"That I still have space for him?"

Liam and Jessica looked into each other's eyes, their hearts beating like a drum. They knew it, here it was- the beginning and end of it all.

"..." Liam let the silence prevail. Now, it was Jessica's turn to speak.

"So what if I do?" She was crying, again.

And it caused his heart to ache.

"So what if I do, Liam? It is you I have given all of me to. I do not think of him, I have got nothing to do with him. If you want, I would never ever see him again. I would end whatever relation we share- of friends... of... of anything. He is of no value to me.."

Perhaps if he truly was of no value to her, she would not spiral into what she was right then.

"Stop lying to yourself Jessica." Liam cupped her face with care. "Accept it. Your heart has been wavering. It has waivered. If you had completely offered all you had to me, will your heart still waver..?"

"I told you, Liam, he is just a trophy to me. Isn't it human nature to demand things that it cannot achieve? I know my heart could have waivered, but I swear I do not want anything to change."

"That is because you are too comfortable, my love. Who would want to give up the home they have spent years on?"

"...are you asking us to end it all?"

Liam shook his head in denial. But that gesture was not without rebellion from his own mind. 

"You need to think about it. Jessica, you know it. No matter how much value I attach to something, if it does not pay me back at the same scale, I would not shy away from cutting it all, even if it causes loss to my own self." 

Each word that left Liam's mouth marked a sharp stab in Jessica's trembling body.

"Liam, what if I end it all. What if I end up with Ryan and still miss you? I cannot... I can't... I don't know why... Why is my heart like this? Why is it so treacherous!?"

Liam rubbed his face his frustration. "I know you have always seen me as a saint, but please don't... please..." he begged her, he too, cried again. "Speak, but think before you speak. What is coming out of your mouth right now is hurting me, more than anything ever has. Ryan to me is becoming half of what Portia is to you. He is on the verge of becoming the guy that is stealing all I ever wanted, all I ever cared for. And if he has the fate to win it all, then it does not matter if he throws it away after getting it. Since it is his fate, I would not hold any of it back from him." 

His chest heaved up and down. In resentment and pain. 

Jessica, however, felt relieved. 

Felt relieved of a weight she never thought she carried. 

Her mind was truly playing games on her.

"Let us take a break. Let me figure it all out. Once I have, I will come back to you." Jessica could no longer bring herself to look into Liam's eyes anymore.

Liam held a painful smile behind the curtain of tears that was almost blinding him. 

Perhaps he knew, if she were to go away, she might never come back.

Or, she might come back, but never to him.

But being the saint he was, he nodded. He had originally planned to stay the night at this place they called their home, but now that it had come to this- he immediately got up and left. Packing his things and taking them all away too. He boarded the first available flight, away from China.

***

Days passed by and things started to return to normal on the surface. Jessica was back to work, but her heart never settled. She kept thinking back to the time of the ballroom, and when she screwed it all up.

She tried collecting her thoughts through different methods- be it avoidance, discussion, journalling, she tried them all.

All of the markers just checked the boxes for Liam. No matter how she analyzed, Liam was the perfect guy for her, just like Portia was the perfect woman for Ryan.

Then who knew why her heart only lingered at the other guy.

She was not the type to gamble all she had. She had in fact always been of the risk avoidant type. But no matter what- it all went back to the boy she had fallen for in school. During this time spent in thinking and rethinking, she recalled the way her childlike interactions with Ryan when they were schoolmates, and how he had tarnished it all, how things had turned out absolutely the opposite of a fairy tale. 

When she thought of those, her heart would fill with angst and anger.

Then, her memories would go back to the little moments that let the butterflies in her stomach do the rock and roll, and she would think of Ryan like a happy light shining over her.

And even though the right thing to do would be to focus more on the former, she was stuck on the latter.

Maybe he was the trophy she would actually cheat to win.

Eventually, it boiled down to one final conclusion- Liam was not someone she could go back to.

She could not make him suffer, at all. It was unfair to him, more than was to her. Neither of them wanted it the way they knew it was going- it was the investment of years going down the drain. 

Anyway, Jessica had made her mind up. The only thing that remained- was to break the news to Liam. She was yet to figure out how.

As she sat in her office looking out of the window, her fingers would not stop caressing the ring on her finger.

Soon, it would be history.

***

One fateful night, Jessica was late to leave the office. She hadn't driven to work that day, and no buses or cabs were in sight. Although her mind was heavy, she still made space for work that would keep her on the edge. If not, she was a breath away from slipping into the numbness, the null and void. 

For once, an idea for help struck her mind. She could call Mary, her friend who she had not heard from for some good time now. Or, she could call Ryan to come pick her up. But both of these people, had now belonged to someone else. Jessica's pride did not let her reach out to either of them. 

She did not wish to stay in the office either. Therefore undeterred and yet fallen, Jessica started walking home.

Black clouds had covered the sky, hidden under the darkness of the night. They were ready to pour heavily, and the lone woman who walked on the road was also well aware of the consequences if she continued walking the path she had chosen. Yet, she walked.

Rainfall happened and it kept happening for a good one hour and a half, some more time than Jessica took to reach back home. She was soaked, and shivered from the cool wind that traced her wet clothes. Entering the house she made her mind to get into a hot shower and cook her some meal, hot water and then put her tiredness to sleep.

She went for the hot shower, but about the meal- she could not. Such was the way she was drained. Tears would slide every now and then as she made her bed to sleep. Once she was finally asleep, strange dreams haunted her- dreams composed of various people and colors, various mistakes and rightful deeds.

She tossed and turned around even in sleep, sometimes her face would curl up as if she were a toddler about to sob, then she would utter strange words, like the name of certain people. But I could not be too sure, for they were all mere utterances and undecipherable. The night clock struck three and finally, Jessica snapped opened her eyes.

Her body was shivering, face red and burning, palms of both the hand and feet freezing. 

She found herself awake in the fetal position, trying to fold her body as much as possible. No matter what she did, the cold did not subside. It only seemed to get worse with every passing moment. Soon, she felt her eyes drooping, mind all confused and hazy, and she did not remember the last thing she did before eventually passing out.