JASPER

***

After my confession about my birthday, Libby surprised me. Sure she was angry, she was fucking livid, but she listened and she forgave me.

I was never expecting it to be that easy. I mean, I knew she'd forgive me eventually, but I thought it would take weeks and that I'd have to work for it. I was always going to be honest with her, and I only hope that whoever was filming me at that club got me confronting Ziggy on camera, not just the girls on my lap. But I was not losing her. Not ever. She's special, and for some unknown reason, she doesn't want to lose me either.

***

TWO MONTHS LATER

"Need some help?" I say to Libby as she gets ready in the bathroom.

I'm leaning on the door frame as I watch her get ready for our dinner. Her parents have come over for a week, as it's Spring Break, and we're using this dinner to tell both sets of parents about how we've been engaged for four months. They weren't going to be happy, but we were doing it together all the same.

"No! Stay there! If you help or lay your hands on me we'll never leave on time," she giggles.

She looks amazing in her jumpsuit. It's a long black one, with spaghetti straps, and her long blonde hair is down in waves at her back. She'd had it in braids yesterday so it could be wavy like this today. Her striking and beautiful blue-grey eyes are made up with dark eyeliner, and I have to say I fucking love it. She does wear make up from time to time, but tonight she looks fucking incredible. I look like a schmuck compared to her.

It's fucking April and I'm boiling, but she's made me go out and buy a blazer, and a tie. I found a white shirt at Mom and Dad's, bought the blazer and tie, and I'm just wearing my jeans. She didn't say anything about dress pants. Too fucking hot for them anyway.

"You look amazing by the way," she notes with a giggle, looking at me in the mirror. "Hot. Hot husband to be."

"Fuck, Lib, don't call me that or I will come in there and fuck you over that sink." My dick is twitching at the sight of her already and hearing her call me that has turned me on so badly. This dinner had better not be long.

"Are you done yet?" I ask, crossing my arms.

"Nearly. Are they here?"

"How the fuck would I know?" I bark at her without thinking.

"Jasper!" She looks over and glares at me for my outburst. "Look, I know you're nervous but it'll be fine, I promise. Dad said he'd text on the way."

"Where's your phone?"

"Table."

I push off the door frame and go to find her phone. There's a message on there from Mike, and sure enough they would probably be just about here, as their message was sent nearly twenty minutes ago.

"Baby, I think they're nearly here," I call, slipping her phone back into her bag.

She comes out of the bathroom and smiles as she comes and sits on my lap while we wait. But we aren't waiting long before a knock comes from the door.

"Shit! That's them," she jumps up from my lap and starts fussing around the room.

She fluffs the one nice cushion we have on our couch and makes sure our bed is made for the eighth time.

"Baby, relax. It's fine."

"Why am I so nervous?" She giggles.

She trots over to the door and opens it, and I have to wince as she squeals when she sees her surprise. Lois, Nick, Rob and Dylan are all there too, as well as my parents behind them, and I can see she's crying with happiness as she bounces into the arms of various family members.

I texted Rob when she told me her parents were coming over for Spring Break, and asked if he'd come too. And he agreed, which was amazing, saying he'd managed to wrangle some time off. I hadn't realised he'd be bringing Dylan though, but bringing him means that he'd come out to their parents, and I was fucking proud of him.

I've got to say, I kind of love the guy. He's become a good friend to me over the last few months, and I'm glad he's as happy as I am. I just hope he's still happy for me when I tell him about wanting to marry his sister.

"Was this you?" Libby sobs, walking over to me, tucking her face into my shirt. "Oh my god."

"Good surprise?" I chuckle.

"Amazing surprise!" She beams up at me and places a soft kiss on my jaw then my lips. "Thank you."

"Don't give him all the credit," Rob jokes from across the room.

There have literally never been this many people in our tiny apartment before. We'd had Tyson and Jack over, with their other halves, but that's only four people. Now we had about nine. The place looked tiny.

"What time's the table again?" Libby asks, checking her phone.

"Twenty minutes. We should probably get going. We may have to go in two cars... unless people don't mind going in the bed of my truck?" My truck was the biggest and I didn't want to drink anything anyway. The nerves were bad enough and alcohol wasn't even a factor.

"We don't," Dylan says, I can see Rob and Nick nodding as well.

"Cool, okay well we should probably go then. My truck's parked down the street."

It takes us ten minutes to get into the truck, and another ten to get to the restaurant Libby had picked. Indochine, which is a sushi place not far from town.

"Wow. Fancy." Mike looks around the restaurant as we enter and I can tell he's wondering how the hell Libby or I can afford this.

I grimace but Mom gives me a knowing nod. They'd offered to pay, but I reserved judgement for that until I told them why they were all here in the first place.

The waiter takes us straight to our table, and we all manage to place ourselves opposite our other halves. Libby's next to her mum and I'm next to Mike, Rob on my other side, and I'm nervous as fuck. My knees are shaking and twitching underneath the table, and I just want to get the hard part over and done with.

We all order en masse, going for the big sharing plates rather than individual plates, and when it all arrives conversation quietens down to nothing except the odd comment about how good the food is. And it really is. Libby and I had ordered in from them a few times, including my birthday, and it was fucking incredible. Especially when we took dessert home and I ate it off Libby's stomach.

Soon, though, the nerves properly kick in and Libby keeps looking at me as if it was time. I wished she was sitting next to me rather than across from me, but the fact I had Rob on my other side was definitely helping. I knew he'd probably reach across and stop Mike from elbowing me in the face after he hears.

I'm catastrophic thinking but I can't help it. They won't like it. I'm not what they want for their daughter, they pretty much make that clear despite getting on better with me. But... I love her and I want to be with her for the rest of my life. So... here we go.

I tap my glass slightly with my knife and get the conversations to stop, and as I clear my throat all pairs of eyes turn to me.

"So part of the reason why... we wanted to have a big... dinner..." I clear my throat again, "was because we wanted to announce... something." Libby smiles and looks as nervous as I am. She's lucky because she's not doing the talking.

I clear my throat and look between Mike and Lisa, and Lisa has tears in her eyes. She knows what's coming.

"Mr and Mrs Reynolds, I love your daughter. I love your daughter more than I love anyone or anything, and I wanted... I wanted to ask if you'd allow me permission to..." I clear my throat as the lump in it has made it hard for me to breathe.

"To marry her." Mike finishes the sentence for me.

I cough and choke out a yes as I nod.

I breathe a sigh now that it's out in the open. But the table is stone silent. Everyone is staring at Mike and me. His face is completely serious, giving away nothing as he looks from Libby to me and then back to Libby again. I can see how tightly Libby is holding Lisa's hand, her knuckles are white.

I can feel the ring burning a hole in my pocket as he takes his time to deliberate. I feel Rob's hand touch my shoulder in support as I wait. I fucking hope he doesn't say no because I didn't know what I'd do.

But after another minute Mike smiles. He's smiling a wide, brimming smile that looks odd on his face because he's usually frowning when it's anything to do with me. He offers me his hand for me to shake and I take it, letting out the breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding.

"I know you love Libby. And I know you make her happy. But I hope you know what you're doing," he chuckles.

I furrow my brow, "What do you mean?"

"Well... you will be stuck with her," he jokes, pretending he thinks Libby can't hear him. He points to her with his thumb and I laugh out of nerves, the laughter bubbling out of me as Mike laughs too. Libby leans over and swats his arm.

"Believe me, I don't mind. I just hope she knows what she's doing."

"I do know what I'm doing," she laughs back at me. "I love you," she says, blowing me a kiss.

"I know you do," Mike answers her. "So yeah... Jasper, you have my blessing."

"And mine," Rob says next to me as Libby is double hugged by Dylan and Lisa on the other side of the table.

Lois and Nick are practically bouncing up and down, and I can see my mom and dad looking at me proudly, which brings that lump back that I had when I told them I'd asked. They'd known she was the one for me since the day I met her, and they were just happy I had managed to find someone to pull me out from the darkness where I'd settled myself. I had found someone that loved me despite being broken and damaged.

"Have you got a ring?" Lois asks across the table, pulling me away from my thoughts.

I look at Libby and she nods. I was going to ask her later on, when I could get down on one knee and hold her hand. But here seemed a good a time as any.

"Lib, can you join me over here?" I ask, and her cheeks go crimson. I can't believe I'm going to do this in public, but there's a first for everything I suppose. A year ago I'd have pummelled myself.

I scrape back my chair and Libby does the same, squeezing past Dylan and Dad, coming round to my now-vacant chair. She takes my open hand and I sit her down on the chair before getting down on one knee.

The tables around us all start to gasp and hold their chests, loving expressions adorning their ridiculous faces.

But right now it's just me and her. There's no one else. Her beautiful eyes are brimming with tears as I smile at her, that same smile I had on my face four months ago.

"Libby Reynolds. My love, my life... my rock. My angel." She coughs a sob and wipes at her eye. "Will you... do me the extraordinary honour in becoming my wife... and putting up with me forever..." I wink at Mike and he rolls his eyes.

I get the box out of the side pocket of my blazer and hold it up. Lisa, Lois and Mom all gasp as the small stone glints in the restaurant lights, and Libby nods as she holds out her left hand for me to slide it on.

"Yes, Jasper. Yes I'll put up with you." She laughs as I stand, bringing her with me. I kiss her once. "I'll marry you."

I kiss her again, longer this time, and we hear cheers erupt from the whole restaurant as we emerge from our tiny bubble. I can feel my cheeks burning as I gaze down at my fiancée. My official fiancée.

"I love you," I whisper before dropping another tender kiss on her lips.

"I love you." I feel a tear run down my cheek but she catches it before anyone notices. "So much."

I kiss her one more time before I let her go to Lois to show her the ring, and I'm grabbed by practically everyone round the table to get a hug or a handshake. I used to hate hugs, but today I'm loving them.

Rob gives me a bear hug. "I knew it. I knew you'd ask."

I shrug, "What can I say?" He pats me on the back.

He pats my back and ruffles my hair. "Can't wait to have you as part of the family, mate. Couldn't be happier. I mean, look how happy she is."

We both look at her, surrounded by all the girls, giggling as she flashes the ring and laughing harder as she catches us looking.

"I'm hoping she'll stay this happy. I'm going to give her the world, Rob. Trust me. After what she's done for me... she deserves nothing less."

He sniggers and swats me on the arm. "You've gone soft."

I snort and smile. "I don't even fucking care, bro."

He laughs. "I'm so excited for you. You guys are the oddest pairing but I'm ecstatic because it means my little sister is happy and that's all I ever wanted for her."

I'm about to respond but we're interrupted by the waiter, who hands me a book, probably with the check. Dad gestures for it, but the waiter shakes his head.

"The bill's taken care of Sir." The waiter says to me before walking away.

I hand the check to Dad. "Someone's paid it." I shrug as I look around, trying to see if I recognise anyone.

"Who?" He asks.

"No idea," I shrug. But as I say it, I see a familiar figure retreating out the door. "I'll be right back."

I shuffle through the tables and run out the door.

"Dr Scott?" I call, running after him as he retreats to his car.

He chuckles, "Damn, you caught me."

I offer him my hand and he takes it, smiling.

"Why did you do it...?" I clear my throat. "I mean, thank you... but... why?"

He smiles and looks to his left. I follow his gaze and Libby was now standing there, probably having seen me run out and wondered what was wrong.

"I had someone like that I let go once."

"Sir?" I ask confused.

"I won't go into it now. But I saw you guys and I saw you ask her... and it just took me back."

"But why did you pay the bill? I don't..."

"You don't have to understand." He shakes his head. "Just please accept it as my gift. Be happy with her, be yourself with her."

It's all he says before he pats my back and gets into his car. I watch him drive away and I feel a kind of sorrow for him after hearing that. He'd obviously lost someone he loves dearly.

"What was that about?" I hear Libby's voice next to me as she takes my hand.

"Nothing. I don't know really..." I squeeze her hand as she pulls us back inside. "That was one of my professors and he just paid our bill."

"Oh... well that was nice of him."

I nod. She pulls me back inside and I try to push it to the back of my mind. We go home soon after, with some kind of free cream-filled donuts, when we decide to host drinks at ours.

After an hour or so, people start filtering out and soon it's just Libby and me. She's sat on my lap, playing with the buttons on my shirt.

"You alright?" She asks me, stroking my cheek and pulling out of yet another daydream. "You've been quiet since we got home."

That conversation with Dr Scott has made me think and I don't know why.

"You're not having second thoughts are you?" She asks, her voice small.

I snap my head towards her. "No! Fuck... no, of course not. Why would you think that?" I pull her closer to me and she tucks her face into the crook of my neck.

"You've been quiet. I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't be sorry. I should be... I'm sorry. It's just that thing with Dr Scott has made me think and it's thrown me for six."

"It is a bit strange. What did he say again?"

"He said he had someone like that that he let go once. I can only assume he means a similar situation to us."

"Situation? Oh, you mean a Brit and an American?"

I shrug. "Maybe."

She ponders for a minute and then smiles. "Is this the professor that's helping with your writing?"

I look at her and narrow my eyes. "Yeah... how did you know about that?"

She smiles. "I've noticed you writing more over the last few weeks and wondered who had got you into doing it again?"

"Well... he's been helping me with extra credit. But the writing I'm doing is separate. You haven't read any have you?" I ask, embarrassed.

She shakes her head. "No, I wouldn't do that. I figured you'd show me when you're ready." She smiles at me and strokes my cheek before kissing the bridge of my nose.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" I ask.

She pushes my hair away from my eyes and kisses me gently.

"I was long overdue."

***

THREE MONTHS LATER

"Fuck's sake Lib, stop fussing!" I groan.

She's fussing with my collar, making sure my noose - sorry, tie - is on straight and that it isn't loose, which is how I prefer it.

"It's fine," She tightens it very slightly so I make a jokey choking noise before leaning forward and kissing her, trying to distract her.

I was graduating today. And by the fucking skin of my teeth. Thanks to Libby basically tutoring me towards the end and Dr Scott's extra credit essays, I am making the walk... and I'm fucking thankful.

A year ago I wouldn't have cared less if I didn't graduate. I was quite happy to be a dropout and work at Walmart for the rest of my life. But now, my plan has changed. I needed to be able to support Libby in any way I could, whether it be a mundane office job or through my writing, but I couldn't do that if didn't graduate.

So here I was. Standing in front of my wife to be, tolerating her basically strangling me with the tie she'd specifically bought me for this occasion.

She still has a year to go, a year where we'll have to be apart. Her studying and me on this fucking book tour. She said she'd wait a year, extend her visa, but I felt like I fitted in better over in England. My parents understood that as well. It was a fresh start for me, a new start, and I'll be damned if I was going to throw that away. And who knows... maybe in this year I'd come into my own and I'd be ready to support her properly when we were married at the end of next year.

"You look so handsome!" She squeals as she stands back to survey her work. "Can you spin?" She asks.

I roll my eyes and shake my head but she pouts and I do it anyway, wanting to do whatever it takes to make her happy.

"Mmmm, I would," she mumbles, biting her lip as she looks me up and down like a meal.

"Baby, we don't have time," I complain as I'd much rather bury myself in her than take to the stage in this hideous get up.

I'm wearing my good black jeans - washed especially - and my button down shirt and blazer, along with this fucking tie. She'd had my initials and my year threaded into the bottom, which was kind of neat in a way, and was really thoughtful. But the gown that went with it was teal. It is the college colour, and went with practically nothing... but we all have to wear it. I'd only just put it on and I already couldn't fucking wait to get it off.

We hear a peep from downstairs.

"That'll be Dad."

She beams again, taking my hand, lacing her fingers with mine.

***

The ceremony is fucking long. I don't even want to know how long it's been going on, but I know it's ages because my butt is numb.

Our Valedictorian, fucking Laura of all people, has been going on about how she's loved her classes, her professors and her teammates, and how much we've learned from them. And I can tell you that I'm not the only one who's yawning. Even some of the teachers are.

I've spotted Libby and my parents in the crowd of parents and I've seen Libby yawn once, albeit stifled, and she adorably checked if anyone else saw. She spots me as well, in a sea of teal, and I'm winking at her when the speech finally comes to an end.

"Now our next speaker is a surprise." There are a few groans from around me, and I can't help but laugh as I spot Jack and Tyson scowling at the thought of having to sit through another one of these fucking speeches.

"He's gone through a lot in the last few years, and come out the other side. And we'd love for him to say a few words."

I pity the fool who's got to stand up and speak. But then I spot Dr Scott standing and my stomach sinks.

"Mr Calhoun! Where are you?" He booms when I don't stand it respond. I sink lower into my seat as everyone within a four seat radius looks at me.

"Ah, there he is." Fuck.

The whole auditorium is completely quiet as I stand and make my way to the stage. People's eyes are following me as I fidget with my tie, pulling it looser because it definitely is choking me now that my throat has swelled to six times the size.

I make it to the podium with Dr Scott and on there is the bound, leather book. It must be my essays I'd been handing in, the one with all my extra credit work in it.

"Fuck's sake..." I mutter to myself as I shake my head at him. He chuckles as I think he hears me.

He takes my extended hand and smiles as he moves away to take a seat and I look up and into every single pair of eyes in the auditorium.

From all the way up the top of the bleachers, I feel like I can see Libby's calming and balancing eyes, giving me strength. I can see Tyson and Jack leaning forward with vaguely bated breath at what I could possibly have to say when I'm probably the least school-spirited person in this room. I can see my parents with tears in their eyes. I can see Laura behind me scowling as she probably believed she was the only one to be making a speech today.

"Erm... thank you..." I clear my throat and continue, "for that, Dr Scott. I don't know what it is I'm supposed to read for you. But..."

I open the leather book and my words fail me. It's my book. The one I'd been writing all year. It's my own story, and I have no idea how he'd got it. But then I look up. There's only one person who could have got hold of this, and she's bloody lucky that I love her as much as I do.

I'm blown away though. It's a physically published book. It's an inch thick, it has a cover and it's incredible. And it's mine. The words, the sentences and the thoughts are mine. As I flick through it, the first couple of pages are printed in proper ink rather than my untidy scrawl and when I turn to the first section I can see what it is Dr Scott wants me to read. He'd printed the foreword. I'd written it for one of our essays, and I recognised it immediately as one of the first ones I'd handed in.

I want to flick through more of the pages, but I'm distracted from it by a familiar voice in the crowd.

"Get on with it!" It's Jack, and it makes me look up and smile.

I clear my throat. "Sorry... um. Thank you, Dr Scott. My speech isn't going to be long, I promise." A roar of laughter comes up as I turn to look back at Dr Scott, who gives me an encouraging nod.

I look down and I start to read...

When I was four, I had no idea what I wanted to do, or who I wanted to be. Then when I was older, I had no plans for life... other than to live it to the best of my ability.

But sometimes that's just not enough.

Plans never go accordingly, no matter how much you try. My life, your life, everyone's lives... they're just one big fucking plan that's just waiting to go wrong... and when you least expect it. And then when shit does go wrong, you're a prisoner in your own life, because no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you want to escape, you can't... because you can't escape what's already been written.

But that's where you're wrong. You can. Life may deal you some shitty blows, but you always have the choice to do something about it... even if it seems like there is no other choice.

If you're down and out, you can still pick yourself up off the floor and keep walking. You can do anything... and life can't dictate what that is because you do still have a semblance of control.

Down and out is something I know a lot about. My best friend Benny died three years ago. He was the person I looked up to, the person I turned to when I was feeling down, sad or alone. But then when he died, I felt more alone than ever.

In those three years the world chewed me up and spat me out and I was ready to give in on life and end it all myself.

But then life got in the way again. Just when I'd decided to give up... it threw me a curve ball.

It sent me a guardian angel. I hadn't even known I needed one until she landed right there in front of me. I even watched it, that day she arrived.

When she came closer, I grabbed a hold of her in fear she'd fly away from me. I grabbed on with both hands... and she's given me a reason to keep on living life, even if it knocks you down and tries to beat you.

So my advice to you... if you listen to anything I have to say... is to grab life with both hands and hold on. Live for you, live for your family, live for those you love.

Life is hard. Don't believe what people tell you when they say that it's easy. It's not. The people that say that haven't lived properly...

Life isn't supposed to be easy. We're supposed to get knocked down, so we can learn to pick ourselves back up again. We're supposed to make mistakes so we can learn from them. We're supposed to fight for the things we care about, because that's what makes us human.

No person is perfect. I'm certainly not perfect. Perfection is unachievable. So don't waste your life searching for it.

Live. Just live. The rest will come later...

***

As I close the book, thunderous applause goes up in the auditorium, and I feel like I'm an outsider looking in on a life in my dreams. So many things have happened this year that I would never have thought would happen, that fucking speech for one. But I had to embrace it. I needed to listen to my own advice and grab hold of life as it came my way.

So that's exactly what I did. I took my seat again and when my name was called, I walked across that stage, I took my certificate, moved the tassel on my mortar board to the other side, and I bellowed a cheer to the audience as I left the stage.