JASPER

***

When I wake up, it's still only eleven. But I already know I'm late waking up because I can hear Lois fussing outside the door.

I deliberately knock something hard, so she knows I'm awake, and immediately she knocks on the door.

"Jasper?" She calls. "You awake?"

I sit up and rub my eyes. I'm fucking shattered but I clear my throat before shouting back through the door.

"Yeah. Sorry. I'll be ready by three, I promise."

They'd told me yesterday they were going to Lois' parents for a few hours, even though I knew Lois was nervous to go. Libby had told me about the adoption stuff, and I don't think the relationship had been mended much as she was still staying here rather than at home. I'm glad she has Nick though. I didn't even know the guy very well, but if he loves Lois enough to look after her, protect her, then he's good in my books.

"We're headed out then. But we'll be back by three... then we'll head over to Libby's."

"Okay. Got it," I call through the door as I swing my legs over the bed.

Two minutes later I hear the door close and I'm all alone in the house. No one but myself on Christmas morning. Merry Fucking Christmas.

***

Even though I only have three hours to wait to see her, by the time I shower and make it downstairs, I find myself clock watching. But unfortunately that makes time move slower.

To help pass the time, I pack all my stuff away. I leave my clothes for later out, but I making sure everything was ready to go for when they get back. But by the time I'd done that, only half an hour had gone by... so I groan and flop onto the couch.

For most of the time, I play on my phone. I'm trying to distract myself from texting or ringing her, to keep the ruse up of me being at Glennie's. I even have to ignore the two calls I receive from her and it's fucking torture. When she rings for the second time, I hold the phone in my hand and scream at it, telling her that I'd see her in a couple of hours.

At two, I go upstairs to start getting ready. I get dressed up, well as dressed up as I could stand - my black and red flannel shirt and my cleanest jeans and boots - and then I just sit and wait in my jacket in the living room, waiting for Lois and Nick to get back.

At three, I'm starting to get nervous. They said they'd be back by now, and we were going to be late if they took any longer. But after another half an hour, I finally hear their keys in the lock. I have to restrain myself from shouting, asking where the fuck they've been. But I manage to hold myself back as Lois puts a small pile of presents down on the kitchen table, before grabbing the ribbon on the table next to me.

"Do you want it wrapped around your arms or not?" She asks, laughing as she holds the spool of ribbon up in front of me.

"Nah. It'll make it hard to use my arms. But erm... Not to make it weird... but could you make sure the bow is... erm... here?" I point to just above the waistband of my jeans.

I look at Nick, who is just watching with a dry smile on his face. Lois just laughs again as she gets Nick to hold one end of the ribbon as walks around me, tying off the bow just above my crotch. When she finishes, she puts the ribbon down on the table and smiles.

"She is going to love this." And before I can say anything, she puts her arms around me in a hug. Feeling a bit awkward, given Nick is standing right there, I don't know what to do with my arms. But thankfully, I'm saved from that as she pulls away from me.

"Sorry. That was for making my best friend the happiest I've ever seen her. Her eyes are wide with happiness and she has nothing but amazing things to say about you." I shrug, my cheeks pinking as I scratch the back of my head awkwardly. "I told her she'd meet someone."

I laugh as I look up. "Oh yeah?"

She nods. "Not someone like you though. But I'm so glad it was you. It's not everyday you meet someone who's willing to fly half way round the world to surprise someone."

"I love her," I say as my only explanation. I didn't need any other explanation. "I love her more than I will ever love anyone. She's someone who loves me despite my flaws, which is more than anyone's ever done for me, so I'm just grateful she's led me out the dark hole I was stuck in before... and led me this far."

She doesn't say anything in response, she just smiles.

"You ready then?" Nick says from our left.

Out of the corner of my eye when I turn, I see Lois wipe her eyes, but what I'd said was completely true. She had led me out of what I'd thought was an eternal darkness of anger, hate and suffering. She led me into the light, showing me that I could be happy again. Happy with her.

"Coming!"

When I look at them, I realise Lois and Nick are dressed up more than I am, but I'd at least thought to bright a button-down flannel shirt and my clean black jeans, so I tried. I don't own a suit and given the trip was very last minute, I'm hoping Libby and her family will forgive me.

"Hang on a sec," Nick says as we get to the front door, turning around as he takes out his phone. I don't have time to protest before I hear the shutter button.

"Fuck's sake. Don't send that anywhere," I warn, louder than I'd meant.

He frowns at me and I soften my features, backtracking. "Don't want to ruin the surprise. Send it to me after though." He nods as he opens the door.

The ribbon is restricting me slightly and I struggle to grab my phone from my pocket.

"Here." Lois walks forward and helps me, digging her hand into my pocket, and pulling it out for me. My arms aren't restricted but she's managed to tie the ribbon quite tightly around my pocket.

"Thanks," I say, checking my messages. I have one from Libby, which she must have sent while Lois was wrapping me up.

You're probably still out but I love you 😘 and merry Christmas 🎅🏼🥳 xxx

I text her back quickly before I step out the door.

Merry Christmas baby x

"Right. We ready now? We're late." Nick is pushing us, so I shove my phone in my jacket top pocket. I then shuffle forward awkwardly down her steps, carrying my bag awkwardly. As we walk down the road, I realise we're not driving. But I suppose it makes sense... then Nick and Lois can have a drink. Plus it's so close. When we reach her road within five minutes, I realise it is indeed two streets away.

"You guys go on ahead," I tell them. "I want to ring the doorbell alone."

Lois nods and takes my bag from me. I'm about to protest but she tucks the bag onto my shoulder, making it easier for me to carry.

She kisses my cheek, which makes me flinch, looking at Nick, but he just pats me on the back as we walks past.

"See you in there bro," he turns and squeezes my shoulder pats me then walks up the road. "Good luck!"

"You'll be great," Lois giggles before bouncing to catch up to Nick.

I watch them walk up the steps to a white-fronted house. There's a porch and once Lois and Nick reach the steps, the light goes on. I'm not sure if it's automatic or if someone turned them on, but I note that after five minutes of Nick and Lois going inside, they stay on. I'm thinking of all the tiny things here. If it's automatic, and they're in the front room, someone will know someone's there.

I give it another ten minutes before I walk up the road to her house. My heart is thumping so hard in my chest that I can barely breathe. Then when I take out my phone from my jacket pocket and dial her number, my hands are shaking.

She doesn't answer to start with so I keep trying her again and again until finally the line clicks and she answers.

"I was beginning to think I'd never hear from you today," she croons down the phone and my heart speeds up. After hearing her voice yesterday and not being able to answer her calls today, it feels so good to hear it.

"I'm sorry baby," I say back, grinning at the sound. "I left my phone at Glennie's and then it died." After her second call I had turned it off. "Happy Christmas." I lower my voice as I climb the steps.

"Merry Christmas, Jasper. How's yours going so far?"

"It's okay. Made breakfast... got my phone back, spoke to Dad."

"Oh yeah, you said he was working today right?"

"Mm-hmm," I nod as I reach the door. I look up at the house and turn my head as I hear the sound of chattering coming from the front room. "You get some nice presents?"

"Yeah. New laptop... I'll Skype you on it later. Couple of books, some money."

I'm not sure how else to get her outside so I turn conversation to the weather. I figure if she's in the front room she'll come out to the front doorstep if I ask her to.

"Is it snowing still?" I ask.

"Think so." I see the curtain move slightly and I smile.

"Go out and check. Describe how it looks." I'd never seen snow before yesterday, so I know she won't deny me this.

I take a step back from the door as I hear the inside porch door open. I'm seconds away from seeing my girl and I can barely breathe.

"Cold?" I ask, trying to keep my voice steady.

"One sec, I'm just getting my boots on," she giggles.

"Okay, okay."

The lock turns and the door opens, and I hear a squeal followed by a sob as her phone drops to the floor and her arms are thrown around my neck.

"Hey baby."