a story about a daughter who chose to dive and a mother who went on a journey to find out why her daughter made a death jump.

there are two sides to the moon. we may know of one but the other is hidden from us on the other side, beneath the shelter of a blanket of shadows.

~•~

THERE WAS A THICK COAT of silvery dust lining the drawers like a gigantic gray blanket. Amber swiped a finger across the damp wood and came back up with a layer of fuzzy coating. She rubbed the fur between her fingers slowly, thoughtfully, and then let it slip out of her fingers and onto the floor.

"Perhaps it's time I clean out this room," she muttered to herself. "The room is starting to reek of the rot and dirt of the yard."

Something caught the corner of her eye and she reached over and picked up a picture frame buried deep beneath the dust. She blew on it. The glass cleared to show a girl with dark blonde hair weaved into a bun on top of her head and gleaming eyes. She was carrying an overflowing backpack on her shoulders and around her neck hung a badge from the university she would soon be going to. She was laughing into the camera, her mouth opened wide in a grin.

Amber stared at the picture, frozen, unable to tear her eyes away from her daughter's last smile. The picture was taken in front of their house the day Emily went to college.

It was bright and early in the morning. Emily was excited to finally go to college and had barged into Amber's room to drag her out of bed.

"Come on, Mom!" she squealed and shook Amber violently. Her hands were trembling with excitement. "Today's it! It's really happening. I'm going to college!"

Amber groaned and rubbed her drowsy eyes. "What time is it? It looks dark outside. And- Oh, Emily! For gods sake, would you calm down for a second? I'm barely awake. At least let me wake up properly first!"

Emily giggled. "Okay, okay, but make sure you get up quickly. I'm going to go pack the car!"

Amber chuckled as her daughter skipped out of the room. She got out of bed and threw on her clothes.

For the past few days Emily had talked of nothing but college. She looked forward to it so much that she packed and got ready five months before the day they were supposed to leave on.

Amber walked outside and saw Emily trying to load the back of the car. The suitcase was too heavy for her, though, so she couldn't lift it into the car. She grunted and heaved but she was no match for the weight.

Amber laughed and walked over to help her. Together they pushed the suitcase into the car.

"Whew! Thanks," Emily said and pretended to wipe an imaginary drop of sweat from her forehead. She smiled at the overflowing back of the car. "Well, I'm all packed and ready to go."

Amber stared at the car. "Seems like it."

"I'll be a college student soon," Emily added.

"Yes, honey. And I'll be an old lady all alone in the huge house."

Emily laughed and hugged her mother. "Oh, mom. Don't be like that. I promise to call you every day and send you pictures."

Amber let a small smile slip onto her wrinkled cheeks. "I know you will," she said and returned the affection. "Just promise me you will stay safe and won't do anything stupid."

Emily pulled back and pretended to salute her mother. "Aye, aye captain."

"Now, stand in front of the house for one last picture," Amber instructed. "I'm not sending you to college without a memory of you for four years."

Emily, laughing and smiling, ran back into the house and brought out the camera. She handed it to Amber and posed in front of the house.

"Say cheese!" Amber said. She snapped the picture.

And that was the last time she would ever take a picture of Emily.

The door to the bedroom slowly opened, a drawn out creak arising from the hinges. Amber blinked, snapping out of her daze. In her surprise, she dropped the picture back onto the drawer with a dull thud and whipped around to see a man dressed in a professional dark suit, standing in the doorway.

"Oh, Matthew!" she exclaimed and put a hand to her heart. "You gave me a fright. What brings you here?"

Matthew looked around the room, his eyes traveling along the walls and the ceiling and finally landing on the drawer where Amber stood by. His eyes narrowed on the little frame that laid lopsided on the surface.

"Mrs. Helsing, how long are you going to spend your time in this room?" he asked, an edge in his voice.

Amber sighed. "I don't know. I just don't want the movers to clear this place out. It holds so many memories of her! I was just remembering something about her, Matthew. It was the day of her departure, a year ago. Can you believe it? Just a year ago she was going to college. Just a year ago."

"I understand, Mrs. Helsing, but you can't dwell too long in this room. Don't you remember what the therapist said?" Matthew questioned.

Amber sighed again, this time letting it draw out, and walked out the room, pushing past Matthew. "Please, Matthew. I know what he said. 'Sadness and tears cannot bring back a life.' But she was my only daughter. I cannot bring myself to completely shut out her existence."

Matthew followed after her. "But you're practically living in that room! This can't continue. Remembering is okay, but not moving on is not. It's already been a month. You haven't eaten anything all day except for a few crackers here and there."

"I am an old woman, Matthew," Amber said, slightly annoyed by the man's insistence. "If I want to eat crackers, then I will."

"But, Mrs. Helsing, your health-"

"My daughter has just died," she reminded him. "I wish to spend more time with her spirit than with no one at all."

"Then I will come by everyday and take care of you!" Matthew insisted. "I'll be your accompany."

Amber paused and placed a hand on his chest. "Matthew, you have a wife and child at home," she told him quietly. "You have to make them your first priority, not me, not an old woman."

Matthew doubled back and spluttered apologies, for he had realized his foolish mistake. "I-I'm so sorry! I didn't know what I was saying. I didn't mean to sound like that! And right after you lost Emily..."

"It's alright," Amber assured him. She went into the kitchen and grabbed the open bag of tea leaves. "A cup of tea?"

"No, I'm alright," Matthew said. Amber ignored him and poured both of them a cup of streaming tea. She handed one to Matthew and took a long gulp from her own cup. The scent of mint leaves gave her a calming effect and her heart eased of its hollow pains.

"How is little Wayne?" she asked, suddenly out of the blue. Matthew jolted.

"He's alright," he answered quickly. "Lucy took him an hour ago to his grandmother's house. They'll be staying there for three days, two nights."

"So you'll be alone in the house?" Amber said and took another sip.

"Yes."

Amber nodded. "I see. Is that why you came to see me?"

Matthew shook his head a bit too vigorously. His tea almost splashed out of the cup. "No, no that's not why I'm here. I'm here on my own free will. I just wanted to know if you were doing alright."

"Well, you see me now and know that I've quite alive and breathing well," Amber mused. "Is that good enough for you? To see me still walking around, strong?"

Matthew opened his mouth and looked like he was about to protest. But the words seemed to die in his mouth as he thought about what he was about to say and he closed it again. Amber smiled in satisfaction for she knew she had won the battle.

"You don't worry about me, but if it assures you in any way I promise to start eating properly from now on," she said. Matthew didn't look like he believed her, but he didn't have much choice. He gave a stiff nod.

"But you must keep your promise," he said.

"I will," Amber replied. She set down her cup. It was still a bit full, but she didn't want to drink it anymore. She's been feeling like this for days now. She would start something, but then suddenly stop, and never continue it again. She yawned.

"I'm going to rest in my bedroom now," Amber announced. "Once you're done with drinking, do you mind putting it in the sink? I'll wash it later."

She turned and was just about to walk out the door when Matthew suddenly blurted out, "Wait, I found something about Emily."

His words were so unexpected and so random that Amber almost tripped over her own too feet in her haste to turn around to face the man. She stared at him wide eyed. "What did you find? And why didn't you say so earlier?"

He pulled out an envelope from his jacket pocket and held it out to her. "It's a letter written by her," he confessed. "I think this is the reason why she jumped."

Amber wasted no time is rushing forward to grab the envelope. It was thick and felt heavy in her hands. She could already tell that there was a lot of papers sealed inside. Her tiredness suddenly evaporated and was replaced by a new profound energy. She flipped over the envelope and read the few words scribbled on the front:

TO WHOMEVER THAT FINDS THIS

Amber swallowed back a lump in her throat. The writing was definitely her daughters. She could recognize it anywhere. She could almost the feel the warmth of Emily's hands as she was writing the letter.

"Where did you find this?" Amber asked breathlessly, still no believing what she was seeing and holding in her hands. She was shaking slightly and swayed on her spot.

"Apparently, after the people at the university cleared out Emily's dorm, they kept this letter and never told anyone. Why they did this I was never told. All I know is that the boss at my workplace handed this to me and asked me to pass it to you," he explained. "I haven't read it. I think it would be more appropriate for you to be the first reader."

"Emily..." Amber's voice was barely above a whisper. Her voice was so fragile, like liquefied glass, breakable with a little snap. "Emily wrote this?"

"Yes, Mrs. Helsing," Matthew told her softly. "I believe it's the last letter she ever wrote."

Amber's eyes bore into the crisp paper. "Emily..." she whispered again.

Matthew set his untouched cup of tea, now cold, on the dinner table. "I think I'll take my leave now and give you time alone," he said quietly. He slowly backed out of the room and a moment later, the front door slammed shut.

Amber did not hear. She had tuned out everything around her and was staring at the envelope in her hands as if in some trance. Then she quickly shook herself out of her daze and ripped open the letter. She pulled out the pieces of paper inside and began to read it, her eyes scanning and grasping tightly onto every single little word like they were her lifeline.