Where I reside in my town
There's something crazy going down
Everyone is going blind
The cause I pledge I have to find

It started in the Butcher's shop
When he lost his fingers with one chop
He cursed and bled for ages
I didn't buy no sausages

My tennis coach ended up in a squat
When I hit him in the crotch with a real sweet shot
He didn't laugh while on his knees
Or when I asked for new balls please

In Krafty Kuts for short back and sides
Billy lost his ears, should have heard his cries
The Cobbler, now that was awful news
Glued his fingers together and not soles on shoes
And Ted the Burglar lost his sight
Just before that guard dog took his bite

Enough already I must find out
What all of this is all about
So I retraced steps and asked around
You'll be quite shocked
At what I found

The Nag's Head it seemed was the source
Where all the locals drank of course
And attended there a talent show
No one from town that didn't go

But the landlord spiked his alcohol
With high doses of methanol
When asked why in front of the jury
'Well I should have won as Freddie Mercury!'