "I mean, look at you and Jess."

I roll eyes and nudge his arm back. "Suppose?" I shrug. Jess has been my girlfriend for nearly nine months now, and I'm nothing but myself with her. Although thinking about her was making my heart ache again. She was one of the many things I'd be missing. And it absolutely sucked that I was going to miss out on the rest of the summer because of American colleges starting early.

"You'll be fine. Look, we know it's daunting. Living in a new country is scary, we get that. But Nan and Grandad are out there, so you won't be completely alone, okay? Plus, no matter what time it is, if you want to call, we'll be here."

I nod. "But I'll miss Beau's after school practices and Jason's cup match. I'll miss Jess."

"Hey, don't worry about those. Beau and Jason will have loads of matches," Dad says, putting an arm around me.

"Dad, Jason's thirteen. He's a teenager. And he'll probably be better than me."

He shakes his head and laughs. "You'll be great, okay. You're going to be a great soccer player. Maybe you both will." He shrugs.

"Football Dad. I'm going to be a great football player." I'll never get over Dad being an American in London. It's him I have to thank for my strange American-British twang.

"Ben, you're a soccer player out there I'm afraid," he nudges my elbow and I laugh.

"Have you spoken to Jess yet?" Mum asks, when she keeps seeing me looking at my phone across the room.

I shake my head. We'd had an argument two days ago and I hadn't heard from her since, even after two texts, asking if I could come round and explain.

Mum and Dad have been supportive of me, of us, from the beginning. I was a bit worried to tell them when I started to feel the way I did, so I didn't tell them when I'd kissed girls at parties. I then didn't tell them when I'd been fooling around with Jess for weeks. And I certainly didn't tell them when she'd given me the fuck of my life six weeks after that, when her parents weren't home. But when I did finally tell them, or rather when I was forced to tell them when Beau had come into my room when Jess was staying over, they weren't disappointed in me or disappointed by my choice at all. They'd been a bit shocked, sure. But they were more disappointed at the fact I didn't think I could tell them. They were so happy for me, and they accepted Jess as one of the fold, and have been fighting my corner ever since.

To be honest, I shouldn't have been so worried. Mum's brother, my Uncle Rob, is gay. Him and his husband Dylan have just adopted their second daughter, Becky, three years ago. She's the same age as Beau, and the two of them are seriously cute together when they play with Beau's lego, pretending they're in space.

"You should go round." Dad says it, taking my hand as Mum puts a supportive hand on my knee.

"But I'm not done packing..." I say, looking at the state of my room. I was nowhere near done.

"I can see you've got piles over there," Mum says. "Even if they're not folded. Let me put stuff into piles okay? And then we can all pack your stuff later."

"I don't think she wants to see me, Mum." I don't even answer her question about me packing. I want to go round, I just don't think I should.

"Sure she does. Ben, you have to make it right before you go. If you don't do it now, you'll regret it."

I didn't want to regret it. The reason we'd argued was because she'd told me she didn't want to feel like she was tying me down while I was out in America. She knew I'd be away for at least four years and she didn't want to be a burden. I'd then flipped out on her saying that she didn't have any faith in me, accusing her that she'd thought I'd cheat. But when I got home and I'd calmed down, I realise she wasn't saying that at all. But her saying that also made me realise something else. I didn't want anyone else. I wanted her... because I love her.

"You love her, don't you?" Dad asks quietly and I look at him, nodding subtly. How is it that he knows exactly what I'm thinking?

I hadn't even told her that. I didn't even know it myself. We'd been dating nine months and neither of us had said anything about it. I figured we were too young to be in love, but then Dad always says there's no right time to be in love. Some people meet their soulmates at five, some at forty... and some at eighteen.

"Go round. Stay if you want okay... but just make it right," Mum says, squeezing my hand.

I nod. "Okay. Don't wait up for me, okay? My flight's not until Sunday anyway."

"Fine. Just text us your plans." She nods.

See what I mean? My parents are so calm.

"I love you guys." As I stand, I hug each of them before I grab my phone and car keys before I head out my door and down the stairs.

"Can I come Benny?" Beau asks me, his brown eyes, huge and pleading. That's why he gets away with everything.

"No Beau, okay," I take two steps towards him and nudge his shoulder. "I love you and I'll see you later, okay?"

"You going to Jess' house?" I nod. "Okay. Love you too sis."

***

When I reach Jess' house, I can see she's there because her light is on upstairs.

I text her.

Hey, I'm downstairs, can we talk?

I sit and wait, and finally, after about two torturous minutes of the dots dancing, I get a reply.

I'll be down in a sec

A breath of relief goes through me and my shoulders sink. I climb out of my car and head up her driveway, and by the time I get to the door, she's got it open and she's standing there in tears.

"I'm sorry," I whisper when I get close enough for her to hear. "I'm sorry."

She nods and throws her arms around my neck, just as I loop mine around her waist, holding her tight. I don't know how long we stand there, but I don't care. I have my face pressed into her neck and she's slowly swaying me from side to side, soothingly. When she finally does move away, she cups both my cheeks and kisses me hard. Her slender fingers weave it my wavy brown hair and she's breathing hard as she almost pushes me down the steps with the force in which her mouth connects with mine.

"Are your parents..." I start to say, but I don't need to finish the sentence because she's one step ahead of me. She laces her fingers with mine and pulls me inside the door.

"Before we do anything though..." I say, after kissing her long and hard for another second, "I need to get something out. I need to say something."

"Oh?" She furrows her eyebrows, making the beautiful soft bit of skin appear between then.

I nod and pull her into the living room, which her parents have left immaculate, as always.

"Yeah. What you said. About you not wanting to tie me down."

"I don't know why I said that," she shakes her head as she sits on the sofa. She drops her head into her hands so I drop to my knees in front of her and take her hands in mine, pulling them away from her face.

"I do. You were offering me a way out."

She shakes her head again. "Not knowingly."

I smile. "But I just wanted to say I didn't want a way out, nor do I need one. Sure we're going to be apart for four years, but then it won't be as long as we think. They have loads of half terms and holidays in US colleges that'll mean back all the time. I already know I'm back in October, and every October, because it's Beau's birthday, and it coincides with Fall Break."

"So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I don't want to be looking elsewhere. I have what I want right here." I shuffle closer. "You're the thing I want to come back for."

"I don't want you to feel like you have to..."

"Will you stop saying that!" I laugh. "I want to, and I am. I'm coming back both for you and my family."

She smiles and places a hand over mine, leaning into my palm.

"You're what I want too."

She leans forward and kisses me, taking me off guard as she pulls me up slightly so I'm straddling her lap. I know where this is going and I want to get what I need to say out.

"Wait." I pull away and put my forehead on hers, looking into her beautiful blue eyes. "I have one more thing to say..." I'm breathless as she moves her kisses down to my chest, pulling at my shirt. I'm starting to lose coherence, so I need to say this before I lose my train of thought.

"I..." I breathe and lean back. "I love you."

She stops and pulls back, her mouth falling open in shock at my admission. I can feel my cheeks redden as she continues to stare at me, and I feel like I may have just said the wrong thing. I'm about to crawl off her lap when she starts to smile and cups her mouth as she chokes back tears again.

"You love me?" She asks, her voice small and unsure.

I nod, blinking back tears of my own.

"Yeah. Yeah, I do. And I figured now, just before I leave, was the best time to say it," I chuckle, rolling my eyes.

She giggles through a sob and kisses me again, just one soft kiss, before pulling back and tucking a lock of my hair back behind my ear.

"I think I do too. No, I know I do. I lo-" she can't finish because my lips crash onto hers. I'm kissing her with frenzy now, knowing that the love I feel in my chest is returned, even if just for today. But I don't want to say anything more now, not until I've held her in my arms.

I pull her up as I stand properly, tangling my fingers into her silky red hair, and she follows me, tickling her fingers into the bottom of my shirt and under the hem of my football shorts, her fingers tickling the top of my butt.

We're kissing sloppily as we head up the stairs to her room, neither of us wanting to disconnect from the other. When we get to the top, I put a hand under each thigh and lift her, making her squeal an unexpected giggle. She's smaller than me, and lighter, so it's effortless and easy as I walk down the corridor to her room.

When we reach her room, my love for her has evolved into need, and as I put her down I have to fight to control myself and not just rip her clothes off. And as her fingers fumble into my shorts and my shirt, I expect she's thinking the same.

I put her down when the door is closed, and she immediately pulls at the hem of shirt to tug it off. I reach my arms up to help her and drop it on the floor next to us as I do the same for her.

She's standing in front of me in her bra and shorts and my god does she look beautiful. I lean forward and kiss her neck as she tips it back, giving me more access and she unclasps her own bra, pushing it down her arms. I move my hands up to her boobs, fondling and palming them as she moans pulling at my shorts to try and get them down. But she doesn't quite get them down before we start moving backwards towards the bed, where she leaves them, half hanging off me.

I sit her down on the edge of the bed as I kneel down, kissing along her neck, over her nipples and down her stomach as I go. I then unbutton her shorts, pulling them and her knickers down so she's naked in front of me. I can feel dampness spreading over me as I plant a kiss on the inside of her thigh and I can see she's soaking too. She's practically dripping and panting beneath me, her legs spread in waiting.

I blow on her sensitive area before I kiss the bottom of her stomach, and with another soft kiss, I insert two fingers inside of her. I moan and bite my lip as the wetness surrounds my fingers, turning me on even more. She's trying to stay still as I continue to push my fingers in and out, moaning loudly when I lean down and push my mouth to her opening to suck her as well. She puts a fist in her mouth, with her other hand on my head, and soon I feel her tightening around me as she asks me for more. I give it to her; I push her and I lick her, until finally she screams my name as she comes loudly around me, panting.

She sits up immediately and kisses me, pulling me with her as she shuffles up the bed before she turns us over so she's sitting over me. I sit up and she pulls my sports bra off, before shuffling me down and removing my shorts and knickers completely. I'm panting just as much as she is as she grabs my leg, holds it and lines us up, before starting to rub herself up against me. The friction between us is delicious, and it's making me cry out with every thrust as she moves faster and faster against me. Fuck, I'm glad her parents aren't home. I couldn't have been quiet even I'd wanted to.

I can barely see as she continues to move, changing positions, rubbing me from the other side. I'm coming undone at the seams twice over when she pulls back and leans down to lick me, the same as I licked her. I cry out and buck my hips, holding onto her iron headboard as I explode around her tongue, feeling wet on the bedsheets as I settle back down.

She kisses me, there, before she climbs back up me, rubbing her extended clit against my stomach as she kisses my neck. I bring my hands up to cup her butt, and we're both covered in come and perspiration and breathing heavily from the effort. I can still feel how damp she is, but right now I just want to hold her. I've got my frenzy and need out of my system, and I just want to lay here.

When she climbs off me and lies next to me, she kisses me, pushing her body flush against mine, tickling her fingers into my hair.

"We'll be fine," she tells me. "We'll be fine." Her voice is sleepy, and her eyes are closed as she says it, and I know she's falling asleep.

I smile as she kisses me again, followed by my nose. "I know." I pull her closer to me, tucking my head under her chin as we tangle our limbs together.

We fall asleep holding each other, and even though I'm about to head off into a four year void of days, weeks and months without her... I feel stronger than ever.