LIBBY

***

I wake late, knowing I've missed classes, but I don't care.

It's nearly two, and I'm lying here staring at Jasper as he sleeps, relieved that he's here with me and not still out with Ziggy. When he went out that door yesterday, I was genuinely worried the next place I saw him would be behind bars. Or the next time I'd heard his voice would be down the end of a phone asking to come bail him out.

So when I heard him come through the door, I could be nothing but relieved. I'd never been mad at him for leaving, I knew he didn't want to, and I knew he'd leave when he could. But I did want to hear the truth of where he was last night. I was thankful he hadn't been drinking, or worse, but we'd always had honesty in this relationship and I wanted to keep it that way.

I decide after another half an hour of dozing that I'm going to get up. I have reading to for Sonford's Art History class, and I've got work to catch up on from the classes I've missed.

Trying not to jostle the bed too much, I get up and put Jasper's hoodie on and make myself a cup of tea. Hopefully he'll wake up soon.

Pretty much as soon as I sit down at the table with my books though, he moves. He looks from side to side, his tired eyes searching the apartment and I see them brighten when they find me.

"Hey baby," he rasps, sitting up, stretching and rubbing his eyes. "What time is it?"

I smile and take my cup of tea and go over to him. He's still in his jeans and shirt and they're both crumpled, but he looks adorable with tired eyes and bed hair.

"Just gone two. You've been out cold," I laugh.

He rubs his eyes again and strokes my cheek with his thumb. "You not been to class?" He asks and I shake my head in response, taking a sip of my tea.

"I missed you," I say, because it's true. "Where did you go?"

He looks down at his lap and I know it's going to be something bad. But I have to hear it. Even if it's that he buried a body last night. I had to hear it.

"I've got two things to tell you," he starts, shuffling forward. "Well... three."

I give him a small smile before he kisses my nose and leans back again.

"First. I love you," he whispers. "Please don't forget that."

"I won't." Because it's true. Although him saying that first makes me dread what the other two things are. "The second?" I ask nervously.

He sighs. "Yesterday... yesterday was my birthday."

I almost drop my tea all over the duvet.

"Your birthday?! Oh my god, why the hell didn't you tell me?!" I smack him hard on his side and he pretends he's mortally wounded. Although, he's still wincing as he tries to sit up further, holding his side. He shuffles backwards to lean on the pillows and grimaces.

"I know how weird you are with birthdays," he shrugs

"Yeah, my birthday. Not everyone else's birthdays." I lean forward and kiss him. "Happy birthday, baby."

"Thank you, Fish." He grins and laughs. I swat him again, harder, although this time on his leg. He's definitely done something to his back. "We can still celebrate."

"We bloody are! Your birthday is definitely worth celebrating." I giggle, but I see his face fall.

"I've got one more thing to tell you." He looks down and picks at something on the duvet. "It's about where I was."

I'm about to say that I don't want to know, but I needed to know.

"Just know that I'm not going to blame you if you hate me."

"Oh my god," I'm starting to worry he actually did kill someone. "What was it? Where were you?"

"Ziggy, he... He took me to a strip club."

Part of me sinks in relief that it wasn't murder, but then the other half of me boils up with anger. I swear to god if he touched any of the girls... kissed any... I don't even want to think about it. I get up and walk over to the kitchen before standing back over the bed. He watches me and waits until I'm ready.

"He took you where?!" I am beyond mad and I don't know how I feel about him being there.

"A strip club. But baby, I'm done with him. I'm so done."

"Yeah, but you still went in! Jasper..." I gesture to the door outside and he looks hurt as he looks down. When he looks back up at me his eyes are filled with pain.

"I stood my ground to start with, telling him I wouldn't go in," he starts. I can't even look at him as he starts to speak. I don't want the comfort of his fingers on mine right now. "I did, I stood my ground. But then Smith came up behind me and hit me."

"He hit you?!" I turn around and I'm about to shout, telling me he's lying, but then he stands and lifts up his shirt. I cup my mouth at the sight of it.

On his left side there was a huge blue, black lump that spread all up the side of his back. He'd been hit hard with something, and when I looked into his eyes I could see he was actually in a lot of pain.

"Baby I didn't want to go in. But I had to. He knocked me down and the way he was holding the thing, he'd have hit me again."

"Did Ziggy make him do it?" I ask, coming over to stand next to him, gingerly touching the bruise.

"No. Smith just hit me." He drops his shirt and takes my hands. "Fucking hurt."

He sits back down on the bed, and this time I stay next to him, holding his hand.

"I went in, and they had girls in there." I tense and he squeezes my hand reassuringly. "But I didn't enjoy it at all. Ziggy filmed it, and you can see how fucking uncomfortable I look. Literally the only reason I'm telling you all this first is because I didn't want him to just show you. I wanted to be honest."

Despite my blood boiling, I'm glad he wants to be honest. We're honest about everything, and it has worked pretty well for us so far.

"He filmed it?" I cup my mouth. "Oh my god, is he fucking sick?"

He chuckles at my use of language and continues. "Definitely. But I was thinking of you the whole time."

"Thinking of me? Jasper that doesn't make me feel a whole lot better." I didn't want to be held on the same level as girls who took their clothes off for a living and danced in front of strangers. I'm not brave enough to do that.

"No? Well, it did to me. I was thinking about how you jump up and down on the bed when I won't get up on the weekends. I was... I was thinking about how always leave me a cup of coffee when you go out, even though you know I won't drink it." He clears his throat and wanders over to the table, wincing as he sits down. "I was thinking about that time you were dancing around the kitchen in your towel. And it dropped, but you didn't care. You were dancing to something ridiculous, I don't even know what, but you hadn't seen me on the couch."

My hands fly to my face and he laughs. "Oh my god, you saw that?"

"You've never been more beautiful to me as you were then. You were so carefree and cute that I couldn't take my eyes off you."

"Oh my god I can't believe you saw that! That was like two weeks ago Jasper!"

He shrugs. "I didn't want you to get embarrassed like you are now..."

I look at him and I know my cheeks are bright red.

"What else were you thinking about?"

He smirks. "I was thinking about that time at Beaufort. Star-gazing. I was thinking about that night you said you'd marry me."

I pull the ring out of my shirt and he takes both my hands in his, kissing it with a soft, tender kiss, closing his eyes. I reach my hand up and stroke his hair back from his face.

"I'm so sorry, Libby. I'm so sorry. I really was hating every second of it. I wanted to be home with you. But when Smith hit me, I didn't want to fight back and end up getting into something I couldn't come back from." He steps closer to me and hugs me close. "I wanted to make sure I kept my promise and came back."

I was so proud of him. The Jasper I met six months ago would have just hit back, no matter the consequences. But this Jasper, my Jasper, was someone I truly trusted with every inch of me. I trusted him to keep me safe, to keep himself safe. Keep us safe.

"But baby, I am done with Zig. And he knows it."

"What about that thing when he said? That you owe him?" I ask, catching onto that sentence from last night.

"I don't owe him anything. In fact, I never owed him anything."

"What was it though?" I take a sip of my tea, and place it down, putting my other hand in his.

"It was back just after Benny died. And I was in a horrible place."

"Yeah, you said." I push his hair back again and he leans his head into the palm of my hand. "You said that he kind of took you under his wing?"

"Vaguely. He could see I had no regard for the rules in my newfound state." He sniffs and picks at something on the table. "He got me to steal things for him. Cars mostly, sometimes the odd unsuspecting person's wallet or purse. But he'd get me to do it because I didn't care about getting caught."

"Because of your dad?" He shakes his head.

"No. As far as I was concerned my life was already over." He looks so sad all of a sudden and I know those memories of Benny are flooding back to him. "My best friend in whole world, my only friend, had just left me behind. He was supposed to be the one to go places, to do good. I was always going to be the one to stay here, never move away. We joked," he laughs and coughs a sob. "We joked that I'd be that old fogey on the porch of a ramshackle house screaming at the neighbourhood kids to keep it down."

I laugh with him.

"But no. Ziggy used me. And... there was a night a few weeks before we lifted that car? That one I told you about..." I nod. "Yeah... Well someone got hurt." My eyes widen and his hand tightens around mine. "Not badly hurt. Just banged up... broken arm, collar bone and some cuts and bruises."

"Did you...?" I didn't want to say it but a broken arm and collar bone was pretty serious and I would say that's badly hurt. Instead I squeeze his hand.

He shakes his head. "No. No, I didn't do it. But I had to watch as Ziggy did it. It was a teenager." He looks down again and squeezes my hand. "He saw us smashing a car to pieces in a parking lot somewhere downtown. He heard laughter and the sound of smashing and so he confronted us."

My hands tighten further around his.

"I told him to move along, but he simply shoved past me and went for Ziggy. He got one shot in, but that was all he got." He shudders. "Ziggy hit him with the crowbar. He went straight down like a brick despite his size. He put his arms up in defence and I heard the bone snap, Libby. We all did."

"Did he stop?"

He shakes his head. "He hit him four more times. Once round the head, the other arm, on his chest and on his arm again."

I cup my mouth. "Oh my god."

"That was the first time I'd seen Ziggy for who he truly is. And I've been trying to escape ever since. I came home and told my dad everything. About the car, the boy, Ziggy... and that's when he hatched the plan to get us."

"To get you?"

I nod. "I knew he couldn't get Ziggy put away without me. If Dad caught them and I wasn't there, he'd then come after me. And Dad knew that too. If the boy ID'd Ziggy then fine, but I couldn't do it. He'd kill me. And after what I'd seen him do to that boy... both Dad and I couldn't risk it." He winces and gingerly touches his side. "Smith hitting me today was proof. And that's me getting off lightly."

"Is that why you went with him last night?" I ask, my voice small and quiet.

He nods. "Yeah. Fuck, when he said he wanted to take you, I almost went for him." He shakes his head and wipes a shaky hand over his face. "So, anyway, I spoke to Dad and he said we needed to be caught doing something. So... I told Ziggy about an abandoned car just outside town. And that I'd seen drugs in there." He tips his head to the side. "Dad had set it up and it was actually an old cop car... cameras still working and everything."

"Had you?" I was asking if he'd been on drugs. He shakes his head and I'm glad he hadn't. I'd noticed that he always turned them down whenever we hung out with them. I wasn't sure whether it was for my benefit, but I'm glad all the same.

"Nah. Anyway the plan was to break in and steal the car. And as I'd be driving, I'd know where my dad was going to be, and he'd catch us and pull us over."

"And did he?"

He nods. "Yeah, he actually scared the shit of me. So much so that I ran the car off the road and got myself concussed by hitting a lamp post."

He rubs the back of his head instinctively. I had noticed a lump there when I'd massaged his head, and now it seems I know what it's from.

"So... the whole bad boy thing was an act?" I ask, a coy smile coming from my lips.

He shakes his head and I can't help the smile growing wider on my face. "Good."

"Good?" He chuckles. "What do you mean?"

I shrug. "I don't know. You being kind of annoying and mouthy are kind of what attracted me to you in the first place. So I was just checking..." I wink and he chuckles and leans forward to kiss my hands.

"Nope, moody shit was all real and all me. I hadn't banked on Dad putting a real anklet on me for eight weeks though." He shakes his head. "That's why I was so mad."

"Oh my god, a real one?" I cup my mouth but I'm laughing. "I thought you were being melodramatic," I giggle.

"No. A fucking real one. Ziggy got one too. But he kept saying that he owed me because he was the one that took the fall, even though we both got the same. He said it was his idea to get the car, not mine. So that's what he always held over me. And because I'd essentially turned him in, I felt bad. So I... I let him."

"Jasper, that's not your fault. He just took advantage of you."

I lean awkwardly across the bed and cup his face with my hands.

He doesn't say anything for a minute and then he puts his hands on top of mine.

"Are you mad at me?"

I think about it for a minute but then I smile, shaking my head.

"I'm mad. But I'm not mad at you." He sighs in relief. "I'm mad at him."

"Baby, you have to promise me you're not going after him. I would never forgive myself if he hurt you."

"I'm not going to Jasper. After what you've just told me... I don't want to go near him. I've never liked him... And you shouldn't go near him either." I point at him and he nods.

I don't know why but something possesses me in this moment to crawl across the bed and crawl onto his lap. He's sitting with his legs straight out, and my boobs are hovering over his face, and I can see he's speechless. And as he wraps an arm around my back, I realise I'd probably re-enacted a move he'd been imagining last night. And I could feel how turned on he was through his jeans. Jasper was one of the horniest guys I'd ever come across, but he made me horny as sin as well. Sure, I'd had sex before I met him, but I sometimes find myself craving it.

I rock my hips backwards and forwards, making sure to cause friction to both my front and his, and I'm rewarded with a moan from him.

"Fuck Libby. Don't do that." He moves one hand to his back quickly. "Fuck." I'm about to move off him, but his hands grip my hips to keep me where I am.

I rub again, and he grips my hips harder and bites his lip. "I'm just giving my... fiancé... a lap dance for his birthday," I shrug as I rub again but this time he stands abruptly bringing me with him.

He wraps an arm around my waist and lays me back against the other side of the bed, kissing me down my neck and my stomach as he reaches his goal. His back doesn't seem to be troubling him at the moment.

"Before any of that..." he whispers onto my stomach. "I think I need some breakfast."

I see him grin and as he puts his hands on my hips, he undoes the button with one hand and pulls my shorts and knickers off in one. He holds my thighs with each of his hands as he positions himself at the apex of them, and I can feel my wetness spread by only him looking at him. His eyes are completely dilated and he's turned on, and I feel like he's torturing me as he slowly sinks two fingers into me, making me buck and cry out in pleasure.

"Quiet baby," he says, kissing the inside of my thigh as he pumps in again.

"They can't hear us." I moan it as I feel his tongue brush lightly over the sensitive area, making my leg spasm slightly. "Please Jasper," I beg.

With that, he sucks and licks, and I really do have to bite down on my fist to stop myself from screaming too loud. His tongue sends shivers up my spine as he licks me up and down, taking me to new heights I hadn't been to before. He presses my legs wider and pushes his tongue deeper, and I am gone.

"Fuck!" The word comes out involuntarily as I come undone under his tongue, as always, and I feel him grin against me.

"Happy birthday to me." He chuckles as he pushes up from his knees and pulls me so I'm sitting up.

My legs are still wide apart but he doesn't do anything. Instead, he rolls to the left so he's lying next to me.

"God, you're beautiful," he says, breathless. "I mean it," he says a bit louder when he sees a blush creep across my cheeks. "So beautiful."

"You're not so bad looking yourself."

I look into his striking green eyes and smile. His tanned skin, his chiselled jaw and unkempt, unruly hair... all those things I wouldn't expect to like in a guy... were all that called me to him in the first place.

"Yeah?" He asks and I nod. "What about me?"

I smile and stroke his face.

"What do I love about you? Hmm, let me think..." I deliberately take a while to find my answer and he sniggers. "I love that you're not ashamed to be who you are."

"Why would I be anyone else?" He shrugs and leans over to pull me closer to him.

"Well, I've seen the way people look at us sometimes, and it used to bother me. But I like the fact I'm with you and I don't care. We work on another level, a spiritual level."

He snorts. "Oh here we go."

"Shut up," I laugh. "I also love how much you've changed, for me. You're still the same old person, but you've changed. And I love that."

"You've rubbed off on me," he says simply, touching my nose with his finger.

"You're hotheaded but make good decisions. You kiss me every time you come past me, your eyes light up whenever they see me, and your laugh is one of the beautiful sounds I've ever heard." My cheeks have gone pink from the attention. "I'm just sorry I don't make you laugh more..."

"What do you mean? Sure you do. I've laughed more this year than I have with anyone before. The fact I'm laughing at all is a miracle. You're a miracle." He leans forward to kiss my lips.

"You're my miracle," he repeats when he pulls away, his lips hovering a centimetre from mine.

I smile, leaning forward to capture his lips again. A breath of air comes out of his nose as he kisses me and I feel myself being pulled on top of him as he sits up to take off his shirt.

He gently places me on the bed as he takes off the rest of his clothes, then removes the rest of mine before getting us under the duvet, hovering over me as he kisses me tenderly. Taking my hand in his, lacing our fingers, I understood. I was the only one to understand. He's my miracle too. He's my shot at happiness, and I know I've found the real thing with him.

And as he starts to move, pushing me over the edge of euphoria, I hold him. I hold him, I love him and I cherish him. In sickness and in health he will be mine forever, and I can't wait for that day to come.