Zeeha s p.o.v

I woke up to the sound of my alarm tone blaring in the bedside table indicating time for fair. What? How come i am in the bed, i slept in the prayer mat last night right? A smile crept through my lips when i realized who could it be. My one and only beautiful MUM.  I remembered during my childhood i always used to doze off im the sofa and miraculously found myself in my room thr next day.. I chuckled even though I am 18 I will always be that little girl to my mum.. Alhamdulillah.. I got up from the bed half heartedly and dragged myself to the washroom, brushed my teeth, washed my face and made wudhu, I came back to my room and spread out the prayer mat and started praying. The beautiful thing about surrendering yourself whole heartedly to the almighty is the peace and tranquility which occupies your mind and cleanses your soul from Within. I made dua for me, my family, friends, teachers and for the whole ummah and got up. After placing the prayer mat in the closet I walk towards the washroom to have a shower hoping at least it will lessen the pain of my throbbing head. I stood under the shower letting the ice cold water run over me. After shower I changed into my uniform and packed my bag with that I left saying Allah Hafiz to mum. Lucky chap zahi is still sleeping,

Even though I had about 15 minutes more for my bus to arrive, I left early, and started walking slowly towards the bus stop, it was still dark and quiet. A chilly wind started blowing adding to the calm climate of early morning 4: 45. I reached my bus stand deep in my thoughts, I looked at my watch it's luminous numbers showing me I have more 5 minutes for the bus.

My heart felt heavy from yesterday's thoughts, I donno why even small and tiny things had the ability to make me cry now"oh come on gal, where is the strong lady zeeha?" My mind argued " oh you mean the ex-strong girl zeeha? She is lost" I smirked. I was engrossed in arguing with my mind voice when I heard  my bus horn honking, I came out of my thoughts and simply got into the bus with the dua for travelling,

I arrived at school, the raw pain of loneiness and being alone increased with every step I took. I realized " how much strong you think you are or how sure you are about yourself, loosing one single thing which you thought is your life can do damage you so deep and make you a person ypou never dreamed of"  with a sigh I went into the classroom and took my regular seat, my head felt heavy and my mind fully blank, I never wanted this, I want to be the old zeeha, i want to skip classes and roam across the school with maira, i want to tease the crap out of ashu, I want to have lunch together with shayaan after school, I want a shoulder to cry as much as I want. It felt like a icy cold hand reaching out and squeezing out my heart when realization dawned on me that i have no one "no zee, you are not alone almighty allah is always with you, he sees what you are going through, he knows the pain you are bearing, he knows how hard you try to fight even though you could easily give up, be patient great things are on your way, remember the almighty doesn't burden a soul beyond what it can bear, you are Strong zeeha, you survive through all these, ypou can survive. Be strong" my mind interrupted. I nodded " yes I can" I said to myself. with great difficulty I gathered my self and started writing my notes,I felt my head paining making me unable to concentrate, I I ignored it and continued writing almost like I am fighting myself against me.
The first bell for the day started ringing with the announcement saying to perform the religious rituals for the day. I took my scarf and went to the ground where muslim students have gathered for prayers

The prayers started but my eyes started blurring with tears remembering the fun we had in prayer assemblies.
Kicking each other, laughing suddenly, pulling scarfs and doing weird stunts in the name of exercises. It was becoming too much to bear. I sniffed taking a deep breath controlling the tears. I saw shehani looking at me with a confused look or caring look should I say. She is a new girl I met this year seems like a good girl, not seems like she is a good girl she always used to support me during my head aches and in studies. I gave her a light smile which she returned

The prayers ended, I started hurrying to the class before the school anthem started. Nope luck was not in my side, the anthem started playing when I am in the middle of the ground. I stood at attention, one of the important thing which my school taught us is " you define your school in the way how you respect others and how you pay respect to the national and school anthems "
A few of the young girls were giggling and laughing without paying attention to the national anthem, a prefect sister came and started shouting at them.

A strong wave of nostalgia hit me when I remembered my times as a senior prefect
The metallic silver badge shining in my scarf, head up with an aura of pride and love, always with mahi beside me, the best time of my life

Flash back:

We were arranging the students for the main assembly on Mondays and the school anthem started playing, I was the in charge for 1st standard while mahi was for 2nd. I noticed the 8th standard boys laughing and engaged in their gossips without paying respect to the national anthem. I went and complained to the in charge teacher, she smiled and said wait a little, after all the prayers ended she started speaking on the stage " prefects, remember you all  are the incharge after tchrs, you have the rights to control them,  try controlling them with live and affection, if they don't listen to you, give a good damn scolding, never go according to their wishes, "adhuvum kekalana ondu kudunga appo kepaanga"be a good leader not a dictator understood"" a sense of pride and responsibility  hit me listening to her, that moment I vowed to myself I will be the responsible one and fulfill my responsibility without failing

The tears which were threatening to fall decided against my command and started cascading down my cheeks, I saw shehani looking at me with a horrified look, I waited until the school anthem finishes and rushed to the class room and started crying my heart out keeping my head on the desk, my head aches like nothing, scenes and memories started flashing before my eyes, making !e difficult to breathe. shehahi came and inquired what it is, I dismissed her saying I am OK. After some times Shaazia came and said me " zeeha, shehani is crying because you are crying, what's wrong ?she asked. I rushed to shehani and gave her a questioning look she cried saying " I am a more sensitive person than you zeeha, I am really worried that I couldn't help you" I broke into more tears thinking her words

" sorry shehani, I understand your good intention, but I am broken beyond repair, I can never accept a new friend of make new friends,  my heart will mever accept a new friend. Call me a stupid or emotional idiot its pk..I am OK with the way I am,OK with the walls I ha built around me.. the memories I can carry in my heart, i can live with them forever" I mentally said to her and walked to the class

Authors note:

Like the chapter??

I actually stated crying when writing  this..
Never under estimate a pain of a person you never know what they are going through..

Until next time..
Bye.. See ya

Allah Hafiz lovelies😘

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