LIBBY

***

Jasper opened up to me. And the reason he acts the way he does has finally been explained. A part of me had thought it may change the way I felt about him... but it only made me love him more.

He cried in my arms at the loss of his best friend and tears came to my eyes at seeing one of the strongest and bravest people I've ever known break down over something that's been tormenting and torturing him. He's been holding it in all this time, and it has clearly chewed him up inside.

But there was that other thing. Those three little words. I haven't known how feels this entire time, believing he was just having fun. But to hear those words come from his mouth... well it was hard to contain myself.

***

"You're helping," he said it quietly, barely audible, but I'm so attuned to him I hear it ringing loud and clear.

"I'm trying," I countered, shaking my head. Sometimes I don't know if I'm helping more than hindering. Especially on days where he's in a mood, where he doesn't want to talk about anything or if we have an argument.

"Baby, you know you're helping. Literally since you got here." The sound of him calling me baby never gets old. When he first did, my stomach did about six backflips as I tried not to react. Not to mention I much preferred it to the other nickname he had for me, which was Fish.

I felt my cheeks heat under his gaze and I put my hands over them.

"It's true. You know I never believed in love and first sight..." I gasped as I looked up and I could see his eyes glinting with his remaining tears. "I thought it was a load of bull."

"Jas..." I started to say but I stop when a lump in my throat prevents me from saying any more.

"No, let me get this out okay." He wiped his nose and looks down at our hands. "You literally had me from day one, Lib. The moment you stepped out of that plane. You know... I watched you."

He watched me? I'd completely forgotten about that. That first day seemed so long ago, especially after all that has happened so far.

"You stood in the rain for like a minute. And as odd as it sounds... The only other person I know that's ever done that... was Benny."

He really had seen me.

"I saw it as a sign. I mean, I do it sometimes, but you just... you had me. And then when you kept giving me lip in the car. And when you kissed me."

"You kissed me!" I squeaked, but before I could say anything more he put a hand gently over my mouth.

"I don't care. The point is you did it, I did it, whoever did it. And you've been surprising me and amazing me and shocking me at every corner with your... understanding, your raw patience for my stupidity... and your fucking amazing body." He bit his lip and looked me up and down, making my skin come alive with goosebumps, and I embraced the shiver that ran up my spine. "You take things in your stride. And I love that you're always up for trying something new, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Hell, I think if I'd told I'd booked shark diving tomorrow you'd do it."

I can't help the smile that pulled across my face and he chuckles. "See!" He leant forward and took my head in both my hands, brushing a thumb across my cheek.

"But one thing I know for certain..."

I nodded, looking him in the eye. I couldn't look anywhere but there.

"I'm certain that I love you."

It was quiet for a minute again, but my eyes still didn't leave his.

"You do?" I finally found my voice, and tears rolled down my cheeks in buckets. I'm worried my crying reaction wouldn't be the right one, but I felt myself smiling as a lopsided grin appear on his face.

"I do. Fuck. More than I've ever loved anybody. And you don't ha-"

"Jasper... I," I sniffed, interrupting him as I  wiped my eyes over and over again as tears start to fall freely. "I love you too." I sighed and sobbed as the words came out.

I looked up at him, and he had tears on his cheeks and in his eyes again. I don't think he'd expected me to say it back. But how could I not love him? How could I not love his strength, his faith in me and his adorable dimples. How could I not love how protective and fiery he is. There are so many things that I love about him that I can't get my head around them.

Before I could think of any more, he kissed me, pulling me onto his lap as he tangled his fingers into my ponytail.

He loves me. He actually loves me. It's the first time anyone has ever said that to me and I feel elated, ecstatic and... I couldn't even think of another word. All the adjectives for being happy.

His lips and his tongue were preventing my brain from thinking about it anymore as he leans backwards and lies on the blanket, making me giggle as he pulls me with him.

I lean down over him for a second, my ponytail coming forward and cascading around us. I have my hands either side of his head and he's smiling up at me, and for the first time since he officially asked me to be his girlfriend, he looks completely relaxed. I've always seen tension in him, but now, in this moment, he's the true Jasper. The one that doesn't have anything hanging over him. And oh how I love him so.

His eyes are bright, despite the darkness around us now, and the tears in them are bringing tears back to mine.

"I can't stop smiling," I giggle before leaning down to kiss him again. I feel him smile against my mouth and he obviously feels the same.

The stuff he's just told me was most certainly heavy, and I know that Becca and Pete would know. But it's hard to believe he's been carrying that around on his shoulders for two and a bit years. But I think it's made him grow into who he is today. He's protective because he doesn't want to lose someone he loves again. I knew it was something difficult, like loss or maybe an illness or something, but I hadn't expected a story like that. To lose a best friend... and like that... I don't even want to think about what I'd do if I lost Lo.

But I'd grown to love the way he didn't take any crap from anybody, the way he protects me, even when he doesn't have to. But he I think he feels like he has to, because he's 'damaged' and people don't like him. Sure he may be, but that doesn't bother me. No one is perfect, but to me he is. But I'm also just glad he's given me a stepladder over the high walls he's put up around himself, so that I can help show him he's so much more than who he thinks he is.

"Stay with me tonight," he says softly, brushing my hair back behind my shoulder.

"Jasper, I've been away from you for four days. I'm not going anywhere."

He smiles and leans his head up to capture my lips again, ceasing conversation.

***

When we get home, Pete and Becca greet us as we walk through the kitchen hand in hand.

Jasper gives them a nod, so I'm guessing they'd discussed him telling me, and I smile as he leads us straight through and into his room. It was late and we had class tomorrow, so after such a confession, I'm sure he's exhausted, same as me.

But my mind was suddenly alive. I'd been thinking for a while that we'd been ready to talk about taking our relationship to the next level. I was ready now... because whenever it came down to it, something in me always hesitated. Something was always holding me back. But now that hesitation is gone, and as he looks at me after he's closed and locked the door, I know he's there too.

He walks slowly towards me and my mouth suddenly goes dry. My fingers fiddle nervously with the bottom of my hoodie as his eyes burn into me with need and desire, making my legs turn to jelly.

I suddenly feel really nervous around him and I don't know why. He's seen me naked, he's seen me coming undone at the seams, he's seen me at my worst when I'm riding the crimson wave, and yet butterflies are flying around inside me in a swarm, as if he's looking at me for the first time. But I've seen him too. He's hot, in both senses, so he's shirtless pretty much all the time at home. I've seen him fly off the handle, I've seen him battered and bruised. Hell, I've seen him come undone at the seams too. We're comfortable with each other, and yet I could feel his hands shaking just as much as mine are.

"You okay?" He breathes as he leans down to kiss the side of my cheek, then my neck, making the tension curl into my stomach and settle deliciously as he tickles his fingers down my arm. He's turning me on big time, and my skin is turning to fire under his touch.

"Yeah," I breathe back, closing my eyes as I stifle a moan. I move my head to the side to give him more access and I bring my arms up to tangle into the back of his thick hair, pulling the way I know he likes it.

He moves his hands to my hoodie and he slowly pulls the zip down. When he gets to the bottom he disconnects it and softly pushes it off my shoulders. My legs are physically shaking, my whole body is, but I pull myself close to him so he gets the hint to sweep me off my feet.

Thankfully he does, and he puts one hand on my leg, stroking down to my calf as his other hand sits underneath my bum. I can feel his erection underneath his jeans, and he's practically bursting. I wrap my legs tighter around him and he groans satisfyingly before nipping at my jawline as he walks us backwards towards his bed.

The mood has turned again as he steps towards the bed, and he gently places me down, shuffling us up the bed so my head is in between the two pillows.

I still have my legs wrapped around his waist but I gently untangle them as he positions himself on top of me. He's got one hand holding himself up, but the other he's using to tease the skin just above the neck line of my low cut vest top.

"You're so..." he breathes a soft kiss against my throat. "Beautiful."

I drag my hands down his body on purpose to undo his belt and his jeans and he groans as the fabric brushes him. His right hand then moves to my shorts as he slips his hand inside them, making me moan as he makes contact with my clit. I push my hips up to meet his rhythm as he pumps his finger into me, and soon I'm just about ready to burst, from just a few touches.

But he stops. He pulls his hand out of my shorts, but unbuttons and pulls them down. As he throws them, I realise I'm almost half naked underneath him, and as I hear them drop to the floor, I work on getting him the same. I can feel the damp growing between my legs, and I know he can.

I move my fingers to his boxers, before getting my hands on the hem of his top. But before I can get it off him, he rolls so that I'm now on top. He sits up, allowing me to remove his shirt and as I throw it behind me, he sighs and kisses me long and hard. He tastes like the chocolate strawberries we were eating, and his tongue teases gently across mine as we push our bodies together. I scratch my nails gently across his shoulder blades and I feel him shiver in anticipation as I continue to tickle my finger down his back, tracing where I know his tattoo goes.

"What do you want?" He asks, his voice is low next to my neck.

I moan as he grinds his hard crotch up and against mine. He's just wearing his boxers and I'm still in my shirt, and I'm waiting for him to take it off.

"You," I answer.

As he leans us backwards again, our lips locked, I put my hand down in between my  legs to tease his erection, palming him through his boxers, and he hisses through his teeth as I take hold of him. He's hard, and he's throbbing, and I can tell he's ready to go as the breath catches in his throat at my touch.

He sloppily lifts the hem of my shirt, pulling it off, then reaches around to the clasp of my bra and pops it off, throwing them both to the floor. He pushes us up again and I sit with my legs still straddling him as he teases my nipples with his mouth. I moan loudly as he continues to tease them until they're both hard and erect, turning me on more and more as he rolls each nipple between his finger and thumb.

As he continues to tease them, I reach down and fumble again for the hem of his boxers. He helps as I break our kiss slightly to get them off him. He shuffles and pushes the boxers down his legs and I gasp as I feel his length brush against my hip.

"You sure?" He asks.

"Yeah," I say, my voice barely audible over the sound of my heart beating in my ears. "I want this. I want you," I whisper in between kisses, and I moan again loudly after he rolls, sits up and expertly removes my knickers. "I love you."

He smiles shyly and kisses me once more. "Do you want to get... under the covers?" He asks, swallowing before looking me in the eye.

I shake my head, but only because if I wait another second I'm going to explode all on my own. The dampness is growing still, and I need him.

We're both now completely naked, and as he moves, I feel his erection at my hip again. I sigh and moan and I close my eyes as he starts teasing me again, spreading the wetness between my legs with his dexterous fingers. But before I ask him to stop teasing, he turns us over again. I'm now ready and wanting beneath him as he moves down my body, nipping and sucking on my nipples again, kissing down my stomach.

He holds my thighs with his hands and as he breathes against my wetness and my body bucks involuntarily as his tongue starts to move exquisitely. He wraps his arms around my thighs again, to stop me from moving again and after a few minutes I feel the familiar knot and my legs tense. I can't help but buck again as he pushing his tongue further, and I have to bite hard on my own hand to stop myself from screaming when I come powerfully around him. I can feel him grin as he continues to torment me, and I can't even make any sense of anything as I come down from the high he'd just taken me to.

"You're always so wet, Lib," he blows on the now-more sensitive area, and I moan again, whimpering for him to stop teasing me.

I decide enough is enough, so I pull him up to kiss me, my legs still spread underneath him, and I can taste myself on his tongue and lips. I grin as he moves slightly, leaning across to his bedside drawer to grab a condom.

"You're absolutely sure?" He asks, telling me with innocent eyes that he will stop if I say no. I know he would, but I didn't want him to.

"Shh, yes I'm sure..." I kiss him, grabbing his erection and sliding my hand up and down his length.

He sighs as he gets the condom wrapper open and gets me to slide it on for him. Bunching it at the tip, I roll it onto him slowly on purpose.

"Fuck Libby," he strangles a moan as I rub him once more up and down, brushing my thumb over the tip. "Fuck." I can feel him pulsing in my hand along with the wetness building between my thighs again and our breathing accelerates. We'd done stuff before... but this is so much more than that.

He looks down at me, just looking at me, and I smile at him, each of us breathing hard, as if we'd just run a marathon. He was so gentle, strong and good, and I couldn't think of a better way to tell him I love him than by doing this.

"I love you," I say again quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder, my other gliding over his hip.

He leans forward and kisses me tenderly, and I can feel him at my entrance, teasing again as he presses my legs wider. And as he continues to kiss me, he pushes into me. I have to try to stifle the moan that comes from me involuntarily.

His hands cover my mouth quickly before his mouth does, so I must have moaned too loud, but I'm too wrapped up in the feel of him inside me to care.

He tests and flexes his hips.

"You okay?" He asks, flexing again, letting me get used to him. I nod as an answer and I wrap my legs around him, drawing him in deeper.

"Fuck," I say before I can stop myself. "Fuck, Jasper." I close my mouth and bite my lip as I moan again, leaning forward to bite his shoulder... and he starts to move, picking up the pace.

I can hear his headboard hitting softly against the wall, along with his breathing and I close my eyes and hold on. I'm not a virgin, which makes this easier, but I had never had sex as good as this. Every move he made, every touch was pushing me higher. Every time he slams into me, he hits that perfect spot again and again and I don't know how hard I'm biting his shoulder but I'm doing it to stop myself from screaming his name. I try to match him pulse for pulse, moving as one, like we were made for each other.

"Faster," I pant, pushing my head back against the pillow in ecstasy as he hits that spot harder and faster, again and again. I brush my hands over the small of his back as he kisses my neck. I can barely contain my moans as he continues to slam into me and I'm really having trouble stopping myself from crying out when he moves his fingers around and rubs me at the same time. Fuck.

I close my eyes and put my hands around his hips, tickling my nails on the small of his back. As if it was even possible, he speeds up again, almost pushing me over the edge.

"Fuck," he breathes before leaning down to kiss my lips again quickly, strangling the next moan that comes out of my mouth. I spread my legs wider, and he hammers into me harder, hitting that spot more deliciously than ever.

I don't know how much longer either of us can go on for, but soon that delicious knot builds in my stomach. I can feel him building as well, his toned stomach and his back tensing as his thrusts get sloppier. But I love how it feels, and how each orgasm I've had with him is so much better than the last one.

Finally though, after four more hard thrusts hitting that spot perfectly again, I tighten around him, curling my toes as I let go, exploding around him, biting my own palm to stop myself from screaming. I can feel the wetness on the duvet beneath us but I don't care. With one more thrust, Jasper jerks forward and comes, spilling into the condom as he collapses forward on top of me, pushing me into the bed. He's panting hard as he tries to hold himself up on his elbows. I still have my legs around him, and each of us is flinching at each tiny movement as our skin is alive with passion and sensation.

Seeing him come undone like that... I didn't know if it was possible to love a man that much.

After a few seconds more of our heavy breathing, he kisses me. His lips are swollen from the intensity of our heated moment but that makes it so much more... well, more.

"That was..." I pant, brushing his back with my hand. He's still inside me, and I feel him shudder slightly as my fingers tickle him.

"Fuck, I love you," he grins. "That was... just... fuck." I giggle at his lack of words. I'd have said the same.

His eyes are bright and wild, his hair is a mess and he has a bite mark on his shoulder, but his grin is beautiful as he beams down at me. I can also imagine he has scratch marks on his back, but I don't think he cares about them either. It's the happiest I've ever seen him, and it brings tears to my eyes, especially after what he's admitted to me today.

I giggle and tip my hips up again to meet his as he pulls out of me. It makes me wince slightly, but it's disappointment I feel most when I no longer feel him inside me.

"We are fucking doing that again," he breathes after he's tied the condom in a knot and thrown in the bin.

I simply nod, still not quite recovered from how amazing it was. Because it was. I mean Sam, who had been good once I got my first time out the way. But Jasper... Jesus H Christ, Jasper was on a whole other level. Sam was crap compared to him... sorry Sam.

And he's like a new person. He jumps over me, giggling - actually giggling - as he moves me off the duvet so he could pull it over us.

"Was that... okay?" I ask, putting a hand on his cheek as he puts his head on the pillow next to me. I suddenly feel very warm and embarrassed asking him, as I feel like he did more for me than I did for him.

"Okay?" He repeats and he looks confused. I nod and his face changes again, that grin returning as he pushes his lips to mine. "Fuck. Libby, that was so much more than okay. You... Yet again you continue to amaze me to my core. Fuck me... I'm happy to keep this bite mark and those scratches on my back for the rest of my days. If, for whatever reason, I lose you... this night will always be with me. Until the day I die."

"Jasper, don't say that. I'm not leaving."

And just like that a distance had been forced between us. Because as much as I said I wasn't going to leave, that's exactly what I was doing in just under eight months.

"I didn't... I didn't mean it like that. I just meant it hypothetically. Fuck's sake," he turns back over and faces away from me. "I always do this." He rolls away and sits up.

He hits at his own forehead and when I hear the glass on his nightstand, I turn over and quickly grab his shoulders to calm him down before he throws it across the room and smashes it.

"Hey. No, baby, come here," I say, whispering. He fights me for a few seconds, not moving, but then his shoulders relax ever so slightly. "Baby, look at me." He rolls again and he's looking in my eyes. He has tears in them again, but not the happy tears he had a minute ago. His breathtaking smile has gone too, and I want it back.

"I'm sorry," he whispers and he pushes his head forward to kiss my nose as we lie down again. I can feel a tear on his lip, but when I look up at him I realise it's mine. "Please don't cry, baby."

"We just... we just did that and then you go and remind me that I'm leaving," I sniffle. I'm not actually mad at him for saying because I did know he meant it hypothetically. I was upset at myself for knowing I would be leaving. I now wholeheartedly don't want to.

"I'm in deep here Jasper. I don't want to leave. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. I don't want to think about it the future right now. I just want this." I put a hand over his heart and he looks down at it. "I want you."

He smiles and takes my hand, shuffling closer. "And you have me. I'm yours. And I will love you until the end of time, Libby Reynolds."

I push myself closer to him, tucking my head under his chin as he wrapped his arms around me. I forget how small I am until I'm in his arms like this. I feel safe in these arms. I feel safer than I ever have, especially now, because I'm loved by him.

And as he soothingly strokes a hand up my arm and then over my hair, I find myself drifting off.