A/N: so here's Harry's POV...a few of you have been waiting for this...oh the pressure! I hope it meets your expectations... x

Harry's POV

I hear the soft click as mum closes the door behind us.

"Have you eaten anything today love?" she asks, gently placing her hand on my shoulder.

"No," I shake my head.

Not food anyway.

"Let me make you something to eat, it's past lunch," she says.

Shit, is it that late already?

I walk down the hall and into the kitchen, sitting myself on one of the bar stools at the breakfast bar.

"Tea?" mum offers and I accept.

Cause tea fixes everything right?

"Where is everyone?" I ask as mum goes over to the fridge and starts pulling out different foods and putting them on the bench.

"Robin and Gemma went out for a bit of a walk, they should be back soon," mum says.

The kettle boils and mum makes us both a cup of tea, pushing mine over to me, which I gratefully accept.

I only nod, not saying anything.

"So what happened Harry?" mum asks.

There's no beating around the bush with her.

"I don't know," I say, shrugging my shoulders, "it all seemed to be going well, like, really well and then she..." I'm interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and slamming shut as Robin and Gem return home.

Mum reaches over and placed her hand over mine.

"We'll talk later love," she smiles as she pats my hand.

"Hey baby brother!" Gem announces enthusiastically as she bounces into the kitchen, Robin trailing behind her with the newspaper in his hand.

"Harry," he nods at me as Gem comes over and gives me a hug and I instantly smile.

We pull apart and she takes a step back and throws her leg up over mine, displaying a pair of the new boots I gave her yesterday.

"Don't they just look fabulous on me?" she asks, twisting her ankle from side to side.

"I'm sure you'll have the most happening feet in Holmes Chapel Gem," I laugh.

"Happening?" she looks at me like I'm crazy, "try sexy, stylish, maybe bootalicious?"

We start giggling as mum pushes a plate with a sandwich in front of me.

"Where's mine?" Gem asks, pointing to the sandwich.

"Make your own," I say before I take a bite and purposely make overly loud noises about how delicious it is.

"Mum, you gotta stop treating him like a baby!" Gemma says.

"Nonsense," mum narrows her eyes at Gem before she comes over and puts her hand under my chin, "Harry will always be my baby."

I just grin at Gemma and take another bite of my sandwich. 

She pokes her tongue out at me before she leans over to give me a kiss on the cheek.

Awww...she loves me.

She smirks before she walks out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

I put the last piece of sandwich in my mouth and reach down for the other half.

But my plate's empty.

"Gemma!" I yell out.

"Can't talk, mouth full!" she calls out.

Mum begins to laugh and starts to make another sandwich for me.  I pick up my cup of tea and move over to the kitchen table to sit with Robin, who's reading the paper.

"Did you make it home okay last night Harry?" he asks.

"Uh...yeah I did, thanks," I reply and I take another sip of my tea.

"And how did you pull up this morning?" he continues, "you were really getting stuck into the egg nog and wine last night."

"Well it was your best so far Robin, I must admit," I say and it is the truth.

I try not to think of going to Beth's last night and everything that happened.

It was like I was on an amazing high and then it all came crashing down.

I can't believe after all that she wanted me gone.

My mum's hand on my shoulder breaks me from my reverie and I glance up at her and try to give her my best smile as she places another sandwich in front of me.

But I know I'm not fooling her.

Not in the slightest.

I give her a small smile and start to eat my sandwich, keeping one ear out should Gemma return.  She does tend to have stealth-like qualities.

Ninja Gem.

"You know," Robin turns a page from the newspaper, "I actually think it was a good idea having everyone around yesterday.  Gives us time to have a relaxing Christmas Day to ourselves."

I agree with him because I actually think he's onto something.  It's nice just the four of us here.

He looks up at mum and she just beams at him.

Like she fucking lights up like he's her whole world.

I hope one day I find someone that makes me do that.

My heart flutters slightly as I realise that Beth actually makes me do that.

And I think she looks at me like I'm her whole world sometimes.

I suddenly feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and I pull it out.

Admittedly I'm disappointed that it's not Beth.

It's Cate.

Merry Christmas Harry x

It's harmless enough, I mean we are, or were, friends.

Merry Christmas Cate, enjoy your day

Done.

I put my phone away in my pocket but it starts to vibrate again.

I pull it out and read the message.

Were you a good boy for Santa this year?

Shit.

I type a simple reply.

Yes

Hopefully she gets the message now.

My phone lights up again.

I didn't get anything, I was a very bad girl :-(

Yes, she probably was and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been with her on one or more occasions when she had.

There's always next year

No sooner did I send that reply than she sends me another message.

Wanna see?

What?

See what?

I open the message and I nearly drop my phone in my tea.

The photo is of Cate in nothing but a tiny thong.

I swallow nervously as I look at the photo.

I'm not gonna lie, my pants tighten just a fraction.

As I look at the photo I realise I can go with sex on tap without any strings attached and kind of just like them I guess, owing them nothing.

No complications.

Or I can have someone and all the overwhelming emotions and feelings that person gives you.  The need to be around them whenever I can.  How my heart practically leaps out of my chest when I'm near them, how they look at you, when you get goose bumps on your skin from their touch, how she makes me feel...

How Beth makes me feel.

And it's all consuming to the point I feel it in every fibre of my being.

Please don't send me stuff like that anymore, I'm seeing someone

I don't hear anything from her after that and I'm really relieved.

I open up my contacts list and bring up Beth's name.

My thumb hovers over Beth's number and I debate whether I should call her.

Was I being too harsh with her?

I mean, the time we've spend together has been amazing and to then have her tell me she doesn't want me around tonight?

I don't get it.

And she didn't even give me a decent reason why.

If I've done something she should just come out and say what it is.

"Are you waiting for someone to call?" Mum softly asks me.

I shake my head that I'm not before I put my phone away in my pocket.

"Come and talk Harry," she says and motions for me to follow her into the lounge room.

The fire is crackling away and the room is cosy and warm.

Mum sits on the large couch and motions for me to sit next to her.

I take my coat off and sit down where she's patting the space beside her.

"So what happened love?" she asks.

"She said she wanted to just be with her kids tonight and didn't want me there," I reply.

"And that bothers you because?" she questions.

"It bothers me because..." I stop for a moment and think.

Why am I so bothered?

We've spent so much time together and I'm so happy when I'm around her.  She just treats me as Harry, not One Direction Harry, and I feel so comfortable and I can just be myself.  I smile when she's near me and my heart seems to skip a beat when she touches me, I hate being away from her...

"It bothers me because I don't want to be apart from her mum," I finally answer.

My mum doesn't say anything, she just looks at me and smiles thoughtfully.

"You're head over heels for this girl, well, woman, aren't you?" she muses.

"Am I?" I wonder out loud.

"Can I ask you something?" mum says and she looks a bit serious now.

"Sure," I reply knowing there's nothing mum and I can't talk about.

"Well, I realise I don't really know anything about...Beth?" she questions.

"Yeah, Beth," I confirm.

"Right, well, as I was saying, I don't know anything about her," she pauses, "how much do you really know about her?"

I know where mum is going with this.

It's not the first time she's questioned the integrity of some of the girls I've dated before and if they were genuine.

"Well, we've had small talks here and there, but not really a chance to sit and get to know the in's and out's.  I assume we will once Christmas is over," I reply.

"I'm going to be blunt Harry; do you think she's using you in any way?"  Mum gets straight to the point.

I realise I had this very thought earlier in my head when I was at Beth's house.

Do I really think that about Beth?

Has she honestly given you a reason to think that Harold?

No.

She hasn't.

"No mum, she absolutely hasn't," I tell her, "she is such a giving and thoughtful person and everything I've given her she's always tried to reject it.  She never asks for anything but gives to others."

My mum nods her head and thinks for a minute, pulling at a stray thread on her pants.

"You mentioned yesterday that she has children?" she asks cautiously.

"Yeah," and I smile thinking about them, "they're great kids mum."

"And," she pauses, "what about their father?  Where is he?"

"Oh mum," I sigh, "he was a firefighter, I mean, a volunteer one where they live."

"Was?" she says.

"Yeah, he passed away fighting a fire," I reply.

"Oh Harry, that's absolutely awful!" mum says, "I can't even begin to imagine..."

"I know," I say quietly.

"If you don't mind my asking, when did he pass?" she asks.

"Oh he died last..." the words die on my lips as I look at mum.

"Harry what is it?" she says with a slight look of panic on her face.

Oh.  My.  Fuck.

How could I have been so fucking stupid?

"Oh fuck!" I lean forward and put my hands over my face.

"Harry you're awfully pale, what is it darling?" mum says as she leans forwards and touches my shoulder.

"That's what she was trying to tell me!" I say as I pull my hands away from my face.

Mum shakes her head, still confused.

"He died last Christmas Day and that's what she was trying to tell me.  That's the significance of this dinner.  I can't believe I forgot!" I raise my voice.

I'm so angry at myself for not remembering.

"Harry, I'm sure she'll understand love," mum tries to reassure me.

"But you don't understand," I tell her, "I accused her of not wanting to include me in her family dinner because I wasn't her family."

Mum reaches around to hug me.

"Tell her the truth Harry, that you simply forgot," she says, "just be honest, tell her how you feel and apologise."

"The look on her face mum, I really hurt her!" I can feel tears pricking at my eyes.

I jump up from the couch and grab my coat and put it on.

"I know she didn't want me there but I have to go and see her, tell her how wrong I was and how sorry I am," I tell her.

And hope she'll forgive me.

"Harry!" mum calls my name a little more forcefully, "drive slowly and carefully.  You don't need to wrap yourself around a tree because of it."

I nod and give her a hug goodbye.

"Thanks mum," I say before I race through the house and out the door, jumping straight into my car.

I start the engine and take off quickly before remembering what mum said and I slow down.

I can't believe I forgot.

How could I have been such a fucking idiot?

I belt the steering wheel with my hand.

She has to forgive me.

I keep seeing the hurt look on her face.

How her voice broke a little when she called out to me.

And I just ignored her.

I walked away and didn't look back.

All because my fucking pride was wounded.

I was such a selfish bastard!

Fuck!

I hit the steering wheel again in frustration.

The drive to Beth's seems to take forever and I finally reach the driveway to Bridge Farm.  I turn in and go as fast as I can up the gravel driveway, skidding to a halt out the front of her house. 

I can see that the lights are still on in the kitchen so hopefully she's still up.

I turn the engine off and jump out the car, and run up to the house and knock on the front door.

It opens up but it's not Beth standing there in front of me.

It's Nick.

"Hey Nick," I say, trying my best to smile, "I need to..."

"You made my mum cry," Nick cuts me off.

Well fuck.

I take a deep breath to steady my nerves.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to," I say.

The look on Nick's face is impassive as he speaks.

"You know, there are two things I can say about mum."

I don't say anything to him, I'm in no position to.

"One, she's the best mum in the whole world," he begins, "she always says being a parent is the hardest thing in the world and that she always tries her best but she knows she makes mistakes.  She says it's important to say you make mistakes and learn from them."

If Nick is trying to tell me I've made a mistake, he doesn't need to.

Believe me, I know I have.

"Two, my mum doesn't usually cry.  Well, she really only cries when she's angry, she never really cries when she's sad.  I mean, she cried a lot at night after Dad died and she thought we didn't know.  But she cried a lot today after you left."

Now I really do want to cry and I can feel tears pricking at my eyes again.

I never want to make her cry.

"Why did you make her cry Harry?" he asks.

Fuck.

I can't feel any more awful than I already do.

"I didn't mean to, you have to believe me," I say, "that wasn't my intention at all.  I care about your mum a lot."

She means the world to me.

"Why didn't you call her today?" he continues.

I can't handle this anymore.

Everything he's asking me I just don't know what to say.

I can't tell a thirteen-year-old I basically fucked up.

"I don't know," I run my hand through my hair, "I was being stupid..."

"Yep," he agrees.

"I was wrong Nick, so very wrong," I say, "and I need to make it right."

"Today was really hard Harry but you made it harder," he replies.

"I'm so, so sorry, you have no idea," I tell him.

"Nick!  What are you doing?  It's freezing out there and you've got the door wide open!" I can hear Beth call out.

Nick pushes the door open wider and Beth comes into view behind him.

She looks surprised to see me but the first thing I notice is a tear that falls down her cheek.

I feel like someone just reached into my chest and squeezed my heart.

"Nick why don't you go upstairs, you've done enough sweetheart," she says to him and her voice is strained.

He hugs her tightly before pulling away.

"You sure?" he asks and she nods that she is.

Nick gives me a rather pointed look before he goes upstairs.

A kind of 'don't fuck with my mum' look.

"Beth, can we put aside the fact that I'm the biggest dick around and deal with that later?" I ask, "can you just let me be here for you?  I know I wasn't but I'm here now."

She doesn't say anything; she wipes at the tears falling more freely now.

My sweet girl.

I take a chance and walk inside and pull her to me so tight that she knows I never want to let go of her.

Ever again.

"I am so sorry baby," I whisper and I swallow back the tears that I want to cry, "so, so sorry.  I can't begin to tell you how much..."

She still doesn't say anything but I feel her arms go around me and she clings to me.

And I know in that moment when she returns my hug, that we will be alright.