As a kid, I never really managed to make any other friends aside from Finch.

It was almost as if I couldn't quite get the hang of how to not be that last dented box of off-brand cereal in the supermarket; didn't know how to not be anxious around other people.

It's still hard for me to pinpoint what caused the unease in the first place, but I do know that I would have brought that loneliness with me into adulthood if River hadn't broken through my icy composition.

"Did you know comets were considered omens of disaster?" I had asked him once after we'd spent an entire evening drinking in the living room, and he had leaned back against the armrest of the couch with his eyes half-closed, nodding to let me know he was listening, listening, always listening.

And then: "They thought a comet looked like this... this fiery sword. Blazing across the night sky. A — Hey, hey, River." I had repeatedly patted his knee until he opened his eyes more. "A traditional sign of war. Are you listening? A sign of death from God. Riv."

"Yeah."

"People hated them. Comets? People hated them so bad."

He had hummed and straightened up a bit then, probably sensing how serious I was even though I was beginning to slur over my words a little. "Maybe people just didn't understand," he had said, not like he was correcting me, but like he was trying to understand.

"No, No, Riv. They hated them. They were so afraid. But you know, in the Universe, there's one thing that never treated comets like danger on Earth even when everyone else did. You know who?"

"Who?"

"The Sun."

A strangled noise makes its way past his throat, a choked-off sound somewhere between a laugh of disbelief and a huff of bewilderment. I half expect him to stop the car just to process what I told him. "She what?"

I wring my fingers together in my lap, lowering my eyes to focus on taking a deep breath through my nose and slowly let it out through my mouth to try and calm myself, but all it does is make me aware of how the light outside catches onto the bird charm hanging from the chain around my wrist.

For the first time in a decade, with my chest feeling like it could burst from all the air trapped inside it, I consider taking the dainty little thing off.

"Sky..." River breathes out, and I blink the fog out of my eyes, circling my wrist with my other hand so I can't look at the old piece of jewelry anymore before turning to stare outside the window. "Does he know?"

I manage a small shake of my head in response, watching people outside bustling about, hurrying from place to place. I'm overwhelmed by the cacophony of sounds and sights; the blaring of horns, the screech of brakes, the chatter of people mingling together.

The streets are a jam-packed sea — of people and of vehicles — moving in a chaotic dance.

River stays silent as towering skyscrapers with their glass facades reflect the bright sunlight back in our faces, buildings so tall their tops seem to disappear into the clouds that lazily drift above us.

We continue driving further into the heart of the city, and the scenery changes to give way to smaller buildings; streets narrower and sidewalks lined with shops and cafès and their colorful signs.

The city, I've always thought, was a feast for the senses.

"Hey," River's gentle voice hovers between us. "You wanna tell me what you're thinking?"

On a scale of one to ten, I hear inside my head, blinking the smog of horns and buses and passengers out of my eyes. Eight, I think, feeling my airway close up slow, slow... Eight point one, eight point two, eight point three, eight point four, eight point —

"Sky?"

As the city continues to reveal itself layer by layer, so does the dread in my stomach.

"I'm scared," I whisper, my voice a touch away from shaking like a leaf amid a storm. The chain around my wrist suddenly weighs a hundred pounds, much like my heart between my ribs.

Learning to love someone from a distance is a lesson in patience. In perseverance. In hope. It teaches you how to love the silence between you, the spaces and the things never said, the dip and line and curve of every emotion you kept mute.

It taught me how to admire a star in the sky.

River's fingers press into my shoulder in a gentle squeeze. I'm listening, the warmth from his palm tells me. I'm always listening.

"I didn't think I'd be so scared, Riv."

For something that makes you feel so much at once, loving someone from a distance doesn't teach you all that much about how to not be afraid.

"Scared of what?" he asks, low, like he's tiptoeing with his voice. "Him?"

I shake my head, watching the sky transform outside the window, shifting from one shade of blue to another behind wispy clouds.

Of getting in between him and the life he's learned to live without me.

-

By the time we turn to the street at the end of which Layla's old place is, River has let go of the subject.

For the time being, at least.

I know I'm off the hook — for now — the second he takes a lock of my hair between his thumb and index finger and tugs lightly, scrunching his nose back at me when I scrunch mine.

In the past ten years, I've come to recognize his little gestures as silent murmurs of 'I trust you to tell me when the time comes' — a tap from the tip of his index finger between my eyebrows, a tender rub of his hand up and down my back, a bump of his shoulder against mine.

River has always had more confidence in my journey than I ever could, this unbudging faith that in time, I will find my way to him in my darkest hour no matter what.

"Okay, so..." I start, blinking at the two black SUVs that zoom past us two blocks from the house, "How many people are we about to meet right now, exactly?"

"Uh," River cranes his neck a little to check for something when we finally slow down so he can park, seeming completely indifferent to the giant vehicles that passed by us seconds ago. "Like... seven?"

My mind goes blank. "Um." I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans, internally thanking whatever force made me decide to wear dark colors today because meeting a bunch of people that are incredibly important to my best friend in clothes patched with sweat is definitely not something I'd be into. Not to mention, the said people happen to have their faces printed on at least three billboards we passed on our way here. "I thought you said the guys were staying at yours."

"They are," he tells me slowly, eyes regarding me bemusedly for a few seconds before he pushes his side of the door open. "I'm picking them up. And Juni."

And then he slides out easily, while I feel my stomach flutter uncomfortably and desperately try to tamp the feeling down before I get out as well, trying to ignore the weight of River's inquisitive eyes on my face.

We've just stepped through the small gates when he makes a surprised little noise that soon morphs into a laugh. "Oh, I see. I see what this is about."

I squeeze my eyes shut for a split second and contemplate why I didn't fling myself out of the car window when I still had the chance.

"I forgot about your little crush on Ved."

"This isn't about that. I don't —" I drop my face into both hands as he continues to laugh. "I don't have a crush on him. I'm not twelve." I lift my head with a sigh just in time to watch him ring the doorbell. "And I barely know him. I'd just... you know..."

"Sit on his face? Yeah. I know."

"Oh, my God," I hiss, eyes widening in alarm at the loud 'coming!' that echoes from behind the door, and reach over to pinch River behind the ear. His entire body jerks away even as his shoulders shake with uncontrollable titters. "I can't believe the shit that comes out of your mouth sometimes. Why would you say that? What the fuck."

He clicks his tongue at me, dodging me easily when I reach over to pinch him in the waist next just to shut him up. "You teaching teenagers with that guttermouth?"

"This is your fault, you f —" I clamp my mouth shut when the door swings open, immediately plastering a cheery smile on my face that I'm sure looks more like a grimace than anything.

"Hey," the person who opened the door greets with a nod, sharp, cat-like eyes immediately fixated on me as they lean against the doorframe and blatantly disregard River's presence beside me. "Haven't seen you around in a while."

"Oh, here we go," River mutters, throwing his hands in the air and taking hold of my shoulders to push past them and inside the house, ignoring the offended squawk that echoes behind us.

"Hi, Juni!" I call over my shoulder, letting River lead me straight to the living room and trying to keep my smile intact when a dozen eyes immediately skid in my direction. "Um. Hi."

"Most of you already know Sky, but those who don't, say hello." River throws an arm around my shoulders as he gestures to the six people scattered around the room, currently looking up at me with varying levels of friendliness on their faces. "Sky, this is everyone — you know Sean, Imani, and Ved. This is Kaia," he points at the tall figure beside Imani at the end of the couch, one tattooed arm going up in the air to throw me a wave, "Atlas," I feel the tightness in my chest ease a little at the radiant grin he directs my way, nose ring equally shiny under the warm lights of the room, "and DJ."

"Daisy," they correct, tucking a lock of their long blond hair behind their ear as they reach over to shake my hand since they're sitting the closest to where River and I are. "I produce music for these losers sometimes, but clearly not enough for them to learn my actual name."

"You love us," Juni scoffs from behind us, and River lifts his arm and steps aside to let them in.

"This is a strictly business relationship," Daisy retorts, deadpan. "I was dragged to this party against my will."

"Okay, first of all, it's not a party," Juni responds, walking over to where Ved is sitting on the couch and plonking sideways on his lap and crossing their legs. The latter wraps his arms around their waist to steady them like it's the most natural thing in the world, and some more of the anxiety bubbling in my stomach ebbs away at the sight. "'Cause I'm not gonna be here." They spread their arms out in the general direction of everyone else as if asking to be backed up on the statement.

No one does.

"It's not a party yet," says a familiar voice from inside, and the last few knots between my ribs loosen and dissolve into nothing. Layla steps out to greet me with a hug full of warmth that I've only been familiar with when it comes to River before this. She smells like vanilla and cinnamon. And bread. "Hi." She lightly sways us from side to side. "Hi. Hi. I'm so glad you're here."

"Hey," I murmur back, unable to keep the smile off my face when she squeezes my upper arms affectionately before stepping back. "Thanks for inviting me."

"You didn't need an invite to be here, but you're welcome." She winks at me and then turns to her fiancé with amusement twinkling in her eyes. "Hello."

He tries to purse his lips in faux exasperation for a second before the mirth takes over. "Please don't ask her any questions about me that you might not want to hear the answers to."

Layla rolls her eyes but the smile hasn't left her lips when he leans down and kisses her gently in greeting. "We'll see about that."

"My marriage is in danger," he stage-whispers to me after rubbing a smudge of flour off her cheekbone with his thumb, and I shrug my shoulders.

"Eh. You aren't married yet."

He gives me a wide-eyed look.

"What? She's right."

He turns the wide-eyed look in Layla's direction. "Oh, boy, am I about to regret this."

"Women being evil together is my favorite thing," Juni calls from the back, and Layla turns around with a raised finger that she immediately points at them once she's facing them.

"You could kiss ass all you want." She points a thumb over her shoulder. "You're still leaving with the guys."

"This blatant disrespect of my identity —"

"Nah-uh."

"I'm not even a guy!" they wail dramatically even as Ved tucks his hands under their armpits and gets up with zero effort, holding them like a toddler against his chest and letting their legs dangle down like a rag doll. I pay no mind to River when he elbows me lightly. "I'm wearing a dress!"

"Wow, disregarding the toxicity of gender norms for your own convenience?" Daisy comments solemnly. "Didn't expect that from you, Jun."

"I wear dresses sometimes," Atlas adds, and then immediately steps a little to the side and out of Juni's reach. I don't know what they would have done, but from the self-satisfied grin he throws at them when they make a throat-slitting motion at him, I can make a guess.

"It always be your own people," they mutter, giving Daisy the stink-eye.

River exhales loudly. "I'm beginning to think I can't trust you guys to not scare Sky away."

"We just need to get rid of brat and brat-tamer over here." Imani gestures in the general direction of Ved and Juni as she leans back and settles under Kaia's arm. "And we'll be fine."

"I didn't even do anything, but whatever," are the only words Ved says.

"We'd be more than glad to let you off the hook if someone else could keep them in check," Sean says so seriously, several snickers rise in the room. Juni sticks out a middle finger at him. "If any of you aren't done grabbing your stuff in the next ten minutes, River and I are leaving you here."

"Works for me." Juni grins, not even batting an eyelash when Ved throws them over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and begins stalking in the direction of the stairs.

"I'll just lock you outside the house with no food or water!" Layla calls, turning back around to clap her hands in front of my face thrice. "I have so much planned for us five. You're gonna have a great time, I promise."

There's a thud from above, and then a screech. None of the people on the couch move an inch. River pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs.

I bite back a giggle and tell her, "I believe you."

a/n

i missed writing about the band SO MUCH !!!!! god. i was really intimidated by the idea of writing about them after like, two years or so but it just came to me somehow and it felt like coming home. i swear.

thank you so much for reading!