The sun beamed down on me, causing sweat to bead at my temples. I wanted to wipe it away, but my hands were currently occupied with carrying two toddlers.

Taylor and Ava were talking their undecipherable baby talk and pointing at random cars as I walked as fast as I could to the car. Thankfully, Deshaun was already inside, the air conditioning on full blast.

He hopped out the car, relieving me of Ava and we worked simultaneously to strap them in their car seats, which the two babies fought hard against. By the time we had them situated and the two of us were sitting up front we were sweaty and panting like dogs. You would've thought we just ran a marathon instead if picked two toddlers up from daycare.

I'd finally caught my breath when Deshaun pulled out of the Tiny Sprout's parking lot.

"Thanks, again, for the ride," I said, glancing over at him.

His eyes were trained on the road as he shrugged it off. "I was heading up here anyway."

I glanced back at Ava who was trying to take her little white sandals off. She looked so much like her brother. Same dark skin, small eyes and curly black hair. Deshaun currently had his curls covered with a white baseball cap. I resisted the urge to snatch it off of him.

"Still," I said, folding my hands in my lap. "I appreciate it. You didn't have to. Especially not after—"

"Jade." I'd never heard my name in sharper tone. He sent me a warning glance before turning back to the road.

The only sounds for the rest of the ride were from the A.C. and the babbling of two one year olds who just discovered spit bubbles.

Was there anything in the world that was more awkward than having to call the guy you dumped a month ago and ask him for a ride? No. There wasn't. This was the absolute top of the awkward scale.

When Deshaun stopped in front of my house I grabbed Taylor's car seat out the back. Before closing the backdoor, I looked at Deshaun up front. His wrist rested on the steering wheel as he stared out the window. Through the rearview mirror I caught the hurt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." My apology was met with Ava blowing a raspberry. As soon as I shut the door Deshaun drove off. I was gutted to watch him go. The guilt made feel hollow inside.

Calling him really was my only option, though. And it wasn't a decision I made lightly. If our stupid car hadn't over heated or if Bee had answered her phone or if I had the money for an Uber, that long awkward drive could've been avoided.

Taylor began to fuss so I carried her inside. The moment I released her from her seat she was off, heading straight for Mom who was curled up in an arm chair watching some evening talk show.

I was jealous of my sister for being small enough to climb into Mom's lap. I could us a mother's embrace at the moment. Instead I plopped down on the couch and kicked my shoes off. I let out a deep sigh as I fell back, sinking into the cushions.

"Was it that bad?" She asked in between tickling Taylor.

"It was worse." I groaned. "Please tell me we're getting the car fixed." Riding with Deshaun could not happen again.

Now my mom sighed heavily. "It'll take a while to come up with the money."

"Can't you go to the garage in some skin tight dress and seduce them?"

She smacked her lips, but laughed nonetheless. "Well figure it out."

That seemed to be her new favorite phrase. There was a lot of stuff we were figuring out. Like how to make rent or buy diapers or how I was going to pay for college.

So far, figuring it out looked a lot like crying over the kitchen sink when she thought I was in bed and stretching take out over a week.

Taylor climbed off Mom's lap and began dancing to some commercial jingle. I envied her ignorance to the fact that if we're late paying rent again we'd end up homeless.

We'll  figure it out.

* * *

"Summer is over!" Bee cried dramatically as we walked down the pier, ice cream cones in hand—her treat since she ignored my calls and texts and was part of the reason I ended up in a car with Deshaun.

I took another lick of my cookies'n'creme as I looked out at the ocean. The salty breeze sent goosebumps down my bare arms. Summer was over. Senior year was starting. College applications were sent. As much as I wanted to go to UCLA, a part of me hoped they didn't accept me. Then I could stay home and go to community college where it's cheaper, without the added guilt.

Thinking so far into the future had given me a headache. Or maybe it was a brain freeze, I thought as I stared down at the remains of my cone.

"What's wrong with you?" She asked, bumping her shoulder into mine. Her blue eyes were filled with concern. "You've been quiet."

My gaze flickered to the iPhone in her hand, the expensive converse on her feet, and the words about my family's financial struggles dissolved on my tongue. All she knew was that our car stopped running, not that we couldn't pay to get it fixed. She didn't need to know that.

"Nothing," I said quickly, tossing my cone in the trash. Suddenly feeling nauseous. "Just...thinking about Deshaun, still. I shouldn't have called him." I admitted, leaning my elbows of the railing that separated the boardwalk from the sandy beach. "You should've seen his face. He looked like he was getting teeth pulled."

My mind went back to the cold way he had said my name. How his grip tightened around the steering wheel when I spoke to him. The angles of his jaw as it clenched, as if he was trying really hard to hold back the words he should've said a month ago after I told him that I couldn't be with him anymore. Days after he said he loved me and I couldn't say it back.

We'd been together for almost a year. It started with whispered jokes about Mr. Levin's comb over and morphed into late night messaging.

It was fun. Nothing serious. At least I didn't think it was serious. Not until he said those words. It came out of the blue one night while we were on his porch and I was waiting for my mom to pick me up. One second we're talking about Lisa Barlow's pool party and the next he was telling me how much he liked me. That he'd never been so comfortable around another person before. That I was the first girl he could ever picture a future with.

He seemed so calm saying those things. Like he'd been rehearsing them for a while. I, on the other hand, was not calm. I was freaking out. I was straining my ears to listen for the familiar squeaking of my mom's breaks.

Future? We were seventeen. We were kids. We had so much time ahead of us. So much time before this future he talked about could actually begin. There were a million things I wanted to do and starting my future at seventeen wasn't one of them.

To this day I believed my mom sensed my panic and that was why she appeared at the curb before my silence stretched on too long and Deshaun said anything else.

I said a quick goodbye before climbing into the passenger seat. From the side view mirror I watched him standing on the porch, hands stuffed in his pockets as he watched us drive away.

I decided to end things before we even made it home.

"I'm really sorry for not checking my phone," Bianca said now, resting her head on my shoulder as she wrapped her arm through mine. "I won't let that happen again, okay? Even if I gotta carry you on my back, you will not have to ride in the car with your ex ever again."

A small smile tugged at my lips as I smoothed some of her frizzy brown hair down as the wind blew it up. "Thanks, Bee."

"Mhm." She hummed, licking at her vanilla cone.

* * *

When I made it back home Mom and Taylor were asleep on the couch. The two of them looked so peaceful I didn't want to disturb them. But I knew if I left them like that Mom would spend all of tomorrow complaining about her back.

I woke them and while Mom tidied up the living room, I went to put Taylor in her crib. She fussed and tried her hardest to fight off the sleepiness. Her face was red and wet with tears, but after a couple minutes of rubbing her back she'd fallen back to sleep.

For a moment I just watched her sleep, wondering how someone so precious could be born into this train wreck of a family.

When I got to my room I fell back onto my orange comforter. The dim yellow light of the neon DREAM sign that hung above the bed was the only light I had as I kicked off my shoes and pulled off my socks.

Today sucked the life out of me.

Just then, my phone dinged with a text. Ana Lyons name flashed on the screen. She hadn't talked to me since freshman year and we had a group project together. It's not that we hated each other or anything, we just ran in different circles.

But as I read the message I realized that maybe she does hate me.

Ana 🦁:
You had your chance with him.
Don't call my boyfriend again!

//
Hello humans! New story omg!!!
Okay, I've struggled with this chapter and wrote like 12 drafts, but I think is it!

I'm so excited to share this with you and I really hope you enjoy it! ❤️