LIBBY

***

Jasper and I have made it past a year, but now we had the toughest task of all ahead of us.

I'm standing here at security, having just dropped off my overweight bag off, and I'm staring at it with reticent eyes. I can feel Jasper's thumbs stroking soothing rhythms over the tops of my arms, and I know he can sense how nervous I am, because he is too.

As usual he's keeping me from panicking because he knows we'll make it, same as he has been saying to me all week. We have to. We've been through too much to let it all end here, at this gate.

We'd been travelling the last few months, through the US, and can I just say that if this is what I have to look forward to when we're married, then I am the luckiest girl on earth.

Jasper thought he doesn't deserve anything more than what life gave him, but I believe differently. He deserves the world. That's why I told a slight white lie when he asked me a few months ago whether I'd read any of his stuff. I had. I hadn't read much of it, but I'd read enough to know he was incredibly talented; a natural born writer. So when he was out for the night with Tyson and Jack, a lads night out, I found his scribbled notes, photocopied all of them and emailed it to his Classical Literature professor, Dr Scott. But to be honest, I'd only meant for him to read it. I never have expected what happened next. Never would I have imagined that Dr Scott would then get him on the radar of major publishers. I had no idea he'd go so far as to actually publish it.

When Jasper was called upon at his graduation to read, my stomach dropped. He'd be angry at me for giving Dr Scott his pages, for sure, even more angry than I'd ever seen him. But when he'd started reading, all of those worries just melted away. Without saying any names other than Benny's, he'd told his whole world that I was his guardian angel, and that he would never let me go. And I didn't want him to.

When he found me after, he didn't say anything. He was holding the book, a leather-bound book, like the classics, and he was gripping it tightly. But then after a beat, he beamed at me. He smiled so wide that tears came to my eyes before I felt his lips crash hard on mine.

All he said when he pulled away was 'thank you' and I smiled. He didn't blame me like I'd feared. And from that kiss I could tell he was grateful because he must have known I'd done it. I just wanted to give him that push he needed, to show him that he could do it. Because he could, and he could take on the world with it.

But now I knew we had to spend a year apart. He was going to be on his book tour, as well as sorting his visa stuff out, and he's promised me everyday since we got back from LA that we'll be alright, that time would fly. And I really hoped he was right.

***

"Holy shit!" My friend from my American Presidents class Emma grabs my left hand and examines it closely. "You got engaged?! Holy fucking shit, why didn't you tell me!"

I giggle. "Because I wanted to see your face." I shrug as she starts to bounce up and down, still holding my hand. "Priceless!" I laugh.

"I can't believe you did that! That's like the most unlike you thing to do, like ever." I nod, rolling my eyes. "Lib, this ring is absolutely stunning. He's definitely a keeper!"

"That's the plan," I say with a laugh, waving my left hand.

"You got a picture?" She asks and I get out my phone. My background is one of him pretending to be asleep, then I show her another one of us on the night we got engaged. Him all dressed up in a blazer and tie, and me with panda eyes having cried so much with happiness at both the proposal and him surprising me with my family.

As I look at it, I laugh to myself. The teachers told us about everything we could think of... but they never warned us about love. It never even crossed my mind that I'd ever meet anybody. But look how fate turned it around, and boy was I grateful to it.

"He's a fucking hottie, Lib!" She squeals. "How the hell did you manage that when I got absolutely nothing?" I shrug as I take back the phone. "And he has a tattoo? Didn't know they were your thing?" She zooms in on the picture, putting her face close to my phone.

"They are now," I giggle as I look at the picture again. "Especially that one."

Unbeknownst to Emma, Jasper is actually completely starkers in that picture, beneath the duvet. He's in bed, and I remember him just opening his eyes just after I took the picture. It was after our first night in our new flat and we must have christened that bed about eight times. It's making me weak at the knees just thinking about it.

But he looked so good that morning. His hair was tousled as usual, the duvet was hanging low on his v-line and his bevelled stomach was calling out to me. The lump grows in my throat at not being able to see those piercing eyes in person for nearly a year. I've seen him on Skype everyday since I've been back, but it's just not the same.

"Meh, he's alright," I shrug, shoving my phone back into my pocket.

It was still too early to message him today, given it was only ten here, and five in the morning there, so I'd have to wait until later to see my daily 'morning beautiful', even though for me it's always afternoon by the time he gets up.

"How was your year?" I ask. Emma had gone to Louisiana, being home to best NFL team in America, she followed her sports heart and so chose LSU. I'd texted her when we went there but she'd gone home already.

She takes a deep breath and I know I've distracted her enough to deflect attention. I listened quietly as she talked about classes, the weather, the swamps... everything. Thanks to Jasper catching a stomach bug, we hadn't really seen much of New Orleans when we went, but I hadn't minded. California was why we were really going. But when she mentions swamps, I certainly remember those.

"What class have you got now?" She asks, and I realise I'd zoned out.

"Umm, Disney studies," I giggle.

"Fuck's sake. Of course you'd be taking Disney studies," she laughs. "Well, I've got History of the Americas, so I'll see ya." She kisses my cheek and heads in the opposite direction, leaving me next to the media building.

***

When I get back to my house, two of my housemates, Tammy and Clark, are in the kitchen. Tammy and Clark are a couple and they're in my year but do different courses. They'd both been on placements last year; Tammy at an accountancy firm in Leeds and Clark at a nursing placement in London somewhere.

"Hey guys," I chirp as I come in, slamming the rickety door behind me, making sure it's closed.

"Hey lovely," Tammy says, her voice sounding odd. "Erm, you have a package..."

"A package?" I call back and I walk towards them.

She moves out of the way and I see a box with a small blue balloon attached to it and my heart melts.

I bounce over to the box, which looks suspiciously book-shaped, and there's a letter attached.

I tear open the paper and pull out the one page of handwritten scrawl that Jasper has written me.

I put my hand to my mouth as I read the words, and tears spring to my eyes. Tammy puts a hand on my shoulder but I don't respond to it. I'm reading the letter he's written me and I'm completely lost in his words.

***

Fish,

Memory number one... Letter number one.

This time (or thereabouts), this day, one year ago... you were asleep next to me.

Your hair was tangled out behind you, you were twitching in your sleep as always. You were dreaming... dreaming about something intense. I could see your eyes dancing behind the lids so fast. I was about to wake you up to check you were okay, but then you started talking.

You were mumbling something unintelligible as well, about potatoes... or salad or something so I laughed and was about to turn over and try to get some sleep. But then you said my name.

You said it clear as day so I thought maybe you were awake and that you'd seen me staring at you or something. But no... you said it again, three times, as if you were calling out to me. I was thinking maybe you were calling to me for help, so and I was about to wake you... But then you said 'I love you. I love you, Jasper.'

We hadn't been together for a fortnight yet, and you'd just patched my thumb up like a boss. Your concern for me after I'd done that was really confusing for me anyway, because no one had ever cared that much. But then when you'd said that, even when you were unconscious in sleep... Aw man, it made my heart swell.

The next morning you turned around and kissed me, held onto me, obviously not realising your admission. So it was a kind of secret, a secret between me and you that even you didn't know about.

But I knew I loved you then too. I think I loved you the minute I saw you stepping off that plane. And I loved you even more when you talked back at me and then more again when you kissed me in your apartment. I just didn't know how to tell you.

So... we have 332 days left (or thereabouts) until we can be together again. So that means I have 331 letters left to write and for you to read every day until I'm back with you again.

So let's start today: the day you first said I love you. And these letters will be filled with all the memories of every day we had together.

I miss you more and more every day, Lib. It's been three weeks and I feel like we've been apart for three years. I miss your cups of coffee and your terrible singing. I miss your adorable face after you watch a sad movie. I miss being buried in you. I miss everything.

332 days Lib. 331 letters.

I love you

Jasper x

***

Jesus Christ. My hands were shaking as tears came streaming down my face.

"Jeez, what was in there?" Clark asks. "He's not breaking up with you is he?" He laughs.

I shake my head and manage to push out a smile as I dry my eyes, sniffing unattractively.

"He's just blasted me with romance to last me a whole bloody year. So you'd better get used to seeing me like this because he always does this." Tammy laughs and puts an arm around me.

"What's in the box?" She asks.

I shrug as I wipe my eyes, knowing my mascara has probably smudged but I don't care.

"Not sure. It might be his book?"

"His book?"

I chuckle, "Yeah he's written a book. Don't ask me what it's about because he hasn't let me read it. I have a pretty good idea what it'll be about though."

"How comes?" Tammy asks, sitting down in front of me as I pull the box closer to me.

"He got made to read out the foreword of something at his graduation back in May. And what he wrote was so beautiful, it must be something like that. Tammy, you have no idea how proud I was of him."

"That's so cool! So, wait, is he like a proper published author?"

I nod enthusiastically. "Yeah. He's actually on a book tour. I think it's started now. It looked like it had only been published with a small company, but he's doing a state-wide book tour." It was absolutely crazy.

I pull the book out the packaging and I smile, but it's not a book at all. Well, it is a book, but not the book I was expecting.

It's a picture book. It's mostly empty, but on page one is the picture I took of him on our first date, the one of him in the car. He's got his ray bans on and he's concentrating. And with that, I realise he's probably going to be sending a picture a day with his letters. I have to swallow back the lump growing in my throat as I stroke my fingers over the picture. God I miss him. And what he's doing for me is amazing. I hadn't even thought to do anything.

"How come it's empty?" Tammy looks over my shoulder.

I sniff and she hugs me tighter, not making me say the answer. He hates having his picture taken, or at least he did at the beginning of the year, but by the end he'd learned to bare it. I love taking photos, so I was looking forward to seeing what photos he'd be sending with his other letters.

Thankfully I'm prevented from spiralling too far because I have another class soon and have to get back to campus. So I quickly put the box upstairs, telling myself I will ring him later. I then grab my dissertation notes and head back down the stairs.

Putting the letter in my bag, and keeping it in the envelope so it doesn't get crumpled, I pick up my bag and head back out the door again.

***

THREE MONTHS LATER

"Remind me again why Jasper can't come for Christmas?" Mum asks.

"His visa. He has to get that sorted. And it really sucks because I miss him." I told myself I wouldn't cry but I can already feel the tears stinging my eyes.

"But he can still come and visit surely?" She asks again.

I shake my head. "Believe me, I wish he could be here. After what he did last Christmas I keep expecting him to ring and say he's got a surprise. Then I open the door and he's there."

"Aw, Sweetie." She looks over at me and I hadn't realised I had tears coming down my cheeks.

"I'm fine. I just miss him, that's all." I wipe at them and tell myself to pull it together. I'm getting more and more pathetic as the days go on.

I'd been as strong as I could without him here. I reverted back to keeping myself busy, making lists and studying, making sure my mind was preoccupied at all times when I wasn't with anybody. Sometimes the crushing feeling of emptiness without him was so overwhelming I didn't even want to go outside. But then whenever I thought that, I thought of what he'd do. He'd prove anybody and everybody wrong. So that's what I had to do. With dissertations looming next semester, I could at least focus on that. And I'd decided to do World War Two in film, using Saving Private Ryan, Pearl Harbor and Hacksaw Ridge as my key films. I was planning to use interviews with veterans, first-hand accounts and historical arguments to help back up my argument that films are becoming more realistic. I was also going to see how the stories and events in the films compared to how people remembered them first hand. My supervisor thought it was a great topic, and said he looked forward to reading it at the end of the year.

Jasper's letters were what had kept me going though. The letters and all of the pictures we were what I looked forward to more than anything every day. I'd so far had about one hundred letters, some longer than others, and I now had a whole range of pictures, some I hadn't even realised he'd taken. Some were even of me asleep.

Jasper and I had only been through one rocky patch. And when I say rocky, I mean a tiny bump. My housemate Tammy and my ex-boyfriend Sam, who were best friends from home, had been in my room when Jasper rang through on Skype. I hadn't wanted to answer with the two of them there, but Tammy clicked to answer before I could stop her.

Jasper of course, seeing only Sam in the camera frame had freaked out massively, causing an argument to ensue. Tammy and Sam both exited pretty sharply leaving me with a spiralling and furious Jasper. I'd explained to him who Sam was while I was in the US, but I suppose seeing him in my room, and on my bed of all places, can't have looked good to him. Even though I promised him that nothing had happened - because it hadn't - he still assumed the worst because that's what he's like. And before I could explain any more, he hung up on me and didn't call me back for nearly two days.

When he finally did call me back he apologised immediately, saying he should never have reacted like that. Especially not in front of my friends. Although I appreciated him realising he was wrong, I also apologised. I should never have let myself get into that situation in the first place. Jasper had been nothing but honest with me all year, especially when Ziggy had taken him to that strip club for his birthday... and now here I was spending time with an ex-boyfriend, although not my choice, and I know it looked bad. Nothing was ever going to happen, but I still owed him the truth. He forgave me easily, but there was something off in his expression that made me want to crawl through the screen and hug him to me. That and punch Tammy... and Sam. Jasper really was rubbing off on me.

My phone buzzes, pulling me from my darker thoughts. I take my phone out my pocket and smile as Jasper's picture comes up on the screen.

"Hey!" I say lovingly down the phone, my legs feeling like jelly at the anticipation of hearing his voice.

"Well, hey back," he chuckles. "How you doing?"

God, I've missed his voice. It's been so busy around here since I've been home that we hadn't Skyped for nearly four days, resorting to texting... And even that was sporadic at best because he'd been so busy on the Christmas leg of his tour.

"I'm doing okay. Missing you like crazy, but I'm okay. How you doing?"

"Same here. I'm actually at Benny's parents in Albany. They've invited us up for Christmas this year..."

"Aw, that's amazing! Your parents as well?"

"Yeah, it's been nice. The weather is fucking freezing, but it's peaceful up here rather than being in the city... so I can think."

I smile. He does the same as me, except he has his books and his writing to distract him. I don't have anything except school to distract me other than my dissertation, but at the moment I had three weeks without it. All my modules this term are graded by essays, rather than exams, and I turned them all in before I left. So now I had a three week Christmas break where I had to sit with all my friends and family who were all coupled up and happy, rubbing it in my face that my other half was half way across the world.

"I have too much time to think here. I was hoping you were ringing to say you were outside, just like last year."

"No such luck this year, I'm afraid, but my visa's been approved. Since my book's getting published for Europe sales in May, so they've green-lighted it."

"They have?! Oh my god! Jasper that's so great!"

At first we didn't think he'd get it thanks to the two months of official house arrest he went through after joyriding that car. But he'd obviously had some luck, thank god. And he was now one step closer to being with me for good.

"Wait! Published?!" I squeal. "In Europe? Officially?"

He chuckles. "Yeah! To all three. Pretty fucking crazy." He sounds vaguely embarrassed at the thought but I was so unbelievably proud of him.

Despite writing about love and darkness and how he'd come through it, Jasper had actually managed to start writing a fantasy novel, and due to Dr Scott's connections, he'd got a pitch meeting with Random House in New York a few months ago. He'd pitched his idea and gave them the first draft of the manuscript and they'd apparently loved it. So after teasing me about my love of Marvel movies and superheroes, here he was publishing a book about wizards and medieval heroes.

"When's the publication date?" I ask, knowing that if he's travelling for 'work' then he can start off in the UK and I can see him.

"Not for another couple of months," he sounds sad. "But did you open today's letter yet?"

I cup my mouth. "Shit, no! I haven't even checked the post yet!"

"Lib!" He says in clear mock disappointment. "Disgraceful."

"I'm going down to find it." I pull the phone away from my ear and put him on speaker as I wander through the house. "Mum, have we had any post?"

"Erm, yeah, I think your dad put it to the table by the door. Hi Jasper!" She calls over her shoulder and Jasper chuckles.

"Hi Lisa!" He calls back.

Putting the phone down on the table and take a seat and start rifling through the pile of post. I find them and there's a few held together with an elastic band.

"There are five?" I say, confused.

"Well, post is weird in and around Christmas... so I figured I'd do all the Christmas ones in a bunch."

"Well, which one should I open first?"

"Today's obviously..." he says sarcastically and I giggle as I reach for the letter that has today's date on it, along with the letter number.

"Okay, I'm opening it."

"Okay... I'm holding my ears."

I laugh. My usual reaction is to squeal and more often than not it was right into his ear.

"Okay, I'm taking out the letter."

"Ooh! A play by play. I feel like I'm there with you."

As I unfold the letter, I note it was disappointingly only a few words long this time. It reads: Come Fly To Me. And as I turn it over, another envelope falls out and my heart is in my mouth.

"Jasper..."

"Yes baby?" He's trying not to laugh.

"Is this what I think it is?" I open the envelope and I do indeed squeal. I make Mum jump and Jughead barks from the corner of the room.

He laughs again. "Christ! So predictable!" He chuckles again and I wish he was here to throw my arms around.

It was plane ticket to New York, and it was for tomorrow morning, Christmas Eve, which means I was indeed going to be spending Christmas with him like I thought.

"You're amazing, you know that?" I sob into the phone, now that I'd taken it off speaker, trying desperately to pull myself together and stop crying.

"I just miss my baby. And did you ever think we'd be spending Christmas apart?" I chuckle. "Not after how good a time I had last year."

"Jasper, we spent most of it in bed..." I begin and Dad gives me a funny look as he comes in the door just at the wrong moment. I mouth to him that it's Jasper and he just rolls his eyes.

"Am I still on speaker?" He asks, so I smile.

"No."

Unfortunately he doesn't believe me, so he doesn't say anything else that may be incriminating and just chuckles again instead.

"So you coming?"

"Of course!" I dab at my eyes and start working on the other envelopes. "What's in the other ones?" I ask, curious. Now that I was going to be with him I may be receiving letters in person.

"Open them and you'll see."

"But then they'll be out of kilter?"

"Well... your family may need their tickets as well?"

"Wait! What?!" I shriek again, looking at Mum and Dad who both have enormous smiles on their faces.

"It's been so hard to keep this from you!" He's laughing down the phone and I feel a tear drop onto my hand as I launch myself at my dad after I've put Jasper on speaker again.

"How long have you guys known?" I ask, pulling back and looking at Mum.

"Few weeks. Jasper rang us and arranged the whole thing."

My fiancé was absolutely incredible. He was a complete turnaround to the jerk I'd met over a year ago and it's sometimes hard to believe he's the same person.

"I'm going to go pack." I am smiling from ear to ear, so much that my cheeks are starting to hurt.

"Pack warm. I'm standing outside and freezing my fucking balls off."

I giggle. "Speaker, baby."

He laughs, a full belly laugh, and soon the rest of us are all laughing as well. My parents have accepted Jasper as one of their own and love him for who is as well, and it makes me so happy. I still remember back to that first meeting and cringe. He'd been shirtless and pretty much only in boxers and called me baby... and he then went on to swear at my dad, break a mirror and then I had to stitch him up. What a day.

"Anyways if we're flying tomorrow, I'd better go. Christ, I have no idea how I didn't work it out. It should have been obvious when Dad said we weren't going to having turkey this year..."

"Well, Jasper's promised there will be."

"Sure is. Jules bought it yesterday and it's fucking massive. Did you open the tickets? Are Dylan and Rob there too?"

"They're out at the moment." Rob and Dylan were in the process of trying to find a house for themselves. But they were finding it difficult as both had some house must-haves... including a double garage, which not many places had in their price range.

"Ah okay. It was just to say their tickets should be there too."

I shake my head at how amazing this all is.

"Jasper, how have you paid for all these?" I ask automatically, not even thinking.

"Sweetie, we paid for our ones," Mum says quickly. "Jasper paid for yours but the idea was all his."

I nod, actually kind of relieved. As much as he may be earning with book stuff, I don't want him to fritter it all away. And definitely not on me. Although I loved the gesture, I really loved it, I didn't want him to become the person who just spends and spends and spends.

To be honest he always has been. I think he's only let me pay for his birthday dinner all year... but still. Five lots of London to New York round trip tickets was a lot of money.

"So, I will see you tomorrow lunchtime okay?" He asks.

"Yes! I can squeal into your ear in person." He chuckles at that. I don't think I'd offended his ego too much by asking that question but I suppose I'll see when I get to New York.

"Okay. I'm hanging up now. I love you so much Jasper. And thank you so so so so so much for this. I've been missing you more than anything here, and I was dreading a Christmas with everyone else loved up except me."

He laughs again. "No problem baby. I'll let you pack. Text me when you get to the airport and land and stuff and I'll be waiting," he croons.

"Bye!" I hang up before I can stay crooning down the phone for too long and I hug Mum and Dad once more before dashing upstairs, my mood having picked up exponentially.

"You guys are something else!" I squeal as I sprint up the stairs, taking them two at a time.

I was seeing my best friend in less than a day and I could not have been more excited.