LIBBY

***

The next week with Jasper was absolutely perfect.

Somehow like magic, he started getting on with my dad when they found something in common. Sport of all things. Now I know boys are genetically programmed to love sports, especially American boys, but my guy hadn't ever shown an inkling of interest, for any sport.

Given Jasper had never been to, nor had he wanted to go to any of the college matches I went to, I had no idea he was so into sports. I knew he had posters in his room, but I figured they were left over from when he was a kid or something, but no. Huge football fan...

But it worked out perfectly, because the day after my birthday Mum and I were supposed to be having a spa day to ourselves. I was going to postpone to after I got back, but then when Dad offered him Dylan's usual ticket to the football. I decided to keep it. Jasper was going with Rob and Andy as well, so I knew he would at least be okay with them. But then by the time they went out the door, Jasper and him were talking about football as if they'd known each other for years. It was weird. In fact he was so distracted he went out the door without even saying a word to me.

I didn't mind though. Dad had been looking at him with hostility this whole time, and I thought it would be good for him to get to know him properly. To Dad, Jasper was this mouthy boy who was rude around his daughter, and who doesn't give a crap about anyone else's feelings. But I think seeing him around me the last few days has softened him and made him change his mind.

Although Jasper has a tough exterior, he is a fluffy bunny on the inside. We move in tandem, and when we made breakfast on Boxing Day Rob joked that we were like an old married couple. Jasper laughed it off but Dad's face was thunderous, only making Rob laugh more. We tangle our feet and hands together when we watch TV, he drops a kiss on my lips or my forehead whenever he passes me in a corridor or on the stairs, and his face lights up whenever he sees me. It's those cute little things that I think Dad has noticed, but in any case, I just hope Jasper's going to be okay. If he gets into problems he'll ring, but I'm sure he'll be fine.

"So where are we going?" Mum asks, taking a seat next to me with her coffee.

"Surprise," I smile with a shrug. She shakes her head but doesn't say anything else. She does like surprises, and I know she'll love this one, so she doesn't seem too bothered.

"So, you and Jasper?" Mum says in an accusing tone, nearly making me splutter my coffee onto my toast.

"Are you..." She starts and I stop her immediately.

"Yes Mum... And we're being safe. I have the implant." I roll up my sleeve and show her. Jasper and I both agreed condoms were annoying given how much we were having sex, so that seemed to be the easiest option. "But yes. I love him, Mum."

She smiles, "I can see that. And he makes you happier than I've ever seen you."

"He does make me happy. I don't know what you and Dad have against him?" I shrug and smile, not meaning it horribly.

"He's just so different to the other boys you've dated in the past..."

"So?" I shrug. "But, you know, that's why I like him so much. He doesn't apologise for who he is, and I love that about him. He makes me feel good about myself. I was sick as a dog on my period two months ago and he still said I was beyond beautiful to him." I am the ugliest person on my period, and I never take it well, so for him to say that was actually a miracle.

"He does seem to be very taken with you. But that's what I'm worrying about."

I know what she's going to say. She's going to say something about the end of the year, and how I'm going to be leaving.

"This can't be forever? Surely..."

"Why not, Mum?" I ask, more annoyed than I'd wanted. This is a touchy subject for both of us.

"Because... you're coming back here. He's not... He's not a forever, Sweetie. He's a stepping stone."

"He's not Mum. He's the person I love more than anything or anyone in the world. I don't care that we could be apart for year in five months. I know we can make it work. And he is forever."

"You say that now. But wait until you get there Libby. I don't want you to get caught up and then hurt."

"I'm not Mum. We've both agreed to see where this goes. And we both know what awaits us. So can we please drop it? You're making me upset..." I say, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be mean. I'm just trying to be realistic."

"I know... I just. I don't want to talk about it."

I get up from the table and lean on the side, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"It can work. It's only a year?" I question out loud.

"And I'll be busy with uni and stuff and he'll be working."

"Honey, you don't have to decide now. You may break up in a month," she shrugs. I hate that she looks hopeful.

I scoff, "Doubt it, Mum."

"Well let's just... enjoy today. And then we can discuss it later on. I want you to be happy, I do, but we can't afford for you to stay out there another year. I looked it up." I frown. I'd never asked her to look, but the thought had crossed my mind.

"You looked it up? Why, how much is it?"

She sighs. "Well as you'd no longer be on the exchange programme you're looking at nearly $60,000. Which is more than we can afford."

"Holy shit. And I wouldn't be able to get a scholarship?" she shakes her head. "Christ. I hadn't realised it was that much."

She brushes her forehead. "Neither had I until I looked."

"When did you look?"

Shrugging, she smiles. "As soon as you hung up on us to go and check if he was okay... The look on your face showed me that you were falling hard for him. That was the day I knew you loved him through and through... and so did your father."

"I do love him." I say it again.

She smiles, this time her smile is warmer. "Lib, you have to realise it's going to be hard. But we'll make it work." She stands and hugs me, kissing my head. "Now... where are we going for my surprise?"

I grin as she pulls away. "Somewhere that involves relaxation... and my car to drive to."

Her grin widens and her cheeks push up, making her eyes slit with her proper smile. "Sounds perfect."

***

Mum was ecstatic about our spa day. I'd booked us in all afternoon, and for dinner, and we had two spa choices. I went for a hot stone massage, whilst Mum went for a deep body massage, and I was in heaven. I think Mum was as well.

When I came out of mine I was so relaxed and calm, I didn't have anything on my mind. My thoughts were completely clear and peaceful and all I wanted to do was sit and drink cucumber water for the rest of eternity.

When I've sat and pampered myself long enough, I sigh contentedly as I stand, letting Mum know I was getting changed. When I get my stuff out my locker and get changed, I check my phone. The first thing I see is a message from Rob, and I smile as I open it, thinking it's going to be a picture. But when I read it... my zen completely disappears.

Jasper hurt. At A&E in Whipps.

There's no other explanation other than that, no other messages, and I almost screamed as I read it again and again. I didn't say anything, I just started scrambling to get my stuff into my bag as quickly as possible. We were an hour away from home, and about Whipps was a forty minute drive from home in the other direction.

"Honey, what's wrong? What are you doing?" Mum asks as she comes in the changing room, looking just as zen as I was two minutes ago.

I shove the phone in her face as I burst into tears.

"Holy..."

She hands it back to me as I furiously swipe at my eyes. She gets dressed and within five minutes we're back packed up and ready to leave.

"Mum can you... drive?" I sniff. I'm shaking so much, and I can barely breathe. Why is he such a bad luck magnet?

She opens her hand for the keys as we dash out the building, both sprinting headlong for my car. When we get in and Mum's on the road, I call Jasper. Of course his phone rings out and goes to voicemail. But I call it again anyway, not even thinking. I want to hear his voice message in case I can never hear his voice again.

No! No I shouldn't think like that. Rob hadn't said he was seriously hurt, just that he was in A&E. He would have told me if he was seriously hurt.

I then call Rob and thankfully he picks up straight away.

"Lib. Before you ask, he's okay. I'm sorry, when I sent the message I wasn't thinking." He coughs and winces. "He's got a nasty gash above his eyebrow, and they think he has a concussion. But he's okay."

My body immediately sinks with a flood of relief, but tears still come to my eyes at the thought of him being in pain.

"Is he there?"

"No he's in with the doc-"

I hear his voice in the background asking for me. He sounds panicked and I know why. He hates hospitals. He must have been passed out for Dad and Rob to bring him there. He must have woken up so confused.

"Hand him the phone!" I yell as I can hear both Rob and the doctor protesting.

I can hear a tousle and finally I hear his voice, silky and buttery down the line and I start crying.

"Hey baby," he croons, but he's slurring slightly. "I don't want to be here. Where are you?!" His voice sounds so sad.

"Baby, what happened?" I ask. "Talk to me." I try to keep calm as I'm trying to keep him calm, but I don't think either is working.

"I was... I was trying to get a fucking drink at the bar and these fucking assholes pushed in front of me and your dad, spilling his drink all over..." he coughs. "All over Mike."

"Fuck's sake Jasper... what happened then?" I cup my hand over my mouth.

"I didn't fucking do anything." He shouts down the phone, followed by a stern voice in the background asking him to watch his language.

"Jasper!" I yell and Mum tuts at me.

"I didn't do anything. I just said 'do you mind' and then the three guys just turned around and bottled me." He coughs again and I hear a sob come down the phone. "I don't... Baby, are you close?"

"Bottled you? Jesus Christ!" I cup my mouth again. "I'm..." I look at the satnav and it says an hour, so I have to lie. "We're nearly there. Forty minutes. Talk to me. What happened next." Maybe if I keep him talking on the phone he won't realise I'll be nearly an hour.

"I was fu- I was fuming. I punched one of the guys, knocked him out cold, but then the other two just fucking turned on me."

Mum is now speeding down the motorway, and I watch the speed needle get to ninety. The ETA and the minutes are dropping by the minute as we speed by the other cars.

"I fell. Rob tried to get me up, but then he got punched top. And I got kicked in the face. Knocked me out. And I woke up here," he sobs again and my heart is breaking.

"What have they said they have to do?"

"I don't know. I don't want to be here. I want you. I need you." He's chanting a mantra at me. "You can do it. You did an amazing job last-"

"Jasper, that was your arm. I'm not stitching your face." Mum looks impressed. "So wait did you even watch any football?"

He hits something and I can tell he's stressed beyond belief. Something clatters to the ground and I grip the phone hard, trying not to scream at him. If I was there I could calm him, but it seems Rob and Dad can't get a read on him.

"Half of it. Wai... Lib? I feel... dizzy..." his voice goes more slurred and then I hear a crash.

"Holy shit. Jasper! Jasper!"

"Lib, we'll call you back," Rob's voice calls frantically as I hear people calling in the background. Two seconds later the line is dead and I'm hysterical again.

***

When we get to the hospital, Rob still hasn't rung me back. My eyes are red and puffy, and feel and probably look like a mess. But that doesn't stop me barrelling headlong out of the car and into A&E.

I run straight to the desk, and when the receptionist finally gets off the phone I ask her where Jasper is as calmly as I can manage.

"Hi, erm. My boyfriend was admitted... like an hour ago? Can you tell me where he is? Please?" I'm begging and I can barely recognise my voice as it's so shaky, but she seems to understand because she taps a few keys.

"Are you next of kin?" She asks.

"No, but I'm his girlfriend. Where is he?" I demand. "My dad and brother brought him in."

She must see how desperate I am because she rings someone to come down, and then asks me to take a seat.

"Mum, here!" I wave her over.

"Oh Sadie!" Mum asks the woman at the desk. "Can we get in to see him? He doesn't have any family here and Libby is his girlfriend." I want to kiss Mum. She puts an arm around me and Sadie smiles.

"Fine. He's down the hall. Cubicle twelve." She doesn't need to say anything else before I dash off in search of cubicle twelve.

When I pull back the curtain, he's asleep. Rob is with him, and I have no idea where Dad is. I just prayed he wasn't hurt too.

Mum wakes Rob up whilst I go straight to Jasper's head and I wince at the state of his face.

He has a large, open gash across his eyebrow that almost cuts into his eye. He has a nasty black eye coming, and his face, hair and clothes are caked in blood. His mouth has got a small cut, and he has a bruise forming on the right side of his face. I cup my mouth in shock at how much damage this person has done to Jasper.

"Rob, what happened exactly?" Mum asks quietly.

"It's exactly as he said. These three guys pushed in and made him spill his drink on Dad. He asked them to apologise, which was fair enough. He didn't even raise his voice, but the guy just went straight to smashing the glass against his head."

I lean over and kiss Jasper's nose and I see his eyes flutter slightly.

"Jasper lunged immediately and knocked him out but then tripped and ended up on the floor somehow. The other two teamed up and both starting kicking him, and I... God, I'm so... I don't even know. It all just happened so fast!"

Mum gets him to stand, and I'm grateful as they leave the cubicle, giving us a small amount of privacy.

"Baby?" I whisper, dragging the chair closer to him, tucking my legs under me so I'm as close to him as I can be. "Baby, can you hear me?"

His eyes flutter open with more surety this time, and I watch them focus on me. His right eye, the one underneath the gash is bloodshot on the right hand side. It looks painful but when he blinks twice it doesn't look like it's bothering him.

"Lib?" He croaks, and his features soften slightly as he realises it is me.

"I'm here baby. I'm here," I lean forward and gingerly kiss his mouth, wary of his busted lip.

He leans up and his voice cracks as he speaks again. "Can we go home?" He asks, desperation visible in his eyes.

"You need to get stitched up first, and not by me. But I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere okay."

He looks reticent, but he sighs after a few minutes. As thankful as I am that he still has his thumb that I stitched, I wasn't going to be responsible for his face being stitched. That was too much.

"Where's Mike?" He asks, looking around. Hearing him call him Mike is warming, but I shrug.

"Not sure. Probably gone to get you some clothes. Your jacket's ruined." I can see it on the chair and it's covered in blood.

He shakes his head. "I don't care. Thank you for coming here. I feel... I feel a lot more calm now that you're here."

He leans forward and kisses me hard, groaning in pain at his mouth but continues despite the obvious discomfort.

"Right, Mr Calhoun." A doctor's voice comes from round the corner and the cubicle curtain opens, making us spring apart. "Ah who's this?"

Jasper looks at me and takes my hand, squeezing hard. "Girlfriend. Libby." He's mumbling, which means he's nervous. He starts squeezing my hand really hard but I don't say anything.

"Well, nice to meet you Libby. Maybe you can help with getting him to accept treatment. He needs stitches for that cut on his eye."

I turn to look at him, and he looks down. I know how much he hates hospitals, but the longer he puts up a fuss, the longer he'll be here.

"Baby..." It's all I have to say before he nods reticently, squeezing my hand again.

"Excellent... okay. Well then, I'll be back in a minute with sutures and antiseptic." He nods at us both, and as Jasper looks down again he mouths a thank you to me.

He leaves for about ten minutes, by which point Mum texts me to ask what's going on. I text her back saying he's getting stitches, but that he doesn't want anyone else to be here. She texts back saying she'll come over once the stitches are in.

"We ready?" The doctor asks when he's set up everything.

"No." Jasper says sullenly but squeezes my hand and tenses.

Doc had asked if he wanted anaesthetic but he said no. I wanted to protest, but then I knew it would then take longer. I know he has an unbelievable pain tolerance, so I keep quiet.

"Okay this'll be over soon, okay?" He says and comes and sits closer to Jasper.

"Squeeze my hand as much as hurts, baby, okay?" I say, kissing his hand.

His eyes are wide as he looks at me, full of fear, but then he screws his eyes shut as the doctor starts stitching. It's like he's been transported, back to when Benny died, back to his horrible memories. I want to bear the pain for him, but I can't. All I can do is sit here and watch.

***

Half an hour later, the doctor sighs, sitting back to survey his work.

The gash still looks nasty, and he will have a scar there, but it at least it looks neat now. I think if that had happened in Wilmington he would have just left it open. The large cut from when he punched the mirror is obvious on his forearm because he left it. But I'm not going to say anything because I know his reasons.

"All done. You can come back in a couple of weeks to get them taken out."

Jasper shakes his head. "I'll be back in America." He looks relieved, and I know he'll probably get Becca to take them out. Or me.

"I see. Well if you go to the doctor out there, they'll sort it, okay. But you were lucky," he says, taking off his gloves.

"Lucky?" I ask and Jasper drops his head. He hadn't told me the whole truth.

"That piece of glass we pulled from that cut above your eye. If that glass had been any lower, you could have lost it. Do you understand how serious that is?"

I look at Jasper and he nods. "I didn't want you to worry."

"Jasper, going blind is a big deal. Your mum would have killed me!" I'm trying to make light of the situation because he isn't going blind and he is thankfully okay. "But I am glad you're okay," I lean forward and kiss him.

He had squeezed my hand incredibly hard, to the point where it went numb, but I didn't protest. I knew he wouldn't protest if it was me in his place.

"Can we go now?" Jasper asks, sitting up properly.

"Another hour or so, but yes," Doc says just before he leaves us.

Neither Jasper nor I say anything for a long time, just taking it in. He's still holding my hand, and he's stroking my fingers, but he doesn't do anything.

"Knock knock," I look up and see my family just outside the cubicle.

"Alright slugger?" Rob asks with a wry smile.

Jasper smirks but doesn't say anything.

"All ready to go in half an hour," I say quietly. "They probably have to fill out forms."

I nod. I just want to get home. All the stress of the last two hours has completely overshadowed all the calm I had this afternoon. I feel sick, and after a few more minutes, I know I'm actually going to throw up.

I get up and dash round the corner, holding my mouth.

"Baby?" I hear Jasper call after me.

I push the door open to the bathroom and go straight into a cubicle, the puke coming straight up, burning my throat. I cough and splutter as I hear the door open and a few seconds later I feel a warm pair of hands on my shoulders as I chuck up again.

"Baby?" He coos softly.

He holds my hair back as I spew a third time, and after that I think I'm done. I flush the toilet and sit back from the bowl, breathing heavily as the taste of sick taints my mouth.

"I was so worried," I sob, covering my face as I embrace the tears that are flowing fast and free.

He kisses the side of my head as he puts an arm around me.

"I'm fine. I'll be fine. And I love you for being here and for helping me through it." I look up at him and I can barely see him through my tears.

"Aw baby," he rubs a thumb over my cheek and leans forward to kiss me but I jerk away.

"No... I've just been-"

I can't say anything more because his mouth is on mine. I try to pull away again but his hand holds my head. So I embrace it. I kiss him back with more love, furious need, as he turns me so I'm straddling him in the stall. I came this close to losing the incredible boy in front of me, and that solidified what Mum and I were talking about earlier.

If Jasper was to leave, or to have been more seriously injured today, I wouldn't have made it through. He is who I breathe for, and I love him more than breathing. My heart would stop if his did.

"I'm not going anywhere," he breathes, as if answering my unspoken question. "I'm here." He pulls me into him as I wrap my arms around his neck and tuck my face into the crook of it, kissing the soft skin there.

"Me neither," I whisper. "I'm not going anywhere either."

I'm not sure if this is the place to declare that he is it for me, but after believing for nearly an hour that he'd died, I'm not willing to hold it in any longer.

"When you," I sniff, "when you fainted earlier... I thought you'd died." I sob again at the thought, but I get myself under control quickly so that I can get this out.

"I went an hour in the car thinking I'd lost you and it broke me. A world without you in it is..." I lean back and stroke the sides of his beautiful but broken face. I can't even bring myself to say it.

"You... You're it for me." I kiss him quickly. "There is no one after you. I love you and you alone and I'll never come back from it."

He just looks at me but his eyes are filling with tears as he does so. He doesn't say anything but the ferocity of his next kiss tells me that he feels the same way. And as he continues to kiss me, I just hold on. I hold onto him like the lifeline he is, praying I can be wherever he is, forever.