JASPER

***

The last however many months it's been has been fucking off the chain busy. I'm actually surprised I'm still fucking standing. Since Libby's gone back to England, life has got so much more hectic, and I don't know how much longer I can keep myself sane without her.

Before Libby left, we'd spent six weeks on the road before she had to go home. Throughout those weeks, I'd had phone calls from publishers so I knew I'd have my work cut out for me when I came back. But I was determined to enjoy those last few weeks with her. And that's what we did.

We celebrated being together for a year while we were out there... I think we spent more time in bed that day than any other. But then the holiday was over in a flash, particularly when I spent at least a week of it being knocked fucking sideways by both flu and stomach bug. And before I knew it, I was saying goodbye to her at the airport again. And I fucking hated those goodbyes.

When I dropped her off, I had to be strong. I had to. She was panicking already so it was up to me to calm her. I pulled her into me, her back to my chest and looped my arms around her and just held her. Wilmington's only a small airport so I didn't need to let her go until about fifteen minutes before her flight. We stood there for nearly an hour... just standing, holding each other, remembering what it felt like, because we had a year without any of this.

When she finally did have to go, I kissed her for as long as I could, and then I watched until her plane took off. And even after that. I stood there for nearly two hours before I left to go back home and it was nearly dark. When I did finally come home, four hours later than I'd intended, with a detour via the beach, my parents were worried when I got back.

"Jasper?" They called as I came in the front door, not even bothering to be quiet.

I stood there for ages, and then Mum finally came towards me as I broke down.

"She's gone, Mom. She's gone."

I bent my head down and put it in my hands.

"She's not gone forever, Jasper. You guys are going to be fine, you'll see."

She stroked my hair as she hugged me, and I soon found myself feeling a little bit better. But I'd be lying if I said I was okay. My parents left me to it, only because I asked them to this time, and I didn't come out of my room for a few days. I came out to eat, but barely. Instead I sat in there and wrote out letters.

When we'd watched The Notebook that stuck with me. He wrote a letter every day for a year, and a year was all we had, and I could certainly find enough memories and little anecdotes to fill the number of days I had left in this purgatory. So that's exactly what I did.

But when I was writing the ones around Christmas, which was not that long after Libby went back to college, I hatched a plan with her parents to get them all over here. Lisa and Mike sent me the money and I bought tickets for them, Rob and Dylan. I'd asked about Andy but he was apparently ankle deep in diapers, so had declined this time round. So I printed them off, stuck them in the envelopes for those four days of Christmas and just prayed that Libby opened the 23rd December letter on time.

But now, here I was, standing at the gate to JFK International Airport awaiting that familiar blonde wavy-haired girl that smelled like peaches. Their flight had been delayed due to snow here, so she was over two hours late, but obviously that's not her fault. I remained standing though, holding the daisies in my hand, waiting.

And soon I hear my phone ringing, which means she's at least landed.

"Baby where are you?" I get straight to the point.

"Just in customs. Line's bloody massive though. Maybe I should apply for an American passport to bypass all this," she giggles.

"Not a bad idea," I joke, a grin spreading across my face.

"Ooh, wow it's moving. Okay I'll text when we have our bags okay? I love you, and can't wait to see you."

"Me either. I love you."

She hangs up after making a kissy noise, which refuse to do. But I know she's at least landed and it can't be too much longer.

Sure enough twenty minutes later my phone buzzes again. A text this time.

Coming for you baby xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I don't respond but my head snaps up as an announcement rings out over the tannoy.

Flight BA678 from London Heathrow will shortly be arriving into arrivals...

My head swivels as if I sense her, and I find myself looking at every blonde girl walking towards me, searching their faces almost desperately, hoping it was her.

But then there she was. I spot her before she spots me, but I smile as I see her searching the crowd, same as me. My hair was different, so I hoped she would recognise me. It's less unruly at the request for photos from the publishers, but now that those were done, it was getting back to sticking up in different directions, just how I like it.

Libby's hair is still blonde, but it's a bit shorter than I remember it. And it was poking out from under my grey beanie, which she'd nicked. I'd been looking for it for ages, after I booked New York, so I suppose that's that mystery solved. She used to love wearing it on cold nights in the bed of my truck, and her beautiful rosey cheeks were just that; beautiful. I could see she had tears in her eyes, even from here, and when she finally spots me, a tear escapes and rolls down her cheeks.

Her beautiful face crinkles into a sob as she drops all her bags and barrels straight for me. I grin, tears in my own eyes, and as she launches herself at me I have to drop the flowers in order to catch her.

She buries her face into my neck and I grip her tightly, spinning slowly in a circle as she continues to hold herself to me, her legs latched around my waist. I stroke her head and kiss the side of her neck before she finally takes her head out from the side of mine long enough to look me in the eye. People are definitely looking at us but I don't fucking care.

"Hi," she says, her voice small.

"Hi," I say back, a tear rolling down my cheek. "Miss me?" I joke and she brushes the tear away.

"Not really," she jokes back, scrunching up her nose.

"Lies." I chuckle and I feel her laugh too. "I can't believe you're finally here!" I look at her and smile again, wider than I had before.

"It has been..." she wipes her eyes and pushes my hair back, "the longest four months I have ever experienced Jasper. You have no idea."

"I have some idea," I lean forward and kiss her, a soft kiss on her lips, a soft but annoyingly short one because I can see the others all slowly coming towards us.

I put Libby down and pick up the flowers I'd dropped and hand them to her, kissing her cheek quickly before shaking Mike's hand, kissing Lisa's cheek and bear hugging both Rob and Dylan. It's so good to see them too.

"Right, we ready?" I ask, taking Libby's hand and grabbing her big bag. She was staying on for three weeks when the others were heading home just after New Year.

"You bet!" Rob bellows from behind.

***

Benny's parents' house was about an hour's drive from the airport, nearer to Albany than New York. They moved just after we'd seen them in Charlotte before Christmas because of Paul getting a good job at an architecture firm somewhere in the city. It had been weird not having them vaguely nearby anymore but when we got the invitation for Christmas, I accepted straight away.

Jules and Paul had been my second set of parents for practically my whole life, and even though I was twenty two, they still had the same influence as my parents did. Probably more.

When we all come in the door en masse, they're already there, welcoming this new mass of people into their home as if they'd known them all their lives. Libby had met them briefly, and by accident, but I had already told them so much about her that they felt like they knew her. So when the others had filtered into the front room, I made proper introductions.

"Lib, you remember Paul and Jules? Paul and Jules, Libby..." I make the awkward gesture between them and Jules smiles as she pulls Libby into a tight hug that surprises her slightly.

"How could I forget? Jasper has been talking about you non-stop. I feel like I've known you forever my dear," she says, smiling as she pulls away. I had not been talking about her non-stop. But I had been thinking about her...

"Me too," she beams back, her eyes glinting with pure happiness. "And you Paul." He hugs her hard, and kisses her cheek.

"So you're here for three weeks?" She nods and comes back to join me, standing in front of me, taking my hands and pulling them in front of her. "Jasper told you about his plans yet?" Paul jokes, poking me in the side.

"No? What plans?" Libby asks, looking to me.

"Some. It's a surprise. Cheers Paul," I flick him and he laughs.

"What?" He says, feigning innocence and I shake my head.

Libby giggles. "It's always a surprise with you," she laughs, her cheeks pinking from either the heat in here or the attention. Probably the latter.

I push her forward into the front room, walking awkwardly behind her as I kissed the side of her neck, and Rob looks at us in fake disgust.

"Now that I haven't missed. You guys boinking every five minutes," he laughs, gagging.

I laugh too, involuntarily, but Libby's cheeks are now crimson and she's glaring at him, not finding that comment funny at all. Lisa and Mike look embarrassed but I don't see the problem. I'm about to comment to say it's good to have a healthy sex life, but Libby could see it brewing and puts a hand over my mouth before I can say anything, following IG with a swift elbow to my side.

Rob finds this absolutely hilarious and soon everyone, other than Mike and Lisa, are giggling too. Even Libby sees the funny side after a few minutes.

"Right..." Dad says whilst I'm literally bracing myself on my knees I'm laughing so much. "Who wants some breakfast?"

A chorus of 'mes' go up amongst our guests, and soon we're ushered into the dining room where Mom and Dad had been cooking away without us noticing.

"This is so good, Mr C," Dylan complements, his mouth full of egg.

I've towered my plate, starving after not eating anything last night or this morning due to the nerves in my stomach. Libby's was piled as well, and both of us are eating one-handed. I had my arm across the back of her chair, my hand draping over her shoulder slightly, and she was holding my hand with hers, fiddling with my fingers. I wasn't complaining though. The tiny shivers her fingers were shooting up my spine were fucking delicious and could feel a familiar appendage perking up because of it.

In fact, so had Libby. And before I could stop her, she completely surprises me.

Taking her hand away from mine, she switches and puts her other hand in my lap. I cover her hand with my napkin, thankful we're the only two people on this side of the table. I'd forgotten how dexterous her fingers were on secret situations, and I'm finding it difficult to keep myself together as she surreptitiously palms me over my jeans whilst eating a sausage.

She's doing this on purpose, but her cheeks are flushed, which means this is affecting her too. I've missed this. This is us.

I'm ashamed to admit I was worried it would be awkward between us, after not being around her for months. But I don't know what I was worrying about. Libby knows me more than I know myself most of the time, and the fact she hadn't felt embarrassed to launch herself at me at the airport was definitely a relief.

Her fingers continue to work strokes up and down over my jeans and I'm gripping my fork extremely hard as I shove a piece of egg in my mouth. The rhythm is torturous, and soon I can feel myself wanting to let go. She bites her lip again, sinking her teeth into it deliciously slowly, and she grins wickedly as she feels me come. The wetness spreads through my boxers, and I clear my throat loudly to at least let out some of the built up energy. I'm going to have to let more out in her... and soon.

Fuck me, that felt good. The only relief I've been getting is myself... as I had no other choice, but I'd forgotten how good it feels to come undone because of her. Her innocence and her naivety were sometimes unbalancing and surprising, but the fact she's always been willing to try had always blown me away. It still does. But never would I have expected her to give me a fucking hand job at the table, when all our parents were on the other side, seemingly none the wiser.

She takes another bite of her sausage when she lets me go, and she looks at me out of the corner of her eye. I wish I could return the favour. I'd just have to excuse ourselves later and reward her four fucking times over. I'd booked us a hotel in the town centre for her birthday for that very reason. She'd hate me for fussing, but I'm going to have to turn her around the 'not celebrating her birthday' thing because it's fucking stupid.

"So what's the plan for the rest of the day?" Libby asks, switching hands again so she's holding my hand over the chair. Her cheeks are flushed still and her hands are now shaking.

"We could go into the city?" Rob suggests, looking at Dylan who nods vigorously.

Christmas shopping in New York City on Christmas Eve sounds like hell on Earth. So if that particular trip is chosen, I will be declining. Libby will be too.

"That sounds good to me. And the theatre later?" Lisa asks. Fuck's sake. Libby's eyes light up at the mention of theatre and I think I'm finally seeing where's she's got it from.

"Not sure plays are on on Christmas Eve?" I suggest. "But we can go another day?" Preferably on her birthday so I can take her off to celebrate and no one will miss us.

We bicker backwards and forwards over what people want to do, but Libby and I stay quiet. I think she's as happy as I am to just stay here, reacquaint ourselves with one another. At least I hope that's what she's thinking.

"Can we slip off upstairs?" Libby whispers into my ear and I grin, leaning down to kiss her nose.

I nod, and when everyone starts to head to the front room, we both surreptitiously slip out through the door just behind us. I lead her up the stairs at a run and into my room where she basically jumps at me, pulling at my shirt so hard the fabric rips.

"Fucking hell," I chuckle before lifting her by her thighs, kicking the door shut with my foot.

"I need you. I've needed you since the airport." She's panting and whimpering, desire and need taking over her body just as much as it is mine.

It's all the encouragement I need to turn us around and drop her gently on the bed. She keeps her legs clamped around me, fumbling with the belt on my jeans. I make quick work of her t-shirt as she leans up slightly, leaving her in just a bra. A sexy bra... red lace and frilly bows.

"Fuck, I hope your panties match, baby," I growl into her ear as I kiss her earlobe, nipping at the bottom of it, making her visibly squirm.

She giggles and I roll slightly to get my jeans off, throwing them to the floor near the door before rolling on top again, holding my weight on my elbows. She undoes her own jeans and shuffles them down awkwardly, almost head butting me as she looks down to see where she's kicking.

When they're off she bucks and rolls, sitting on top of my thighs. She leans down slightly and starts grinding her hips whilst tracing the outline of my tattoo with her fingers. I close my eyes and moan as she scratches her nails lightly over the skin, then starts hopping from mole to mole, as if she's drawing a dot to dot.

I look down and realise she does have matching panties, and when she continues to tickle down my stomach and into my happy trail, pulling lightly on the hairs there, making me flinch, I almost burst.

"I fucking missed this," I whisper, sliding my hands up and down her thighs, remembering how soft her skin is. The soft hairs on her thighs stand up on end as my fingers tickle her legs and she visibly shivers.

I'm about to lean up and kiss her when I hear a knock on the door.

"What?!" I panic, rolling her off me and into the comforter sharply in case whoever it is opens the door.

"Just saying we're taking everyone to the park. So we'll be back in a bit," Mom says through the door and relief floods through me.

"Okay. Thanks. We'll see you in a bit then?"

"Yep," she says and I can tell she's smiling.

I snort as I come back to the bed and unroll Libby from the comforter. She's giggling too, but she repositions herself over me as she does so.

"We weren't very subtle were we?" She giggles, her hands scratching my lower stomach.

"Nope," I respond, humour in my voice. I didn't care though.

She leans down as she smiles, planting a soft kiss on my chest, where my heart is.

"I love you," she whispers, her lips still close to my chest as she looks at me through her lashes.

I smile. "I love you too baby."

That's the last thing we say before we resume what we'd started before, and soon we lose ourselves in each other, reacquainting ourselves with how we used to be. I loved her that night more than ever had done because I hadn't seen her in so long.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder... Whoever said that fucking got it bang on.

***

"I hate this," Libby says. "I fucking hate saying goodbye at airport gates."

A woman walking past us tuts at her but she narrows her eyes back, making the woman flinch and move on faster.

"Well, this should be the last one."

"Should be?" She almost snaps at me but manages to pull it back. Her jaw bounces as she swallows a lump, the same one I had in my throat.

"It will be," I correct myself.

The last three weeks had been perfect, just like it had been in Wilmington, and I think having her back over the last three weeks will make the next five months even harder to bear. It's a longer stint, six months, even though she finishes in May.

My visa is officially official from end of June, and then we have to get married within a year of that to 'seal the deal' so to speak. So the next six months are probably going to be filled with Libby screaming at me about wedding venues, bands, place names and where people should sit. I have no idea how I would become this person, but for her I'd do anything. I'd even wear a fucking bow-tie.

We could have done a shotgun wedding - I would have - but when we'd talked about her parents wedding when she was eleven, she was talking so animatedly about it, I couldn't take that away from her.

As she stands in front of me, looking up at me, her eyes start brimming with tears. I hated this bit too. Too many fucking goodbyes for my liking, particularly knowing she's headed back to university and was a definite hottie. So many boys probably fawned all over her, but I had to keep that to myself. Jealousy wasn't pretty when it came to me, and I'd already punched a dent into the side of my truck last time. I broke two knuckles doing that, but hadn't told her that, embarrassed after it turned out to be an overreaction.

"So when's your flight?" She asks.

I hadn't booked it, but I knew her graduation around July.

"Probably just before you graduate, book tour dates depending."

She nods. "Okay." She sniffs and sobs. "Jasper, please don't make me say goodbye like this again."

I stroke my thumbs over her cheeks. "I won't. Do you know how hard it'll be to stop myself from running after you when you're gone?"

"I have some idea," she whispers with a shrug.

She leans up and kisses me softly, her lips soft from her earlier tears, and closes her eyes.

She pulls away and without opening them, she unravels herself and pulls away from me. When she gets to the gate, she looks back and I wave, blowing her a kiss.

She's right. I'm not doing any more of these goodbyes. They're too painful for anyone to endure, and we've had to endure three more than anyone should.

I was looking forward to these next six months, wishing they'd fly by, because after that... it's nothing but our future.